Persephone
by sunflowerb
Summary: <html><head></head>She was meant to be the price for peace; her life in exchange for the Dragon Master's mercy. Her captor wasn't supposed to be a ghost from her past, and she wasn't supposed to become his ally...or his lover. And when news spreads of a blonde-haired girl at the Dragon Master's side, there will be repercussions for dragons and Vikings alike. AU. hiccstrid. multichap</html>
1. A Chief Protects His Own

A/N: Swiggity swayoo, I'm doing a sacrifice AU. Here it be, my take on the Astrid-virgin-sacrifice idea begun by hiilikedragons on tumblr (CuriousityRedux on here). After her initial post I was overcome by this epic idea of a fic and asked her how cool she'd be with my writing it. She gave her blessing on my running with my own take on the sacrifice au thing, so here it is.

**VERY IMPORTANT THING**: I started writing this after her initial post. The vast majority of the next few chapters were written **after that first post**, b**ut BEFORE she continued the story.** **Any similarities between this story and anything that happens in Cat's subsequent updates are purely coincidental.** I make this point because I already had a few chapters written when I read her updates and...well, there might be a couple similiarities. It freaked me out a little, to be honest, and I've tried to revise a bit to preserve the originality of both fics, without losing where I want this fic to go. Our stories might start in similar places, but they are likely going in very, very different directions. I'm most interested in where things go between Hiccup and Astrid, what changes for her after she's taken, and the repercussions all of this has on Berk. And without spoiling my entire story, I'm kinda thinking medieval Bonnie and Clyde. With dragons. And added mega-angst. I'm aware others have taken on the sacrifice idea as well, but I haven't read anything other than Cat's so any similarities there are also purely coincidental.

**This story is going to be dark. And it's rated M for multiple reasons, one of which is eventual sexual content.**

I have about 6 chapters already written, and I'm thinking right now that for the first few chapters, while I'm setting up the main story, updates will be on Mondays and Thursdays. After I've got things set up updates will likely change to be once a week, because I cannot expect myself to be more productive than that, although if I end up able to crank things out more quickly then I'll update more frequently.

Story title comes from my favorite Greek myth; if you're at all familiar with it you should have an idea of why I chose it. Enough rambling. On with the show.

* * *

><p><em><span>Persephone<span>_

_Chapter 1: A Chief Protects His Own_

She was not afraid. She was fearless. She was _not _afraid. She would face this as bravely as she had ever faced anything else.

She was lying.

Her blood buzzed with adrenaline and fear; the pounding in her ears dimmed the cacophony around her. Outside the air was filled with roars and shouts, and on any other night she would have joined them; adding her battle cry to the noise as she swung her axe at the beasts swooping down on her village. Inside the house things were no quieter; her mother was sobbing again while her father rambled on about 'three times her mundr' and 'never would have married' and 'would've gotten herself killed', less to convince her mother and more to absolve himself of his own guilt. Her little sister kept tugging at the hem of her gown and whining about not being allowed to go to her wedding, and though she was the only person in the room Astrid felt the slightest bit of sympathy for, she would not spare her parents the uncomfortable duty of explaining to the little girl what happened to their eldest daughter.

Ruffnut was the only one who hadn't said anything yet, and Astrid would've liked to think it was because she knew her well enough not to bother trying to apologize.

"You're so stupid, you know," she said finally, and Astrid glared at her. Ruffnut didn't look at her. "You should have just married Tuff when he asked. I mean I kinda get not wanting to be crushed under Fishlegs every night but Tuff wouldn't have been that bad. He'd be an idiot but you could boss him around, and we'd be sisters." Astrid didn't answer and eventually Ruffnut glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. "I mean even if it sucked it couldn't be worse than _this_."

Astrid's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me if I ignore _your _life advice, _Mrs. Jorgenson_."

They heard something exploding in the distance.

"Do you mind if I name it after you? If it's a girl?" Ruffnut rested a hand on pronounced swell of her stomach.

Astrid smirked at her. "Only if you promise that if it's a boy you'll name it after his real father. What was that sailor's name again?"

Ruffnut's lip curled upwards. "Never caught it. You know it could be Snot's though. He's not that bad in bed. I mean he's not great either, but he gets the job done."

"Clearly."

They shared a brief, genuine smile, and then Ruffnut was looking sad again.

"I'm gonna miss you. They're all idiots for doing this. You're one of the best fighters we've got." She gave Astrid a serious look. "You could still run," she said softly. "I could distract them, you could run out the back-"

"They'd just pick someone else," Astrid interrupted. "Probably one of the younger girls. I at least stand a chance of killing the bastard." Suddenly Ruffnut's arms were around her.

"You give him hel, sister," she whispered, sniffling.

Astrid resisted the urge to shrug her off. She didn't like this whole 'saying goodbye' business. It was too real a reminder of what was about to happen. "Gods, you're so emotional since you got knocked up," she snipped, though she said it with a small smile. Ruffnut's retort was cut off as the sound of a horn blast filled the air. The room stilled.

"He's been sighted," Astrid muttered. Her mother sobbed harder and her father looked at her, his eyebrows drawn together.

"It's time," he said weakly. Astrid stood and moved towards the door.

She was past fighting.

She'd moved through four out of five stages of grief in the space of two hours when they first told her. She'd shook her head at them, staring wide-eyed at Stoick from where he stood in front of their hearth. _This is insane. Dad, you're not gonna let them do this to me. Tell him! Dad, tell him! _

When it became clear that her father would not save her, she'd started screaming. She begged and pleaded, on her knees and in tears in front of her father, imploring him to save her. She had grown up the apple of her father's eye. He'd been the first one to teach her to swing an axe. She couldn't believe that he would not fight this. That he would not fight to save her. But the empty, resigned look in his eyes had broken her heart more than anything else. She was terrified of what would happen to her, but nothing hurt more than the betrayal. The village was one thing. But her parents? Her mother and father handing her over for some livestock and a handful of gold as if she was nothing but an object to be sold? That's what had kept her awake for hours afterward, crying alone in the locked room they'd put her in until it was time for her to be sent to her death. She never quite reached the point of accepting her fate, but eventually she was so overwhelmed with scorn for every other living soul in her village that she just went numb.

She made no move to reciprocate when her father wrapped his arms around her. "Astrid, I'm sorry, darling, I'm so sorry."

_Dad, you can't let them do this to me! You can't! You __**can't!**__ Daddy, please, please! __**Daddy!**_

"Stoick offered you three times what you would have gotten for my mundr. How could you possibly refuse?" she said dryly. Behind her she heard her mother wail and reach for her, but Astrid ripped her arm away. She spared them no further glance as the door opened and she stepped outside. They had sold her to her death, and she would not let them think for a moment that they had her forgiveness.

Houses were already on fire. She could hear the panicked cries of animals being carried away. In the center of town stood the chief, framed by flaming pillars and holding a white flag aloft. Her heart beat faster. She looked up. He had to be up there, they wouldn't have sounded the horn otherwise.

"There! It's got my yak, hurry, pull it back!" She turned towards the shouting, where several men were trying to pull the arm of a catapult into place. She knew what was going to happen just seconds before she heard the whistling.

"Night Fury!" There was a shadow and a flash of purple light before the catapult exploded into flames. Everyone around her ducked but Astrid kept her eyes on the briefly illuminated shadow as it winged its way back into the sky. In the firelight she saw him: the dark figure on the dragon's back as it soared back into the blackness of the sky.

Reality washed over her like the waves of heat from the explosion and she panicked.

Astrid grabbed up her skirts and ran.

"Stop her!" Strong arms grabbed at her elbows and she was yanked backwards. She shrieked, all thoughts of maintaining her dignity, of silently judging them as they sent her to her death abandoned in the face of her fear. She was spun around and saw Spitelout shouting to his son to bring rope while he dragged her back to the center of the village.

"Dragon Master!" Stoick was shouting. "We have a bargain to strike with you! Come down and treat with us!"

Snotlout wouldn't meet her glare as he bound her hands. Like many in the gathered crowd he at least had the shame to look guilty. Spitelout held her by her arms and pushed her towards Stoick before shoving her to the ground at his feet.

Astrid struggled to breathe. The bodice of her dress felt too tight. The ropes bit into her hands and the bridal crown seemed to dig into her scalp. She couldn't do this. Oh gods, she couldn't do this.

"I couldn't have saved him," she said, her voice shaking. Stoick looked down to meet her eyes. "You know that. You know I couldn't have saved him." Her bottom lip trembled. "I know that's why you chose me but you have to know that! I tried to help him but he wouldn't let me! He died saving me, he died a hero, why can't you just accept that?!"

The chief said nothing. He simply gave her the same cold glare he'd been giving her for four years and looked back to the sky.

"DRAGON MASTER!" he roared, and Astrid stifled a sob. She could hear her mother wailing.

Suddenly there were gasps and mutters in the crowd and she looked up in time to see the inhabitant of her darkest nightmares land before them.

She could still remember clearly the first time she'd seen him. It had been two and half, maybe three years ago. It had taken them a long time after Hiccup's death to convince Stoick to allow Dragon Training's runner-up to claim her prize. The Monstrous Nightmare had been Hiccup's to kill, and Stoick saw no reason to give that right to anyone else. Especially to her.

"_You couldn't kill a dragon when it mattered," _he'd said to her, _"Why should I let you kill one for sport?"_

But finally Gobber and Gothi had convinced him, and he'd relented. Astrid had stepped into the arena, her axe by her side, ready to prove herself worthy where she had failed before. The gates had been raised, the beast had burst forth, she lifted her axe, and then they heard the screaming of the building blast.

Even in broad daylight they had moved so quickly that no one had seen them approach. Suddenly there was a black shape in the sky, and the next second it had blown a hole in the roof of the arena and were standing in the center of it, in between Astrid and the dragon.

They looked much the same now as they had then. The dragon was smaller than most breeds, but smarter and fiercer. The Night Fury moved quickly and fired accurately and never left his rider unprotected. The rider himself was similarly unintimidating in stature, but no less deadly. He was tall and lean, clad in black leather armor and a helmet that masked his face. He'd stood before the Monstrous Nightmare that day while the entire village looked on, too enraptured and confused to move. He had approached it and stroked its snout, and after a moment lifted his hand and waved it around the arena before snapping his fingers at the Night Fury. The horrified calm dissolved instantly as the two dragons turned and fired at the gates of the other dungeons. Astrid rushed forward, her axe in the air while Vikings poured into the arena, but it was too late. The Zipplebacks, the Nadder, the Gronkle, even the Terrors, were loose and the rider was climbing onto his dragon. He held a strange sort of sword aloft and the Fury blasted a hole in the roof of the arena. Warriors were running torwards him but the Night Fury knocked them off their feet with a sweep of his long tail while the freed dragons took to the air. It wasn't until the mysterious rider and his dragon had shot into the sky that Astrid realized that it had been several minutes since she'd moved.

She wasn't sure if it was the same one. She never had been. She hadn't gotten a close enough look at the time; and had never gotten a very close look since. But Night Furies were, as far as they knew, exceedingly rare, and something about the look in those huge green eyes every time they looked at her made her think that yes, it had to be the same one. She wanted to be the one to kill it; to make it pay for what it had done to Hiccup, but whenever she saw it her breath froze with fear, and all she could remember was the terror she'd felt that day in the cove and how she'd failed to save him.

If it were any other dragon she could have faced this fate with more courage, but this one shook her to her core.

"Dragon Master," Stoick was saying, stepping forward and laying down the flag. "Your beasts have ravaged our village long enough." The rider said nothing. He never said anything. His head was tilted down as if he was watching them from atop his dragon, but there was dark cloth behind the eye slits of his mask, so they could only guess that he was actually paying attention. "We wish to put an end to it. You've made it clear you have no interest in treasure or food or material goods, but there's one thing all men have an interest in."

Astrid whimpered as Stoick yanked her up by the elbow and shoved her to the ground closer to the rider. The figure made no move, as if waiting for something. "She's pure," Stoick added, a hint of desperation in his voice. "A virgin. Untouched and yours to do with as you please, if only you and your dragons will leave Berk in peace."

Astrid watched with bated breath as the rider regarded them all silently and unmoving for a minute more. Finally, slowly, he slid off his dragon. A sob shook her and her head fell. She kept her eyes down as he approached. Her breath came in uneven pants as she watched his feet move towards her. His gloved hand pinched her chin and she stifled a gasp as he jerked her face up. The firelight hit his mask at just the right angle, and softly illuminated the face behind the black fabric. Her breath caught in her throat.

They had all long wondered about the mysterious dragon master. They had first seen him three years ago, but dragons, Night Furies included, had been attacking Berk for centuries, and who was to say that he had not been with them all that time. Was he a man or a demon or something in between?

But dimly behind the mask Astrid could make out a pair of eyes. A very human pair of eyes. They were narrowed at first, but as she stared into them she saw them widen slightly, the lines of tension around them fading, and she was shocked to see them stare at her with something almost like longing, and then, pity.

The moment was over almost as soon as it had begun. His eyes narrowed into a glare that shifted to the side, away from her and towards Stoick, and he released her chin and stood. Astrid released a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding as he turned and walked back to his dragon.

He was refusing her. Oh merciful gods above, he was refusing her.

She looked up to see Stoick's crestfallen face as the rider climbed onto his dragon. "What did I tell you, Stoick," she heard Spitelout yell. "He's no man, we can't tempt him with the things of men. He's a demon! He wants destruction and death! Well, I say if it's blood he wants," he drew a dagger from his belt. "It's blood we give him." Astrid barely had time to scream before Spitelout was at her side.

"No!" Stoick shouted, his hand reaching towards her. Spitelout had just grabbed her braid and yanked back her head, exposing her throat, when the Night Fury roared, and rider and dragon lunged forward. They had moved barely a few yards, but it was enough to send Spitelout and Stoick back towards the crowd. The dragon's teeth were bared and his wings raised in warning.

Astrid tried to raise herself to her feet to make a run for it in the midst of the chaos but her legs wouldn't seem to move. She sat rooted to the spot while the rider again dismounted his dragon and stalked forward. He reached down and grasped her arm, more gently than she expected and far more gently than anyone else had that night, and pulled her up. She tripped over her own feet, her head shaking and tears starting to blur her vision as he pulled her towards the dragon. She heard her mother's screams and looked behind her at the stunned crowd. They all looked afraid, and most of them looked at least mildly apologetic. But not one of them stepped forward to save her.

The dragon crouched low and she was lifted with surprising delicacy onto the saddle. Her skirts were wide, but not so wide that they didn't ride up and reveal a good portion of her lower leg when she slid onto the saddle. The rider climbed on behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist. She whimpered at his warmth at her back. He leaned forward, pushing her with him, as the dragon's wings raised. She had a split second to realize what was happening before they were in the air.

Astrid screamed. She leaned forward and flattened herself against the dragons back, her bound hands gripping at the lip of the saddle while the rider's arm dug into her stomach. The air rushed past her and her stomach lurched as she felt them climbing higher and higher. Finally they leveled out and she chanced a glance to the side.

She saw clouds beneath them and the ocean miles and miles below. She screamed and buried her face in the saddle. The arm across her stomach moved up her ribcage and jerked her back up until she was pressed against the rider's chest again. She choked back a sob and stared with wide eyes at the world far, far, _far_ below. Even if she could wrestle free a fall from this height would definitely kill her, and they were so far up that even if she fell he would easily have time to catch her.

The air was freezing, but the heat of the rider's chest was no comfort to her. If anything, it was a reminder of what might happen once they were on land again. After all, she had seen now that he was no demon, but just a man, and therefore susceptible to the same desires of any other man. And he had looked at her with such longing.

She drew a shuddering breath and closed her eyes, the sheer height starting to make her feel dizzy.

"You need to breathe normally." She gasped and her eyes shot to the masked face beside hers. She'd never heard him speak before.

"W-what?"

"Stop hyperventilating," he said, and she was surprised at the normalcy of his voice. Given his appearance she would have expected something low and growling; something that sounded as dangerous as he looked. Instead the voice from the mask was a dry baritone, and sounded younger than she would have guessed. "The air is much thinner up here. If you keep breathing fast like that you're going to pass out." She stared. "Although if you do pass out then you'll start breathing normally anyway, so you're welcome to go that route if you want."

She did not find it any easier to breathe normally. She opened her mouth to speak but they suddenly lurched sideways and she screamed. The dragon beneath her pumped his wings and they rose a little higher. She gripped the arm that held her so tightly that her fingers dug into the leather arm guards. The rider sighed.

"Calm down, I'm not gonna let you fall. We just hit a patch of rough air. And I'm serious about that breathing thing."

"Who are you?" Astrid managed to demand, her voice still shaking and her breaths still coming in pants despite her efforts to calm them. "Where are you taking me? You didn't want me at first but then you changed your mind. What are going to do with me? Because I know what they offered me up for, but I didn't agree to this, so if you think you're going to have an easy time with me then-"

"You know what, never mind about the breathing thing, just keep babbling until you pass out. I won't have to listen to you _or_ deal with your squirming." Astrid stopped talking. She felt dizzy and her head was spinning, but the sarcasm in the rider's voice struck her as familiar as it did odd.

"If you don't want me talking then just answer my," she swayed, "answer my questions. Are you gonna leave Berk alone now?" She looked down and gasped as the shock of the height jolted through her again.

There was a grumble from the dragon that almost sounded annoyed, and then she heard an exasperated sigh from the rider behind her.

"Okay, that's it. Look, I'm really sorry about this." Astrid was breathing heavily again, her eyes riveted to the clouds far below them.

"Sorry about wh-"

There was a sharp blow to the back of her head, and then nothing.

Xx

She awoke to darkness.

The back of her head hurt from where she'd been hit, and her hands were numb. They were still bound, and as she came around she realized that they were tied to something. She couldn't see, and it took her a moment to realize it was because she was blindfolded. She felt at the rope and followed it to a stalagmite. No, stalactite. No, both. The rope was tied around a stone column. She tried to stand but the rope was tied too low and she fell back to her knees again. The stone was cold beneath her.

"Hello?" she called, her voice echoing back to her through the silence. She was in some sort of cave, she guessed. "Are you there?" She took a shaky breath. "Where am I? What are you going to do to me?" She was met with more silence. Perhaps he had left her there. He had initially refused her, maybe he had simply left her in a cave somewhere. But then, why the blindfold and the ropes?

Astrid clenched and unclenched her hands, trying to force feeling back into them. She could feel the knots that tied her to the rocky column; perhaps she could loosen them before he came back. There was a clicking noise behind her and she spun around. There was a strange noise and then light warmed her vision. She still couldn't see clearly but it was enough to tell her that she wasn't alone.

"Hello?" she tried again, and heard footsteps echoing towards her. She scooted backwards until she was flush against the rocky cropping behind her. "What do you want with me? Why did you blindfold me?"

"Because the mask gets itchy." Again, there was that strange sense of familiarity to the voice, though she couldn't imagine why, and again the casual way in which he spoke struck her as odd. "And I haven't decided what I'm going to do with you yet." He sounded close and growing closer. There was a scuffling and she guessed he had sat down in front of her. Astrid whimpered and drew closer to the rock.

"Well whatever you think you're going to do, you should know that I'm one of the best warriors of my generation, so if you think you can just-"

She heard that exasperated sigh again.

"I _meant_, I don't know if I'm going to keep you here or take you back. I've already ruled out rape and murder, so you can stop panicking."

Astrid straightened her shoulders, trying to hide her terror behind bravado. "Well if you think I'm going to give myself to you willingly, you can rule that out too."

"Yeah, I kind of gathered from how terrified you looked that you didn't exactly volunteer for this. Which leads to my first question: what exactly was that whole thing? So far I'm getting 'virgin sacrifice', but why?"

"If you don't want me then why don't you just take me back?"

"Answer my questions and maybe I will. Why were you being sacrificed?"

There was something calm, almost kind, about his tone. Astrid swallowed. "To get you to leave us alone."

"You might have noticed that the dragons don't exactly scoop up pretty young maidens. They tend to prefer sheep. Why did your village think offering up a virgin was going to make a difference?"

Astrid shrugged. He said he wasn't interested in hurting her, but she felt no reason to trust him. "Desperation. You control the dragons. They thought if they gave you something else to occupy your time with then you wouldn't keep attacking us."

She heard bitter, surprised laughter. "Unbelievable. So much for a chief protecting his own." Something about the phrase rang familiar, though she couldn't place why. "Why you?"

Astrid shifted. "What do you mean why me?"

"Why did they pick you?"

She frowned. "Why not me? I am not pretty enough to be offered up as a sex slave or something?"

"You said yourself that you're one of the best warriors of your generation. Why would they give that up? I mean you can't be the only virgin left on Berk."

"All the others are either married or engaged. I refused every suitor I've had, so I was their only option."

"No, no, no, I don't believe that. Every other girl of marriageable age may have been married off, but there are girls younger than you who can't have been engaged yet. If they were going for the whole young and pure virgin deal it makes more sense for them to pick someone younger. You're nearly twenty; you're practically an old maid by their standards. And I'm not saying you're lying, but at your age 'unmarried' doesn't even necessarily mean 'virgin.' If the whole selling point is virginal I'd think they would want to offer up some fourteen or fifteen year old maid who's never even touched herself, let alone been touched by anyone else."

Astrid's cheeks burned and behind the blindfold she glared. "I am _not_ lying about my virginity."

"But why you?"

She scowled. "Why does this matter so much?"

"Because it does," he said calmly. "Why you?"

She remained silent for a moment more before she slumped against the rocks behind her. "The chief has something of a vendetta against me."

"Why?" he sounded surprised.

"He blames me for his son's death."

There was silence for a long moment, and then quietly her captor asked, "Why would he blame you for that?"

She swallowed thickly. She didn't like thinking about that day. "I couldn't save him. We were a couple of kids up against a dragon. A Night Fury, like yours. It might even be yours, I've never been able to tell. He tried to save me, I survived, but he…it ate him. The chief has never forgiven me."

There was silence for so long she began to wonder if he'd left her. His reply was so soft she could barely hear it. "My dragon didn't eat your chief's son."

She frowned again. "Well _a_ dragon ate him."

"Dragons don't eat people."

She wished she could see him. Wished he could see _her. _She wanted this stranger to see the fury on her face. "This one did. I saw it happen. It killed him. It ate him. There was nothing left." She rubbed the side of her head against her arm, trying to push the blindfold away from her eyes. She felt her hair snag on something and pull. She yelped, and then felt calloused fingers against the side of her face. She screamed.

"Calm down, Astrid, I'm just getting your hair untangled from your crown before you yank it out."

"I don't need help from you!"

Astrid froze.

"How do you know my name?" He'd known her age, too, now that she thought of it. He hadn't said it like a guess, he'd said it like he knew. The fingers pulling hair away from her crown stopped. She heard a sigh and suddenly she felt him tugging at the knot of the blindfold.

"The same way I know you didn't watch your chief's son get eaten by a dragon."

The blindfold fell away and she blinked until her eyes adjusted to the light, then looked up, fully intending to glare at her captor. Instead she gasped.

Four years had changed him; his face was longer and thinner, his jaw more chiseled and sprinkled with scruffy stubble, but something about his eyes, the same and yet so different from how she remembered them, and the freckles scattered across his face…he looked so different and yet instantly she knew. His face had haunted her dreams for four years. Even four years older she recognized it. The scar on his chin that she'd always wondered how he got; the perfect triangle of freckles near his lips that she'd noticed the day she looked at him and had the absurd thought that he might be nice to kiss. Those green green eyes she'd watched narrow in determination before he told her to run; to get help; to save herself… to leave him to die.

Astrid would forever deny what happened next, forever claim it was still from the lack of air when they'd been flying. It was a stupid, girly, weak action, and she would never admit to doing it.

She swooned, right into Hiccup's very-much-alive arms.

Xx

"_Hiccup, are you out of your mind?! That's a Night Fury! An actual, real live _Night Fury! _You can't go up against something like that!"_

"_Neither can you, Astrid!"_

"_I stand a better chance than you! Just give me my axe back! I'll distract it, and you make a run for it."_

"_No! Astrid, _I'll _distract it, you run. I'll follow."_

_There was a roar from the other side of the rocks they cowered behind._

"_Hiccup, no, you're the future chief, I should be protecting you!"_

_He yanked her axe out of her hands. _

"_I am the future chief," he said, a hard look in his eyes. "And my father always says that a chief protects his own. So go."_

"_Hiccup-"_

"_I said go!" His tone brokered no argument._

_They leapt out from behind the rock. The dragon immediately locked onto her and bared his teeth. Hiccup threw a rock that hit the side of its face and it turned to look at him._

"_Over here, you big ugly demon beast!"_

_Astrid ran. She stopped by the exit to the cove. She couldn't do this. She couldn't leave him. _

_She turned and bolted towards where the dragon was bearing down on Hiccup. He could barely even lift her axe; he'd let it fall to the ground. _

"_Hiccup!" At her shout the dragon had turned its huge green eyes on her again. It roared and advanced on her. _

"_Astrid, no!" She lifted a fallen branch to swing at the dragon when Hiccup hurled himself at her. He shoved her out of the way, behind the rocks they'd been using for cover. She heard another roar and Hiccup's shout just before her head hit the rock wall and everything went dark._

_When she came to the cove was empty. The handle of her axe was broken in half, hopelessly splintered, and part of the blade was melted. There were scorch marks along the ground and the wall._

_There was no sign of the dragon, and more importantly, there was no sign of Hiccup._

Xx


	2. The Boy with the Dragon

A/N: This chapter commences what I have come to call, "The Great Viking Sass-Off", wherein Hiccup and Astrid start competing to see who is the sassiest sassmaster of this fic.

No matter who loses, pretty sure the winner is _us_.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 2: The Boy with the Dragon<em>

The light was brighter when she came around this time.

She opened her eyes to see two large green eyes staring her in the face. She shrieked and scrambled backwards, only to collide with something warm and solid. She screamed again and spun around to see Hiccup staring at her. He grabbed her arms.

"Calm down, calm down, you're fine," he said, holding her still. Astrid looked behind her. The dragon was watching her. "Give her some space, bud, you're scaring her."

"What?" Astrid asked, her eyes glued to the dragon as he backed away from them.

"I wasn't talking to you," Hiccup said. Gods, his voice hadn't changed much at all. She wondered how she hadn't recognized it immediately.

Well, other than the obvious reason that he was supposed to be _dead._

She realized suddenly just how close they were. She had practically crawled into his lap to get away from the dragon, and he still had his arms around her shoulders while her hands gripped his shirt. She let go and shuffled away from him, into the rock column she'd been tied to earlier. He had cut that rope, but her hands were still bound together. She stared at him.

"Hiccup," she finally said weakly. "You died."

He sat back on one leg, his arms wrapped around the other bent in front of him. She noticed he'd removed his armor. "Except I didn't. I'd apologize for the disappointment but, you know, I'm me. I can always be relied upon to disappoint."

She continued to stare at him. Somewhere in the back of her mind it registered that he had actually ended up kind of attractive. "But you died. You got eaten by a dragon! I _saw_ you!"

"You saw me go up against a dragon, you didn't see me get eaten. You got knocked out. Sorry about that, by the way. For both times. Back then and on the flight over. But I had to make sure you got out of the way, and then you were freaking out and starting to bother Toothless, and you were squirming so much I was worried you were going to fall out of the saddle. If you didn't hyperventilate yourself unconscious first."

"But-but," she spluttered. "I saw you go up against a _dragon_."

He nodded. "A Night Fury, to be exact." He jerked his head to her right, and she looked over at the dragon who was watching them from afar. Its pupils were no longer the slits she was used to seeing, but wide and square. It looked much less intimidating like that.

"It's the same one," she whispered. "I knew it. The way it always looked at me…" The dragon cocked his head at her. "It didn't kill you."

"Of course not." She looked back at Hiccup in time to see him getting up and walking to the dragon. It started wiggling its tail as he approached and when Hiccup ran a hand over its head it opened its mouth in a gummy smile. _Toothless_. "He was never gonna hurt me. You freaked him out, and I knew it was gonna be easier to calm him down if I got you out of that cove first. I couldn't risk you telling the village about him." Hiccup wrapped his arms around the dragon's head and it nuzzled close to him with a happy rumble.

"You weren't protecting me from him," she said slowly. "You were protecting him from me."

"I was protecting you both from each other," Hiccup said, scratching under the dragon's chin.

Astrid watched him interacting with the dragon. Without his armor she could see even more clearly just how much he had changed. He was still thin, but his shoulders were broader and under the tight fabric of his shirt she could see lithe muscle tone. His neck was thicker, and when the dragon nudged him and he laughed she could see the bob of his adam's apple. For the past four years whenever she thought of Hiccup she'd thought of the scrawny boy he'd been; at no point had she contemplated what he might have looked like if he had lived. And yet here he was, alive and grown up and looking like a man.

Which he was, when she thought about it.

It had been four years. She had grown into a woman, it only made since that Hiccup would have grown into a man.

Oh dear sweet Odin in Asgard above. They'd handed her over as a virgin sacrifice to _Hiccup. _That was just embarrassing.

Hiccup was the dragon master.

_Hiccup _was the dragon master.

She thought she might pass out again.

"It's you," she said, and Hiccup looked at her. "You're the dragon master."

"Dragon master is a bit of a stretch, I think."

"But you control them. I've seen it, you-" He let go of the dragon's head and turned toward her, pulling a knife out of his belt. Astrid screamed and scrambled to her feet. She tripped over the hem of her dress and stumbled into the cave wall behind her.

"Oh for the love of-would you just calm down?" Hiccup held up his hands. "I was just gonna cut those ropes."

She stood still and watched him warily as he crossed to her. With his free hand he took her gently by the elbow and pulled her up so she could detangle her feet from her skirts. As soon as she could stand on her own she jerked her arm away. His expression was unreadable as he stared down at her. (And wasn't that odd. When did he get so _tall_?)

"Astrid," he said softly, "I'm not gonna hurt you." He glanced at the dragon. "Toothless isn't gonna hurt you either."

She backed further into the wall but didn't stop him when he lifted her bound hands. His were rough and calloused but warmer and gentler than she expected. Her eyes didn't leave his face as he focused on sawing through the ropes.

"Well excuse me for not being more trusting of the guy who faked his own death to run off and side with dragons," she spat, and Hiccup's impassive expression gave way to a glare. He pulled the ropes away from her hand with more force than necessary.

"So you don't believe me when I say I'm not going to hurt you, and yet you're dumb enough to say something that would provoke me if I _were_ interested in hurting you?"

Astrid had no response to that. She settled for scoffing. "You wouldn't dare try to hurt me." He flicked the knife up to her neck and she gasped and pressed against the wall.

Hiccup was wearing that blank, unreadable expression again. "I'm so very sure you believe that." He dropped the hand holding the knife. "I'll be right back. Try not to wander off; you'll only get lost." Astrid remained glued to the wall as he strode away.

"Where are you going?" she asked. Hiccup ran a hand over the dragon's head as he passed, and the beast, _Toothless_, apparently, rose to his feet to follow.

Hiccup turned a corner into another passageway and called over his shoulder. "To get something." There was a grumble from the dragon and she heard him add, "Yeah, I know, I know, but I couldn't just let them kill her."

Astrid had never been more confused in her life. She wasn't as terrified anymore, but she still didn't trust Hiccup as far as she could throw him. Which wasn't nearly as far as it used to be. Once the footsteps had faded into the distance she took a moment to really take a look at her surroundings. She was in a large cavern with several smaller passages leading away. There were partial walls here and there made by the meeting of rock formations, and on the other side of the cavern the rocks grew up so thickly that the ground wasn't even enough to tread on. She crossed the room, past the fire burning in the center, heading for the area of dim light by the side wall. As she got closer she realized it was moonlight. The cave opened there. She ran towards it, ready to escape and find somewhere to hide until she could signal a passing ship or at least think of a better plan. She grabbed the side of the opening and swung herself around to face it.

She froze.

Hundreds of feet down the near-shear drop the waves crashed against sharp rocks. She gripped the wall beside her and leaned forward enough to look to the left and right. There were other cave openings that she could see, but no pathway down. Out across the moonlit sea she could see nothing for miles and miles. No islands. No ships. Not even dragons. Wherever they were, they were completely alone.

Unless there were other dragons lurking somewhere in the darkness of the caves, but she didn't want to consider that possibility quite yet. The wind blowing in through the cave opening was frigid, and she backed away, rubbing at her arms. She peered down the cave passageways but could hear nothing and see nothing but darkness. She shivered. The caves were cold and the fabric of her dress was thin, not having been designed for practicality.

She sighed in resignation and sat down near the fire.

She was stuck in a cave with a ghost and a dragon having been offered up as a sacrifice by everyone she had ever known. As terrible as it was she had to admit that it was still miles better than the ending she had anticipated this day having.

Something heavy weighed down on her back and she gasped and spun around to see Hiccup wrapping a fur blanket around her shoulders. She hadn't even heard him approach.

"You looked cold," he said simply, and sat down beside her. Astrid looked around and saw that the dragon had not returned with him. "I told him to wait for me in my room. I thought it'd be easier for us to talk without him around."

Astrid turned back to him in time to have a small flask shoved into her hands.

"Drink," he said. "It'll calm your nerves."

She frowned. "My nerves are fine."

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "My aren't. You jump every time I so much as look at you and it's driving me crazy. So shut up and drink." Astrid glared and opened the flask. It was a sweet honeyed mead, and stronger than she expected. She coughed and handed the flask back to Hiccup, who took a long drawl from it. "So whose idea was the virgin sacrifice?"

"Where are we?"

Hiccup didn't answer. "I get that my dad is angry at you, or whatever, but this seems a little nuts even for him."

"When are you going to take me back?"

The exasperated sigh made another appearance and Hiccup took another drink from his flask. "I'm not."

Astrid's eyes widened. "What do you mean, you're not?"

He frowned at her. "They dressed you up like a bride and offered you up to be, what? At worst, murdered? At best kept as some kind of sex slave?" He shrugged. "Or maybe the other way around, point is, that's messed up, and for the time being I think you're safer here."

She gaped at him. "With a traitor and a dragon?"

Hiccup's eyes narrowed. He had been barely concealing his aggravation for the better part of the night, she realized, and she was quickly burning through his patience. "With a dragon who's tamer than a housecat and a traitor who has no intention of raping and or killing you. Seems to me you're a lot better off than you thought you'd be a few hours ago."

Astrid ripped the flask out of his hands and took another drink from it. "Seems to me you're a lot less _dead_ than I thought you were a few hours ago." She didn't care much for the mead but this whole night was much more than she wanted to deal with sober so she took another swig. "Excuse me for not being ecstatic to find out that I wasted four years being wracked with guilt over not being able to save someone who faked his own death so he could lead dragon attacks against his own village."

"I don't lead the attacks," Hiccup snapped, snatching the flask back from her. The bitter scowling expression he wore now was one thing that clearly _hadn't_ changed over the years. "I mitigate the damage on both sides as best I can, but nothing more." He drained what was left of the mead and tossed the empty flask over his shoulder. "And I never planned on faking my death. I just wanted to get away from the village until I could figure out some way out of having to kill the Monstrous Nightmare. It wasn't until _someone_ came after me that I had to change my plans."

"Oh what, so it's _my fault_ you were hiding a pet dragon?!"

"No, it's your fault I faked my death." Hiccup paused and frowned pensively. "Although it is kind of your fault I ended up with a pet dragon. You were half the reason I tried to shoot him down."

Astrid's eyebrows shot up. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Hiccup rolled his eyes and shrugged. "I had a huge crush on you and I thought that if I was the first person to kill a Night Fury then you'd like me. To a fifteen year old, it was sound logic."

Astrid blinked at him. "You had a crush on me?"

His eyebrows drew together and his mouth fell open, and for a moment he almost looked hurt, then he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head before giving her a humorless smile. "Of course. Here I always thought it was painfully, embarrassingly obvious how much I liked you, but no, you didn't even pay enough attention to me to notice."

"I, you, _ugh!_" Astrid's fist reared back and collided with Hiccup's arm.

"Hey, what-"

"Boo hoo, I didn't notice you liked me, I still noticed you were acting weird, and oh yeah, let's not forget the part where you _let everyone think you'd died!_"

"Oh and I'm sure they were all just crushed!" Hiccup shouted. Astrid was taken aback. She remembered Hiccup making quips and comebacks when he was teased throughout the years, but she couldn't remember him ever yelling. There was a coldness in his green eyes that reminded her of Stoick, and his lip was curled almost in a snarl. "I'm sure everyone was just _devastated_ that Hiccup the nuisance, Hiccup, the walking disaster, had finally managed to do what everyone had been waiting for him to do for years, and finally gotten himself killed!"

"Your dad-"

"My _dad_?" Hiccup laughed bitterly and got to his feet, running a hand through his hair. "You wanna talk about my _dad_, Astrid? Because as close and loving as I'm _sure_ we seemed to the general public," he said, biting sarcasm in every word, "Things weren't exactly happy families in the Haddock Household. My dad never gave a damn about me until I started doing well in dragon training, and as you've probably worked out by now, none of that was because I was actually _fighting_ the dragons!"

Astrid got to her feet and followed him as he stomped around the fire. "Your dad mourned you!"

He rounded on her. "Mourned me? He didn't mourn_ me,_ Astrid. He may have mourned the dragon fighting prodigy I had suddenly turned into, but he didn't mourn _me._" She could see the tension in his jaw from where he was clenching his teeth, and his voice was lower when he next spoke. "No one on that island mourned _me_."

_I did._

"That's not true," Astrid said softly.

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "What, you gonna tell me that _you_ mourned me?"

_Yes._

Astrid looked at her feet. "You were a good fighter. O-or at least you pretended to be. You were brave, anyhow. And you were so young. And the chief's only heir. It…it was a tragedy."

_You were weird, but there wasn't anybody else like you. You were never where you should be. You belonged in the forge, making all those crazy inventions you would babble about when I came to get my axe sharpened. You didn't belong on the battlefield but you were always so intent on being there. You were stupid and crazy and it was kind of endearing. _

Hiccup snorted. "Yeah, I can tell you were _real_ torn up about it."

"I thought I had failed to save you! I thought you had died saving me! I've spent four years having nightmares about you getting torn to shreds by that dragon."

Hiccup was quiet for a moment. "Feeling guilty isn't the same thing as missing me."

They were both silent after that. Astrid reached up and tried to tug off her bridal crown, but it snagged on her hair. She yelped.

"Here, let me." She looked up to see Hiccup, calmer now, stepping towards her and reaching for her crown. She watched his face as he carefully detanged the loose hair from the crown and lifted it off her head.

"That's _all_ you're taking off," she said quietly. Hiccup didn't answer her. He turned the crown over and over in his hands and frowned at it thoughtfully.

"Is this an heirloom or did they make it for the occasion?"

"Made it for the occasion. No need to waste my mother's on me. Wanted to save it for my sister."

"You don't have a sister."

"Brenna," Astrid said, thinking of the teary-eyed little girl who had been tugging at her skirts just hours earlier. "She's three and a half. She was born after you…" She didn't finish her sentence.

"Does this have some kind of sentimental value or can I keep it?" Hiccup asked. "I could use the scrap metal."

Astrid looked at the gold mock crown. She scowled. "Melt it down for all I care."

Hiccup nodded. He looked up at her. "You look exhausted."

"Well it has been a little bit of a trying day," she snapped, shrugging.

Hiccup hung the crown on his belt. "Come on," he said, pulling his flaming sword off its hook on his boot and lighting it. "You can have my bed." He started off down the same corridor he'd disappeared down earlier and after a moment's hesitation she followed.

The pathway was large, more than roomy enough for Toothless, and every so often they would pass what looked to be another chamber. Finally they entered into another cavern where another fire was burning in the center. Like the first cave, this one had a central area where the ground was smooth surrounded by a more open area with rock formations blocking the ground. Pushed away from the fire were three large wooden chests next to a table and chair littered with loose papers. At the side of the room was a smooth stone wall, at the base of which was what Astrid assumed was a bed. It was more nest than bed, in her opinion. There was no wooden structure to support it, instead it seemed to be a large pile of furs and cushions and blankets.

When they entered the dragon curled up on a stone slab to their right stood and stretched. He gave them a strange warbling noise and looked at her curiously. "There are candles in the desk drawers if you need them, but that fire will last you until the sun comes up. Toothless and I will sleep in the front room. Shout if you need anything. Literally. If you start screaming, Toothless will hear you and wake me."

Astrid nodded, at a loss for what else to do. "What happens tomorrow?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Hiccup didn't answer immediately. After a moment he simply said, "I don't know. Ask me then." He looked up from Toothless and gave her a tired smile. Tired, but genuine. She wondered how long it had been since he'd had any real human contact. "Goodnight, Astrid."

She only nodded in reply and wrapped the fur blanket tighter around her shoulders. He left the room, the dragon following him, and she waited until he was gone to approach the bed. There were blankets and pillows printed with patterns and motifs she'd never seen before, and some dyed in colors she didn't know it was possible to make fabric. There was still so much she wanted to know, and so many things she needed to say, and more than a few punches she still wanted to throw, but for the time being she was utterly exhausted and decided that forcing Hiccup to take her back to Berk could at least wait until the morning. Her dress was not the most comfortable thing she'd ever worn, but it was all she had, and she did not intend to deign to ask Hiccup for anything else quite yet. She lifted some of the furs and climbed in.

It was the softest bed she'd ever been in. She hadn't even realized how tired she'd been until she sank into the cushions and furs. It was warm, and soft, and, and…it smelled nice. Like Hiccup, she supposed, it was his bed after all. Sort of leathery and musky but…with smoke, like the forge. She liked it.

No. She didn't. Because this was probably what Hiccup smelled like, and she did not like Hiccup and therefore did not like how he smelled.

Her tired mind felt fit to suggest that it might have been easier if she'd just been murdered by a demon dragon master. Less confusing anyway.

Gods, she needed sleep. She hadn't slept well in days, not since before they told her they were giving her up.

She meant only to rest her eyes and think of a way out of this whole mess, but her eyes were very soon drooping and her thoughts turning to other things.

"I did miss you," she mumbled sleepily to herself, thinking of that strange bumbling boy she used to watch from afar. "I did miss you…"

Xx


	3. Tables Turned

A/N: SURPRISE SATURDAY

I had meant to wait until Monday, but I'm busting through chapters faster than I thought I would, and I really want to get through the exposition chapters and really get into the meat of the story. This chapter was originally one chapter, and then I split it into two because it was about twice the length of all the other chapters, and then I decided to make it one chapter. It's longer than most updates will be, but there was a lot to get through and I liked it better as one continuous chapter.

**Warnings**: sexyish content, and not all of it entirely consensual. This is where we get into seeing just how much Hiccup and Astrid have both changed in four years, and the events of this chapter and the workings of both of their minds during it will be something that I will continue to explore, because let's just say everybody's got some issues to work through. So before you start feeling like anybody is too OOC, just know that in time, everything will make a lot more sense. I suppose the most important thing to understand is that Hiccup's people skills are a bit rusty, to say the least; he's got some stuff he's dealing with, and that Astrid keeps shifting between being like "It's _Hiccup._ What's the worst this little nerd can do to me." and "It's been four years, I have no idea who he is or what he's capable of anymore."

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 3: Tables Turned<em>

Astrid had not meant to sleep long.

She was confused when she opened her eyes to the unfamiliar stone ceiling and warm furs. She sat up groggily and blinked at her surroundings while her mind caught up with her.

Oh.

Yes.

She'd woken up yesterday ready to go to her death with her head held high with judgment on those who had condemned her. Today she woke up in the cave home of a boy who had let her think he'd died and his _pet dragon_. She put aside the annoyance and anger at _that_ entire situation long enough to be thankful that she had woken up at all. The most she had hoped for yesterday was a quick death, or else to keep herself alive long enough to kill the dragon master. She was strong, and the rider had never looked particularly muscular; she had felt optimistic about her chances of overpowering him if she could get him away from his dragon. She'd had no intention of giving up her life or her virginity without a fight. She had been aware that this mission would result in her death one way or another. Either she'd be killed immediately or she'd die fighting, or she'd manage to kill the dragon master and then be killed by his dragon or by starvation. Yesterday her future had seemed a very short, very finite thing.

Today her future seemed to stretch before her in a long span of uncertainty.

She'd been given up to stop the fighting.

There was no reason why she couldn't still do that.

First order of business: find a weapon.

The fire had burned out sometime during the night, but there were patches of sunlight shining through in distant parts of the cave ceiling, and it cast a strange soft illumination throughout the cavern. Astrid sat up and shivered. It was freezing, and her dress had not been made to keep her warm. She pulled one of the fur blankets off the bed and wrapped it around her as she stood.

New plan. First order of business, get a fire going before she froze to death. _Then _find a weapon. She held the fur close to her body while she searched through the desk drawers for flint. She pulled out journals and parchment covered in sketches she couldn't make out in the gloom, and some odd small gizmos she couldn't identify. Finally, in the bottom of one drawer she found candles and a couple of matches. She wondered why there weren't more, until she remembered that Hiccup had a dragon and didn't need them.

With the few sparse matches and the pile of chopped wood in a corner she finally got a fire going large enough to warm her up. Next up, finding a weapon. She searched through the desk drawers and chests again, even searched among the pile of pillows and furs and still found nothing. Her best hope was to whack him over the head with a log, but that wouldn't get her very far. She needed something sharp, like a sword or an axe or a knife.

Hiccup had a knife.

Hiccup had a knife, and his behavior last night indicated that he didn't expect her to attack him. He was taller and stronger than he used to be, but he was still Hiccup. How hard could getting his knife from him be?

She lit one of the candles and started through the dark tunnel back towards the cavern where she hoped Hiccup and his dragon were still sleeping. Apparently daylight filtered in to many of the other caverns; as she passed other tunnels she could see dimly the rooms beyond. In one she could see tables and piles of metal around what looked suspiciously like a furnace.

Finally the tunnel opened into the cavern from the previous night and she set the candle down outside the passageway. Daylight from the cave mouth cast the room in soft light. The dragon was stretched out on the floor with Hiccup reclining against his belly, both still asleep. Astrid could see the knife still sheathed on his belt.

She crept forward quietly, carefully stepping over the dragon's tail until she stood next to Hiccup. She lowered herself into a crouch, and was just beginning to reach for the knife when she heard a low huff of air. Her head snapped to the dragon's face and saw he was awake and watching her with pupils narrowed to slits. She pulled her hand back and quickly moved away from them. Of course. She would never be able to get the knife, let alone use it, as long as the dragon was around. She needed another plan. She backed away until she hit the cave wall opposite them, where she slid down to sit on the floor. The dragon did not go back to sleep.

She was going to have to find some way of getting the dragon away, of getting Hiccup alone. He had voluntarily made Toothless stay away from her last night in order to make her more comfortable, but she felt she was going to need a better excuse today. Somehow, "I know I came looking for you but now please make your dragon go away" didn't seem to cut it. And even if she got him to send the dragon away, it would likely be on guard, listening to make sure Hiccup was safe. She needed something that would make him send the dragon away where it wouldn't feel like it needed to come back and check on him.

She remembered suddenly something he'd said last night, and an absurd yet brilliant plan started forming in her mind. Her lip curled just to consider it, but there was a high likelihood that it would work, and she was reaching desperation. She stood and ran a hand through her bangs and over her braid, trying to smooth it down as best she could. She tugged at the top laces at the back of her dress, just enough to loosen them, and pulled the neckline a little wider on her shoulders and lower on her chest. The dress was low-cut as it was; they had wanted to make sure she looked as appealing as possible.

Strange as it was to think, Hiccup was a man, and in theory as susceptible to temptation and distraction as any other.

Astrid cleared her throat. "Hiccup," she said loudly, and he stirred, but did not wake. "Hiccup," she called again, louder, and she watched his eyelids flutter and open. He blinked sleepily at her and then suddenly jumped, blinked some more, and then groaned and pressed his hands into his eyes.

"Shit," he moaned. "Gods, I still have this to deal with, don't I." He groaned again and dropped his hands. "Before you ask, no, I'm not taking you back."

"I wasn't going to ask that, actually," Astrid said, forcing back the irritation at his reaction and focusing on keeping her voice sounding as smooth and sweet as she could. She took a couple of steps forwards, swinging her hips purposefully. "I still want you to take me back at some point, but there's something I was hoping you could help me with first." She noted the way his eyebrows rose and his eyes flickered down over her body as she walked. For some reason it was a bit thrilling.

"And, ah, what would that be?"

Astrid glanced at Toothless as she got closer. The dragon was still giving her a wary look, and he curled his tail closer to Hiccup as she approached. She let her nerves show briefly, and it was enough to make Hiccup pat the dragon's belly and say, "Hey, calm down, bud, it's okay. She's a friend, remember?" The tail moved out of her way but those large green eyes still watched her with suspicion. Hiccup's eyes didn't leave her as she lowered herself to her knees beside him. "Astrid?" he asked, and she took a deep breath.

She steeled herself and pressed her lips against his.

Hiccup gasped against her mouth and she used the opportunity to slip her tongue briefly past his lips, a quick taste before a retreat. His moan was one part surprise and one part pleasure as she swung her leg over his and straddled his hips. She was surprised at the expertise with which he returned her kiss, his tongue forcing past her lips and sliding and tangling with hers. She couldn't imagine he'd have had much human interaction in the last four years, but there was significantly less fumbling and clumsiness to his kissing than there was to hers. One of his hands slid up to the back of her neck and the other grasped her shoulder. He pulled her away.

He stared at her with wide eyes. "Okay," he said, panting, "Not that I'm complaining, because seriously, I'm not, but what the hel are you doing?"

Astrid slid her arms around his neck and tried what she hoped was a seductive smile. "You were right about what you said last night; at my age unmarried doesn't necessarily mean virgin." She watched his eyebrows shoot up. "But in my case, it still does." His eyebrows lowered a fraction, going from surprise to confusion. She gave him a wicked smile and leaned in, looking at him through half-lidded eyes as she buried her fingers in his hair and purred, "I want to change that." His eyes grew as wide as she'd ever seen them and she claimed his open mouth before he could say anything else. It took him a moment to respond but soon enough he was kissing her back in earnest and his hands were sliding around her waist to pull her closer. She could sense his restraint, though. His legs shifted under her and his hands were light on her back compared to the ardor with which he kissed her.

"Astrid? Hey. Astrid," he mumbled in between kisses, before he finally pushed her away again. "Why?" he asked, his gaze fixed on her lips.

Astrid shrugged. "I don't want to get married. But that doesn't mean I want to live the rest of my life a virgin, either." She grit her teeth and ground her hips down against his and was rewarded by a sharp exhale from Hiccup. His pupils were dilated and he was watching her with obvious desire, not to mention the hot bulge she could feel growing against her thigh. It made her even more nervous than she already was, and she had to resist the urge to leap away from him, but if he was at this state already, it wouldn't take her much longer to get what she wanted.

Hiccup swallowed. "Why me, though?"

She shrugged again. "Because you're here." He lifted an eyebrow. "And because no one will ever know. My reputation doesn't suffer, and if I ever _do_ decide to get married, I still get to claim my virtue is intact." Hiccup frowned and started to lean away, and she realized she was turning him off at the idea of being used. "And," she added, leaning forwards and skimming a finger along the hard line of his jaw, "Because the last four years have been good to you." She ground down against him again and he grunted. "_Very_ good to you."

The frown melted off his face and she watched him take a deep breath and swallow hard. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and damn, she really shouldn't be noticing something like that. "Hey Toothless," he said, his eyes never leaving her face, "Can you give us some privacy, bud?"

Astrid grinned.

Bingo.

Hiccup's hands tightened almost imperceptibly on her waist, and her heart really, really, should not have been pounding as much as it was at the way he was looking at her. The dragon gave an annoyed grumble but rose to his feet anyway. "Yeah, yeah, we'll go flying later, bud, I promise," Hiccup mumbled as Toothless slunk from the room. Astrid's eyes shifted to watch him leave, the corners of her lips lifting upwards as his tail finally disappeared around the corner of one of the tunnels. She looked back at Hiccup, and caught only a glimpse of the hunger in his expression before he yanked her against him and his mouth was crashing into hers.

He definitely knew what he was doing. Astrid had only kissed one person before, one of the sailors who had taken refuge from a storm on Berk for a few days last summer. He'd been handsome and young and admitted to being inexperienced with women, and his kiss had been nice but sloppy. His tongue had flopped around inside her mouth like a fish on dry land and he'd had no idea what to do with his hands. She hadn't been sure until this moment if that was just him or if all kisses were like that, but now, with Hiccup's lips warm and soft against hers and his tongue teasing and tasting at her own, she realized just how underwhelming that sailor's kiss had been. The stubble on Hiccup's jaw scratched at her chin in a way that wasn't entirely unpleasant and when his teeth scraped against her bottom lip it drew a tiny whimper from the back of her throat. She was enjoying this far more than she should be.

And then Hiccup pulled away from her lips and started pressing kisses down her neck. This was starting to get out of hand.

"For a virgin you really seem to know what you're doing," Astrid said, a little more breathlessly than she'd like to admit. She glanced down at the knife hooked to his belt.

She felt Hiccup smirk against her throat. "What makes you think I'm still a virgin?"

Astrid frowned. "You've spent four years holed up in a cave with a dragon—_oh gods!_"

Hiccup bit down on her collarbone and she gasped. This was really, _really_ getting out of hand. "I get out more often than you'd think," he muttered. Astrid's rising panic distracted her from the wondering about the implications of that admission. The situation was quickly spiraling out of her control. His hands gripped her hips and pulled her tighter against his lap, where she could feel something very hot and very hard pressing back against her. His lips moved dangerously low on her chest and she grabbed his face and pulled it back up to hers. She had him where she wanted him, she just needed to distract him long enough to—

Astrid gasped as Hiccup's arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her to the floor beneath him. He nudged her legs apart with his knee and settled between her hips. Astrid's eyes snapped open and after a moment of paralyzing panic she gripped his shoulders and rolled him over so that she was sitting on top of him. She broke their kiss in the process and he blinked in confusion at her sudden roughness. She recovered quickly and gave him a smile. "I'm through with letting men control me," she said and leaned down to kiss him again. His hands rose to her back and started pulling at the laces of her dress. He was straining at his trousers and little moans were coming from the back of his throat. Astrid ran one hand down his chest while the other quietly slid his knife from its sheath.

With one deft flick of her wrist she had it pressed to his throat.

He stilled.

Hiccup didn't open his eyes as he pulled his lips from hers and his groan was markedly different from the ones seconds before. "Oh, you sly bitch," he whispered, and opened his eyes. His hands lifted away from her back and he held his palms open at his sides. Astrid sat up and smiled at him, the knife still pressed against his neck.

"Men are so easily manipulated," she said brightly.

Hiccup huffed a sigh. "What do you want?"

"First off," Astrid said, very much _not_ noticing the bob of his adam's apple as he swallowed. "You're going to stop the dragon raids."

Hiccup raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you listening last night? I can't stop the raids. I don't control the dragons. They listen to me to an extent, but I can't make them stop raiding villages."

Astrid's eyes narrowed. "Well, try harder then. If they listen to you then why wouldn't they listen to you if you told them to leave during the raids?"

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Because they don't listen to me _that _much. I know how to communicate with them, and sometimes that's enough to calm them down, but that doesn't mean I can control them. There's something else they listen to more. Most dragon nests have a queen, and I think their queen is making them raid the villages. I can't break that control over them. Nothing can. You can hold that knife to my throat until Ragnarok, it isn't gonna change anything."

Astrid pursed her lips. There was no reason for Hiccup to be lying about this; ostensibly he stood to gain nothing from the dragons' continued attacks. She didn't let up pressure on the blade. "Then you're going to take me home."

He smirked at her. _Smirked. _Here she was with a knife to his throat and he actually had the audacity to smirk at her. "No," he said.

Astrid glared. "Maybe you didn't hear me, you're going to take me home."

"Maybe you didn't hear _me_," Hiccup said, "Because no, actually I'm not."

She pressed the flat side of the knife harder against his neck. "Take. Me. Home."

"Maybe you've forgotten, but they tried to sacrifice you. Like, they tied you up and offered you up to be raped and murdered. Are you really sure you want to go back there? They were about to kill you themselves when I stepped in. You're not safe there, and I'm not taking you back until I'm sure you will be."

Astrid grit her teeth. "Actually, you'll be taking me back now, thank you, or else-"

"Or else what?" Hiccup leaned his neck up slightly, the blade pressing into his throat, and she angled it so as not to draw blood. "You're going to kill me?"

His smirk grew and he jerked his hips upwards, and Astrid gasped as she was suddenly reminded of just where on his body she was seated. She scooted backwards, lifting her hips away from his groin.

Her hand shook against the handle of the knife and her heart pounded. "Don't think I won't."

"Oh, I know you won't," he said as soon as the words were out of her mouth, and angled his hips, that hot bulge grazing the side of her inner thigh. She gasped and lifted herself off his lap.

"Yes I w—"

"Then do it." He sat up further, regardless of the knife she still had against his throat. "Kill me, because I'm not taking you anywhere." Astrid didn't move. Hiccup pushed forward and she let up pressure on the knife. "See, you're not going to, because you're not an idiot. Kill me, and you're stuck. Toothless can't fly on his own, and it took me weeks to figure out how to fly him, even with a rig _I _built. You'd never work it out on your own. You need me to get you out of here, and that's never gonna happen if I'm dead." He laughed, a harsh, bitter noise that sounded so _wrong_ coming from him. "Oh, yeah, and let's not forget the simple fact that if you lay a hand on me you'll be nothing more than a scorch mark on the floor by the time Toothless is done with you. So no, Astrid, I'm not taking you anywhere. And you're not going to hurt me. So do us both a favor and put the knife down."

He was right.

He was right and she knew it. She could overpower him, but she didn't stand a chance against his dragon, who they would need to get off this rock, and she couldn't very well hold the knife to his throat the whole flight back to Berk. She was stuck. Slowly she pulled her hand back.

She immediately regretted it. Suddenly he had his hands wrapped around her wrists and was pushing her over onto her back and climbing on top of her. His knees pinned her legs to the stone floor and Astrid shrieked as he twisted her wrist until the knife fell from her grasp. She struggled against him but he was stronger than she had given him credit for. He pulled her hands under her back and held them there with one hand. She jerked, trying to pull free, but he pressed his body down on hers, trapping her hands beneath their combined weight. His free hand grabbed the knife and she froze when she felt the cold steel against her neck.

"Now," he breathed, looking down at her through green eyes she didn't remember ever being so cold, "Let's get a few things straight here." Astrid struggled feebly against him. She was one of the strongest fighters on her island and she had been trained to be able to fight off men's unwelcome advances. That he held her so easily frightened and frustrated her. "You're here at my mercy, which means your little head games and brilliantly concocted escape plans end here, understand?"

She whimpered. His voice was a low steely growl she had never heard him use before. She wouldn't have thought he was capable of it.

"Hi-Hiccup, what are you doing?"

He bore down on her. "I asked you if you understand. No more escape attempts, no more threatening me, got it?" Her hands and her back were starting to ache and she nodded. "Good." He released one of her hands and she pulled it free, clenching and unclenching her fist in order to regain feeling, though she didn't dare move with the knife still at her neck.

"I thought you said you weren't gonna hurt me," Astrid said, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

"That was before you threatened me," Hiccup told her, "Now things have changed. I've tried being nice, but clearly you don't respond to that. So apparently I need to change tactics." He lowered his face to her neck, and she drew a shuddering breath when she felt him nudge a kiss against her skin.

"Hiccup?" her voice sounded small and scared and foreign to her ears.

His mouth moved up, and the kisses he placed behind her ear were soft and tender and a sharp contrast to the rough way he held her against the ground. "Now," he breathed against her ear, his tongue darting out to lick at her earlobe, "Lift up your skirt." Astrid's breath froze in her chest.

"W-what?"

"You heard me," he growled, the blade against her throat pressing down harder and his teeth nipping at her ear. "Lift up your skirt." As if to emphasize his point he nudged her thighs further apart and pressed his hips between them, drawing a terrified gasp from her lips. She made no move to oblige him.

"Hiccup, please-"

"I've got nothing to lose by hurting you, Astrid, you might as well make things easier on us both and get on with it. It's been a lonely four years, and I had _such_ a huge crush on you back then."

Her lip quivered. But he'd said-he'd said—what did it matter what he'd said? He was a traitor and a liar, and she should have known better than to trust a word out of his mouth. She'd gotten him riled up and clearly he intended to go through with it. She blinked back the tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes as her free hand reached slowly for the skirt of her dress. She pulled it up her leg and when it hit her thigh he released her other hand and grabbed the hem to yank it roughly up to her hip.

She shrieked and squirmed underneath him. "Hiccup no, no, you wouldn't, you wouldn't."

His hand stalled on her thigh and she felt his breath against her ear as he replied. "Of course I wouldn't." He released her thigh and sat up, still pinning her legs down with his own and keeping the knife to the underside of her jaw. "But I could." He was glaring at her in utter contempt and she shrank into herself. "That's not a threat, just a reminder," he said calmly. "Because I don't think you appreciate just how easy it would be for me to do _whatever _I want to you." She stifled a sob. "Luckily for you, I'm not interested, which puts you in a much better position than you thought you were going to be in twelve hours ago. You're not stuck here with a monster. You're stuck here with me. So if you could kindly stop acting like a hostage, I'll stop treating you like one, deal?"

Astrid sniffled. "You're not exactly giving me much choice."

He gave her a humorless smile. "I'm not exactly thrilled with the circumstances either, milady, but here we are."

She glared at him. "If you don't want me here then why don't you take me back?"

"Because I can't trust that you won't spill my secret and they won't spill your blood the second you get back. So until I'm sure that we're both safe, you're staying here." His eyes narrowed. "But the games end, got it? You wanna try to seduce me again then I'm going to assume you actually want me to fuck you."

Astrid scoffed. "Like I would ever." The corner of his lips quirked.

"You were into it." Astrid's eyes widened and she felt heat rush to her cheeks. She opened her mouth to tell him that, no, she definitely had not been, but he beat her to it. "You might not want to admit it, but you were." He pulled the knife away and sheathed it. Astrid sat up slowly, pushing herself up on shaking elbows. He climbed off her knees and stood before offering a hand to help her up. She ignored it and scooted backwards before struggling to stand on quaking legs.

She steadfastly ignored the lingering dampness she felt between her thighs as she did so.

"Yeah, see, surprisingly the threat of rape isn't exactly a turn on for me."

"I wasn't going to rape you, Astrid. Dragon killer isn't exactly my type. I meant before that."

"I don't know why I'm even dignifying this by arguing about it," she snipped. He'd been a good kisser and she had a role to play. That was it.

This whole day had already gotten way out of hand and she'd only been up ten minutes.

And she was hungry.

Part of her wanted to run as far from Hiccup as her trembling legs would take her, but she knew he was right. Her survival here depended on him, whether he meant to hurt her or not.

"S-so," she began, rubbing her goosepimpled arms, "Are you in the habit of feeding your hostages or are you just going to wait until I starve to death?"

Hiccup rolled his eyes. It was really starting to irritate her; this was vying for most traumatic event of her life, and he was acting as if the whole thing was a rather aggravating inconvenience. "Only gonna treat you like a hostage if you act like one. I'm not going to let you starve. Come with me." He started off down one of the tunnels, the same one Toothless had exited through and after a hesitant moment she followed him. When the light behind them faded he reached down and pulled the strange flaming sword from its holster on his calf and ignited it, lighting their way. Subconsciously she sped up to be closer to the flames and the heat they radiated.

"There's a network of tunnels running through the whole mountain," Hiccup said. "I get the feeling it used to be home to a nest of Whispering Deaths, but they moved out long before Toothless and I moved in. It's a bit sprawling, but it doesn't take long to get used to where everything is. The walk feels longer in the dark, but everything is closer than it feels."

Astrid crossed her arms and cast her eyes around the near-perfectly round shape of the tunnel. "Why not just have everything in one place?"

"Different areas are good for different things. Some places are warmer and some are colder, and sometimes that makes a difference. I rarely even use that big cave we were in. Sometimes the space is helpful, but mostly Toothless and I just fly straight to my room when we get back. I'll teach you how to get from there to the other caves later. It's a shorter walk from there." As he spoke they turned into another chamber where sunlight was streaming in through a large opening in the ceiling. Like the other rooms she'd seen there was a hearth in the center of the room, though this one had a large spit standing beside it. In the corner Toothless had his head half buried in a large stone well filled with fish. Hiccup had built what looked like a stone oven, and there were several more large chests and boxes shoved up against the walls of the small cave. It was more completely enclosed than the others she'd seen. Its walls were continuous save for the skylight above them and the far side of the room where two openings near the ground allowed a small stream to pass through the room. There was an alcove to her right where she could see salted meats hanging from the ceiling from metal hooks driven into the rock.

Hiccup whistled at Toothless who shot a blast of fire at the hearth before turning back to his fish. Hiccup opened one of the chests and withdrew a loaf of bread which he tossed at her. She caught it and looked it over carefully, inspecting for mold or mites before tearing off a small chunk and tasting. She'd never known Hiccup to have noteworthy cooking skills but the bread was soft and moist and slightly sweet and she tore into it eagerly.

"I've got fruit if you want some, some dried jerky somewhere. It's all in the chests, so just…I dunno. Come in here and dig in if you ever get hungry. Everything you'd need to cook is in a box somewhere, so just dig around and you'll find whatever you need eventually. It's not really that organized," Hiccup rambled as he pulled a couple of plates from one chest and sat them on the small wooden table on the opposite wall from Toothless's fish well. She watched him carefully. He was being so casual now; as if he hadn't just tried to trick her into thinking he would…

Astrid closed her eyes. She didn't want to think about his threats, even if he hadn't any intention on following through. For a moment she had been terrified, and she would not forgive him for that so easily. She would not forgive him for a lot of things easily, if ever. From another chest he pulled fruits, some she was familiar with, some she had never seen, and began cutting them with a knife pulled from the same chest as the plates. Astrid coughed around a mouthful of bread and Hiccup glanced at her. He put down his knife and reached into the open chest to pull out a clay jug.

"The ice caps on top of this mountain melt down into streams that run all through the caves down to the ocean," he explained as he crossed to the little stream and began filling the earthen jug with water. "Coolest, cleanest water you've ever tasted. We're close to the top here; it's the best place to get drinking water. A little further down and the water runs deeper and the current's stronger so it's the best place for washing clothes. It's not a bad place for bathing, but it's a little too cold. There's hot springs at the very very base of the mountain, but it's kind of a long trek. And then a little higher up there's a strong stream that runs by my bedroom. Works nicely as a self-cleaning privy, before you ask." Astrid blushed. Gods, she was seriously going to have to cohabitate with him, wasn't she? His simple statement had given rise to a whole host of concerns in her mind related to privacy and daily needs and…she had no clothes. No clean underwear or breast bindings. And Odin's missing eye, what the hel was she going to do when her moon's blood came?

She had to get him to take her home. Soon.

He poured her a mug of water and thrust it into her hand without looking at her. Astrid took a long drawl of the cool water before squaring her shoulders and fixing him with her next question.

"As cozy as this all sounds, what's it going to take to get you to take me home?" Hiccup perched himself on the table and regarded her with a bored expression.

"I'll take you back when I'm sure I can trust you not to spill my secrets. I thought we covered this."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's not likely to happen. What _else_ will it take to get you to take me home?"

Hiccup raised an eyebrow at her, then after a moment he smirked something wicked. "Well, if you're still interested in that deflowering-"

Astrid scowled. "Never in a million years," she hissed, and her face grew hotter at Hiccup's smug expression. Her anger seemed to positively delight him. "And if you _ever_ lay a hand on me again, you'll wake up the next morning with your cock missing."

He sobered slightly. "I'm not dumb enough to think that's an empty threat, Astrid," he said, turning his attention to peeling an apple. "I have no such intentions."

She glared. "I don't care whether you intend to go all the way or not," she said, her voice a low growl, "You ever touch me like you did earlier-"

"In fairness," Hiccup interrupted, "You started it."

She ripped off a chunk of the bread and threw it at his head. It bounced off his shoulder and he raised an amused eyebrow at her. "So that's how it is, huh? A girl gets you a little excited and suddenly it's all her fault because you just couldn't control yourself?"

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Besides that, you knew why I was pretending to come on to you, that hardly counts as me starting it."

"Oh my gods, Astrid, I wasn't gonna rape you," Hiccup groans around a mouthful of the bread she'd chucked at him. He swallowed. "I'm sorry, okay, I was just trying to make a point. I shouldn't have done it." He closed his eyes and sighed, and when he spoke next it was gentler and more sincere than the exasperation of his previous sentence. "I really am sorry. I didn't think it was going to make you feel so violated. I didn't think—well, I just didn't think. I'm sorry. But I'm serious, I'm not going to touch you again."

She could see the honesty in his expression, and while it partially soothed her anger, she was still far from letting him off the hook. She was being held against her will; she felt she had the right to nag him for all she was worth.

"And even when I held you down and you were—what, teasing? I don't even know what to call it, but, seriously, is it so hard to keep your hips to yourself?"

"Well, seeing as you'd shown so much comfort with touching me up until then-"

"Stop blaming this on me!"

"I'm not blaming this on you!"

"No, you're just saying that you shouldn't regret your actions because I might have enjoyed it. Which I didn't, by the way."

"Fu- Freya Frigga Loki Lofn," Hiccup swore, his head falling back. "Gods, woman, we need to get you laid." His head tilted back down and he gave her a deadpan frown. "Or drunk. Or something."

Toothless had stopped eating to watch them, his large green eyes following the back-and-forth exchange. He grumbled at Hiccup, who frowned at him.

"Oh, hey now, you stay out of this. You're the one who left me alone with her."

Toothless's eyes narrowed and he gave Hiccup an indignant bark before curling up with his back to them.

Astrid's lip curled. She hoped her face wasn't as red as it was hot. "I don't need to get laid," she hissed.

Hiccup chuckled and returned to his breakfast. "Some might dispute that, given that your virginity is what got you into this mess."

Astrid huffed. "Just because you're so eager to lose your virginity that you're practically salivating over me doesn't mean that-"

Hiccup's sharp bark of laughter stopped her. He pulled one of his legs up onto the table and rested his arms on it. He gave her a wide amused smile and gestured at her with his knife. "Again, you're assuming I'm still a virgin."

Astrid raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, because again, you live in a cave with a dragon."

Hiccup sighed and tossed his apple core into a basket beside the table and started peeling another one.

"I told you, I do get out. As much as this mountain has to offer there are some things I need that I have to get the old fashioned way. I steal some things during raids, but others I just have to find a way to buy. So I sneak into towns sometimes. Big towns, sea ports. Places where a strange face doesn't attract attention. And there are two things you can always find in sea port towns." Astrid finished her bread and scooted closer to the fire for warmth. "The first, prostitutes." Astrid's nose turned up in disgust and Hiccup's mouth quirked into a smile as he pointed at her with his knife. "Exactly. But the second, more attractive, cheaper, less disease-riddled option…" He grinned. "Desperate fisherman's daughters. The landlocked ones are usually easy anyway. They like the convenience of being able to sleep with sailors and not have to see them again or worry that they'll let slip what happened between them. But the ones who sail with their fathers? Who spend weeks or months out on a boat with no one but crew men who know their captain would throw them overboard if they so much as look at his daughter the wrong way?" Hiccup's grin was wide and wicked and smug. "Their feet hit land and all they want is one night to feel like a free woman instead of a spare pair of work hands who'll end up in an unhappy marriage to a fisherman who leaves them alone on land for weeks at a time just like their mothers." He shrugged and tossed her the peeled apple. "Not to say that I take advantage. They go looking for companionship and they usually find me. All I do is find a tavern to hang out in and wait."

Astrid tried to picture Hiccup seducing some wide-eyed girl off a fishing boat. It seemed all wrong; even with his new sharp jaw and high, defined cheekbones and bright green eyes and—

Okay, she could _sort of_ see what these supposed girls might see in him.

"Well I suppose after weeks of no contact with anyone your own age even _you_ would look appealing," Astrid quipped, mostly in order to distract her mutinous brain from trying to imagine what Hiccup might look like during one of his supposed dalliances.

"You know it's hard to take that as an insult given how into that kiss you were this morning."

Astrid threw her apple at his head. He dodged it and grinned at her. "I had to make you_ think_ I was into it," she snapped.

Hiccup snorted. "Whatever you say, milady."

Astrid got to her feet and stomped over to him, glowering. "Okay, listen up, Haddock," she hissed, right in his face, so close she could count every freckle dusted across his cheeks. "First you steal my chance of glory in Dragon Training, then you make me think you _died _a terrible, gruesome death, because _I_ failed to save you. So then I get to spend the next four years feeling guilty and having nightmares about you getting eaten by a dragon while your dad treats me like your death is my fault. And let's not forget that all that culminates in my being offered up as _virgin sacrifice_, only to end up being stuck on this Thor-forsaken island with a skinny idiot who can't get over his childhood crush long enough to treat me like a real person!"

No sooner had she finished her tirade was Hiccup on his feet and stalking towards her, sending her tripping over her own feet as she backed away. That cold look was back in his eyes as he glared at her, and Astrid felt a flash of fear when her back hit the cave wall.

Toothless had looked up and was watching them tensely, his eyes wide and fixed on his master's stiff frame.

Hiccup looked at her for a moment with that harsh, almost disgusted expression before he closed his eyes and exhaled through is nose. His face fell into impassivity and his eyes opened.

"If you're done eating I'll finish showing you around," he said finally, and Astrid released a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. "And then we'll see if we can't find you some real clothes." His gaze flickered downwards and lingered just a second too long on her chest before returning to her face. "You look cold."

He turned and stalked towards the door without another word, Toothless at his heels. The dragon paused and cast an almost worried glance at her over his shoulder before he exited the room behind Hiccup.

Astrid raised her arms and crossed them over her chest, realizing suddenly that her hard nipples were almost certainly pointing through the thin fabric of her dress. She missed her real clothes. She missed her warm knitted shirts and spiked skirts and the thick pelts she wrapped around her arms. She missed her fur lined boots and armor on her shoulders and the comforting weight of an axe strapped to her back.

She missed home. She missed her warm bed and her mother's cooking and being woken by her father's singing in the mornings. She missed Brenna crawling into her bed after she'd had a nightmare and cuddling the little girl close until she felt safe. She wondered if she'd ever get to sooth her baby sister back to sleep ever again.

She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath before following Hiccup into the tunnel.

* * *

><p>AN: Okay, now I'll be good. No update until Monday. Otherwise I'll get ahead of myself. I have to keep writing way ahead of where I'm posting.


	4. Boredom

_Chapter 4: Boredom_

It was clear by the end of the tour that Hiccup had been inhabiting the mountain for a long time. In addition to the bedroom and the kitchen there was a storeroom for things he'd salvaged from wrecked ships or stolen during raids as well as supplies he'd gotten through more legal means; as well as an impressive forge he'd built using pieces filched from a hundred different villages. Near the base of the mountain there was even a little patch of land he'd turned into a garden.

He showed her how to get to the hot springs at the deepest level of the mountain, and then to the stream that was good for washing clothes, and from there, how to get back to his bedroom. There were shorter passageways that connected these areas, tunnels she hadn't noticed and tunnels that bypassed the entrance cavern entirely, and she was surprised at how quickly they got from one area to another. He took the time to scribble her down a map and mentioned putting up signs so she wouldn't get lost, and promised to dig up an old prototype of his flaming sword that she could use as a torch to get around in the dark. He told her she could keep using his bed; that he'd pull out some old furs and continue cuddling up with Toothless. Neither one of them minded; apparently there had been a lot of that in the days when they'd first left Berk, and Hiccup laughingly told her that he would still occasionally be woken up in the middle of the night by the crushing weight of a Night Fury trying to crawl into his bed.

In the bottom of a trunk he managed to find some old clothes of his he thought had a passing chance of fitting her, and told her he had extra fabric and needle and thread so she could make whatever else she might need until he had a chance to sneak into a village to get her some real clothes. She asked if there was any chance of getting some of her own things from Berk, but he told her it was too risky. If her parents decided to go through her things, either to pack them away or just to remember her, they would likely notice the absence.

A raid on Berk usually meant there would be another on other islands in the next few days, and he promised to find her something then.

Toothless's patience was finally exhausted and the spoiled dragon demanded to be taken flying, which would at least give Astrid a guaranteed moment of privacy to change.

She stayed close to the fire as she pulled off her dress. Hiccup had been so casual and so accommodating that she was having a hard time reconciling him with the man who just hours ago had held her down and demanded her to lift up her skirt.

Of course, she was also having such a hard time reconciling this strange tall young man with the small frightened boy of four years ago, as well as having a very difficult time reconciling all of this with the earthshattering fact that he was _alive_ and living with a _dragon_. In the end she gave up on properly processing everything and decided to just go with it until she could really think it all through.

He had an old green tunic that fit well enough; a bit baggy but it stayed on her shoulders and fell to the middle of her thighs. The pants were another story. They were tight around her hips but loose everywhere else, and she had to roll them up quite a bit. Perhaps she could at least hem them later, but for the time being it was warmer than her mock wedding dress.

Astrid stared at the pale blue dress laid out on the stone floor. She had no intention of wearing it ever again; but she could at least use the fabric. The thin cotton would make due for undergarments at least, and yet…

She didn't want to touch it. She didn't want it touching her. She didn't want any physical reminder of how terrified she had felt, at the fate she thought she'd been facing, of her village's betrayal…of Hiccup holding her down.

She'd find other fabric. She gathered the dress into her arms and chucked it into the fire.

She sat down on the cave floor and watched the fabric blistering and burning. She had no idea what to do with herself now. She had no idea what she was going to do with herself for a long time. She was stuck here, apparently, with no clear chance of leaving any time soon, and she had no idea how she was going to fill the time until she managed to convince Hiccup to let her leave.

She sighed and got up. She found a comb in one of the desk drawers and pulled her hair loose from the marriage braid it had been twisted into yesterday. It was tangled and matted from the flight and her sleeping on it, and she passed a few minutes mindlessly combing the tangles out before braiding it into its usual style. Hair fixed, she stared around the cave absently.

The boredom was going to kill her.

Astrid sighed and pulled herself to her feet. She opened one of the chests and dug out one of the leatherbound books she'd seen that morning and opened it to a random page. It was a journal, and judging by the dust an older one. There was a little sketch of Toothless in one corner.

_Promising tests with the tail rig today. I'm starting to get the hang of the different positions. I think we might be able to try an actual test flight within a few days. _

What followed was a lot of technical jumbo that went over Astrid's head so she flipped backwards. How early was this, if he was writing about testing out Toothless's false tail? Something caught her eye and she stopped, pulling back a page to see a light charcoal sketch of herself. She was younger, as she'd been before Hiccup left, one hand pushing back her bangs as she waited at what looked like the forge window. Astrid sat down and smoothed the dust from the page.

_Astrid came into the shop today for her axe sharpened and Gobber, in what I can only assume was an attempt at matchmaking, abandoned me to deal with it myself. Which would have been alright if his parting words hadn't been so innuendo-laden. "My apprentice here can service all of your needs!" Yeah, thanks Gobber, _that _helps. As does you leaving and blabbering about going to get that thing you need that you're out of. Smooth. Very smooth. And not at all obvious. I mean I guess I can't hold it against him too much. I got to talk to her. There was an actual conversation. As in, words were exchanged with Astrid. I said things and she said things in response to the things I said. I think she was pretty bored by everything I said but I spoke to her so that's at least progress. _

_I don't know why I bother, to be honest. I don't stand a chance with her. She's never been mean to me like the others have but she's never acknowledged by existence either. And why should she? She's Astrid Hofferson. She's beautiful and she's strong and she broke Snotlout's wrist one time and it had me picturing our wedding day and future children. I mean, I'd marry her for the other stuff too, but breaking Snot's wrist was definitely a point in her favor. _

_She's so pretty. And her aim with that axe? Wow. I was watching her on fire patrol one night and in the firelight she looked so fierce and beautiful that I ruined the sword I was supposed to be sharpening for Hoark._

"Wow, Haddock," Astrid muttered, "You had it _bad_ for me."

_Which brings me back to my earlier point: why should Astrid notice _me_? I screw everything up, I'm a failure as a Viking, and I've got no chance of killing a dragon if everyone keeps shoving me out of the way during raids. (You know it's actually part of protocol now? Grab the weapons, prime the catapults, light the torches, grab Hiccup and stick him in the nearest building.) Realistically I should probably just give up hope on her. I just can't, though. Whenever I see her my brain goes all fuzzy and my heart starts beating really fast. Is it possible to be in love with someone you've hardly had a full conversation with?_

_Gods, I sound pathetic don't I?_

Astrid sniggered. "That you do, kid."

There was a rustling overhead and she looked up to see Toothless lowering into the cavern through a far-off hole in the ceiling. She snapped the journal shut and threw it back into the chest along with the other items she had pulled out. She closed it and scrambled back to sit by the bed before Toothless and Hiccup had winged their way through the cavern to her.

They landed on the other side of the fire and Hiccup removed his helmet and ran a hand through his hair before sliding off the saddle.

"I'm bored," she said as soon as his feet hit the ground.

"And there go all those good post-flying feelings," Hiccup sighed. She watched as he began unbuckling Toothless's saddle.

"You're the one who refuses to let me leave. What am I even supposed to do around here?"

Hiccup shrugged. "I don't know. What do you normally do all day?"

Astrid picked absently at her braid. "I dunno, chores, helping my sister with things, training, teaching the new recruits in dragon training. What do _you_ do all day?"

Toothless wiggled from his nose to his tail when he was finally free of the saddle, which Hiccup hung from hooks on the wall next to the stone slab that made the dragon's bed. "Whatever needs doing, I guess. We go flying, I wash things, I tend the garden, I work on things in the forge." He shrugged again. "I get drunk sometimes, that's always a fun way to pass a few hours. Everything's more entertaining when you're drunk."

"Is that it?"

He glanced at her over his shoulder, still hanging tail proponents on the wall. Toothless padded around the fire and sniffed at her, and Astrid scrambled backwards away from him. "He's not gonna hurt you, Astrid, he's just curious. It's probably because of my clothes. He's trying to figure out why you smell like me."

Astrid's back hit the wall as the large black head and sniffling nose drew closer to her. "Well call him off!" She tensed when Toothless nudged his head against her stomach, then pushed under her arm.

Hiccup laughed. "He just wants you to pet him. Give him a scratch under the chin, he likes that."

Astrid pulled her arm back as those huge green eyes watched her curiously. "I will do no such thing." The dragon warbled sadly at her, his eyes widening in a way that looked hurt.

"Aw, you're hurting his feelings," Hiccup teased, pulling off his own armor and coming to sit on the corner of the mass of furs, drawing Toothless's attention away from her. He pulled the dragon's head close and scratched the underside of his chin, which made Toothless cackle happily before pulling back to lick the side of Hiccup's face. "Ugh, Toothless, no!" Hiccup yelped as the slimy pink tongue left the hair on the side of his head wet and sticking up at odd angles. Astrid giggled in spite of herself. Hiccup pushed the dragon away and looked at her with a half-smile. "Was that a laugh?"

Astrid quickly pulled her mouth back into a frown. "No."

"That was a laugh."

"No it wasn't. I was…clearing my throat."

"You laughed."

"I did not!"

"Oh come on, give him a chance, Astrid," Hiccup said, smiling as he used one of the blankets to wipe dragon slobber from his face and hair while Toothless curled up by his side. He looked happier and more relaxed than she had seen him thus far; he seemed more like the boy she remembered.

Astrid crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't see why I should. He's a dragon. Just because you're fine with being a traitor I don't see why I should be."

Hiccup's smile fell. He looked down at Toothless and started running a hand slowly along the top of his head. "Because they aren't what you think they are. Dragons aren't mindless killing machines. I told you, I think their queen is the one who makes them attack the villages. The way they behave during raids…it's not like they are normally. Normally most breeds are docile." He grinned and shifted to recline on his side, his head resting on top of Toothless's. The dragon purred. "They're big ol' softies, mostly. There are a few species who are lot harder to tame, but few of them are outright hostile. As long as they don't feel threatened they're as harmless as any housepet."

Astrid narrowed her eyes at him. "They don't seem particularly harmless when they're burning down houses and carrying off our livestock."

Hiccup frowned. "They're different during the raids. Whatever their queen does to make them steal food…it makes them, well not really hostile necessarily, but it's harder to get through to them. And really the raids wouldn't be half as destructive as they are if the villages weren't so violent in their response. The dragons are just defending themselves. They don't start burning things down until you start shooting rocks at them. If you didn't fight back, they would just take what they need and leave."

Astrid glared at him. "So what, the solution is to just let them carry off all our livestock so we starve?"

Hiccup was quiet for a moment. "I don't know what the solution is," he said finally. "But things can't carry on this way forever. I'd put a stop to it if I knew how but I don't. In the meantime all I can do is try to keep casualties on both sides at a minimum."

He looked up at her, and she could see a determination in his eyes she hadn't seen since that day in the cove when he'd told her to run. "You may see me as traitor, but I don't see how I've betrayed anyone. When the dragons attack, I try to protect the village, same as you or my dad or anyone else on Berk. The only difference is I try to protect the dragons too. If that makes me a traitor, then fine. But I'd rather be a traitor than an ignorant savage mindlessly killing something I don't even understand." The corners of his mouth fell and there was something open and pleading about his gaze. "They aren't anything like what you think they are, Astrid," he said quietly. "I've spent four years among them, and in that time I've seen that dragons are amazing, protective, compassionate creatures."

Toothless lifted his head and nuzzled close to Hiccup's face. "Toothless is a Night Fury; he's supposed to be the most deadly dragon out there." Hiccup grinned and scratched at Toothless's jaw; one of the dragon's legs began tapping the floor happily. "But he's the best friend I've ever had, and I know he'd never, ever hurt me." He looked at her. "He had the chance to once. I had shot him down and he could have killed me for that. He had me pinned; point blank range, and every reason to kill me. But he didn't. Because dragons aren't killers. Not unless they have to be."

Astrid didn't answer. She could see the obvious affection Toothless had for his master, but this was one dragon. One dragon and one boy against the hundreds of dragons she'd seen and fought over the years. She stood and stepped off the piles of furs and wandered to the opposite side of the room.

"You still haven't told me what I'm supposed to do around here all day," she said, not looking at him. "I haven't even been here a full day and I'm already bored out of my mind."

"That's not my problem."

She whipped her head around to look at him. "If I'm bored I'm gonna nag you until it is your problem. You're holding me here against my will, what am I supposed to do? Sit around until you decide you can trust me?"

Hiccup's smile faded and she watched that familiar irritated scowl work its way back onto his face. "Look, if you want to be useful you could go work in the garden. The potatoes need weeding. Other than that, well, I'm fresh out of axes for you to throw at things."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Fine. Better than nothing I guess." She started stomping towards the dark entrance of the tunnel before she stopped. "Uh," she glanced over her shoulder. "And, uh, how do I get to the garden again?"

Hiccup's exasperated sigh was fast becoming a very familiar sound to her ears. "I'll show you."

They stopped by his forge where, as promised, he dug out an old prototype of his sword. It was shorter, only about dagger length, and non-retractable, but its purpose had been to test the possibility of a blade sustaining the flame and so he hadn't needed all the functions of his current model. It was simple enough to use and allowed her the light she needed. He pointed her in the direction of the path to the garden and returned to his forge, muttering about work to do.

The sunlight was warm on her skin as she stepped out onto the outcropping where the little garden lay, slung over her back the wicker basket of tools she'd found sitting near the exit. She could do gardening. It wasn't her favorite thing in the world, but one of her aunts was a healer and she'd used to help her with the herbs in her garden when she was little. The little plot of land was well tended enough, but it was clear Hiccup was not nearly as diligent about weeds as her aunt had been, and his knowledge of farming left a lot to be desired. His spacing was all wrong; too cramped in some places and too wide in others, and she wasn't sure the garden was being properly watered. It seemed in a good place as far as sunshine went, and the soil was rich and dark, so it wasn't a complete failure. With a little rearranging she could turn this garden into a much more successful source of food than it seemed to be now.

Astrid let herself smile. She had a project. A way to occupy her time. It was far from a plan off this island, but it was something.


	5. The Letter

A/N: **Important: **I will be leaving for a week-long trip to Spain on Saturday. I have no idea what my family's plans are and no idea how much wifi access I will have while I'm there or free time for posting. I have one of next week's chapters written already, and I might be able to get it edited and schedule it to post on AO3 next week, but I have no way of doing that on here. So if Monday comes without an update here, check my Archive of Our Own profile (I have the same username).

As for THIS chapter...I'm kinda bleeeh about it but there's a few important things getting started here.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 5: The Letter<em>

Astrid stood and wiped her hands on the knees of her borrowed trousers. It was getting dark; the light finally fading behind the western horizon. She surveyed the small garden with satisfaction. It was completely devoid of weeds, freshly watered, and she'd managed to do something about the nightmare that was Hiccup's spacing of the cabbage plants. Tomorrow she could get started on rearranging the rest of the garden. The herb bed could really use some work.

It was starting to get dark, and she was hungry, dirty and exhausted but feeling the closest she had to optimistic since she couldn't even remember when. She gathered up the tools and was about to make her way back into the mountain when something caught her eye.

Out across the horizon she could see a series of small black shapes winging their way across the sky. Dragons. A lot of them, she'd guess, heading south. She stared at them before a huge black shape shot upwards much, much closer to her. She took a step back, stumbling a little at the sudden appearance of Hiccup and Toothless. She saw Hiccup look over his shoulder and pulled Toothless back around, and they came to hover in front of the cliff side.

"There's going to be a raid tonight," he said, and she noticed his eyes sweep over the neatly weeded rows of his garden, his brow furrowing in what might be surprised admiration, before he turned his head to look out at the small black cloud of dragons in the distance. "Judging from the direction and given that they raided Berk last night I'm betting they're headed for the Bog Isles." He looked back at her. "Which is good news for you, because it'll be easiest for me to steal you some clothes."

Astrid sighed; real clothes, made to fit an actual woman. She didn't know something so simple could sound so wonderful. "How long will you be gone?" she asked.

"No telling. Depends on what happens when I get there. How long the fighting goes on, and if the dragons are headed to multiple islands." He looked at her. "I'll be back by morning though. There's a fire in my room and a ham still cooking over the fire in the kitchen. If you hurry you might get to it before it burns."

She nodded. She felt like she should add something, so she tacked on, "Just try not to die, okay? If you do I'm stuck here."

He gave her what could have been a genuine smile. "I'll do my best." He pulled his helmet out of a saddle bag and put it on, then shifted Toothless's tailfin and they turned into a dive. She watched, amazed, at the speed at which they shot off, Toothless's wings beating furiously. They were nothing but a tiny black speck in the distance in a matter of seconds.

Xx

Astrid fell back against the furs, her stomach pleasantly full of ham that was only slightly charred. She was exhausted. The events of that morning felt like a whole different day. She'd only been here twenty four hours.

She couldn't figure Hiccup out. He had promised not to hurt her, and said more than once that he didn't intend to rape her. But the way he had held her down made her wonder if he perhaps felt otherwise. He said he'd been trying to scare her, to make a point, but…

He accused her of being too into their kiss when she'd been trying to trick him, but she couldn't help but wonder if the same was true of him. She didn't disbelieve that he'd been trying to trick her as well, but she also had the distinct feeling that he'd been enjoying it just a little too much.

It scared her more than she wanted to admit. Because it was Hiccup. Bumbling, stumbling, adorably determined yet clumsy _Hiccup. _The boy she knew four years ago would never _dare_, least of all because he would have lacked the physical strength back then to overcome her. But, she knew, he was not the same boy she had known four years ago. There was a strange confidence to him; a smugness that did not quite cross the border into arrogance. He was sure of himself in a way he never had been before. He might claim otherwise, but she had no way of knowing for sure that _this_ Hiccup, this man he had grown into, would not act on the obvious sexual attraction he felt for her. The aggravation he displayed in nearly every conversation they had gave her the feeling that he was over the crush he'd had on her in their youth, but he definitely still wanted her in at least a purely physical way.

It confused her though, how hot-and-cold he'd been. For all his callous treatment of her he had also been kind, exceptionally so…as long as she stayed on his good side. He did not have an abundant supply of patience, and she seemed to burn through it quickly. She feared what might happen if he really lost his temper.

Her presence here irritated him, that much was certain, and she knew that he would not be keeping her here if he felt he had any other option. He talked about protecting her life, but Astrid was sure that it had more to do with protecting his own secrets. She didn't understand why he was so adamant about keeping his true identity a secret from the people of Berk. She understood that he had no love for his former village, and certainly more than a few deep-seated issues with his father, but she couldn't understand why it was so important that they think him dead. Why he was alright with playing the part of the Dragon Master as long as no one knew it was _him_. If he was willing to betray his people, why not fully commit?

She wasn't sure how she could avoid telling the villagers who he was even if she did agree not to. She could perhaps spin a story about the Dragon Master never wanting her to begin with and deciding her more of a hassle than she was worth, but she couldn't hope to invent a new identity for him. Especially if she spent days, weeks, or even longer with him. No one would believe that she had been with him that long and learned _nothing_ about the dragon master, or who he was or what he wanted.

And even if she did decide not to tell, as of yet Hiccup had no reason to take her word for it.

She laid awake for a long time, late into the night. She didn't really feel comfortable falling asleep without knowing where Hiccup was. She didn't like the thought of him coming into this room while she was sleeping…

Xx

A grumbling roar awoke her. Astrid jolted up, head whipping around wildly, still not fully awake as her wide eyes searched the room until they landed on Hiccup and Toothless. She didn't even remember falling asleep.

"Sorry to wake you," Hiccup said automatically. He looked exhausted; and even Toothless looked worn out, his tail and wings drooping and dragging along the floor.

Astrid sat up and rubbed at her eyes. She blinked and watched as Hiccup removed Toothless's saddle and tail components and hung them on their hooks.

"I take it the raid didn't go well?" she asked, resting her chin on her knees.

Hiccup shook his head. "No. It didn't," he mumbled. "Honestly, I have half a mind to just tell Cami it's me," he said, mostly to himself. "Make her stop throwing all those knives at me." He opened a storage compartment on Toothless's saddle and pulled out a bundle of cloth. He walked over and dropped it at her feet. He pointed a finger at her. "You have no idea what I had to go through to get those. Be grateful." He started walking away, unbuckling his armor as he went.

"Cami?" Astrid asked, holding up a long wool skirt.

"Camicazi. Old friend of mine. Bog Burglar heir," Hiccup pulled the black leather armor off his chest and let it fall to the ground, seemingly too tired to care. "Stole those off her clothes line. She's about your size, should fit. Probably be big in the bust, though."

Astrid's eyes snapped up to his, indignant.

"That's not an insult," Hiccup said, rolling his eyes. "This is the girl whose mother is called Big-Boobied Bertha. And Cazi inherited more than just control of the tribe from her." Astrid picked a dark blue tunic out of the pile and held it up against her chest. The arms and waist were small, though not too small to fit her, but the chest…

"You're not kidding," Astrid muttered, and dropped the shirt by the skirt. "I should be able to take it in, though." She sorted through the pile as Hiccup dug a flask out of a saddle bag and collapsed on Toothless's bed next to him. There were a couple of long thick skirts, some pairs of leggings, and a couple of long sleeved shirts. Not much, but enough. Although notably absent from the pile were any sort of undergarments. Still no word on what she was going to do about _that_.

She looked up to see Hiccup taking a long drink from the flask. "What time is it?" she asked.

Hiccup shrugged. "Early hours of the morning. Sun's not up yet but dawn'll be breaking soon." She watched him tip his head back and chug the remaining liquid in the flask. When he was done he tossed it at an open chest, missed, and shrugged. He let his head fall back against Toothless's side.

"Hey, Hiccup-"

He held up a hand. "Just, can it wait?" He opened his eyes and dragged his head up to look at her. "I am exhausted," he said slowly. "I have had a very difficult day—thank you, for that- and there have been three raids in as many nights and all I want to do right now is get drunk and go to bed. Ideally in my own bed but that's not an option right now. So whatever it is you want to yell at me about now, can it just wait until I've gotten some sleep?"

He looked terrible; there were bags under his eyes and he was swaying slightly, though that could have been from the alcohol.

"Yeah," she conceded, leaning back against the stone wall behind her.

He managed a nod before he was closing his eyes and settling back against Toothless's belly. After a few minutes his breathing slowed and his head fell to the side. Astrid watched him sleep. He shifted, moaning softly and curling closer to Toothless. He drew his arms up around himself and shivered.

Astrid frowned, and after a few minutes of deliberation she approached and draped a fur blanket over him. His shivering stopped, and the lines on his forehead softened. She padded back to the bed and laid down, pulling the blankets over herself.

He'd brought her clothes after all.

And if he froze to death she was screwed.

Xx

Stoick stared at the parchment spread out in front of him as the doors to the Great Hall opened and Gobber limped inside. The heavy doors swung shut behind him, leaving the light shining in from the windows overhead the only illumination in the room.

"You wanted to see me?" Gobber asked as he took a seat next to Stoick.

Stoick nodded. "I received a letter today from Bertha."

Gobber took a swig from his mug arm attachment. "Bog Burglar Bertha?"

"Aye," Stoick picked up the letter and reread the words that by now he had memorized. "They were raided a few nights ago."

Gobber's mug stopped halfway to his lips. "Which night?"

Stoick frowned. "The night after we were raided." Gobber sat down his mug, shaking his head.

"Thor's hammer," he said quietly. "And…did they see him?"

"Camicazi faced off against him herself."

"Odin's eye." Stoick watched Gobber's brow furrow and he took off his helmet to rub at his bald head. "That poor girl, gone for nothing."

"It doesn't mean anything," Stoick said, glaring into space. "He may have seen our offering as a treaty with Berk, but not with all Vikings. And so far we've not been raided again."

"Yes, but they rarely raid us two nights in a row." Gobber pulled at the corners of his yellow mustache. "It's only been a few days. They've gone longer than this without attacking before. It's still too soon to tell if we've really done anything to help Berk."

Stoick looked back at the letter. His grip tightened. "That's not the most interesting part of the letter. It's what he was doing when Camicazi found him."

Gobber frowned. "And what's that?"

There was a brief pause before Stoick answered. "Stealing clothes off their clothesline." He watched Gobber's eyebrow rise. "Not all of them though. He bypassed Bertha's things and the little girls' clothes. He was looking for Camicazi's things."

Gobber stared at him. "And Camicazi and Astrid would be about the same size."

"Aye," Stoick said. "Astrid may still be alive."

Gobber sighed and shook his head. "That may not be a good thing," he said in a low voice, mug-hand swishing idly. "If he hasn't killed her then I dread to think what he _has_ done to her."

"It's for the good of Berk."

"Is it?" Gobber looked up at him. "It's not lost on me that out of all of the girls on this island you picked her."

"She was unmarried and not looking to ever be, and unlike the Thorston girl she didn't have a reputation for running about-"

"She was fifteen, Stoick," Gobber interrupted, a hard glare on his face, "And they were up against a Night Fury. As good as she was she didn't stand a chance against that. Neither of them did."

Stoick wouldn't meet his eye. "This isn't about that."

"Like hel it isn't," Gobber said, slamming his mug down on the table. "What happened to Hiccup was horrible, but it wasn't her fault."

"Don't talk to me about that," Stoick said, a low dangerous growl, but Gobber had never been afraid of him.

"You never treated that girl the same after what happened. She was young and scared and traumatized, and you've always made it clear that you blame her for what happened." Stoick met Gobber's glare. "And you know it. And you know that whatever happens to that poor girl; whatever horrors she suffers, and whatever happens next on Berk, no matter if we never see so much as a single Terror ever again, that her blood is still on your hands." He leaned closer, and his eyes softened. "And you know," he said, his voice gentler than before, "That no matter what happens next, it won't bring Hiccup back."

Stoick's hands clenched and he crumpled the paper in his fists. "I know it won't bring him back," he said gruffly. "But there's been enough death. I can't bring him back, but I can stop anyone else from being killed. One life sacrificed to save a thousand more." He met Gobber's gaze, and Gobber could see unshed tears rimming his eyes. "He was my _son_, Gobber. And I couldn't protect him. You don't know what that's like."

Gobber rested a hand on his shoulder and leaned closer, his brows wrinkled and eyes growing wet. "Don't I?" he asked. "I helped you raise that boy, Stoick. I watched him grow, I taught him, I looked after him…" He shook his head and looked down. "I've never had any children of my own, but Hiccup was as good as." He swallowed. "I loved him as if he was." Stoick's head bowed, his eyes squeezing shut. Gobber stood. "But you know who else knows how you feel?" Stoick raised his head, peering up at the hard look in Gobber's eyes.

"The Hoffersons." He spared his chief no further words as he limped out of the hall.

Xx

Gobber was surprised to see the figure waiting anxiously outside the closed forge doors.

He mustered a smile. "Ingrid, what can I help you with?" He had to stop himself from asking 'how are you'. Everyone knew the answer to that question. He was surprised to see her out and about. She hadn't left her home since…well, _since_. She looked more than a little worse for wear. She was pale, and her eyes were gaunt and shadowed, like she hadn't slept in days. It was likely she hadn't.

"Oh, well, I…" her eyes fell to the axe she held tightly in her hands. "She always gets it sharpened on Thorsday. And it's always mattered so much to her to keep it in good condition." She took a shaky breath. "I just thought I'd get it done for her."

Gobber gave her a kind smile. "I'd be happy to take care of that for you," he told her, gently taking the axe from her hands. He sat it down almost reverently on a worktable while he exchanged his mug hand for his hook. Ingrid took a seat on a crate while he started up the grindstone. He kept a close eye on her as he sharpened the axe. She sat with her back straight but her head down, fists clenched on her lap.

It was a strangely familiar sight.

Astrid used to do the same thing. She'd avoided the forge for months after Hiccup had died, but then she started coming in again, at first just for her axe, and then later, just to be there. At some point her loitering turned into helping. She didn't have enough of a proclivity for it to be his new apprentice, but she could help with little things, and while they rarely said anything to each other, it was unspoken between them that being in this place was their way of keeping Hiccup close.

"Eh…" He gave careful consideration to the asking of his next question. "Have you or your husband spoken to Stoick today?" Ingrid didn't move but her eyes flashed to him and the corner of her mouth twitched into half a snarl. It was a look he'd seen a thousand times exactly from Astrid, and his heart ached to see it.

"Why should I have anything to say to Stoick?" she hissed, her voice trembling.

Gobber averted his eyes, back to the axe he was currently rebalancing. "Ehm, no reason. I just eh…thought maybe I heard he wanted to speak with you, but maybe it was someone else. Seems more likely to be someone else."

Ingrid snorted. "Well, if he _has_ spoken to my husband then I wouldn't know. I haven't been speaking to him either."

So Stoick hadn't told them yet, it would seem. Gobber wondered if he intended to. He considered telling Ingrid then that it was likely her daughter was still alive, but in the end doubted it would bring her any real comfort. All in all, death was likely the least horrific fate Astrid could have suffered.

He hefted the axe up, weighing it carefully in his hands, before stepping over to Ingrid and presenting it to her. She stood and took it from him, running her hands in gentle caresses over the handle. "Thank you," she said, her voice a quiet noise against the burning forge fire. "How much?"

Gobber gave her a small smile. "Don't worry about it."

Ingrid frowned. "I don't want your charity, Gobber."

"It's not charity," Gobber told her. "Astrid used to come in here and help out from time to time. I haven't charged her for having her axe sharpened in two years."

Ingrid's round blue eyes rose to meet his. It wasn't quite a smile, but her expression was grateful. "Thank you, Gobber." He nodded in reply and she turned and left the shop.

Gobber sighed.

The forge felt empty and quiet.

Just like it had for four years.

Xx

It had been a few days, and they were starting to settle into a routine.

Hiccup and Toothless spent most of their time either in the sky or in the forge, while Astrid split her time between gardening and sewing. The clothes he brought her fit well enough, but Camicazi was larger in the bust and paradoxically smaller in the hips. The first couple of days she could _feel_ Hiccup's eyes on her; the skirt stretched too tightly across the curve of her rear, and the neckline fell lower than she'd liked without anything to fill it out.

Sewing had taken a precedent over gardening for a while, there.

For the most part they avoided each other. Hiccup left her to her own devices, and she didn't bother him unless she really, really needed something and had exhausted all attempts to work it out herself.

She was learning about him, despite her determination not to have anything to do with him.

For starters, he almost always had a flask with him, and most of their conversations seemed to end with him rolling his eyes and taking a rather long draw from it. She would have liked to hope that it was water most of the time, but wasn't naïve enough to believe that it wasn't something stronger. She'd yet to see him well and truly drunk yet, though she had seen him at least tipsy one evening after they'd had a shouting match over essentially nothing.

There were a lot of shouting matches over essentially nothing. She didn't _try _to be outright hostile with him, she really didn't. It was just that everything came out that way. He was holding her against her will, and that made civility difficult. She didn't for a moment want to give him the idea that she was content with the current situation.

Which, she knew, didn't _help _her current situation.

He wasn't going to let her go until he could trust her, and he was never going to trust someone who found it so impossible to trust him, and Astrid wasn't sure that trusting him was an option. Their shouting matches tended to be just that—a lot of shouting and rehashing the same arguments over and over ad infinitum.

He'd faked his death. No one cared anyway. She'd felt guilty. Boohoo, she never even liked him, what did it matter. Keeping her against her will, couldn't trust he wouldn't hurt her, blah blah blah…Neither one of them was big on admitting defeat.

But every so often Hiccup would step forward too quickly, or raise a hand, or his eyes would flash cold, and Astrid would be reminded that she knew so very little of who he was and what he was capable of. It would always make her back off, and she wondered if that was all he wanted to do: scare her into dropping an argument he didn't have patience for. But she couldn't take the chance that his body language wasn't warning of something more violent lurking below the surface.

Beyond that first day and those flashes of anger she hadn't seen him turn violent. He hadn't touched her, hadn't harmed her, but she'd tried harder not to make him truly angry since then. It was Hiccup, and she didn't want to believe that that kind boy from the forge would hurt her.

But then, she also knew she could not afford to trust that and be wrong.

Her behavior around him was becoming as erratic as his was around her. She wasn't sure how to treat him: as the boy she knew, or the man she didn't.

It didn't just scare her. It bothered her. The things he did, the way he talked and acted; the arrogance, the callousness, the drinking and the girls…

Because it didn't seem like Hiccup. It seemed wrong, somehow. And it aggravated her, because she didn't know why she _cared_. It was just like when they were kids, and suddenly Hiccup was the top student in Dragon Training. Hiccup acting strange bothered her. Hiccup not being _Hiccup_ bothered her. Because, because.

It'd been years. And she'd been over it for years. Surely she could at least admit it to herself now.

It bothered her back then because she'd liked him. She'd liked bumbling, weird, eccentric Hiccup. She'd liked him more than she could admit until after he was gone.

She didn't like him anymore, but it was the same strange feeling. That same sense of wrongness, of Hiccup not doing what he should be doing, of not being where he should be. The same strange sadness.

The same feeling that maybe if he'd stop being so, so…_something_, then they might be…well, _something_.

She didn't know what.

Xx

_He wasn't even going to really go into the forge; he was just passing by on his way to his house, when the faint light caught his eye. Gobber peered inside. There was light filtering out from behind the curtain in the doorway of what had been Hiccup's workshop._

"_Hello?" he called, stepping into the forge and approaching the little room. "Someone in there? We're closed now." He pulled back the curtain. "Astrid?"_

"_Sorry," she said, glancing up at him, before her eyes fell away. She was sitting on Hiccup's stool, her knees were drawn up to her chest with her chin resting on them. She was silent for a minute, and then finally, "It'll be one year tomorrow."Gobber dropped his gaze and let it wander about the room, over scattered papers and little scale models and scraps of charcoal pencils. "I just…I don't know. I come in here and it still feels like…him, you know?"_

_Gobber nodded. "That I do, lass."_

_There was another long pause. "They're brilliant," she said, nodding at the papers scattered across the surface of the table. "Some of them are kind of farfetched, but if anyone could have made them work I think he could." Gobber didn't doubt that. "_He _was brilliant. And nobody really noticed." She sniffed and blinked at the tears Gobber could see forming in the corners of her eyes. "He could have done some really great things." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "He would've been amazing." Her voice cracked on the last word and Gobber had to squeeze his eyes shut to compose himself before he answered her._

"_It's late," he said, voice rougher than normal. "You should get some rest." Astrid made no move to leave. Gobber sighed. "It wasn't your fault, Astrid," he told her gently. _

"_Everyone keeps saying that," she said as she climbed to her feet. She'd aged a lot in a year, and not just physically. She was older and wiser and infinitely sadder. He could see a single tear sliding down her cheek as she passed him. "Maybe one day it'll start to feel true."_


	6. Deals Struck, Deals Broken

A/N: Remember how I said I was supposed to be in Spain this week? Well apparently my body hates me, because due to some significant medical problems which are likely complications from acid reflux, I'm stuck at home while the rest of my family is in Spain. Which super duper sucks for me, but on the upside my readers will get your updates as scheduled.

I really like this chapter. Stuff starts happening.

BTW: If you ever have questions/comments/wanna chat you can always hit me up on tumblr. I'm thatsnicebutimmarried.

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><p><em>Chapter 6: Deals Struck, Deals Broken<em>

Astrid stopped in the entrance of the forge. He was doing _that_ again. Working shirtless.

It annoyed her to no end. It didn't seem _safe_ for starters. The leather apron and gloves only covered so much, and there was still so much skin exposed to the possibility of sparks and embers and how he wasn't covered in burns she didn't know.

"I put a shirt on when I have to," was all he'd said when she'd asked.

She couldn't entirely blame him. As big as the cave was, there was no real airflow, and it could get stifling when he was working.

Still.

It was _distracting._

The glow from the flames illuminated every sharp plane and angle, and when he was hammering molten steel she could see the flex of the strong muscles of his back and forearms. And his abs. Hiccup had _abs_. That was not a sentence Astrid thought she would ever be able to use, but it was true.

"Dragon riding builds up a surprising amount of muscle," he had said the first time he'd caught her staring. Astrid had considered throwing herself into the ocean out of sheer embarrassment.

And when he worked up a sweat? Rivulets dripping down his back, pooling in the dimples at the base of his spine, pants slung low on his hips and hair sticking to his forehead…

He was a sarcastic little asshole and she hated him. He had no damn right to be so attractive.

It made her think things she was not at all okay with thinking.

Because this was _Hiccup._ And he had stolen her glory in dragon training and made everyone think he was dead so he could run off with a dragon. Who even _did _that?

Well, Hiccup. Hiccup did that. And it was just crazy enough to feel totally typical of Hiccup to have done something that groundbreaking and insane. No one else would have even let a dragon live, let alone save it and then _train _it.

When she wasn't busy being angry at him, Astrid had to admit she was kind of impressed.

"Hiccup," she said, watching him work from the entryway. He ignored her. He did that a lot. She didn't let it deter her. "Hiccup," she said again, leaning against the cave wall. "Hiccup. Hiccup. Hey Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup. Hic-"

"YES ASTRID?" Hiccup was glaring when he finally spun around to face her.

Astrid swallowed and kept herself from taking a step back. She held up a bent sewing needle. "Last one bent. I need more."

Hiccup frowned, taking off his gloves and walking towards her. She could smell him; metal and leather and sweat and _why was she noticing these things?_ "That's like the fifth one you've ruined. What are you even _doing_ with them?" He plucked the bent needle from her hand and examined it.

"I'm sewing. It's one of the primary uses of sewing needles, as you might have heard."

Sarcasm had become so rampant in their conversations that they'd stopped rolling their eyes at it by now.

"What have you been sewing, steel?"

"Wool and linen? It's not my fault your sewing needles suck."

Hiccup glared at her. "My sewing needles are fine. Clearly you just don't know what you're doing."

Astrid scoffed. "My grandmother was a seamstress, Hiccup. I think I know my way around a needle."

She didn't like the way the corner of Hiccup's mouth quirked upwards. "That kinda sounded dirty." Astrid sneered at him as he walked to one of the work tables and began sorting through boxes.

"Ugh, what is it with guys and having to make everything sound dirty?"

"I don't try to make everything sound dirty."

Astrid rolled her eyes. It hadn't been completely eliminated from their conversations after all. "Well most guys do. Snotlout was the worst. The things he used to say to me…and he got even worse after he got married."

Hiccup nearly turned over the wooden cup he was sorting through. He looked at her with eyebrows raised and mouth hanging open. "Snotlout got _married_?" he said, incredulous. "Who the hel would wanna marry Snot?"

"Ruffnut."

Hiccup's eyes grew wider and his eyebrows drew dangerously close to his hairline. "_Ruffnut_ married _Snotlout_?!" There was a high, disbelieving laugh. "How did _that_ happen?"

Astrid shrugged. "Beats the hel out of me. I thought Ruff was crazy when she told me she'd accepted his offer. He and Legs had been chasing her for the better part of a year. Ever since I turned them down. She never showed anything but scorn for either of them." Astrid studied her feet, because there was a sweat drop that was working its way from Hiccup's neck down over his collarbone and it was distracting. "To be honest I thought Fishlegs had the better chance but I guess not. She and Snotlout got married at the beginning of last summer. They've got a baby on the way."

"They _what_?" Astrid looked up and stifled a giggle. She might as well have told Hiccup that his dad had grown dragon wings and flown off to join them. He looked somewhere between shocked, disgusted, and amazed. "You're telling me," he said slowly, "That not only did Ruffnut _marry_ snot-faced Snotlout, but she actually _consummated it? _And is now having his _baby_?!" Hiccup frowned and shook his head. "No. No way. You're messing with me, you've gotta be."

Astrid couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of her. "Well, the kid may not actually be his. She had an affair with a sailor at the end of last summer."

Hiccup's eyebrows shot up again. "Seriously?"

Astrid shrugged. "Ruff's probably banged half a dozen guys since she turned seventeen. So at least there was no chance you would've been stuck here with _her_. Given the reputation she'd earned she really did quite well in marrying Snotlout. I mean she's gonna be a chief's wife one day, after all."

Hiccup paused in his searching through boxes. "She will, won't she? Gods, I forget that Snot's going to be chief with me gone. There's a scary thought," he joked, though his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. He pulled a new needle out of the bottom of one box and held it out to her. She took it from his hand and scrutinized it.

"And this one isn't going to fall apart?"

Hiccup shrugged. "Normally I'd say no, but your method of sewing seems much more destructive than mine, so who can say."

Astrid glared, before plopping down on an upturned crate and slipping the needle onto the loose thread on the hem of the skirt she was hemming. Camicazi must have been shorter than she was; one of the skirts was far too short on her to be anything approaching modest. Thankfully there was plenty of hem to let down. "Well, maybe I should just stay here and work so I can prove to you that your needles aren't suffering anything more than my excellent sewing skills."

Hiccup snorted as he returned to his forge work. She could see blueprints for Toothless's tail tacked up on the wall. Her best guess is that he was making repairs to some of the metal components. "What excellent sewing skills? You always used to complain about your grandma making you practice sewing."

Astrid paused, her needle halfway through the fabric, wondering when in their youth he had heard her complaining and how she hadn't noticed him listening. "I used to hate it," she admitted. "Then Brenna came along. Mom's hands were starting to get bad. Joints getting stiff, you know. I had to help make Brenna's clothes and diapers and things. And then, I dunno." She shrugged. "I liked making things for her. So I started making Brenna all kinds of things. Toys, dolls." She smiled. "She's got this little doll I made her out of rags that she carries around everywhere." She could picture the little girl now; smiling around the thumb in her mouth as she held her dolly close. She returned to her work. "I dunno. It didn't seem like such a chore after that."

"Hm," was Hiccup's only reply, and then he was back to hammering metal.

Astrid began to hum after a while; she hadn't even realized she was doing it until Hiccup said something.

"Are you humming?" Astrid stopped.

"I…I guess I am. Why, is it bothering you? Because I can do it louder."

She had gotten very familiar with the exasperated sigh Hiccup gave her just then. "No, I was just gonna ask what it was." He glanced over his shoulder at her. (Such lovely broad shoulders. _No. Bad Astrid. Bad._) "I don't recognize it."

Astrid waved a hand. "Oh, you wouldn't. It's just this silly little song Brenna and I sing when she has bad dreams."

Hiccup laughed. "A bad dream song?"

Astrid glared at him. "It's not just bad dreams. She has night terrors sometimes. She comes into my room and we sing her bad dream song until she feels better and feels safe enough to go back to sleep. I'm the only one she'll let sing it with her." Her eyes fell and her expression turned sad. "I wonder what she'll do now." She started sewing again. There was a moment of silence where she worked and Hiccup stood watching her.

"I'm not poking fun," he said finally. "It sounds sweet. I take it you and your sister are close?"

Astrid couldn't help her smile. "Yeah, we're close. I mean, as close as you can be with a fifteen year age difference. Sometimes I feel more like her mother than her sister, but she's my everything." Her grin spread across her face. "She looks up to me more than anyone, wants to be just like me and everything. She used to try to drag my axe around sometimes, so I got Gobber to make her a little wooden one." She laughed. "She's a determined little thing. Always curious, always into everything." Her smile faltered. "The last time I saw her she was crying about not getting to go to my wedding. She's only three, she didn't understand what was happening." Her eyes dropped to the floor and her smile faded. "I wonder what they told her," she said softly.

There was a long silence before Hiccup spoke. "Maybe they won't have to tell her anything. You'll see her again."

Astrid snorted. "How? You won't let me leave."

"Only because I can't trust you yet." Hiccup turned back to his work. "I don't plan on keeping you here forever. I don't think we'd both come out of it alive."

Astrid smiled in spite of herself. "You really don't like having me here, do you?"

He glanced at her over his shoulder, and she could see the slightest smile on his face. "Well, it could be worse." He grinned. "I could be stuck here with Ruffnut."

Astrid couldn't help laughing at that, and he joined her, and after that they fell into the closest thing to companionable silence they'd ever had.

"Hey Astrid?" Hiccup asked a few minutes later.

"Mm?" Astrid said, her needle in her mouth while she adjusted the fold of the hem with her hands.

He looked at her, eyes wide and bright and he looked more like the boy she'd known. "Did we just have an actual conversation that didn't involve yelling or insults?"

Astrid took the needle out of her mouth and blinked at him. "I think we did. We're not getting along, are we?"

Hiccup grinned. "Don't say that like it's a bad thing. If you're going to be here a while it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if we learned how not to hate each other." His smile faded and he sighed, taking his gloves off and coming to sit on a crate beside her. "Look," he said, giving her a serious look. "You know, I hope, that I'm not keeping you here out of any ill will." She raised an eyebrow and he grimaced. "I know that things started out kind of rocky-"

"You think?"

"_But_," he pressed, "There's no reason why we have to spend all our time fighting. I really am sorry for how things started. And I'm not saying we have to be best friends or anything, but at least, I don't know, can we call a truce?" He held out a hand.

Astrid considered it. She looked at him. At his big green eyes and crooked, genuine smile, and he looked so open and friendly and _Hiccup_ that her hand was rising to take his before she consciously made the decision to do so. She took her hand in his and shook, watching the way his larger hand wrapped around her smaller one. His hand was calloused but warm and solid in hers, and when he let go her hand felt colder than it had before. "Alright, fine," she murmured. "Truce."

Xx

Astrid wiped the sweat from her brow with a dirty hand. She blew her bangs out of her face and stretched her back, the muscles sore from spending so much of the day hunched over working in the garden.

A sudden gust of air sent her skirt flying as Hiccup and Toothless shot by. The speed at which they flew astounded her. It was hard to see just how fast they were in darkness, but in the afternoon sun Toothless's true speed became apparent. She's seen dragons flying above her village all her life, but there was nothing like Hiccup and Toothless when they were in the air. It was astonishing; Toothless needed Hiccup to control his tailfin in order to fly at all, so how they managed the acrobatics and steep dives she had no idea. They shifted seamlessly from corkscrews to dives to gliding to shooting upwards into the clouds, as if they were one being. She watched them wing their way upwards, higher and higher until she lost sight of them in the clouds. Astrid was about to turn back to her gardening when she saw a speck falling out of the sky.

Hiccup. Hiccup was falling.

Without Toothless.

Her first instinct was to panic. He must have fallen off. Maybe something had happened, Hiccup didn't seem to be moving, didn't seem to be flailing or anything. A moment later she saw Toothless diving after him. He reached Hiccup and they both fell, side by side. Astrid's hand covered her mouth and she stifled a scream. Something must have happened. The tailfin had malfunctioned, or they'd hit another dragon above the clouds and now they were hurtling towards the ocean. Toothless might survive the fall, but Hiccup wouldn't.

Oh gods, he was going to die, and just like before she was powerless to stop it.

They couldn't have been higher than a few hundred feet when Toothless turned, his back to Hiccup, and she watched Hiccup reach out and pull himself back onto the saddle. At the last second they pulled out of the dive, black wings stretching open and Hiccup's whoop reaching her as they sped along just above the surface of the water, waves spreading from where they passed.

Astrid's knees wobbled and gave out, and she fell into the soft dirt, her heart pounding. They had been in no danger. Hiccup was just a daredevil. And she was going to kill him.

After a few minutes of sitting in the mud and letting her heart rate return to normal Astrid stood on shaking feet and picked up her shovel. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly. Hiccup was fine. Hiccup had always been fine. She had no reason to worry. She had no reason to care so much. She exhaled slowly through her mouth and wiped the moisture from the corners of her eyes. She was being silly. He was fine, and she had no reason to be this emotional about it. But for a moment she had been truly frightened, and not just because she would be stuck here if he died.

She was just in the middle of digging a hole for the cabbage plants when she heard Hiccup's shout behind her.

"What are you doing!?" She looked around to see Hiccup jumping off of Toothless's back as soon as the dragon's feet had hit the ground. His eyes were wide and frantic as he ran over to her, his hands thrust into his hair. "What, what what is this? What have you done?" his voice was high pitched, almost cracking as he turned in circles, staring at the plants sitting in various baskets and jugs and other makeshift pots.

Astrid put her hands on her hips. "I'm gardening."

Hiccup stared at her. "You're only supposed to pull up the weeds, Astrid, not the whole garden! Oh, Odin." He ran his hands over his face and stood helplessly among his half-dug up garden.

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Calm down, Hiccup, I'm just rearranging things. Your spacing is horrible. By the time I'm done with it you'll be able to grow more things and grow them better. You've got roots that are getting tangled and space that you're wasting, as well as plants that are really not planted deeply enough, and don't even get me _started _on that herb garden." She laughed. "Although I gotta wonder what exactly you need some of those for."

Hiccup ceased his panicking long enough to give her a confused frown. "What do you mean by that?"

Astrid raised an eyebrow. "Mugwort? Pennyroyal? Handing those out to your fisherman's daughters?"

Hiccup blinked at her. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He shrugged. "But to be fair I don't know what half those herbs are even for. I broke into a healer's shop one time and just decided to plant one of everything. I figure if I ever get really sick I'll just try one of everything to see what helps."

Astrid laughed. "Yeah, because that is not at all likely to get you killed." She gave him a smile that managed not to be completely patronizing and pointed at the plants in question. "Moon Tea ingredient, Moon Tea ingredient; not a Moon Tea ingredient but has the same effect on its own; Moon Tea ingredient in some recipes, and," she pointed at the last plant and raised her eyebrows suggestively, "for after Moon Tea fails."

She watched Hiccup's ears turn red. "So that's what those are for."

Astrid giggled. "Yeah. Like I said, I wondered if you handed them out to your fishermen's daughters."

Hiccup didn't meet her eye while he spluttered out his response. "I don't, I don't hand those out to the girls I—that'd just be weird, and sleazy, and—no, that's not-I didn't even know what they did."

Astrid pursed her lips. "So, what, do you just, like, leave them to deal with your bastard offspring on their own?"

Hiccup's cheeks reddened to match his ears. "I don't—I, I do my part to make sure they don't get pregnant, okay?" he muttered. Astrid hummed, unimpressed. He looked at her from under his bangs. "And besides, all this 'your fishermen's daughters' deal, that's—you're making it sound like I've got a harem out there or something, and it's not like that." He dropped his gaze and shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. "It's not like it's something I do very often. And it's less like I've gone and found a bunch of different girls, and more like a couple of the same girls who I'm sort of friends with and I run into them every now and then in port and we…spend time together while we're both there. That's it."

Astrid raised an eyebrow. "How many is a few?"

"What?"

She shrugged. "Look, you're telling me you've turned into some sort of womanizer. Can you blame me for wondering how that happened?"

Hiccup huffed. "I'm not a—look, you're making me sound a lot worse than I am."

Astrid sat down on the grass. "Well, then tell me what you are, then. How did Hiccup Horrendous Haddock end up such a skirt chaser, huh?"

He rolled his eyes again and sat down near her, and Toothless padded over and rested his head on Hiccup's lap. "Don't be such a prude. I'm not a skirt chaser just because I've had sex a few times, okay?" he mumbled. He looked at her, at her raised brows and curious expression and sighed. "Alright. Well, you know I was never exactly popular on Berk, and I got used to being on my own, so it takes a lot for me to really feel lonely. But every so often, I do want some company." Toothless lifted his head and grumbled indignantly. Hiccup laughed and scratched behind his ear. "Some human company. So, I go into towns. Get the things I need, spend some time around people who don't know me as Hiccup the screwup. Sometimes those people are girls."

Astrid picked at the grass by her feet. "You still haven't said how many."

Hiccup was quiet for a minute as he frowned at the dirt.

"Wow, you're actually having to think about this," Astrid said, not sure if she was more surprised or disgusted. "Must be a lot."

"Not really, I was just drunk a few of those times." Hiccup replied, chancing a glance at her. Those green eyes were so piercing in the waning sunlight. "And I haven't slept with all the girls I've met in port. Not all of my dates went that far. I've only actually slept with…four girls? Yeah. Four."

Astrid shifted. Four girls. "I'm not sure if that's higher or lower than I expected." She looked at Hiccup, who was blushing again.

"Two of those are friends who I meet up with whenever we're both in port. The other two were one night things. And then there have been a handful of girls I sort of dated but never slept with."

For all his smugness the other day Hiccup was looking rather uncomfortable now; she wondered at the change. Astrid looked down at Toothless, who was falling asleep on his master's lap, his wings outstretched along the ground and tail flicking back and forth lazily. He really did look like a giant housecat.

"So how did this all start?" Astrid said, ripping the grass up more forcefully and trying to decide the best way to phrase her next question. "I mean when did you stop being so…" she waved her hand around, "Like you were, and started being all…" she felt her cheeks heating up as she gestured to Hiccup.

Her gaze flickered to his face and she saw him giving her an amused smile. "When did I stop being a talking fishbone?"

Astrid busied herself scrubbing dirt off her fingernails with the hem of her skirt. "Well you're still kind of a fishbone, but…yeah."

"I started shooting up awhile after I turned sixteen. I grew half a foot in the space of a summer. I spent half my time sewing that year just trying to keep up with all the clothes I was outgrowing. I didn't even realize how much I had changed until I met up with this girl I'd met before and she looked at me like…" he shrugged. "I dunno, like I was worth looking at."

Astrid wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees. "Was she one of your girls?"

Hiccup couldn't meet her eyes as he mumbled his answer. "She was my first, yeah." He cleared his throat. "See, that first year after I left Berk, Toothless and I travelled a lot. We avoided people for the most part, except for when I had to sneak into villages to get supplies, but one day we flew by this little fishing boat getting attacked by some marauders and well, I couldn't just leave them. So we swooped in, scared off the pirates, and surprisingly the family on the boat weren't really afraid of us. They'd seen dragons before but where they came from they didn't really attack. The parents didn't really trust me much, even though they were thankful, but they had a daughter my age, Heather." He smiled.

"Nothing happened then; she was nice and friendly but—well we were just kids and I spent all of a day with them. But then a couple years later I ran into her again in port, just by chance. We hung out a bit, just catching up, and there may have been mead involved. I mean, we weren't drunk or anything, but inhibitions were definitely lowered. It started out just us joking around, you know, 'Oh, how am I ever gonna meet anyone, we're always sailing, we're never in one place long enough for me to meet any guys.' 'Oh, how about me, I run around with a dragon', and then the more we talked the less it seemed like a joke. She was pretty, she was a friend, and she commented on how much I'd changed, and at some point we both just thought, 'what the hel?' and…yeah." Hiccup nodded.

Astrid hummed. Saving people from marauders. That sounded more like the Hiccup she remembered. Stupid and noble. "You still see her?"

He nodded again. "I see her the most. She's the closest thing to a real friend I've had in a long time, and she and Toothless get on alright."

Astrid cocked her head to the side. "She's not afraid of him?"

Hiccup shook his head and shot her a smile. "Nope. And you wouldn't be either if you gave him a chance." Astrid's eyes swept over the great black dragon, spread out and dozing in the grass.

"So do you love her?" she asked, watching the way Toothless smiled in his sleep as Hiccup stroked along his head.

"No." She looked at Hiccup. He was watching her closely. "Don't get me wrong, she's a good friend, and she's nice and we have fun together, but she's not…anything more. I've never really been in love." His eyes dropped to Toothless. "Well, I mean I thought I was in love with you, but I hardly knew you." Astrid watched his hands trail over the small spikes on Toothless's head. He had such nimble hands. There was something about them she liked. That she'd always liked. They used to draw her attention when he was working on things in Gobber's forge. Hiccup spent half the time looking like he didn't know what he was doing, but when he was working with his hands it was like…that's what he should always be doing. "I've still never really liked anyone as much as I did you." She looked up at Hiccup's quiet confession.

"You wouldn't have liked me if you knew me," she found herself saying.

"If you'd known me you still wouldn't have liked me," came Hiccup's quiet response.

For a split second she considered telling him that she _had_ liked him. But he was right, she hadn't known him. Maybe if she had she wouldn't have felt the same. The mutual hostility of the last few days seemed evidence in favor of that theory.

"But you know who you _would_ like if you got to know them?" Hiccup asked, a smile spreading across his face. Astrid raised an eyebrow and he grinned at her. "Toothless."

"Hiccup…"

"Astrid, you're stuck here with him too; you might as well give him a chance. He won't hurt you."

Astrid sighed. Beyond that first day Toothless had shown no signs of aggression towards her, even when she was shouting at Hiccup. He didn't seem to like it, but he also seemed aware that it wasn't something he should get into. But he was a Night Fury, that should count for something, shouldn't it?

A Night Fury who had caught Hiccup when they were both falling though the sky. She looked at Hiccup, at the grin on his face, and then at Toothless, sprawled out on the ground and enjoying the dying sunlight.

She took a deep breath. "Fine."

Hiccup's grin split his face. When he smiled at her, genuinely smiled at her, he looked so much more like the boy she knew and less like the stranger he had become. He reached for her hand and she let him bring it slowly to Toothless's snout. The scales were warm and smooth under her hand, and she experimentally stroked up and down the dragon's nose. "See?" Hiccup said, "He's fine, he's-"

Toothless's ears perked and his head snapped up, eyelids opening to reveal pupils narrowed to slits. Astrid gasped and jerked her hand back. She didn't know what she'd done wrong, but then again Toothless wasn't even looking at her. "What did I do, what's-" Suddenly a hand was gripping her chin and pulling her head up. Astrid stared out across the ocean. There in the distance, so faint she could barely see, was a small grey smudge against the darkening sky. "What is that?" she asked.

"Dragons, heading out on a raid." Hiccup released her chin. She glanced at him. His brow was furrowed and a frown pulled at the corners of his mouth. There was a grumble and she looked at Toothless. He was standing up, shaking out his wings and stepping nervously from foot to foot with his ears down flat. He barked and whined, obviously restless. Hiccup stood and wrapped his arms around the sleek black head. "I know, bud, I know." The dragon's eyes softened and his pupils grew and rounded. "She must be hungry tonight."

"Where are they going?" Astrid asked as Hiccup climbed into the saddle and pulled his helmet out of his bag.

He sighed, not looking at her. "They're headed for Berk."

He'd pulled on his helmet and he and Toothless were diving off the cliff side before she had time to say another word.

Xx

Stoick stared, horror-struck, at the skies above his village.

They were everywhere. Soaring over the sheep pens and the yak fields. His people were fighting back bravely but there were so many of them. There hadn't been this many of them at once in a long, long time.

Dragons. Swarms of them.

And among them, leading them, swooping down and destroying their catapults, was the rider and his Night Fury.

Stoick's blood boiled. He hefted his war hammer and swung it into the metal bracers of one of the bonfire torches. The clanging filled the air as he glared at the skies and bellowed, "DRAGON MASTER!" He watched the black shape pass him by, barely low enough to be seen in the torchlight. He didn't have to see the rider's face to know he was looking at him. "We had a deal!" Stoick roared, the clang of metal on metal punctuating his every word. "WE. HAD. A. DEAL!"

The Dragon Master turned his attention away, and a second later he and the dragon had dove out of sight. Stoick heard the screams as another catapult exploded, but his eyes were fixed upwards, as the Night Fury came into view again. The Dragon Master threw something high into the air as he passed overhead.

The object caught the light and for a second Stoick caught a glint of gold, before it was falling, falling, hitting the ground and rolling towards him.

Astrid's bridal crown came to rest at his feet.


	7. Run As Fast As You Think You Can

A/N: *dances* So excited about this chapter y'all. We finally get into the hot mess that is Hiccup's headspace right now.

**IMPORTANT:** I'm thinking that we are reaching the point where updates may need to move to once a week. Chapters get longer, which takes me longer to write, and there just isn't a good way to break them up. I'll have a definitive answer on Monday.

Warnings for implied noncon. Chapter title from "Long Road to Hell" by Avicii

**EDIT: Reminder guys that I can't answer guest reviews. If you have a question you will either have to log in and ask, or you can ask me a question on my tumblr at thatsnicebutimmarried . tumblr . com**

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><p><em>Chapter 7: Run As Fast As You Think You Can<em>

They were at a standoff.

"I'm not doing this. You can't make me."

The large green eyes staring down at her allowed no argument.

"I'm serious. I know what you're trying to do and I won't do it." Astrid stared back, just as determined. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, but she wasn't backing down. He had her cornered. "I refuse. I don't care what you do to me, I am _not_ doing _this._"

She received an irritated grumble in reply.

"I don't care if you're disappointed. Hiccup may be fine with this, but I'm not." She gingerly lifted the half-eaten cod off her lap and tossed it back to the dragon looming over her. Toothless leaned down, picked the fish up by the very end of its tail, and deposited it back in Astrid's lap. She groaned. "Toothless, if you want to make friends, then okay, fine, we'll make friends. I will pet you and scratch your chin all you want, but I draw the line at eating something that has been in a dragon's stomach."

The Night Fury didn't move. He continued to sit on his haunches and watch her.

Astrid sighed. "Okay, look, I will make you a deal." She reached up to the table behind her and felt around blindly until she found what was meant to be her breakfast. Well, it was closer to lunch now. She'd spent half the night lying awake worrying about what would happen when Hiccup reached Berk, and as a result had slept well into the day. Hiccup was still asleep, hence why Astrid was facing off against his dragon alone. "How about this instead?" Astrid asked, making a show of smiling up at him while she took a large bite out of the smoked salmon, held it in her mouth for a moment, then spit it out into her hand and presented it to him.

Toothless blinked, frowning, then leaned down to sniff at her offering. Those large green eyes regarded her inquisitively, and Astrid tried an encouraging smile. "See? I'm willing to meet you halfway, here." The dragon continued to stare and Astrid began to lose hope. The half-chewed salmon was sticky in her palm and she really would have liked to drop it. Finally Toothless gave her a gummy smile and—

"Uuuargh!" Astrid squealed in disgust as Toothless closed his whole mouth over her outstretched hand, his tongue sweeping the salmon off her palm. He pulled his head back, releasing her hand and leaving everything from the middle of her forehand down covered with slobber. Astrid groaned again and tried to shake the heavy ropes of saliva off her arm. "Oh, Toothless!" She shivered, repulsed, and shook her head. "You really couldn't do this without making it disgusting, could you?"

Toothless just trilled and smiled at her. Astrid softened despite herself. "Well," she said, wiping her hand off on her skirt, "At least I know you like me." Toothless chirped and nosed at the uneaten fish, his large eyes looking up at her hopefully. Astrid laughed and gave it to him, this time tossing it in the air. "Either that or you're just hungry and Hiccup isn't up yet." The dragon cackled his thanks and curled up in front of her, nuzzling into her stomach and effectively trapping her against the stone wall of the kitchen. Astrid sighed. So much for finishing her breakfast.

Still, it wasn't entirely unpleasant. The open ceiling meant this cave was nearly always a little chilly, and the dragon radiated heat. Astrid placed a tentative hand on his head, and when Toothless opened an eye to peer at her, like he was waiting, she gave in and started stroking slowly up and down. The green eye closed and the dragon purred, a happy little rumble in the back of his throat that made Astrid giggle.

"You really are a giant housecat, aren't you?" Toothless warbled as if to say that yes, he was, and he was very proud of that. Astrid grew bolder; she ran her nails over the smooth scales and up to the nubs that she assumed were Toothless's ears and scratched behind them the way she had seen Hiccup do. That's when she noticed them.

There were many scars dancing up and down along Toothless's body, most of them scratches that looked like they'd come from other dragons, but these lines were different. Thicker, more rounded, and crisscrossing in places. Then Toothless drew his front leg close to his neck and she noticed that one of the lines on his leg, if he were to move it slightly higher, matched up perfectly with one of the lines on his neck.

"_Okay, but I hit a Night Fury."_

She looked at the other lines, the ones that crossed at the junction of his wings, that wrapped around his hind legs…

"_It's a long distance, high powered bola-slingshot. I could shoot a dragon right out of the sky with this baby. Yep, next raid, I'm totally gonna be testing it out…"_

Her hand ran around the side of Toothless's head, and her fingers traced the scar along his neck. He leaned into her touch, and she couldn't help smiling and scratching under his chin. There was something she'd seen Hiccup do, some place where-there. The dragon melted under her touch, his wings relaxing and tail swishing back and forth along the ground.

The motion caught her eye.

She hadn't really looked at it too closely; Toothless was almost always wearing the prosthetic. According to Hiccup he liked the feeling of the weight there. Without it she could see on one side the small ragged lip that was all that remained of his left tailfin. She analyzed the right one; the skin was thick and tough, and the veins that ran through it and connected it to the tail were thicker still. It must have taken a huge amount of force to rip the fin so completely from the tail.

It must have been so painful.

"You poor thing," she found herself whispering. She could picture the scene in her mind; Toothless tied up and alone in the woods, terribly afraid and in excruciating pain…trapped and grounded while he watched the other dragons fly away… "You must have been so afraid," she murmured, her other hand rising to scratch behind one nub-like ear. "Watching them all leave you to die." Her voice caught and she cleared her throat. "I know what that's like…"

She frowned at the mangled tail. "Hiccup did that to you." Those expressive green eyes opened to watch her. "Hiccup did that to you and you forgave him." She received a grumble in reply. "You were trapped, and injured, and your survival depended on him," she mused, and gave him a small smile. "I definitely know what that's like." Her smile faded and she pondered the tail and its ripped fin. "So the question is, did you forgive him because you wanted to, or because you had to?"

Toothless lifted his head off her lap and swung his tail around to the front of his face. He looked from the ruined fin to her face, then let his tail fall back. He gave her a low roar and the corners of his mouth lifted in a smile, his eyes wide and happy while his shoulders rolled in what could have been a shrug. _It doesn't matter_, he seemed to say, before he leaned in and his wet pink tongue darted out to lick the side of her face. _I gained more than I lost._

Astrid's laughter surprised her. "I wish I could find it so easy to forgive him." She took Toothless's jaw in her hands and shook it playfully. "Maybe people are just more stuck in their ways than dragons."

"That's been my experience."

She looked up to see Hiccup stumbling into the cave, hands pressed into his eyes.

Astrid sat up as best she could with Toothless nuzzling into her. "So, what happened last-"

"Shh, sh, shh." Hiccup held up a hand, his other shielding his eyes from the bright sunlight shining overhead. "Not so loud," he mumbled. "Hangover."

Astrid frowned as she watched Hiccup kneel by the stream and splash water into his face. "Too bad, I need to talk to you. It's not my fault you're an alcoholic."

Hiccup paused in drinking water from his cupped hands. "I'm not an alcoholic."

Astrid pursed her lips. "Actually, you kind of are. You're almost always drinking."

He didn't look at her. "I drink a lot. I don't have a drinking problem. There's a difference."

"What kind of a difference?"

"I drink a lot but I could stop if I wanted to." Astrid scoffed, but Hiccup shot her a glare and continued. "Alcoholics drink because they can't stop and because it's how they deal with their problems."

Astrid shook her head. "I don't know if you've noticed, Hiccup, but you've just described yourself. You're _always_ drinking, and it usually has to do with your problems. You drink when you're annoyed at me, and you drink after raids, and the worse the raid is the more hungover you are in the morning." She gestured at him. "Example A. You look terrible, so I'm going to guess that last night was really bad and you got wasted to deal with it." Hiccup drew in his bottom lip in that way he usually did when he knew he had no response.

"I could stop if I wanted to," was the response he settled with.

Astrid sighed. "I rest my case."

Hiccup ignored her. He also ignored her when she tried again to ask about the previous night's raid.

"Excuse me, Toothless," Astrid murmured, standing and walking to where Hiccup was removing his shirt and beginning to splash water on his face and neck. He didn't noticed when she crept up behind him, grabbed him by his hair, and dunked his head into the shallow stream.

He came up gasping and spluttering. "What the fuck was that for?!" He coughed and glared at her, wet hair dripping water down his neck and back and over the planes of his bare chest and…and Astrid was not noticing any of that. Nope. Not even the droplets catching in the sparse red hair on his chest that thickened around his belly button and trailed down to his waistband… "…to drown me?"

Astrid blinked. Hiccup was still giving her that incredulous glare. She cleared her throat. "You were under for less than a second. You wouldn't have drowned. Now sober up, I need to talk to you." She crossed her arms. "What happened last night? I'm guessing from the state you're in that it wasn't good."

Hiccup sighed and stood, hands running through his hair and attempting to shake the water out. "Fine," he mumbled, and shot a glare over her shoulder at Toothless. "Thanks for stopping her from drowning me there, bud."

Toothless gave his master an indignant bark before rolling over onto his back to enjoy the sun on his belly.

Astrid smiled. "I think that means he's on my side."

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Mutinous reptile. Okay, okay, fine!" He backed away from Astrid's light punches. "You wanna know what happened, okay." He picked up his shirt and used it to dry his hair as he leant against the table. "Well they weren't happy, I can tell you that. My dad was really pissed." His eyes shifted to the ground. "Kept goin' on about how I went back on our deal. As if I ever actually agreed to anything. I think I might have made him feel guilty about what he did to you, though."

Astrid nodded and shuffled her feet. "And…did you see my parents?"

Hiccup was quiet for a moment. "Yeah. Just briefly. There was a lot going on, so it wasn't like I could get a good look or anything."

Astrid took a step forward. "And?" Hiccup didn't answer. She took another step closer, leaning down to try to force him to look at her. "And?" Hiccup sighed.

"I think your mom was crying. She was screaming at my dad; your dad was holding her back. I don't know what she was saying but I can guess."

Astrid nodded and slumped against the table next to him. "Good," she said, and felt Hiccup's eyes on her. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "They didn't try to save me. They gave me up in vain and I want them to feel guilty for that."

"You're angry at them." It wasn't a question. Astrid frowned at her feet.

"They gave me up. Their oldest child and they gave me up without a fight. They knew what would likely happen to me but they didn't fight it. Why wouldn't I be angry at them?"

They stood in silence for a moment before she heard Hiccup's tentative reply. "It could be worse. You only ended up with me."

Astrid grit her teeth. "Winding up here with you instead of some demonic helbeast doesn't exactly soften the blow of betrayal from my entire village, Hiccup. You were there. No one on Berk tried to save me."

She heard his angry huff and looked up to see him shaking his head. That hard, cold look was back in his eyes. "Just when I think Vikings can't disappoint me any more. They'd rather give up one of their own in a superstitious attempt at bargaining than just stop the fighting."

Astrid watched his brooding stare. "You talk about Vikings like you aren't one."

"I'm not," he said immediately, voice harsh. He looked at her. "Vikings are cowardly killers who'd rather keep fighting something they don't understand than stop to even consider another option. And even when they do, they never consider peace." His eyes narrowed, and though his look was one of utter disgust it was clear he wasn't really directing it at her. "They consider something as barbaric as virgin sacrifice before they consider peace. What kind of people does that?"

Astrid shrugged. "They were afraid. People do strange things when they're afraid."

Hiccup nodded. "Yes they do. They lash out. And they'd rather lash out than try to understand. And not just with dragons." He looked at Toothless. "We've travelled far. Vikings have spread out far across the world; down through the southron kingdoms, even as far as the Mediteranean Sea and the Byzantine Empire. And what have they done? Conquer. Attack. Pillage and destroy. If it's not dragons, it's other people." He looked at her again. "Dragons fight because they have to. They raid because they have to. They fight back to defend themselves. Vikings fight because they can't conceive of peace. If there's one thing I've learned it's that dragons aren't the monsters. Humans are."

Astrid matched his glare. "And what about you?" she challenged. "You're human."

He dropped his eyes. "I didn't say I'm any better." He pushed off from the table. "I have work to do." He gestured to Toothless as he passed. "C'mon, bud. I need your help." Toothless stretched and purred and gave Astrid a wide smile before he followed Hiccup out of the cave.

Astrid watched them go, a frown curving her lips. "What's that supposed to mean?" She sighed, shaking her head, and turned back to her breakfast.

Xx

She screamed.

She screamed and she begged and pleaded and he didn't let go. She was strong but he was stronger than he used to be, and right now he had the advantage. He held her hands above her head with one of his while his other hand pressed her twisting hips into the stone. She had ignored him for so long. She hated him now, for a slew of things he'd had no control over and handful of things he had. She would _never _want him this way, never give this to him willingly.

But she didn't have to be willing. He could take her. He _would_ take her.

Astrid's shrieks filled the cave around them as he parted her legs and forced himself on her.

Xx

He awoke panting, Toothless's eyes wide and worried as they watched him.

Hiccup sat up, pushing off the heavy fur and wiping away the bangs plastered to his forehead. He pulled off the shirt that stuck to his back and chest and tossed it across the room. Toothless warbled beside him and Hiccup shook his head.

"I'm fine, bud, I'm fine," he said, his breathing still erratic. He rested his elbows on his legs and dropped his face into his hands. He felt tears brimming in his eyes and wiped them away. He was trembling; his mouth was dry and his chest felt tight. Hiccup kicked off the fur and climbed to his shaky feet. Toothless rumbled in concern but Hiccup waved him away. "I'm fine, I just…I need some water, okay? I'll be back soon."

He fumbled for his sword but couldn't find it, and the dying embers in the firepit weren't enough to look for it. Hiccup shrugged and stumbled towards the middle passageway out of the cavern. Light wasn't important; he could navigate these tunnels in his sleep, and he didn't want heat, not right now. The cold air was refreshing on his fevered skin.

His heart was pounding so hard he wondered if it was reverberating off the cave walls, or if that was just the sound of his footsteps and heavy breathing. He leant a hand against the nearest wall, partially for support and part to help him find his way. Finally he staggered into the kitchen, moonlight and the dying fire providing barely enough illumination to see. Hiccup lurched across the room and fell to his knees beside the stream. He scooped up the cool water and drank eagerly before splashing it over his face. He stood and grabbed a wooden bowl from the nearest table and used it to douse his head and back. Hiccup shivered; the water was frigid but refreshing. It helped to snatch him from the remnant of his nightmare and anchor him to the here and now. He let the bowl roll away as he sat back against the cave wall and drew his knees close to his chest. He rested his elbows against them and pressed his palms into his eyes.

"I wouldn't have done it," he mumbled to himself, "I wouldn't have done it. I _didn't_ do it, because I wouldn't have." Hiccup shook his head. "I wouldn't have. I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I _wouldn't_."

"Hiccup?"

Hiccup's head snapped up. Standing in the doorway was Astrid, wrapped in a thick blanket with her hair loose and flowing over her shoulder and her little torch in her hand. She was frowning at him, her brows furrowed in concern.

"Astrid?"

She took a tentative step closer to him. "Hiccup, are you okay?"

Hiccup cleared his throat and shook his head, icy water droplets shaking loose and dripping onto his shoulders. He shivered. "Yeah, yeah. Not that you care, but yeah."

"Well I do sort of care," Astrid said, lighting the fire with her torch before extinguishing it and dropping it by the hearth. She approached and leaned down to inspect him. The front of her—his, actually—tunic drooped low and he caught a glimpse down it when he looked up. He quickly averted his eyes. "In a, if-you-die-I'm-screwed sort of way. Plus I would hate to have to break the news to Toothless." He caught her growing frown out of the corner of his eye. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, Astrid," Hiccup replied, his tone harsher than he'd intended. "Sorry," he added. "I'm fine. What are you doing up?"

Astrid straightened up and Hiccup looked back at her. She held up a clay jug. "Thirsty. Kinda hungry, too." She knelt by the stream and began filling the jug with water. She turned her head to look at him and her hair fell over her shoulder; a golden waterfall that shimmered in the soft glow from the fledgling fire. It was longer than he'd realized. The blonde waves fell at least to her waist, perhaps her hips at the longest. "What about you?" She looked at him and for a moment Hiccup forgot how to answer.

Damn her.

He wasn't as hopelessly in love with her as he had been when they were kids, but he couldn't deny to himself that an attraction had arisen anew, at least physically. She was as stunning as she'd always been, more so even, now that she'd grown up.

Those beautiful plump pink lips twisted into a frown.

"Hiccup?" He blinked. "Hiccup, are you sure you're okay? You look really pale." Hiccup shook his head and dropped his gaze.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." Astrid shuffled over and sat down beside him. "Any particular reason you're sitting half-naked and wet in the dark in the middle of the night?"

"It's nothing," he lied, "It's stupid. Just ah, just a…bad dream. It's dumb. Doesn't matter."

"Oh." He glanced at Astrid, who had set her jug down beside her and was playing with a few strands of her hair. "I could sing you my little sister's bad dream song?" She gave him a smile that faded quickly when he didn't return it. She pursed her lips. "What was your dream about?"

Hiccup looked away. "It doesn't matter. Just go back to bed, I'm fine."

"You don't have to be so mean about it, I was just trying to help," Astrid said quietly. "I was curious as to what you could possibly be afraid of."

That made Hiccup look up. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Astrid shrugged, working on a small braid in part of her hair. "What's the boy who trained a dragon got left to be afraid of?"

A smile tugged at the corner of Hiccup's lips unbidden. "Just because I'm not afraid of dragons doesn't mean I'm not afraid of anything." Astrid looked at him.

"Then what are you afraid of?"

Hiccup sighed and cast his eyes towards the starry sky above them. "Lots of things. The usual stuff, I guess. Death, terrible illness…I'm not too fond of spiders." Astrid elbowed him and Hiccup smiled. "The tail rig breaking, my dad-"

"Your dad?"

He looked at Astrid to see her giving him a quizzical frown. Hiccup blinked at her. "Yeah, my dad. Why?"

"You're afraid of your dad?"

Hiccup shifted under her gaze. "Yeah, isn't everyone a little afraid of their parents?"

Astrid's eyebrows drew further together. "Not really, no."

Hiccup shrugged. "Well, you know what I mean. Everyone's a little afraid of their parents when it comes to getting in trouble."

Astrid nodded, but the concerned confusion didn't leave her face. "No one wants to get in trouble, but I'm not sure that's really the same as being _afraid_ of their parents."

"Oh." Hiccup stared at his feet. "Well, not everyone has a dad like mine, I guess."

They were silent for a minute; the whole time Hiccup could feel Astrid staring at him. Finally she spoke. "Things really weren't good between you and your dad, were they?"

Hiccup shook his head. "No. They weren't."

There was another moment of silence before Astrid began, her voice gentler than he had heard it in a lot time, "Hiccup? Did your dad ever…I mean," Hiccup looked up and watched Astrid frowning at her hands. "He didn't ever like, hit you, or anything, did he?"

"No," Hiccup answered immediately, shaking his head, and Astrid looked at him. "No, I mean he wasn't ever abusive, or anything like that. He just wasn't…" Hiccup shrugged. "I don't know, he just wasn't much of anything. If he wasn't yelling at me because I'd screwed something up then he just kind of ignored me."

Hiccup decided he did not like the look of sympathy Astrid was giving him. It was more than sympathy. It was pity. He considered saying something; telling her that he didn't need her pity. That he'd left that life behind a long time ago and that his father's disapproval no longer meant anything to him. But he stopped himself. She didn't mean anything by it. Not everyone had parents like his father, apparently. She was trying to be understanding, not unkind.

"It could be worse," she said, trying a bitter smile. "My parents gave me up to be raped and murdered."

Hiccup gave her a small smile in return and reached out what was meant to be a comforting hand on her shoulder, but Astrid flinched, her arm recoiling away from his touch. Hiccup's hand hovered in midair for a second before he retracted it. Astrid looked away from him, a hint of fear in her eyes as she readjusted the blanket around her shoulders.

"Astrid?" Hiccup asked, noticing how she seemed suddenly uncomfortable. "Are you scared of me?"

She was quiet for a long moment. Finally, very softly and without looking at him she whispered, "Yes." She hugged herself a little tighter and sat up straight in what seemed to be an attempt at bravado. "It'd be stupid of me not to."

Hiccup watched the tension in her jaw, the flexing muscle in her neck. She was nervous. "Why?"

She looked at him, eyes full of fear and incredulity. "Why do you think?" She bit her bottom lip and shrugged. "As long as I'm here you hold all the cards, all the power. You're perfectly capable of hurting me if you wanted to, you made that abundantly clear."

Hiccup frowned at her. "I'm not going to hurt you, Astrid, I've said that over and over."

Astrid's eyes narrowed. "Yes. You have. You've said that a lot. And as much as I'd love to believe you I put myself in danger the second I do." The lines around her eyes softened and she looked more afraid than angry. "Trusting what men say is how girls get hurt in this world." She seemed to shrink into herself, and it occurred to Hiccup that he had never seen her look this vulnerable. "I spent four days sitting in a locked room waiting for a dragon raid, knowing that the best I could hope for was a quick death while also being aware that it was very, very unlikely that I would get off that easy." Her eyebrows drew together and she looked away from him, towards the fire, and Hiccup was surprised to see the shine of tears in her eyes. "You have no idea what that's like," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She swallowed. "I would like to think I'm safer with you, and in some ways maybe I am." Her brows were furrowed when she looked at him again. "But the fact is that I don't know you, Hiccup. I didn't know you that well when we were kids and I don't know you that well now. I don't know what you're capable of."

She turned away and her face disappeared behind the curtain of her hair. Hiccup watched her for a long moment, completely at a loss.

"Astrid," he said finally, "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Hiccup-"

He reached out and grasped her hand tightly in his own. Astrid whimpered and when she snatched her hand away he let her. There it was again, that fear in her eyes. He could only hope she could see the apology in his. "Astrid. I _swear_, on the gods, on Toothless, on anything you want me to, that I am _not_ going to hurt you in any way." Her eyes widened slightly but he knew she was far from convinced. Hiccup sighed. "I know that what I did that first day crossed a line. I wanted to scare you, I wanted…I don't know. You were causing problems and I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to continue to bother me like that. I handled that really badly. You'd just spent several days thinking you were likely going to be raped." Hiccup wet his lips. "Making you think I was going to do that to you was way out of line. And I'm sorry. I really, really am truly sorry for how I've treated you. What can I do to prove to you that I won't hurt you?"

Astrid sighed. "Aside from taking me home?"

Hiccup felt his stomach drop. "Astrid, you know I can't." She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off. "Berk has just seen that their offering failed. Until I see how they're going to handle that, I really don't think it's safe there for you." He watched Astrid's shoulders droop. "I'm sorry," he added. "But in the meantime I want you to _feel _safe here."

Astrid sighed again, looking at her hands. "Well. If I'm going to be here for a while then there's something I need you to do. And you're not going to like it."

Hiccup sat up straighter. "Whatever you need, milady."

"Don't call me that," Astrid snapped, but softened almost immediately. "I need you to get me some things from home. Not anything that would be missed," she added at the look on his face, "just a few things I can't go much longer without. Like some real shoes." Even in the dim light he could see the blush stealing over her face. "And. Well. I can't keep washing my underwear and bindings every single night and hoping they dry before morning."

Hiccup felt his face turning red. If she washed her underclothes and hung them up to dry every night, then what was she wearing now? Was she wearing _anything _now? "Are you—are you saying that you want me to break into your house and steal your undergarments?"

Astrid's face turned scarlet. "I'm not saying I want you to!" she growled, "Just that I sort of need you to. And. That's not the only thing." She huffed a sigh and refused to look at him. "I need you to go soon. Like, in the next couple of days. I've got a little box in my trunk at home with things I'm going to need really soon."

Hiccup cocked his head to the side. "What kind of things? What do you need? I've got a lot of things here, and I can get almost anything at the open market next week-"

Astrid shook her head. "This isn't something you're likely to have laying around, and I don't think it can wait until next week. I've got a few more days at most."

Hiccup frowned. "A few more days until what?"

He watched Astrid's mouth squirming. She huffed again. "Until I start bleeding, okay?"

"Bleeding? I've got bandages if you get hurt-"

"Not that kind of bleeding," Astrid hissed.

Hiccup blinked at her. "Wait, if not that kind of bleeding, then what do you—oh. You mean, like-"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

An awkward silence overtook them.

"So?"

Astrid was staring at him hopefully from underneath her bangs. Hiccup nodded. "I'm completely out of my depth when it comes to that sort of thing. You want me to go get your box, then…okay. It's too late to go tonight, but I'll go tomorrow if there's no raids anywhere else."

Astrid nodded. "Thank you." She stood, and paused, looking down at him with a strange expression on her face. Then she took the blanket off her shoulders and wrapped it around his.

"You must be cold," she said simply, and gave him a small shy smile before she left the room.

Hiccup watched her go, and once she'd left he pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. It was warm from her body heat, and when he buried his nose in it he could smell her, that same delicious earthy scent he'd smelled on her the day she'd kissed him. He could remember the sweet smell of her when he'd pressed his lips into the side of her pale neck…

He didn't like remembering that day. He told himself that he wouldn't have done it. That he never would have taken it any further; that as soon as she told him to stop that he would have, every time.

What he didn't like admitting was that he could have.

In that moment, he could have. Astrid was a Viking. A heartless killer, and it would have been so easy for his ears to fall deaf to her pleas. He'd wanted to teach her a lesson. He'd felt powerful. He'd felt miles away from the boy who peered at her from behind the grindstone at the forge. It wasn't even about sex. Seeing Astrid, someone he had always associated with strength and fearlessness cowering beneath him had made him feel stronger than he had in a long time…

It scared him. He'd left Berk because he couldn't kill a dragon. When did the boy who couldn't kill a dragon become a man who could have raped Astrid?

Hiccup drew his legs closer to his chest. "I wouldn't have done it," he whispered again, squeezing his eyes shut and knocking his head against his knees. "I wouldn't have done it."

He choked back a sob, and wondered, not for the first time, when dragons had started seeming more like people to him than people did.


	8. Innocence

A/N: Few things to talk about: 1. There may or may not be an update on Thursday. Assume there won't be so that you'll be pleasantly surprised if there is. We're moving into the story getting heavier which means chapters take longer to write so I think updates need to move to once a week on Mondays. 2. It's a slow burn sort of thing but the romance is coming. 3. This fic will live up to its rating. Big time. We're a long way from that happening but eventually there will be frickle fracking.

**Friendly reminder that I can't answer guest reviews so if you ask me questions I don't have a way to answer them. **

Warning: Bee bop boop. Mild maturish content ahead.

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><p><em>Chapter 8: Innocence<em>

Hiccup's feet landed lightly on the wooden floor.

He glanced out the window and waved to Toothless, who nodded before turning and bounding through the shadows for the treeline. Tonight could not have been more perfect for this mission; the moon was a pale sliver hidden by clouds, plunging the whole of Berk into near-complete darkness. Hiccup stood still by the window while his eyes adjusted to the small room.

It was simple, utilitarian: bed pushed against the wall, a small table beside it, and a couple of trunks in the corner with Astrid's axe leaning up against the side of one.

Hiccup sighed, his breath moistening the inside of his mask. He couldn't believe he was doing this. He crept across the room and lifted the candle sitting on the table. He used a spark from his sword to light it, and glanced out the window. On a night as dark as this even a small light would be noticed, especially in the room of a girl who was supposed to be gone. Hiccup was careful to keep his footsteps light as he crossed the room to the trunks. He stopped in front of them. Astrid had just mentioned one trunk. It was bad enough he was having to dig through her things without having to guess which things he was supposed to be digging through.

He kneeled down in front of one of them and placed the candle on the floor at his side. He'd go through both if he had to, and was just about to open one when he heard the door open and close behind him.

Hiccup spun around on his knee, hand flying for his sword, and froze.

Standing by the door was a little girl.

She stared at him out of big blue eyes, loose blond curls falling around her shoulders, a doll clutched to her chest. Her mouth opened wide and Hiccup's finger flew to his lips. "Shh, shh, shh. It's okay," he whispered. "I'm not a monster, see?" He tore off his helmet and gave her a smile. "I'm just a person. I'm not gonna hurt you." The little girl remained frozen to the spot. Hiccup stayed crouched on the floor, though he crawled a few steps closer. "You're Brenna, right?" he asked, noting how similar she looked to Astrid. They had the same button nose, the same round face. "You're Astrid's little sister?"

At the mention of Astrid the little girl perked up. She blinked and nodded, her mouth still hanging open. Hiccup's smile widened. "Astrid's a friend of mine." Not entirely the truth, but Brenna didn't need to know that. "She told me all about you. She said you get scared sometimes, you have bad dreams?" Another nod. "And she said you and her sing a song when you have bad dreams?"

"My bad dream song," she said, her voice a high-pitched, sweet little trill that sounded too loud in the quiet house, and Hiccup put his finger to his lips again and shushed her.

"You have to be quiet. Please," he added, his eyes pleading. "It's very important that no one knows I'm here."

Brenna raised an eyebrow. "How come?" she whispered.

Hiccup cast around the room for an answer. "Because," he said slowly, "Astrid is helping me with something very, very important, but it has to be a secret." He watched Brenna's eyes grow wider.

"Sissy's with you?" she asked, forgetting to whisper and Hiccup had to shush her again.

"Yes," he said, beckoning the girl closer. She was a tiny thing, freckly and short and coming to the end of her pudgy toddler days. "Astrid is staying with me while she helps me with something."

"Oh," Brenna nodded sagely. "They said her went somewhere but no one would tell me where she went. I was worried about her."

Hiccup felt his heart sink. Astrid had been concerned about what they would tell her little sister about her absence. It seemed they hadn't told her much of anything. Well, surely it wouldn't be too much of a risk for a three year old to know the truth. She hadn't even been alive when he'd been living in Berk. His face and his name would mean nothing to her.

"She's okay, I promise, and she'll be home sometime soon."

"After she helps you with your super secret important thing?"

Hiccup grinned. "Yeah."

Brenna shuffled her little bare feet. "So why are you here? And why isn't my sissy?"

Hiccup's smile faded. "Your sissy is working on something important right now. She sent me to get some things for her. Maybe you can help me find them?"

Brenna nodded. "Kay. Whatcha need?"

Hiccup gnawed on the inside of his cheek. "Well. She needs some things she forgot to pack. Like, boots, and underwear, and a night dress, and-"

He was interrupted by a giggle. "Underwears?" Brenna was smiling, her crooked baby teeth glinting in the dim candlelight. "Astrid forgotted underwears? That's so silly!" Hiccup shushed her next round of giggles, and she nodded, clapping a hand over her mouth.

"Yeah, that is silly of her." He pulled the cloth sack from its hook on his belt and unfolded it. "Can you help me pack some things for her? I don't know where everything is."

Brenna nodded and padded over next to him. "Here," she said, handing him her little cloth doll. "Hold Dolly." Hiccup looked down at the doll. It must have been the one Astrid had made for her. It had blue button eyes and a yellow yarn braid and smile stitched on in pink thread. 'BRENNA' was stitched neatly along the hem of the skirt. He tucked the doll safely into the crook of his arm. Brenna opened one of the trunks and began digging around in it. She pulled out a pile of neatly folded cloth and dumped it into the bag Hiccup held open for her. "Underwears for silly Sissy," she chirped. She reached back in the trunk. "Bindings for boops."

Hiccup couldn't stop his amused grin. "Boops?"

There was no question as to where the little girl had picked up the cross glare she shot at him. "Hey. No need to be dirty." She put her hands on her hips and stated matter-of-factly, "Little girls get boops when they turn into big girls so they can feed babies when they become mamas. There is nothing dirty about them." She nodded with an air of finality and turned back to digging through the trunk.

"Yes ma'am," Hiccup muttered, holding back a smile.

"Night dresses, extra boots, old leggings for wash day," Brenna listed as she deposited each item into his bag.

"Okay, I think that's good," Hiccup said, noticing the trunk appearing emptier and emptier. Brenna nodded and closed it. Hiccup shifted uncomfortably, trying to think how best to word his next request. "There's one more thing I need to find. Astrid said that there's a uh…a box. That has some things in it that she needs. For, uh, for a special time of month. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"Her Angry Tummy box?"

Hiccup blinked. "Her what?"

"Her Angry Tummy box." Brenna opened the other chest and dug around in it for a moment before pulling out a wooden box, about the size of a thick book or a jewelry box and held it up.

Hiccup shrugged. "I, I guess that might be it? What's an Angry Tummy box?"

Brenna turned the box over and over in her small hands. "Sissy says that when girls get bigger your tummy decides that it wants to have a baby, and if you don't have a husband to put a baby in your tummy it gets mad because it got all ready to have a baby and now there isn't gonna be one. She uses the stuff in this box to calm her tummy down. I don't know what a bunch of rolled up wool is supposed to do, because you can't even eat it." The little girl shrugged. "Anyway, I just call it her Angry Tummy box."

Hiccup knew he was likely blushing even though he had no real reason to. He was talking to a toddler who understood even less about menstruation than he did, and who didn't even have the context to consider it an embarrassing thing to be talking about.

"That's…that's probably what she was talking about." He held open the bag and Brenna dropped the box in. "Okay, I think that's everything she wanted me to get." He carefully handed her back her doll, which she squeezed close. "Thank you, Brenna."

The little girl nodded and smiled wide. "You're welcome, Mister Sissy's Friend."

Hiccup ruffled her hair before giving her a serious look. "Brenna, I need you to do one more thing for me, and it's very, very important." Brenna sobered and nodded, her mouth set. "Like I said, this thing Astrid is helping me with is very important, and it's very important that it stays secret. Which means you can't tell anybody that I was here or that you saw me or spoke to me. You can't tell anyone what I told you about Astrid either, okay?"

Brenna rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet but finally sighed and said, "Okay."

"You promise?"

Brenna held out a tiny pinky, and Hiccup smiled as he wrapped his finger around hers.

"Thank you, Brenna. I have to go now."

Brenna nodded, her eyes dropping to her little pigeon-toed feet. "Are you bringing my sissy back soon?" she asked quietly. Hiccup's heart sank.

"Well, it might be a little while, but she'll be back before too long, I promise."

Brenna sighed. "I miss having her here to sing my bad dream song."

Hiccup frowned. "Do you have a lot of bad dreams?" She nodded. "Yeah? I used to have a lot of bad dreams when I was little like you. I still get bad dreams sometimes." Brenna looked up, her blue eyes wide.

"Did you have a sissy to sing to you when you had bad dreams?"

Hiccup laughed. "No," he said, smiling fondly at her, "No, I didn't have any brothers or sisters."

"Did your mama sing to you, then?"

Hiccup's smile faltered and he dropped his gaze. "No. I uh, I didn't have a mama either. I lost her when I was just a baby."

"Did your daddy sing to you?"

Hiccup shook his head. "No. My dad wasn't really the singing kind."

He heard a dramatic gasp, and looked up to see Brenna giving him the most appalled and sad expression. "You didn't have _anybody_ to sing to you when you were scared? What did you _do_?"

Hiccup gave her a rueful smile. "Well, I just, I dunno. I got myself through it, I guess. I was just scared, and then one day, I had to learn how not to be so scared."

Brenna shook her head, blonde curls bouncing. "Do you still get bad dreams?" she asked.

Hiccup shrugged. "Sometimes. Not like I did when I was little, but yeah."

Brenna gave him a small smile. "You should have Astrid sing to you when you have bad dreams." Brenna looked back and forth and then leaned in to whisper conspiratorily, "She can't sing very good, but it helps anyway."

Hiccup couldn't hold back his chuckle. He beamed at the tiny girl. "I'll keep that in mind." He stood and walked to the window, ruffling Brenna's hair as he passed. He looked out into the still night, checking to make sure the village was deserted. He slung one leg over the windowsill and paused, looking back at Brenna. "Now remember what I said? About keeping this a secret?"

Brenna nodded vigorously and held up her pinky finger. "Promise." She gasped suddenly. "Wait, c'mere!" She tottered towards him and grabbed at his shoulder, Hiccup leaned down and the little girl stretched up to press a soft kiss to his cheek. "Give that to Sissy from me," she said, grinning up at him. "And tell her I said hi and I love her lots and lots and miss her lots, too."

Hiccup blinked but then smiled. It'd been a long time since he'd had any human contact like that. Something that wasn't one of Astrid's punches or someone shoving him in a crowded market, or an alcohol-fueled tryst in a tavern inn. He'd forgotten what human innocence looked like.

"I will," he said, before giving the little girl one last warm smile, slipping on his helmet, and jumping out the window.

Xx

Astrid tossed and turned, unable to find a position that was even remotely comfortable.

She stared up at the distant stony ceiling and huffed a sigh. It was good Hiccup was going to Berk tonight; she wouldn't be surprised if she woke up to blood on her thighs in the morning. Her whole body was tense and that familiar annoying kink had settled at the bottom of her spine that made it impossible to get comfortable no matter how she twisted.

She growled and turned over, burrowing into the blankets and furs.

She was uncomfortable and aggravated and tense. No. She was horny, is what she was, but admitting that meant admitting the need to do something about it, and she couldn't very well do that _here_, in Hiccup's bed. Astrid rolled onto her other side and tried again to sleep, but clearing her mind seemed only to amplify the insistence of the ache between her legs. She groaned and rolled onto her back.

She didn't know how long she had until Hiccup got back, and she knew she wouldn't be able to do it once he returned, even if he was half the mountain away. Astrid sighed in resignation and slid a hand down to the hem of the tunic she'd been using as a night dress. Her fingers trailed lightly against the inside of her thigh and her eyes fluttered closed. This close to her moon blood every inch of her skin was hypersensitive, and every touch was electrifying.

In the past whenever she'd done this she'd imagined she was being touched by some faceless stranger; some kind clever man who'd make her change her mind about gladly becoming an old maid. Someone vastly different from the brutish imbeciles she'd grown up with; someone with a mind as clever as his nimble fingers that knew _just _where to press…

Astrid whimpered, her head falling back against the pillows. The image was clearer tonight than it had been in the past. She wanted broad shoulders she could cling to and a narrow waist to wrap her legs around; someone strong but not burly. She wasn't even particularly insistent on _strong_. She was an accomplished warrior herself; she didn't need a strong man to protect her. She wanted a companion, not a guardian.

She wanted an equal, someone with compassion and kindness; a rare trait among Vikings, she knew, and had often wondered why it appealed to her. Especially now, when the thought of a kind smile had her arching into her fingers and biting her lip. She wanted more than a husband she tolerated having on top of her every night. She wanted a lover to hold her, to whisper in her ear. She wanted someone who challenged her but respected her. Someone who wouldn't drag her into bed but who, when she wanted it, could push her against a wall and take her roughly. She wanted heat and weight between her legs, fingers digging into her hips…she moaned, her fingers pressing harder, reaching deeper…

…and she fell apart to a crooked smile and green green eyes.

Coherency reclaimed her, and Astrid's eyes slowly widened.

Oh. Gods. _No._

Astrid sat up, still panting. She didn't. Not to—this was ridiculous. He was—no, she didn't even…

She groaned and fell back against the cushions. Clearly she had reached new depths of desperation. She was frazzled and horny and he was the only male human she had been around in days. And, to be perfectly honest, Hiccup was a lot nicer to look at than he used to be.

This was still probably the most humiliating thing that had ever happened in her life.

Astrid had never felt more confused. Hiccup was attractive, yes, there was no denying that. But that did not have to mean that she was attracted _to_ him. He was a jerk. Well, he'd been less of a jerk recently, and all that day he'd actually been pleasant. Ever since their conversation the night before Hiccup had been making more of an effort to be nice to her. He'd even made her breakfast that morning. Normally he left her to fend for herself and generally ignored her existence, but today he had really been trying. It was strange and yet familiar; it was the closest he'd been to the boy she remembered in a long time. They were finally starting to get along, and it eased some of her worry, but trusting him still felt further away.

He insisted that he didn't want to hurt her.

Astrid frowned at the fire burning at the center of the room. There was nothing she wanted to believe more than that Hiccup would not harm her, but she wasn't sure if she could just yet. He had frightened her, and threatened her, and it had stolen more of her courage than she liked to admit. She had always been confident, always felt certain of her abilities to defend herself. His actions that day had shaken something deep inside of her that she wasn't sure how to put back in place.

It didn't help that her whole world had been turned upside down. Hiccup insisted that dragons were not hostile unless provoked, and Toothless certainly seemed to prove that theory, but he was one dragon. One dragon of one species that Vikings knew very little about.

And what if all dragons were that docile? What then? She'd spent her whole life either fighting dragons or preparing to fight dragons. She was a warrior. What happened to her life and her place in this world if that disappeared?

What was her place in it _now_?

What happened when she went home? Assuming they wouldn't decide a blood sacrifice was more effective and kill her on the spot. Could she go back to fighting dragons, seeing what she had? Would she be able to, if every raid she was looking at the sky and worrying about someone shooting Hiccup and Toothless down? What was she supposed to _say_? How was she supposed to hide what she now knew?

How was she supposed to return to her village, to her people, to her _family_, and live and walk among them as if they hadn't given her up to die?

…what would be the point?

She sat up when she heard the distant rustle of wings and saw Toothless descending into the cave. Astrid hurriedly wiped the drying sweat from her forehead and grabbed a pair of leggings from the pile of clothes beside the bed. The tunic she wore to bed was long, but not long enough to be modest in front of Hiccup…especially given what she'd just been doing and the embarrassment she still felt. Gods, how was she supposed to look him in the eye?

She hurriedly twisted her hair into a loose braid and didn't look up when Hiccup and Toothless landed nearby.

"We might have a situation," Hiccup said as soon as he'd pulled of his helmet. Astrid's head snapped up.

"What does that mean?" She understood the all-black getup was essential for stealth and for staying invisible during raids, but were those tight leather pants really necessary? They really called far too much attention to parts of his body that she'd much rather forget existed. "Did something happen? Did they see you? Did you not get my stuff?"

"Nothing like that, don't worry," Hiccup bent over to pull a bag out of Toothless's saddle bag and woah—since when did Hiccup have such a nice ass? Seriously, how had she not noticed that before? He straightened up and winced. "How good is your sister at keeping secrets?"

All errant thoughts about Hiccup's body evaporated immediately. Astrid's eyes grew wide. "Brenna?" She was on her feet and walking towards Hiccup. "Oh gods, Hiccup, what did you _do_?"

Hiccup held up his hands in an attempt at placating her. "Calm down, okay, she's fine, she's just…met me, is all. She came into your room while I was trying to get your stuff, and I thought it was either let her scream and raise the alarm, or introduce myself and try to convince her I'm a friend of yours."

Astrid paced around the fire. Brenna had met Hiccup. She heard him following her. "Astrid, she's fine, she wasn't afraid of me or anything. I told her I was your friend and that calmed her down. She helped me pack a bag of your stuff. I think she liked me." Astrid rounded on him.

"You spoke to her. You talked to my sister. What did you tell her? What did you say about me?" She must have looked frantic, she knew, and Hiccup looked a bit helpless as he stared at her. He hesitated, his hands hovering in midair, and then landed them gently on her shoulders.

"Astrid, calm down. I just told her you're my friend and you're helping me with something very important and very secret. She seemed to buy it. She was happy to know you were okay. She told me to tell you she said hi and that she loves you and misses you." He gave her a smile. "I told her she'd see you again soon."

Astrid shrugged his hands off and took a step back. "And what if I don't see her again?" Hiccup crooked a finger under her chin and lifted her face to look at him.

"You will," he said, his eyes soft and his smile kind. "She needs someone to sing her bad dream song, after all." His smile grew. "Even if apparently you can't sing very well."

Astrid smiled and swatted his hand away. Hiccup gave her a serious look. "Can we trust her not to spill the beans about meeting me, though? She pinky swore she wouldn't say anything, but I don't know how much weight that carries."

Astrid laughed in spite of her misgivings about the whole situation. "If Brenna pinky swore then she won't say a word. She likes having secrets to keep. They make her feel grown up and important. Plus she's young enough not to really understand how serious this all is and that works in our favor. She'll think this is all a fun game and won't say a word."

Hiccup breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. I've got enough to deal with without worrying about my cover getting blown by a toddler."

Astrid returned his smile and turned her attention down to the sack in her hands. "Did you get everything?"

Hiccup hummed his assent. "Brenna helped, so I think so. Night shirts, underwears, bindings for boops," Astrid looked up and raised an eyebrow. Hiccup was giving her an amused smile as he listed things off on his fingers.

"That's what she calls them," she explained briefly.

"I gathered that. You've also got boots, some spare leggings, and your uh, what did she call it? Your 'Angry Tummy Box'?"

Astrid turned red and nodded, not looking at Hiccup. "She's three. She's not ready for the full birds and bees talk yet." Silence fell between them. Astrid peeked up at Hiccup through her bangs. He was watching her carefully. She swallowed. "Thank you," she said quietly.

Hiccup shrugged. "I'm keeping you here," he said, looking somewhat sheepish. "I kind of owe it to you to make sure you have everything you need."

Astrid nodded and silence fell between them again. "Um," Astrid began, feeling her face heat up again. "I really do appreciate this, but, um, fair warning, I probably won't be super pleasant the next few days." She watched Hiccup's ears turn red. He scratched at the back of his neck.

"I uh. I wouldn't expect you to be."

"I know things are getting better between us, kind of, and I don't want to mess that up, so if I like, start screaming at you over nothing-"

"I won't hold it against you."

They both stared at the floor while the awkward silence pervaded the air around them.

"So, I should let you get some sleep."

"Yeah, that'd be—I didn't sleep while you were gone, so—"

"And I obviously haven't slept tonight so, I should—"

"Should get some rest too."

"Yeah, exactly."

Neither one of them moved. Astrid chanced a glance at Hiccup, who was looking at her strangely.

"Oh, so, um, your sister, your sister wanted me to give you this." Before she had time to ask what Hiccup had leaned forward and placed a quick peck on her cheek. He retreated quickly, not looking at her. "That's from Brenna." He glanced at her briefly, and at the shock on her face his eyes widened. "I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"You're fine," Astrid cut him off, her voice pitched higher than usual.

Hiccup blinked at her. He licked his lips and opened his mouth as if to speak, paused, then said, "Good night," before turning on his heel and leaving the room, Toothless following behind.

Astrid watched them until they had both disappeared into the darkness of the tunnel and their footsteps had faded away. She pulled off the borrowed tunic and leggings and put on one of her own night dresses. It was soft and familiar and she felt more comfortable than she had in a long time. She checked her box, counting out what supplies she had left to assure herself she'd be fine until Hiccup went to the market, then crawled into the furs of his bed once more.

Even half an hour later when she was finally dozing off, she could still feel the print of his lips on her cheek.


	9. Contact

A/N: I have decided that this will be the last Thursday update. Starting Monday Persephone will be updated once a week on Mondays, with a sneak peek posted on Thursdays on my tumblr (thatsnicebutimmarried . tumblr . com If you don't want to follow me I'll be tagging them with 'persephone progress' so you could track that tag or something idk). Chapters are going to start getting longer and more will be happening so I think updates are going to be more satisfying if I keep them spaced out a little more in addition to making it easier for me to keep up.

I got a review asking if we'd see a certain character literally as I was writing a scene with that character XD

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><p><em>Chapter 9: Contact<em>

"Astrid? Where are you?"

"In here!" Astrid looked up from the shirt she was sewing. It was colder today, the abnormally long fall finally giving way to winter, and Hiccup's little forge was usually warmer than the rest of the mountain and less damp than the hot springs at its base. Hiccup turned the corner in to the cave and gave her a small smile, holding up a sack in each hand.

"I'm back."

Astrid raised an eyebrow. Hiccup seemed nervous for some reason. "I noticed. Given that you are, you know, here." Hiccup frowned but didn't say anything. Her mood had not been stellar the past few days and he was kind enough not to provoke her. She'd snapped at him for accidentally bumping into her while getting water and after that he'd gotten the message and avoided her almost entirely. Even Toothless seemed to understand that she needed her space. Astrid had then spent most of the following two days in the hot springs, letting the hot water soothe her cramped muscles and aching back.

Hiccup held one of the sacks forward. "This is for you. Everything you asked for. And, uh, I have some other things for you." He carried the other sack to one of his work tables and opened it. Astrid set her sewing aside and followed, curious. "I met up with an old friend today. A trader, usually trades down south. _Way _down south. I was surprised to see him in such northern waters, actually. He was sailing around the Mediterranean Sea when I last saw him. Anyway, he owes me a few favors and a few dragon scales can take you a long way so I managed to get some good stuff." He pulled a stack of folded fabric from the bag and Astrid gasped. Hiccup handed them to her. The first two fabrics in the pile were brightly colored with intricate patterns woven into the cloth, the threads shining like jewels. One was multicolored, while the other was a shining blue with gold, yellow, purple and orange motifs spiraling through it. The last one was a sheer, silky fabric in a soft white that fluttered and flowed through her fingers.

"Wow, Hiccup, these are stunning," Astrid said, holding up the sheer fabric to see how much of it there was. A few yards, at least.

Hiccup shrugged. "I don't know how into sewing you are, but I thought you could use them to make something cool. If not for you, then maybe you'd like to make something for your sister." He smiled briefly before reaching into the bag again. "I didn't really know what you're into so I just got you a bunch of stuff. Some perfumes," he sat several small glass bottles filled with brightly colored liquids on the table, "Some spices, because I know I'm kind of lacking in anything other than salt," small pots joined the bottles, "And finally, something I _know_ you'll like." He glanced at her. "Or at least that I hope you'll like." Astrid looked up from sniffing one of the bottles of perfume—it was something citrusy—in time to see Hiccup pulling something metal and glimmering out of the bag.

He pulled out and unsheathed a knife.

Except it was unlike any knife Astrid had ever seen. The blade was shinier and set with three small jewels, and the hilt was a bright gold with intricate carvings and decorated with even more small gemstones. Hiccup held it out to her and Astrid picked it up carefully. It was a nice weight; light enough to be useful but heavy enough to feel solid in her hand. She tested the strength of the blade; she'd have expected something this ornate to be more decorative than practical, but the thick blade didn't bend or warp more than it needed to, and the edge was razor sharp.

"This is amazing," she said, holding the knife up and inspecting the straightness and balance of the blade. She sat the knife down with her other pile of gifts and frowned at Hiccup's smiling face. "All of this is amazing. But, Hiccup, what is all this?" she asked seriously, and Hiccup sobered.

He looked down. "A peace offering." He fidgeted under her gaze. "I'm keeping you here and you don't like it, and I can't do anything about that for the moment. But I want you to feel comfortable and I want you to feel safe. I know it'd be a stretch to ask if we could be friends, but," he peeked at her from under his bangs, "This is my way of saying that I hope we can at least get along." There it was: the downward turn of his lips, that little line between his eyebrows, that slight lowering of his eyelids. He looked genuine. He looked like _Hiccup._

Astrid looked down at the knife on the table. "You're arming me?"

"Well," Hiccup cleared his throat nervously and shuffled his feet. It was perhaps the most _Hiccup_ thing she had seen so far. "This is my way of saying I trust that you won't kill me in my sleep."

Astrid's lip quirked. "I already wasn't going to kill you in your sleep. I'd be stuck here, remember? If Toothless didn't kill me first?"

Hiccup sighed, ran a hand through his hair, and then something in his expression shifted. His eyebrows drew together, his eyes narrowed and there was a firm set to his lips. When he looked at her there was such a…such a _determination_ there. "I want you to feel safe," he said. "And I thought you might feel safer if you had a way to defend yourself. I know you prefer an axe, but this is easier to carry around with you. You'd be able to fight back if you were attacked. I thought this would make you feel safer than just hearing me say I won't hurt you. But even so, I promise, Astrid, that I'm never going to lay a hand on you."

Maybe it was the blade resting under her fingers, or maybe it was the determination blazing in Hiccup's eyes, but for the first time, she actually believed him.

Xx

Astrid had never been much for domestics.

Growing up she'd been more concerned with being a warrior than a housewife, even after Brenna was born and she was forced to do more around the house to help out. Around age sixteen, once Brenna was sleeping through the night and her mother was slightly less exhausted all the time, Astrid had found herself being put through what she and Ruffnut had started calling 'Housewife Training'. It was a lot harder than dragon training, not nearly as enjoyable, and Astrid had not done nearly so well at it.

If only her mother could see her now.

Tending a garden, sewing her own clothes (and occasionally Hiccup's, for lack of anything else to do), and now cooking dinner for the man in her life. Even if he wasn't in her life _that_ way. Astrid tasted the stew that was currently bubbling over the fire. Well, maybe not as good as her mother's but still not _too_ bad right? She'd even tried throwing in some of the spices Hiccup had brought her. She wasn't sure if they had helped or hurt, but she sprinkled in some more just in case.

The knife at her hip made her feel more like herself than she had in a long time. She felt stronger and more confident. Less the scared captive and more the equal occupant Hiccup kept claiming she was supposed to be. And things had been better between the two of them as well. They weren't getting on each other's nerves all the time, and they'd had conversations that one could actually deem enjoyable. If she weren't still essentially being held captive with no concrete answer as to when she'd get to go home Astrid might even dare to say they were becoming friends. Hiccup was better about his temper, though he still tended to get short with her when he'd been drinking, which wasn't as much as it had been, she'd noticed. He was still hungover the morning after raids, but he wasn't taking a swig after every conversation anymore. She wasn't sure if that was progress on the drinking problem or if it just meant she was no longer a leading cause of the drinking problem.

More importantly though, she was no longer afraid of him when he did get short with her. She still wasn't certain if she could go so far as to say she trusted him, not when there was his allegiance to the dragons hanging over their heads, but she at least could trust that he meant her no harm. She could easily overpower a man three times her size with a blade the size of the one Hiccup had given her, and Hiccup would know that. He trusted her, even if she didn't completely trust him.

He'd given her a gift that went beyond the weight on her waistband, and she didn't know how to thank him. She'd been wracking her brain all week. Her resources were admittedly extremely limited, and it wasn't as if there was a lot Hiccup needed. (Although she had finally gotten a 'thank you' for all the work she'd done to his garden.) Finally she'd decided on cooking dinner after noticing that Hiccup's cooking skills were on par with his gardening skills—enough to keep him alive but not much interest beyond that. (Maybe that's why he was so skinny?)

She walked to the mouth of the tunnel and cupped her hands around her mouth. "HICCUP!" She shouted, and then went back to her stew. As large as the mountain was she doubted he'd be able to hear her, but if they weren't out flying then Toothless would, and maybe he'd drag his master to her. It had worked once before, and she didn't want to go traipsing around the caverns looking for him and leave her stew unattended.

Sure enough, a couple of minutes later Hiccup came sprinting into the room, out of breath and looking almost frantic. "Are you okay? What's happening?"

Astrid shrugged, frowning. "I just needed to get your attention, you didn't have to get all freaked out."

Hiccup's shoulders fell and he glared at her. "Right. Well, what do you want?"

She'd caught him in a bad mood, it seemed, or else put him in one. Astrid turned her attention to her stew. "I made you dinner," she said, trying for cheery. She glanced at Hiccup in time to see his eyebrow rise.

"You…you made dinner for me? Did I hear that right?"

Astrid nodded, feeling her cheeks turn pink. "As a peace offering. And a thank you. For the knife." She turned her hip towards him so he could see the knife hanging on the waistband of her skirt. She gave him a small smile. "I wanted to do something in return. To show my appreciation for everything you've done for me lately."

Hiccup studied his feet. "I owed it to you. I told you not to act like a hostage, but…I was still kind of treating you like one."

Astrid didn't really have a response to that so she brushed past him to grab a bowl from the table. "Well, I don't feel so much like a hostage anymore, so, you get stew. And also…" she trailed off, sighing. "You've been different lately. More like you. Or at least, more like the you I remember." She glanced at Hiccup to see him blinking at her in surprise.

"I have?"

She nodded, ladling stew into the bowl. "I'll admit I didn't know you very well, but…you still weren't acting like _you_." She kept her eyes on the ties of his shirt (Green today, instead of black. He must not have been anticipating an attack tonight.) as she handed him the wooden bowl and spoon. "It's nothing special, just a stew my mother tried to teach me to make. If it's terrible I promise it's not because I'm trying to poison you."

Hiccup's fingers brushed hers as he took the bowl from her hands. She took a step back and watched him as he filled his spoon. "You didn't have to do this, you know." There it was. That crooked, kind _Hiccup_ smile. Astrid couldn't help the smile that came to her own face.

"Don't thank me until you've tasted it."

He grinned at her before sticking the spoon in his mouth. He froze, his eyes bulging. Hiccup pulled the spoon from his mouth and gave her a pained smile. "Mmm." He nodded, the hand holding the spoon giving her a thumbs up.

"It's terrible, isn't it?"

Hiccup shook his head, grunting. He swallowed with some difficulty, his eye twitching. "No, it's good, it's good!" He assured her, his voice an octave higher than normal. "It's really good." He continued smiling. He dipped the spoon back into his stew and took another bite, the tension evident on his face as he chewed and swallowed. He gagged and coughed and Astrid gave him a pitying smile.

"You don't have to eat it, Hiccup."

"No, I'm fine, I just—" he coughed again. "Some went down the wrong way. That's all." He coughed again, then took another bite.

Astrid watched him, her heart in her throat. There was no way he was enjoying it. No possible way.

But bless him if he didn't eat every bite anyway.

(She was pretty sure she heard him throw it all back up awhile later, but still. It's the thought that counts.)

Xx

Astrid was bored. Winter was beginning in earnest and there was less to do in her garden now. She'd harvested what was less to be harvested and the remaining plants had either been prepared to weather the snow or else transplanted into warmer soil inside a cave. (It was a genius bit of gardening, she thought. They'd still get plenty of sun but less of the freezing weather that would kill them off. If she cared for them correctly she should be able to get a few more harvests out of those plants.) Her stolen clothes had all been altered to fit her and she'd repaired every article of clothing Hiccup had begrudgingly thrown at her.

She meandered aimlessly through the tunnels that ran through her temporary home. She'd memorized the passageways by now; they weren't so difficult to learn after a while. She spun a little circle as she walked through the archway into the large cavern she'd been in the first night Hiccup brought her here.

She pulled up short.

There was a dragon in the cave.

A dragon other than Toothless.

There was a large blue Deadly Nadder standing in the room, facing away from her and preening the long deadly spines on its tail. Very slowly Astrid reached for her knife. She wasn't sure if she should approach the beast while it had its back turned or if she should use its distraction to turn tail and run. If she ran now she might be able to get away before it noticed her, but the tunnel behind her was big enough for it to fit through, and if it gave chase there was no way she'd have enough room to fight it in the small space. The tunnel to her right was a bit smaller. Large enough for Toothless but in theory not quite big enough for the Nadder to comfortably fit through. Astrid very carefully took a step to her right, her knife gripped in her hand. The dragon didn't notice.

She kept her eyes locked on the dragon while she crept closer to the other tunnel. Her boot kicked a rock and it skittered off, alerting the dragon to her presence. Its head snapped up and its yellow eyes narrowed when it saw her. Astrid abandoned stealth and lunged for the mouth of the tunnel, the creature's squawks following her. It reached the tunnel before she did and Astrid turned, her feet skidding on the cave floor. The dragon was right behind her, and Astrid knew she wouldn't reach the tunnel in time. She turned and ran towards the dragon, right into its blind spot. The huge head twisted and turned, trying to find where she'd gone but Astrid stayed with it, dodging back and forth to stay out of sight.

Her knife was still in her hand and the dragon's neck was right there. She could slit its throat. Or lunge forward and stab it in the heart. But instead she thought of Toothless, of everything Hiccup said about dragons, and her raised hand faltered.

In the split second she was staring at the blade in her hand the Nadder shifted enough to see her, and its huge snout knocked her to the ground. Her knife went flying out of her hand and slid across the floor, far out of reach. Astrid stared up at the dragon, at the razor sharp teeth and the yellow eyes. It leaned down, sniffing at her. Astrid screamed.

The Nadder pulled back and cocked his head. It trilled, a strange little whine, and took a step back from her. Astrid was still staring up at it and panting a moment later when Hiccup sprinted into the room. "Astrid!"

She looked at him. "Help!"

Hiccup dashed forward and stepped between her and the dragon. "Hey, it's okay," he said, reaching up and stroking the Nadder's chin. "It's okay, you're fine, it's okay." The Nadder squawked and stamped its feet, then to Astrid's surprise its pupils rounded and it nuzzled Hiccup, who laughed.

Astrid dazedly pushed herself onto her elbows. The dragon. Hiccup was worried about _the dragon_.

Of _course_.

She pulled herself up on trembling legs and backed away from Hiccup and the dragon who was now cooing happily as Hiccup scratched behind its crown of spikes. "Oh, I haven't seen you in a while," Hiccup was saying. "Where have you been, girl? Huh? Whatcha been up to?"

Astrid kept her eyes on the pair as she retrieved her knife. As soon as the blade was back in her hands the dragon shrieked, her pupils narrowing and her tail spines lifting.

"No!" Astrid barely had time to blink before Hiccup was throwing himself at her, yanking the knife out of her hand and flinging it away.

"Hey, what are you doing?!"

"You're scaring her!"

Astrid's eyes widened. "_I'm _scaring _her_? She attacked me!"

Hiccup matched her glare. "She wasn't attacking you, she was just trying to say hello!"

"She came right at me, Hiccup, that wasn't a greeting, that was a—AAAAHH!" Astrid screamed again as huge pair of nostrils suddenly breathed down on her shoulder as the mouth they were attached to picked up the end of her braid.

"It's okay, Astrid, it's okay!" Hiccup grabbed her shoulders, his chest warm and oddly comforting against her back. "She won't hurt you." Astrid wasn't sure if that was directed at her or the dragon, but either way it was somewhat reassuring. If she was going to be face to face with a strange dragon at least she was doing it with a dragon expert by her side. "She's just trying to say hello, like I said." Astrid looked at Hiccup like he was crazy—which he probably was, really. Toothless was one thing. This was a wild dragon. Slight difference.

Hiccup gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze and laughed. "She recognizes you, Astrid. That's why she's trying to say hello."

"Recognizes me?" Astrid looked up at the dragon, whose mouth was quirked upwards at the corners, almost like she was smiling.

"From Berk."

Astrid quirked an eyebrow and subconsciously pressed closer to Hiccup. "How would she know me from Berk? What, does she remember me from the raids or something?"

Hiccup chuckled and stepped around Astrid to scratch the dragon's chin. The Nadder trilled happily and leaned into his touch, her back leg lifting and kicking the air like a dog. "No, from the arena." He looked at her. "She was the Nadder in Dragon Training." Astrid's eyes widened as she stared at the dragon. That was the same one? The same dragon that had very nearly killed them both all those years ago because Hiccup couldn't stay out of the way? She became aware that Hiccup was staring at her expectantly. "Well come on," he was saying, "Aren't you gonna say hi?" He was smiling at her, and dimly it occurred to her that his eyes were brighter and he was altogether happier around dragons than at any other time.

Astrid took a step back, then another. Hiccup's smile faltered. "Astrid?"

She kept stepping backwards, and shook her head slightly, her eyes still on the dragon. On its teeth and the poisonous spines on its tail.

Hiccup was frowning at her. "Astrid? What's wrong?"

Astrid shook her head. "It's a dragon."

Hiccup nodded. "Yes, yes it is. And?"

Astrid just shook her head, still stepping away. "It's a _dragon_."

She watched Hiccup's expression harden. His eyebrows drew together and his mouth turned into a thin line. "And why is that problem?" When she didn't answer he shook his head. "You haven't changed a bit, have you?" he spat.

At that moment Toothless bounded into the room and warbled happily upon seeing the Nadder. She squawked in reply and soon the two of them were bobbing their heads at each other and cackling some strange dragon hello. While the two dragons were greeting each other Hiccup was glaring at her.

"You've seen Toothless. You've seen that dragons aren't all bad and you still can't accept it. You're just like the rest of them." He crossed. his arms over his chest as he turned to watch the two dragons chattering with each other. He scoffed. "And here I thought maybe you had actually changed."

For some reason that struck something deep inside her and Astrid's hands closed into fists. She took a deep breath and approached him. She swallowed. "Then prove me wrong." Hiccup looked at her, one eyebrow rising. Astrid nodded at the Nadder. "Toothless is one thing. Show me it's not all dragons. Prove me wrong."

Hiccup's expression softened and his eyebrows rose. He blinked at her for a moment, looking somewhere between surprised and perhaps even impressed. "Okay," he said. His hand landed on her back and he pushed her forward gently, towards the two dragons. He whistled, and they both looked at him. He made a strange clicking noise and the Nadder stepped forwards. Astrid's footsteps faltered. But Hiccup's hand was warm between her shoulder blades and she took a deep breath.

She was Astrid Hofferson. She was the niece of Fearless Finn Hofferson. The daughter of Berk's longest-running Axe-Throwing Champion. She could be brave.

The Nadder was looking at her out of big yellow eyes, unfolding and refolding her wings. When Astrid got closer the dragon moved back, the spines on her head lowering. Astrid took a step back, but Hiccup pushed her closer, holding a hand out to the dragon at the same time. "Hey, it's fine, it's fine. You're both fine." The dragon came a little closer and nuzzled into Hiccup's hand. He pulled Astrid closer, his arm curling around her back. "Go on," he said, his mouth just a few inches from Astrid's ear. "Reach out."

She looked at him. There was a wonder and an excitement in his eyes. Astrid managed a nod, but as soon as she was looking at the dragon again she couldn't quite bring herself to move. Hiccup sighed through his nose and she felt the air against her neck and shivered. The arm around her back moved down and he took her free hand in his. He lifted her hand towards the dragon, who shifted uneasily on her feet. Hiccup squeezed her hand a little tighter. "She can sense you're nervous," he said, his voice soft in her ear. "Just relax. She won't hurt you."

Her fingers widened, her palm outstretched. The dragon looked at her hand for a moment, then closed its eyes and pressed it's snout into her hand. Astrid felt a smile stealing over her lips. Hiccup removed his hand and let Astrid stroke the dragon's horn. The dragon cooed and leaned into her touch.

"See?" Hiccup's voice was a low whisper right next to her ear. "I think she likes you." Astrid turned to look at him, beaming. He was watching her intently, a smile teasing at the corners of his parted lips. His eyes were alight with a fire Astrid had not seen before.

It occurred to her suddenly just how close together they were standing. Her shoulder was pressed into his chest and his hand had returned to rest on her back. And for some reason it didn't bother her. They stared at each other for a moment, and Astrid saw Hiccup's eyes flicker down to her lips, and just for a second thought he might kiss her, but then he was clearing his throat and stepping away.

"So," he said, as the dragon pushed past Astrid's hand to nuzzle her whole head against her. "You wanna try flying her?" Astrid laughed, both from the dragon nudging playfully against her and Hiccup's incredulous suggestion.

"Uh, I think I'll pass on that, thanks." She giggled and scratched under the Nadder's chin and behind her spikes while she tittered in appreciation.

"Probably for the best, there's a storm coming in." Astrid extracted herself from the dragon long enough to follow Hiccup to the opening of the cave. The sky was gray and there were huge black clouds rolling in from the west. The Nadder squeezed between the two of them and nuzzled them both before spreading her wings and taking off into the sky.

"Where's she going? She shouldn't be out flying in this weather, should she?"

Hiccup laughed. "I've seen her fly through bad storms before. She'll be fine. I think she actually likes it."

Astrid smiled, watching the brightly colored dragon winging her way off into the distance. "A storm flier, huh?"

Hiccup nodded. "Yeah." There was a grumble behind him and he turned to scratch at the ears of Toothless, who was nudging him in the back. "Oh, are you feeling left out, buddy? Huh?"

"What was she doing here?" Astrid asked, watching Hiccup scratch Toothless's ears.

Hiccup looked out at the distant speck. "She stops by every now and then. Comes by to check on me. She and Toothless get along." He shrugged. "Actually, this time of year she might be on her way to the nesting grounds."

Astrid cocked an eyebrow. "Nesting grounds?"

Hiccup nodded. "We're getting close to the dragon's mating season. Midwinter, they migrate south, lay their eggs, hatch and raise their young. Right around Snoggletog, usually. That's why it's so peaceful around the holidays. The dragons are off celebrating their own sort of holiday."

Astrid frowned. "Is it getting close to Snoggletog already?"

Hiccup mirrored her frown, thinking. "Yeah, a couple weeks away, I guess."

"Oh."

Astrid thought back, trying to think when it had been that she'd left Berk.

A month. A month?

Yes, a month.

…had it really been that long? Nearly that long, at least.

There was a rumble of thunder and Hiccup rose to his feet and pulled lightly at Toothless's saddle. "Come on bud," he said, "We need to pull the flap over the top of the kitchen before the rain starts."

Long after they left Astrid was still standing by the opening, staring out across the sea at the brave little speck flying through the storm.

She decided she liked that dragon.

She was fearless.


	10. So in Love with the Wrong World

A/N: I just want to take a moment to thank everyone for the outrageous response I've gotten on this fic. I mean look at that header. Over 300 follows? Over 200 faves? 162 reviews? I just? I never expected this, and it feels so amazing. Thank you all so much, every single one of you for reading, for faving, for reviewing. For being so supportive of this. I want to put you all in a room and hug you.

As for this chapter, I AM SO EXCITED. SO MANY THINGS HAPPEN. SO MANY THINGS. LIKE ALL THE THINGS. Well not all the things but SO MANY. Chapter title from "Blinding" by Florence and the Machine

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><p><em>Chapter 10: So in Love with the Wrong World<em>

"Hiccup, please? It's almost Snoggletog, you can't seriously expect me to be away from home during the holiday, can you?"

"Astrid…"

"Look, it's been a month and a half! I think Berk has figured out by now that their sacrifice didn't work. What's the worst that's going to happen when I go home?"

Hiccup gave her an exasperated sigh. "Astrid, stop following me around."

"I'd stop following you if you stopped and actually talked to me."

"Astrid, I'm carrying around a piece of molten steel. If you're looking to get some seriously awesome burn scars, then by all means, keep following me. Otherwise, you might want to back off."

Astrid huffed and took a few steps back while Hiccup plunged the steel into a barrel of water. "Hiccup, I'm serious. Could you just tell me something solid about when you're going to take me home? And if you say 'when it's safe' then I swear to Thor I'll punch you in the gut."

Hiccup yanked at the ties of his apron until it was loose enough for him to pull it over his head and toss it to the side. He ran his hand through his hair and turned to face her, sighing again as he slumped against the table behind him, his arms braced on the wood for support. He was working shirtless today, because of course he was, and because the irony of telling her to stay back from super heated steel while he had so much bare skin in close proximity to it was apparently lost on him. Still staring at the floor he said, "I'll take you back when they ask for you."

The arms crossed over her chest dropped to her sides. "What?"

Hiccup shrugged. "They can have you back when they ask for you. I didn't really want to tell you, but so far they haven't. Three raids on Berk since I took you and so far they haven't demanded their failed sacrifice be returned."

Astrid blinked at him. "That…that doesn't mean anything. That doesn't mean they don't _want _me back. That just…they probably think I'm dead."

Hiccup shook his head. "I'm pretty sure they have good reason to believe you're still alive." He looked up at her through his sweat-damp bangs. "I told you that to get those clothes I fought Camicazi, the heir to the Bog Burglar tribe. Her mother is Bertha, the chief and an old friend of my dad's. Her daughter catches the dreaded Dragon Master stealing women's clothes off their line? Yeah, she's going to be telling other chiefs about something that weird, whether or not she knew about Berk's sacrifice." He dropped his gaze. "Girls' clothes being stolen a few days after you give the Dragon Master a girl? Doesn't take a genius to put the pieces together. They should be thinking that there's at least a chance that you're still alive. And yet they haven't asked for you back."

Astrid slumped against the table next to him. They hadn't tried to get her back. Either they already believed she was dead or they were still hoping she would take the Dragon Master's attention away from the villages.

"I'm sorry."

Astrid nodded. "Yeah. Great."

After a long moment of silence Hiccup said, "What would you do when you got back?"

Astrid looked at him. "What?"

Hiccup shrugged, his eyes downcast. "What would you do when got home? I mean, would you go back to fighting dragons during raids?"

She stared at him. "I…I guess."

Hiccup's gaze was sharp when it snapped up to her. "How can you say that?" he asked, his voice suddenly harsh. "After everything you've seen, everything you've learned about dragons, how can you just go back to fighting them?"

"I…" Astrid shifted. "I don't…I don't know if I'd _fight _them, but…well I can't stand back and do nothing while they ravage my village, can I?"

Hiccup's glare didn't soften. "Fighting back only causes problems. They aren't hostile, you know that!"

It was Astrid's turn to glare. "I don't know that, Hiccup! I've seen two dragons not actively try to rip my throat out. How is that proof that dragons aren't hostile creatures?"

"You've seen two dragons who didn't try to hurt you! That's proof right there that not all dragons are bad!"

Astrid's voice was level when she answered him. "I've seen that not all dragons are bad, Hiccup. That's not the same as seeing that all dragons are good. It's going to take a little more than a couple of tame dragons to prove that the whole species is docile."

Hiccup was undeterred, and Astrid couldn't help but admire his determination. "Astrid, I've _told_ you—"

"Yes, you've _told_ me they're mostly docile, I know." Astrid rolled her eyes. "But you're more than a little biased." She gave him an apologetic smile. "How am I supposed to really believe what you say?"

Hiccup's glare faded and his eyebrows drew together. He looked almost helpless, before his eyes tightened and the corner of his mouth quirked into a crooked smile. She knew that look. She could practically see the gears of his mind turning. He raised a finger and shook it at her. "You're right." His smile grew as he pushed off the table. "You're absolutely right."

Astrid frowned. "I am?"

Hiccup grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. "Yes. Come with me."

She hesitantly followed his brisk pace down the corridors to the cave that served as his bedroom, where Toothless was napping by the fire. "What am I right about? Hiccup?" He was pulling on his armor and tossing her the heavy wool cloak he'd bought her the last time he'd gone into port.

"You're right," he said brightly, buckling on Toothless's saddle. The sleepy dragon stood and stretched, his tail starting to wiggle at the prospect of flight. "You can't trust what I say, so I won't say anything." He climbed on Toothless's back and beamed at her. "Just let me show you."

Astrid stared. "What are you going to show me, exactly?"

Hiccup gestured at Toothless. "Why I'm so biased."

Astrid did some more staring. "You're out of your Thorsdamned mind if you think I'm getting on the back of that thing again, Haddock." Toothless grunted at her. "Sorry, Toothless," she said.

Hiccup sighed, his smile faltering just a bit. "Look," he said, "Just give me this. Let me show you something so amazing, you'll have to believe that dragons are alright. If this doesn't convince you, nothing will."

Astrid raised an eyebrow. "You sound awfully sure of yourself."

Hiccup nodded. "If this doesn't convince you..." he trailed off, glancing down, before those brilliant green eyes were staring at her again. "If this doesn't convince you, I'll take you home."

Astrid's eyebrows hit her hairline. "What?"

His eyes were blazing. "You heard me. If this doesn't convince you, then I'll take you back to Berk."

"You're really sure this is gonna convince me."

His next smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "If this doesn't convince you, then I'm not sure I want to keep trying." There was a beat, and then he held out a hand.

Astrid took a deep breath and stepped forward, fastening her cloak around her neck. She bypassed Hiccup's outstretched hand and carefully climbed on Toothless's back behind him. "If you let me fall off—"

"I won't let you fall off." Hiccup grinned at her over his shoulder. "But you might want to hang on."

She tentatively wrapped her arms around Hiccup's torso. Those great black wings spread on either side of her, and she only had a moment to regret her every decision that day before they had shot into the air.

Astrid screamed and buried her face against Hiccup's back. She heard him grunt as her arms became a vice around his waist. The flight out of the cave was rough; Toothless was diving and twisting to avoid rock formations and it was all Astrid could do to keep her thighs tight around his neck while her arms squeezed Hiccup in half.

Finally they emerged into the sunlight and Toothless's powerful wings beat the air as they rose higher and higher into the sky. She could hear Hiccup laughing and whooping as they climbed further up than Astrid even wanted to think about. Her heart was pounding and the air was whipping through her hair and her cloak, but she dared not let go of Hiccup long enough to pull the fabric closer around her. Eventually she felt them level off, and beside her Toothless's wings stilled into a glide.

"Astrid, look." She shook her head against his back.

"No thank you."

She could hear the rumble of Hiccup's laughter against his ribcage. "Astrid, come on. _Look_."

Not relinquishing her death-grip on Hiccup's middle Astrid carefully peeled one eye open, then the other. They widened at what they saw. She'd flown once before, but that was at night, and in the open sunlight the ocean glittering below seemed even further down. There were white clouds below them, and far, far below she could make out the shapes of birds. It was terrifying.

"Nope, I still don't like this. Not at all." She both felt and heard Hiccup's sigh.

"Astrid, don't look down. Look up. Look around you." Astrid closed her eyes and hid her face against Hiccup's back again. She took a long, deep breath, and opened her eyes to the world around her.

Blue. As far as the eye could see. Endless, stunning _blue_ dotted with the huge white shapes of clouds, the world shining all around her. The sun seemed less above her and more on par with her, and everything around her seemed to be _light_. Surely the realm of the gods looked something like _this_. Far in the distance she could see oceans of clouds, waves like that of the sea flowing in slow motion across a blanket of white. Around them she could see huge mountainous clouds. Huge white fluffy pillars that floated effortlessly through the cold air.

"What are they made out of?"

Hiccup looked over his shoulder at her. "What are what made out of?"

"Clouds," Astrid said, her eyes wide as the sky around her. "I mean water, obviously, because they make rain. But what do they feel like? I never really thought about it before. But those big puffy ones, what do they feel like?"

She saw Hiccup grinning out of the corner of her eye. "We'll show you." Toothless warbled and beat his wings and they were rising higher and turning towards one of the huge masses of white. But as they got closer Astrid could see that the cloud wasn't very solid at all. They flew by it and she could see the mists trailing away from the denser areas, and when she reached out to touch it she met only cold moisture. It was fascinating.

"It's kind of disappointing."

"What?" She grinned at Hiccup's incredulous stare. "I show you something that no one else has ever gotten to see and you have the gall to find it disappointing?"

She laughed at him. "I just thought they'd be more like pillows or something, you know?" She looked back at the mist suspended in the air around her hand. "But this is…this is amazing. How can it look so solid from far away and be like this close up? It's like magic." She pulled her hand back.

"Don't forget to breathe," Hiccup chided. "You don't want to pass out way up here." Astrid nodded. It was easier this time than it had been the first time she'd flown. She'd been terrified of so many things that night and couldn't have kept her breathing steady if she'd tried. "Speaking of breathing," Hiccup said after a minute, "You're kind of crushing me." Astrid smiled apologetically even though he couldn't see her and loosened her grip.

"This is…this is incredible."

Hiccup nodded. "This is what it is to see the world through a dragon's eyes. Now look down and tell if you're still afraid."

She did, and found that she wasn't.

The ocean's texture seemed different from so far up, rippled instead of undulating. She could see small white lines flash and vanish only to reappear. They seemed so tiny from this high up but she knew those were huge waves swelling on the open sea. Little dots of brown and green littered the expanse of blue, sea stacks and small islands. It was beautiful, but she found she enjoyed looking at the open sky around her more.

After a while they started to descend, and then Hiccup was looking at her over his shoulder and telling her to hold on. Astrid didn't have time to ask why before they were turning into a dive and she was squeezing Hiccup tight. Her thighs clenched around the dragon's neck and her hands turned to claws on Hiccup's shirt. Through the wind burning her eyes she could see their destination: a small crescent-shaped island around a brightly colored little bay that even from a distance seemed to be teeming with life.

The closer they got, the better view of what kind of life she got.

Her eyes widened as they drew up into a gentle glide as they came in for the landing. On the little islet below she saw dragons of every species she'd ever seen and then some, all huddled around little nests filled with either eggs or chirping hatchlings. They landed on one of the rare empty cliffs of the island and Hiccup jumped off before offering a hand to help her down, which in her amazement Astrid was too preoccupied to reject.

"The dragons' nesting grounds?" she breathed, and Hiccup nodded.

"They come here every year to lay their eggs and raise their young until the hatchlings are big enough to fly on their own."

It was an amazing sight to behold. Astrid had never given much thought to dragon breeding habits. Dragons attacked, dragons were killed, more dragons came in their place. She'd assumed they bred like most other animals did: whenever and wherever. She'd never considered they might have a season.

She gasped and drew closer to Hiccup as a Gronkle wandered by, but then she couldn't help but laugh when she saw the small hoard of baby Gronkles following their mother. They were round pudgy little things with big eyes, and a few of them stopped to look at her with curiosity before their mother was growling to get their attention and they scuttled off after her.

"Come on," Hiccup said, slipping his hand into hers and dragging her forward. "All your life you've been told that dragons are born killers. Well here are more newborn dragons in one place than you will ever see anywhere else." Astrid followed him automatically, her feet moving of their own accord as she stared around her in wonder. The baby Gronkles were roly-poly little things who seemed to most enjoy sleeping and eating the fish their mothers regurgitated for them. The baby Hideous Zipplebacks were having some difficulty getting the walking thing down, as most of them couldn't seem to get both heads to agree on a direction to try walking in.

The young Monstrous Nightmares were having more luck, it seemed. They passed by a tired-looking mother whose hatchlings were climbing all over her, setting themselves on fire for a brief moment before extinguishing. And then Astrid nearly lost her footing when a couple of Nadder babies zipped past.

It was warmer here, but she wasn't sure if it was because they were further south or if it was because of the hot springs that dotted the island. She watched in awe as a mother Gronkle pushed her eggs into one of the bubbling pools. The Gronkle waited, and then after a moment a fat green baby stuck its head out of the water. "The eggs hatch underwater?" she asked, looking at Hiccup who nodded. Astrid turned back to watch more babies start to emerge from the little pool. She noticed a round blue egg off to the side and took a few steps towards it. "I think she missed one. It looks like it's about to hatch." The egg was shaking. "Should I get it for her, or will she—"

"Astrid, no!" Hiccup dove in front of her, his arms closing around her and pulling her out of the way before an explosion knocked them both off their feet. Astrid gasped, her hands grabbing Hiccup's shoulders on instinct as one of his arms broke her fall. She peeked up from the shelter of his chest in time to see a smoking baby Gronkle fall from the sky and land next to her. The baby shook his head and yawned, before pushing himself to wobbly baby feet and padding off to join his mother and siblings.

"You okay?" Hiccup said in her ear, and Astrid turned to look at him, only to be taken aback at just how close they were. She leaned away, her arms sliding off his shoulders and she crawled backwards to get out from under him. She saw the tips of Hiccup's ears turn red as he pushed himself to his feet and held out a hand to help her up. "Sorry," he grunted, not looking at her.

"It's okay," Astrid said, a bit breathlessly. She looked at the Gronkle family. "So," she said, staring at the hatchlings and the scattered shards of dragon egg. "The eggs explode."

"Yep."

"The eggs explode?"

"Yeah. They explode."

"Of course. Of course. The eggs explode." She nodded, her foot tapping against the rock. "Why would they explode? Isn't that dangerous? What if the eggs are outside the water? What if they're still in the nest? What would—"

Hiccup sighed and grabbed her arm and dragged her off, ignoring her rambling entirely.

They wondered through the nests full of little families of dragons, Toothless following behind. That's when something occurred to Astrid. She was surrounded by every breed of dragon she had ever seen in near Berk…save one.

"There aren't any Night Furies." Hiccup's smile slid off his face.

"No there aren't."

"Why not?"

He sighed, his brow wrinkling and he turned to watch Toothless try to bat away a herd of curious baby Zipplebacks. "Because there never are." He crossed his arms over his chest. "The first year we came here there weren't any and I didn't think anything of it. The next year there still weren't any, and by that point Toothless and I had traveled far and I'd seen other nesting grounds, other places favored by other species of dragons, including some used exclusively by Strike Class dragons. But even in the ones used by the dragons most closely related to Night Furies we never saw any." His frown grew and she could see the sadness in his eyes. "We've traveled so far, and I've still never seen another Night Fury. I'm not sure I ever will."

Astrid's heart sank. "You think he's the last of his kind?"

Hiccup nodded. "I think he might be. We don't go to the nesting grounds anymore. He's never shown any sign that it bothers him but…I don't know if maybe he just hasn't figured it out yet." His boot scuffled at the dirt. "And the thing is, even if I found another Night Fury it doesn't guarantee that I'd be finding him a mate. For some species it's all instinct; they find a mate for the season and that's it. For some, and for most of the Strike Class and more intelligent breeds, they put a lot of thought into choosing their mate and they mate for life." He glanced at her. "Even if I found a lady Fury there's no guarantee Toothless will like her or she'll like him. He may still never take a mate or have hatchlings."

Astrid followed his eyes to where Toothless had become a reluctant playground for a hoard of hatchlings. They had swarmed him, and he now lay on his stomach, completely defeated, while the tiny babies crawled all over him. She laughed, but her heart still broke for him. "Are you worried about him?" she asked. "He doesn't look like he's missing anything."

Hiccup's mouth quirked into a soft smile. "I do worry about him. He's never shown any sign that he's lonely, but I worry one day he'll feel like he's missed something. I don't know how deep the instinct to reproduce goes. But for now he seems happy with just me."

Astrid smiled. "I wonder if he has the same worries about you."

Hiccup's smile was genuine this time. "Maybe. Either that or he's concerned about the amount of mating I engage in that doesn't result in offspring."

Astrid couldn't help but laugh at that, even as it niggled something unpleasant in the back of her mind. "He probably thinks you're doing something wrong."

Hiccup snorted. "Hey, if the goal is offspring then I _better_ be doing something wrong." They fell into laughter, first at his joke and then at Toothless's half-hearted attempts at scaring off the small army of baby dragons who had decided he was their new best friend.

Something picked at Astrid's braid and she turned to find a large blue snout looming over her attached to some very large yellow eyes. She grinned, her sadness for Toothless suddenly replaced by a warmth in her chest as she wrapped her arms around the Nadder's horn. "Well if it isn't my brave little storm-flier," she said, stroking the cooing dragon under her chin as she nuzzled against her. There was a series of chirps and she looked down to see four little Nadder hatchlings bobbing around her knees. Astrid broke into a grin and kneeled down to pet them. "And your babies?!" She squealed. "Aw, look at them!" She ran her hand over the nubby little spines that would one day grow into the Nadder's spiked crown. The baby trilled its joy as its tail spines raised and lowered willy-nilly. The babies pushed at each other, knocking siblings' heads out of the way to get to her hands. Astrid scooped them all close, enjoying the happy wriggly little bodies vying for her attention.

"Enjoying yourself?" Astrid looked up at Hiccup, who was absently stroking the Nadder's chin as Astrid was swarmed by her babies.

She beamed at him. "This is amazing. Seriously, totally amazing." She looked around her, at the creatures she'd feared and hated all her life, all gathered together in little families. "You were right," she said. "I'll gladly admit it. You were right."

The smile he gave her in answer might have been the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

Xx

They danced across the sky, leaping from cloud to cloud chasing waves of sunshine.

Hiccup's eyes were bright and his smile brighter as he took her hands and pulled her through the air. Despite the altitude and winter air she was warm, warmer than she'd ever been when Hiccup wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. His eyes were such an intense green and the sunlight caught the copper in his hair when he pulled her so close she could count every freckle. She watched his eyes flicker to her lips and found herself hoping, hoping, hoping…

_Astrid_.

How was it her name sounded so beautiful in his voice? He was leaning in, hardly any space between them…

"Astrid."

She blinked her eyes open to purple-tinted darkness, the brightness of her dream fading away as the little bodies snuggled in her lap shifted and began to awake. Astrid yawned and rubbed the side of the scaly belly she was leaned up against and the mother Nadder lifted her wing and revealed to Astrid the rest of the world.

Hiccup was standing in front of her, silhouetted against the setting sun and smiling softly at her.

"It's getting late. You ready to go?"

"If they'll let me," Astrid said, gesturing at the slumbering hatchlings on her lap. "It seems like a crime to wake them up."

Hiccup chuckled as he helped her carefully scoop the babies off her lap and nestle them close to their mother. "I've got something else to show you," he said in a low voice, a strange light in his eyes as he looked at her. She could have sworn she caught a wink as he stood. Astrid rose to her feet and gave the Nadder one last hug.

"Don't be a stranger, okay?" she told the dragon, who chirped and gave her braid an affectionate nip.

Toothless was obviously eager to leave. His tail was wiggling as he paced around them, warbling. Astrid laughed as she climbed on the saddle. She took one last look around at the dragons scattered across the island. They all looked so happy. So peaceful.

Hiccup's hands on her hips surprised her. He was climbing on to the saddle behind her, pushing her forwards to sit in front of him.

"What—" His hands came around her waist and placed hers on the strange handles at the top of the saddle while his feet pushed hers onto the pedals either side of Toothless's neck.

"It's your turn to fly," Hiccup said, his voice right next to her ear. He pulled her back flush against his chest and Astrid's breath hitched.

"I'm not so sure about this," she breathed, his warmth as unnerving as it was welcome.

"You'll be fine, I'll guide you." Was it her imagination or did his voice sound an octave lower than usual? His hands closed over hers on the handles and his legs draped over hers as he pushed her foot down on the left pedal, the tailfin snapping open behind them.

Astrid swallowed. "Is this really such a good idea? I've never done this before."

There was no plausible reason for Hiccup's mouth to be that close to her ear. "Don't worry," he whispered, "I'll be gentle."

The innuendo was not lost on her. Oh gods, was Hiccup _flirting_?

Toothless grumbled beneath them, eager to be in the air, and Hiccup's feet moved hers into position. He leaned forward, pushing her with him, and Astrid's heart sped up for a number of reasons before Toothless's wings spread and they were off. It left her as breathless as before, especially without Hiccup to hold onto this time, but his arms were sure and steady around her, and she was more accustomed to holding herself on with her legs now.

They shot into the sky, the clouds around them tinted pink and orange and purple and the whole world seemed golden now, instead of the bright clear blue of earlier. Her hands may have been on the handles but Hiccup was still doing all the work, leaving her to enjoy the magical scene around her. The air was frigid but Hiccup was warm, and when she shivered he rubbed his hands up and down her arms to warm her.

_This_ must be what the realm of the gods was like. Golden and shining. She lost track of time; the sunset seemed to last longer than usual up this high. It felt like forever before she finally watched the sun disappear beyond the curve of the world, and the moonlight illuminated the soft swells of the clouds around them.

"Where are we going?" she asked, tilting her head to look at Hiccup, whose eyes were focused upwards, smiling at something above them.

"There are few more things I wanna show you," he said, his voice still low, and he nodded above them.

She looked up. She'd seen the lights that danced in the night sky many times before in her life, but never like this. Never this…close? They seemed far away and close at the same time.

She found herself settling back into Hiccup's embrace, her head resting on his shoulder as she watched the multicolored fire undulate above them. Hiccup's hands slid off the handles and he wrapped his arms around her waist. Astrid's heart sped up.

"I never get tired of this," Hiccup was saying, "I could spend my whole life in the air and never get bored with it." Astrid watched him out of the corner of her eye. His eyes wide and bright and the moon highlighted the strong line of his jaw while the wind touseled that silky hair. He was really sort of beautiful. "Once you've been up here, it's so hard to ever go back down."

She watched his face fall and his eyes fixed on something below them. He nodded downward, and Astrid followed his gaze. She gasped. There, far below them, lights twinkling in the dark, was Berk.

Astrid leaned forward to get a better look. She'd never seen it from this angle. Their village was small compared to most, but it had always felt big from the ground. From up here, it seemed so tiny. The houses little wooden boxes nestled among bumpy hills.

"I miss it sometimes," Hiccup said. "I don't know why, but I do. Even though I know no one there misses me."

Astrid felt something heavy in the pit of her stomach. "That's not true," she said, her voice low and almost unsure. She heard Hiccup's sigh, and cut him off before he could answer, "I missed you." She couldn't bring herself to look at Hiccup but she could feel his stare on the back of her head. "I know we didn't know each other very well but I missed you. I was…I was always kind of curious about you, and suddenly you were gone, and I realized I was never going to get to know you." Her heart was beating fast and she kept her eyes fixed on the pinpricks of torches burning beneath them. "It wasn't just guilt. Everything felt weird with you gone. It felt like something was missing." She swept her bangs out of her eyes, an old habit she'd picked up again in recent weeks. "I know you think no one missed you but they did. _I _did. A-and I know Gobber did. And your dad."

"Don't talk to me about my dad." His voice was low, barely audible over the wind, and Astrid turned to look at him, fully prepared to face his glare but was surprised to see him looking sad instead. His eyes were still on the village below; his shoulders were slumped and his forehead was creased. "Do you know what he said to me after Gothi chose me to kill the Nightmare?" Astrid didn't answer. "He told me he was proud of me. I don't think he'd ever told me that before. Not once." Hiccup's chest heaved as he exhaled through his nose. "I finally had my dad's approval, and it was all through lies and deception. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to kill that dragon. And there was no way I could ever tell him about Toothless." He squeezed his eyes shut. "He would have been so disappointed in me. He would've—he would've hated me." He opened his eyes and though she couldn't tell in the darkness, Astrid thought she might have seen the glimmer of tears rimming his eyes. "My dad mourned the son he was proud of. He mourned a son who died a hero."

His eyes were pleading when he looked at her. "I don't want him to know I'm the dragon master because I don't want to take that away from him. For a brief moment in my life my dad was actually proud of me and I don't want to lose that either. I don't…I don't want my dad to hate me. And if he knew what I turned into he would." He shook his head. "Let him have the son he was proud of."

Astrid's heart was in her throat. She swallowed. "I won't tell," she said softly. "I won't ever tell." Hiccup nodded before clearing his throat and reaching around her for the handles again.

They shifted into a slow descent as the circled around the side of the island, away from the village. Astrid said nothing as they flew over the forest and came finally to land in the cove. Hiccup slid off and helped her down from the saddle.

She looked around, at the faded scorches on the rocks, at the spot where she'd found her broken axe…at the place on the ground she had sat and cried until she'd found the strength to run for help. "I haven't been back here since it happened," she said quietly. "Why are we here?"

Hiccup wasn't looking at her. He was adjusting a strap on Toothless's saddle, up and down, in and out, trying to look busy. "You're free to go."

Astrid stared at him, her stomach making a funny sort of flip. "I—what?"

He shrugged. "You can leave. Go back to the village. Go home. I won't stop you." He glanced at her from under his bangs. "I told you I'd let you leave when I thought we were both safe. You've promised not to spill my secret, and I think you can take care of yourself. So go on." He busied himself with more needless fiddling with the saddle. "I'll stay nearby to watch to make sure you're okay for a couple of days, and then I'll bring your stuff back here, but I'm not holding you captive anymore."

"I…" She didn't know what to say. A month and a half she'd waited to hear those words and now that she did she didn't know how to feel about it. "Why now?"

"Because I trust you. Because you changed. Because you know what dragons are really like now." He shrugged. "I wasn't going to give Berk one of their best warriors back. Not if there was a chance I could show you the truth."

Astrid's heart was pounding against her ribcage. "Hiccup, I…" She thought about Berk. About raid after raid and swinging her axe at any dragon in sight. She thought of her house and the parents who had betrayed her. Of the whole village that had given her up.

She thought of the Deadly Nadder, of the warm belly she'd slept next to, of the hatchlings curled up on her lap, of Toothless with his tongue lolling out as he spread out on his back in the sunlight. She thought of her little garden, of sewing in the forge while Hiccup worked and chatting about nothing.

She thought of how she'd felt safer sleeping next to a dragon than she felt about walking back into that village.

"What if I don't want to go back?"

Hiccup's head snapped up and he gaped at her, hands stilling their fidgeting on the saddle. "What?"

Astrid's hands were shaking, and from more than the cold. "What if I don't want to go back? To Berk, I mean. What if I don't want to go back?" Hiccup continued to gape. Astrid felt all the heat in her body rush to her cheeks. "It's just…I know I've been asking to come home but now that I'm actually facing it I realized…" she trailed off shaking her head. "I don't want to go back," she said. "I don't want to go back there. After what they did to me, I don't want to go back. After everything I've seen I'm not even sure if I could."

"Not even for your sister?"

Astrid frowned. "It's like you said," she continued, "About dying a hero. When she's older Brenna will realize what really happened and I'll have been the sister who died to save her village. I'll be her hero. But if I go back…" she shrugged. "I can't fight them. Not after all that. I could claim I was traumatized, but I'd go from being the fearless sister she looks up to, to some weak, frightened I don't-even-know-what." Her heart broke at the thought but she knew it had to be done. "This way she gets to keep her hero."

Hiccup nodded, mouth still hanging open. "So, what do you wanna do now?"

Astrid shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know. I just—I don't—I don't want to go back there. I don't know what to do." She stared at the ground by Hiccup's feet. She was trembling, the world seemed to have flipped upside down.

"You could stay with me," Hiccup said quietly. "I mean, you probably don't want to," he said, louder, "But you could. If you wanted to. You don't have to. I could take you to port. You could find passage on a ship, go someplace new, someplace peaceful maybe. Start over or something."

Astrid nodded automatically. "Maybe," she said, her voice a little breathless. "Maybe." Oh gods, what was she doing? She didn't want to go back to Berk. Only that morning she had but now she couldn't fathom going back.

Hiccup's hand wrapped around hers and she looked up at him. She hadn't even heard him approach. There was a deep kindness in his eyes she longed to see more often. "You don't have to decide now," he said, his voice gentle. "We'll go home, you can sleep on it." His hand was so warm around hers. It anchored her. She had always been so sure of herself, had always known who she was and what she stood for and what she wanted. Now she wasn't sure of anything except that 'home' no longer felt like the village behind her and that she didn't want Hiccup to let go of her hand.

"Yeah," she whispered, allowing Hiccup to lead her back to Toothless.

Her mind was a swirling mess of thoughts during their return flight. Astrid watched the lights of Berk shrink into the distance over Hiccup's shoulder and gripped the arm that held her waist tighter when finally she lost sight of the village behind a cloud.

"I know," he whispered, his lips just brushing the shell of her ear. "I know how hard it is to leave. If you change your mind—"

Astrid shook her head, her eyes squeezing closed. "I can't go back." Her eyes burned with tears she was too stubborn to let fall. "I can't."

Hiccup tightened his arms around her, and when he pressed a tentative kiss against her temple she let him.

X

She fell asleep on the flight back, safe and comforted in Hiccup's embrace. He nudged her gently awake when they arrived back at his mountain home, and Astrid blinked drowsily at the large entrance cave. She felt like a completely different person than she had the first time he had brought her here. She felt like a completely different person than she had been this morning.

She said nothing as Hiccup helped her off the saddle, already missing the warmth of him at her back and his arms around her.

"You don't have to make a decision about what you want to do any time soon," Hiccup was saying, staring at his feet and shuffling them awkwardly. "If you want to go back, I'll take you back. If you want to stay, you're welcome to. If you want me to help you find somewhere else to go, then I will." It didn't escape her notice that he sounded a little sad just saying it. Did he want her to stay?

"Yeah, I'll um," Astrid swallowed. "I'll let you know when I figure it all out. My head feels kinda messy right now."

Hiccup looked up in time to see the brief smile she gave him. They looked at each other in silence for a long moment. They were bathed in moonlight from the cave mouth behind them, Toothless being far too busy watching them curiously to light the fire. Astrid looked at Hiccup, really _looked _at him; at the line of his jaw and his broad shoulders and his freckles and high cheekbones and the kindess in his eyes. He was so different from the boy she had known but underneath it all she knew that boy was still in there, and he was beautiful.

Her arm raised and she socked Hiccup's shoulder.

"Hey! What—"

"That's for taking so long to take me home," Astrid told him, her legs shaking. Hiccup rubbed at his arm, glaring at her. Her hand rose to sweep her bangs away from her eyes. She took another step forward and her stomach flipped as she reached out and grabbed the front of Hiccup's shirt.

"Woah, what are you—"

She yanked him closer and pressed her lips to his.

She'd meant it to be a brief kiss, just a brush of lips, but as soon as she felt his lips mold to hers she didn't want to stop. She didn't ever want to stop. This kiss was miles away from the first one they'd shared. It was gentle where that first kiss had been rough and demanding. Instead of nervous heat this kiss sent a soft warmth radiating through her body down to the tips of her fingers and toes. Hiccup's lips slid slowly against hers, giving more than he was receiving, asking nothing more than what she was willing to give. His breath was warm on her cheek and she could feel his heart pounding under her hand on his chest.

It was a simple, closed-mouth kiss, and it made her feel as weightless as she had soaring miles above the earth.

Hiccup's hand rose to her back and she pulled away, meeting his half-lidded eyes with her own.

"T-that's for," her voice sounded breathless to her own ears, "That's for everything else." Her hand dropped from his shirt and her eyes from his face as she turned and walked away from him as fast as she could without breaking into a sprint. She didn't bother to pull out her torch; she wanted the darkness of the tunnel to swallow her up. She didn't want to look at him, didn't want to think too hard about what she'd just done, or about how much she had enjoyed it.

Behind her she heard a low grumbling roar, followed by Hiccup's voice, at least an octave too high, "Wha-what are you looking at?"


	11. Hardest of Hearts

A/N: Despite knowing exactly what I wanted to happen this chapter was such a pain to write, but it also contains one of my favorite scenes I've written in terms of pure hilarity. This was another chapter where I had someone ask if we could see something happen literally as I was writing the scene where it happens.

Thursday's sneak peek on tumblr might be late this week. I'm having an endoscopy (where they stick a tiny camera on a long bendy scope thing down your throat to look at your stomach) on Thursday morning to find out why I'm getting sick after eating nearly everything, so depending on how doped up I am that day I might not get around to posting it.

**I cracked 200 reviews the other day. I don't have words to thank everyone. Your support means everything to me.**

On with the show. Warnings: super vaguely alluded to sexy things...non-hiccstrid sexy things RUH-ROH Title from Hardest of Hearts by Florence and the Machine

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><p><em>Chapter 11: Hardest of Hearts<em>

Astrid awoke to sore thighs, an aching back, wind burned cheeks, and the overwhelming feeling that she was the dumbest person to ever walk the earth.

At some point during the night she'd dreamed that she hadn't actually kissed Hiccup, but had merely _dreamed_ that she'd kissed Hiccup, only to wake from _that_ dream and remember that nope, yeah, she had definitely actually kissed Hiccup. That had happened. She had done it.

Thor strike her dead, she had done it.

Astrid groaned and buried her face in a pillow. She'd been so sure of everything last night, but in the stark light of day she was reeling. She'd had the chance to go home and turned it down. Hiccup had flirted with her and she had let him.

She had kissed Hiccup and enjoyed it, and worst of all, she wasn't sure she regretted it.

She felt like an idiot and had no idea how she was going to face him, but it had been the best kiss she'd ever had, and she couldn't quite find it in her to regret doing it, and that terrified her most of all. She shouldn't have done it. She knew she shouldn't have done it. Her whole world had been flipped upside down; she had no business throwing a romantic entanglement into the middle of it. What was she supposed to do? Stay with him? Continue on with this strange little domestic arrangement they had? Tend his garden? Mend his clothes? Nag him about the dirty dishes and his drinking problem?

It wasn't a bad life, really, but she had never been content with the thought of being a housewife, and she couldn't deny that was essentially what she was becoming, minus the sex.

Which was another issue entirely.

She knew how Hiccup was with girls. He'd _told_ her what he was like with girls. And she had no intention of being with him that way, not for a long time, at least. But if she got involved with him, he'd have expectations of her, surely…

Astrid groaned again and pulled the heavy furs over her head. Everything was a mess. She wasn't sure where she fit into the world anymore. She couldn't go back to Berk, she knew that. But she couldn't stay here either, could she? With a dragon-sympathizing vigilante with a drinking problem who liked seducing girls off fishing boats?

That boy she had known might still be inside him somewhere, but the boy in the forge was buried deep underneath the short temper and the dragons and the vices. Surely no good would come of trying to dig him out.

She laid in bed until her stomach was grumbling so loudly that she could not ignore it any longer. She dressed and braided her hair as slowly as she feasibly could. It was so late in the morning that surely Hiccup had finished his breakfast and was busy with other things, she told herself as she meandered to the little kitchen. Surely.

There was nothing to worry about. By now he and Toothless were probably several miles up and a few dozen miles away.

Or maybe they'd been out late last night and Hiccup had slept in and was just now eating breakfast because the gods hated her. He looked up when she entered the room, his lips quirking in an attempt at a smile around his mouthful of bread. Astrid spared him a brief smile before fixing her eyes firmly ahead of her. She could feel his gaze on her as she buttered bread and sliced fruit for her breakfast.

It was a dreary morning; icy rain dinged against the leather tarp that covered the open roof of the cave. That must be why Hiccup and Toothless weren't flying today. She sat down beside him on the wooden bench he'd built at her request. ("Don't you ever get tired of sitting on the table or on crates and stuff?" "No?" "Well I do. Make some chairs or something.")

"Morning," he said, his voice lilting up, the greeting itself forming a question as to why she was ignoring him.

"Good morning," she replied, voice clipped and eyes on her food.

They fell into uneasy silence. Astrid stared at her plate and willed herself to eat even though anxiety set her stomach churning.

"So." Astrid's chest tightened.

_Please don't bring it up. Please don't bring it up. __**Please**__ don't bring it up. _

"You kissed me."

_Dammit._

"Yes I did."

_Please just drop it, please just drop it, please just drop it._

"Why?"

_DAMMIT._

Astrid pushed the fruit around on her plate, still not looking at him. She shrugged, trying for nonchalance. "Oh, you know, just a friendly little thank you kiss for yesterday."

Hiccup snorted. "Is that what you're going with?"

Astrid frowned at her food. "That's all it was."

"Really?" Hiccup sounded unconvinced.

"Yes."

"Just a friendly thank you kiss?"

"Yes."

One of Hiccup's hands was suddenly in front of her, taking her plate from her hands and sitting it on the bench beside them. She was about to protest when he pinched her chin between his thumb and forefinger and forced her to look at him. She stared with wide eyes as he leaned in and kissed her cheek. His eyes were intense as he watched her.

"That was a friendly thank-you kiss," he said, his voice low. His eyes dropped to her lips and she couldn't move as he pressed another brief kiss against her lips. It was no more than a swift peck but she still had to stop herself from following him when he pulled away. "_That_ was a friendly thank-you kiss." His eyes were burning and his voice gravelly when he spoke. "What you gave me last night was _not_ a friendly thank-you kiss."

Astrid swallowed; her mouth felt dry and her heart was pounding in her ears. "It didn't mean anything." She wanted to wince at how breathless she sounded. Even to her own ears she sounded unsure.

"That's a lie and you know it."

She shook her head as much as she could with her chin still in his grip. "No, it's n—"

He tilted her face towards his and pressed his lips to hers.

She melted into him without meaning to, something loosening in her chest, a comfortable warmth spreading through her limbs. There was more force behind this kiss; a restrained passion simmering below the surface of the gentle pressure. Hiccup drew her bottom lip into his mouth and ran his tongue along it in lazy stripes, sending a shiver down her spine.

Her lips chased his without her consent when he drew back, and when her eyes fluttered open he was giving her a smug smirk. "Like I said," Oh damn him. Damn that sly, sexy smile and that husky voice. And damn his clever, stupid brain. "What you gave me last night was _not_ a friendly thank-you kiss."

She jerked away from his grasp. "It didn't mean anything," she said, an edge to her voice.

Hiccup's eyes narrowed. "Astrid—"

"It didn't mean anything," she repeated, louder this time, picking up her plate only to have him take it from her again.

"Bullshit, it didn't mean anything," Hiccup growled. He reached for her, leaning in, but Astrid pulled away, standing and turning to glare at him.

She held up a hand, her finger pointing right in his face. "If you kiss me again I swear I'll knock your teeth out. It. Meant. Nothing."

Hiccup matched her glare. "That's a lie and you know it."

Astrid pursed her lips. "It doesn't matter if it's a lie or not, you still have to take it." His left eyebrow lifted just slightly and Astrid panicked. "Not that I'm saying it is a lie, because it isn't!" she clarified as her stomach did a barrel roll. Hiccup stood and took a step towards her. Astrid backed up, her hand still held out to block him. "You're a good kisser, okay?" she said, wondering if she sounded as hysterical to his ears as she did to hers. "You're a good kisser, and I don't have a lot of experience with that kind of thing, and, and I was vulnerable." He kept walking towards her and Astrid kept backing up. "I was confused. I was confused and vulnerable and you were there. It meant nothing."

Her back hit the opposite wall and she barely had time to blink before Hiccup's hands were on her, one tangled in her hair at the base of her braid and the other grabbed her waist and dragged her into him. His lips crashed into hers and she whimpered. He kissed her hard, his lips insistent and pleading, working so passionately against hers that she wasn't even sure how to begin to reciprocate. His tongue forced past her lips and met the gate of her teeth.

Her hands found his chest and she shoved him hard. He took a stumbling step back, panting. He opened his mouth, but she cut him off before he could speak. "I want to find passage on a ship." She watched his face open in confusion. She swallowed, trying to catch her own breath. "I made my decision. I can't stay here. I can't—I can't be your odd little housekeeper anymore. And I can't go back, so I'll go somewhere new. Start over." She nodded. "That's my decision."

Hiccup stared her down. "Is that really what you want?"

"Yes," she said, even as some voice in the back of her mind yelled _no_.

She couldn't want him.

"Fine." It was like he pulled something out of her chest when he turned and walked away. Some piece of her was tied to a string and he'd yanked it out, but she knew better than to chase it.

She wanted to say something but she didn't know what. She didn't know what to tell him, how to tell him. She only wanted not to lose the fragile friendship they'd built. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by a loud screech from above.

Through the hole in the leather tarp through which the smoke from the fire escaped had just swooped a bright green Terrible Terror. The little dragon circled the room for a minute before landing on Hiccup's shoulder and scrambling up onto his head. Its buggy yellow eyes fixed on her and it screeched again. Astrid stared, both at the sudden appearance of the dragon and Hiccup's complete lack of reaction to it. He merely reached up, plucked the Terror off of his head, and cuddled it in his lap while he did something to its leg. It was then that Astrid noticed the dragon had something small and leather attached to its leg from which Hiccup pulled a rolled up piece of paper.

The Terror slipped from his lap and scuttled over to her, sniffing curiously at her leg before it half-leapt, half-flew onto her shoulder. Astrid swatted it away and it squawked indignantly at her before scuffling off and curling up on the floor near the fire. Hiccup was frowning at something on the paper when she turned her attention back to him.

"Did that dragon just bring you a letter?"

Hiccup nodded. "Terror mail. Terrible Terrors are excellent trackers so they're great for sending messages."

"And who's gonna be sending you messages?"

"None of your business," Hiccup snapped, balling up the slip of paper and tossing it into the fire. "But if you want to hop a ship I can take you tomorrow if the rain lets up. There will be lots of ships resting in ports for the holiday. You should have no trouble finding someone to take you _far_ away." There was a distinct bitterness to his voice and he wouldn't look at her, and it was like they were back to that first couple of weeks, when they couldn't have a conversation without yelling at each other.

"Hiccup, I'm sorry."

"What do you have to apologize for?" She didn't like that hard tone, that harsh glare he was directing at his bacon. "It's not your fault I was dumb enough to think you would ever want me."

It was nearly enough to break her resolve. She wanted to tell him that she did want him, that she had wanted him when they were kids. But she couldn't. She couldn't tell him and she couldn't want him. Not the way things were.

So instead Astrid cleared her throat and asked, "Can they be trained to go anywhere?"

"Sailors?"

"Terrors."

Hiccup glanced up at her. "Pretty much. Why?"

"No reason."

Hiccup's attention returned to his food and after a while Astrid returned to her own breakfast. They sat and ate in silence as icy as the rain pinging off the roof above them.

Xx

"Get your bag, we're leaving."

These were the most words Astrid had heard from Hiccup in two days. Following their conversation he had ignored her for the rest of that day and into late evening the next, at which point he had said those words to her and dropped into silence again.

Astrid stared forlornly at the moon hanging over them. Not even the view of the soft masses of clouds around them could lift her spirits. She'd hurt Hiccup, it seemed, though she couldn't honestly say if it was his heart she'd wounded or his pride. They'd had a good thing going, and then she'd had a spectacular momentary lapse of judgment and ruined everything. The other night she had fit so perfectly in Hiccup's arms as they flew; now she held her arms loosely around his waist, afraid to let go but afraid to hold any tighter.

It was a long, silent, painful flight, and Astrid was glad when land finally loomed in the distance. It was a big town, she could tell from here. Dozens of ships were settled in the harbor, and there were fires and lights all over the town, clearly marking the Snoggletog festivities. They circled around to land in a wooded area outside the town, and Astrid's stomach tangled into knots.

"Leave your bag here; you won't be leaving tonight even if you do find a ship. And stay close to me; it's easy to get separated in the crowd…" Astrid stood idly by and said nothing as Hiccup listed off the things she should and shouldn't do and say once they got into town. He still wouldn't look at her, too busy gathering some things from various pockets in Toothless's saddle and stashing them in a small bag hung from his belt.

He was dressed normally for once; instead of his usual riding leather he had simple green tunic under a leather vest and winter jacket. It was important to look normal, inconspicuous; that was one of the things he'd told her. She wasn't to mention she was from Berk. She wasn't to mention much of anything, actually, but to let him do all the talking.

Much like right now.

They'd left Toothless by a stream and headed down the side of a hill towards the outskirts of the town, neither of them speaking. There was a rift between them, and Astrid hated it. If she was going to be saying goodbye soon she didn't want to leave on such bad terms. She pulled her fur-lined cloak closer around her and cleared her throat.

"Hiccup?"

He grunted in reply.

"I'm sorry. For, you know, everything. I made a mistake."

Hiccup raised an eyebrow at her. "What was the mistake? Kissing me or pretending the kiss didn't mean anything?"

She sighed. "Hiccup, that's not fair—"

He scoffed. "No, you know what's not fair, Astrid?" He glared at her. "Kissing me like that and then claiming there's nothing between us." He huffed, his breath misting in front of him. "It's not fair to jerk me around like that."

Astrid cast her eyes to the ground and kept them there, watching for branches or brambles in her way. "I didn't mean to," she said quietly. "I just wanted to—I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking." She squeezed her eyes shut and grit her teeth against her next question. "What would it matter if there was something between us?"

Hiccup stopped walking but she kept going. "…do you want there to be something between us?" Astrid kept her eyes straight ahead.

"It doesn't matter if I do," she said. "What am I supposed to do? Stay with you? Live in a mountain with a dragon?"

Hiccup caught up with her, walking close while he spoke, and Astrid had to look the opposite direction to keep from seeing him in her periphery. "You could help me," he pled, "Once the weather warms up and the dragons migrate back they'll start putting traps out. I can teach you to fly; you can help me rescue them. You could help me steal supplies during raids." He grabbed her hand. "Astrid please," he begged, and Astrid squeezed her eyes closed again, trying to block out the image in her mind of his green eyes wide and pleading. "Stay with me."

She sighed. "If I promise to consider it will you let go of my hand?"

Hiccup's grip loosened and she slipped her hand free.

The rest of the journey was taken in silence.

At last they reached the town, and Astrid stared in awe around her. She'd never been anywhere other than Berk before, and even knowing her village was relatively small she'd never really been able to picture a sprawling larger town before. The buildings were all built so much closer together, and Snoggletog decorations and lanterns were strung between the rooftops. People were milling about everywhere, and staying close to Hiccup became such a challenge that at last she grabbed his hand just to keep from losing him. He leaned close to her ear and said, "This way," before pulling her off a side street. In the distance she could see boats, but they turned down another street and he led her into the door of a building from which she could hear raucous noise.

There was an explosion of music and laughter as soon as they were through the doorway. They were in a tavern clearly, if the number of barmaids carrying huge mugs of mead and men toasting each other drunkenly was any indication. And a seedy tavern, judging by the scantily-dressed women sitting on men's laps. Astrid's lip curled and she leaned close to Hiccup's ear. "What are we doing here?"

"Finding you a ship," he replied, grinning at her. "You want to find sailors during Snoggletog, they're going to be celebrating just like anyone else. And if they've been on icy winter seas for a while then there are two things they're going to want: a drink and a woman."

They wove through the crowd to the bar, where a plump, busty middle-aged woman with dark curls beamed at Hiccup upon seeing them. "Hic!" she shouted, ignoring the group of men clamoring for her attention and making her way over to them. "How are you, m'boy, I haven't seen you here in a while!" She narrowed her eyes at him, though a smile pulled at her lips. "Haven't been drinking anywhere else, have you?"

Hiccup laughed. "Hilde, why would I go anywhere else? The whole barbaric archipelago knows you brew the best Winter's Ale there is."

The woman, Hilde, laughed heartily and gave him a proud smile. "That I do, and don't you ever forget it! Can I get you some? It'll warm those skinny bones of yours on a night like this." Her eyes slid over his shoulder and landed on Astrid. Her thick black eyebrows rose. "If you haven't found something else to warm your bones with."

Hiccup laughed nervously and shot a glance at Astrid. "Oh, ha, uh, no, this, uh, this is Astrid. A friend I'm helping get passage on a ship out of town. But we'll take some ale, yeah." Hilde winked at him.

"Two of my best Winter's Ales coming right up. And you just let me know if you need anything else, alright Hic? A drink, or a room—"

"We're good, thanks, Hilde!" Hiccup said, taking their drinks from Hilde and steering Astrid away from the bar. They found a table in an area that wasn't swarming with people and settled down. Astrid took a huge swig from her mug as soon as Hiccup handed it to her.

"I take it this is usually where you bring your conquests?" she said, a hint of bitterness in her tone.

Hiccup cleared his throat. "Yeah," he mumbled into his drink.

"Hiccup!"

They looked up to see a girl their age with black hair pushing through the crowd towards them. Hiccup's face lit up at the sight of her and he got to his feet. "Heather, hey!"

Astrid's mood immediately soured. So _this_ was Heather. She watched the girl give Hiccup a brief hug, grinning at him. "I guess you got my letter?"

"Yeah, it came yesterday morning." Astrid frowned into her drink. Heather was pretty, she supposed. Her hair was long and silky even if it was black, and she had a nice enough figure and a pretty enough face.

"I hadn't heard back from you, I was kind of worried my little messenger got caught up in the storm."

"Nah, he made it alright, he just didn't want to go back out. I was already gonna be in town on some business anyway, so I knew I'd see you."

Astrid's eyes narrowed. So _Heather_ was the one who sent the letter, and Hiccup _knew_ he was going to be seeing her tonight. And still he picked tonight to bring her here.

"What kind of business?" She looked genuinely fascinated, and Astrid had to resist the urge to snort. There was no reason to look that interested about anything Hiccup had said so far. That hand on his arm, was that really necessary? No, of course not.

"Oh, well," Hiccup turned back to look at her, an uneasy smile on his face. "Well, Heather, this is Astrid. She's a friend of mine. Astrid," his smile was almost pained as he looked between them. "This is Heather. She's an old friend." That time Astrid really did snort. As if she didn't know _exactly_ what Heather was to him.

She gave Heather her best fake smile, the kind that girls everywhere know to mean 'I'm being nice to you because I have to, not because I want to'. "Hi."

"Hello," Heather said, her own smile not quite reaching her eyes as she glanced back and forth between Astrid and Hiccup, who was watching the two girls anxiously. "So, you're a friend of Hiccup's?"

Astrid rolled her eyes and took another drink of her ale. "You can stop giving me that look; he's only fucked one of us."

Heather's eyes went wide and she looked to Hiccup, who was wincing. "Astrid is from Berk," he said, swinging his hands at his side. "And she's trying to find a ship that can take her somewhere not-Berk.

"Oh." Heather eyed her curiously, while Astrid pretended to be bored. "Well. We might have room on my dad's boat."

Oh, she was _not_ spending weeks on a boat with a girl Hiccup was sleeping with.

Hiccup grinned at her. "That'd be great."

That would _not_ be great, but Astrid couldn't think of a nice way to say it with Heather there so she settled for scowling into her mug.

"Uh, Hiccup," Heather was saying, and it didn't escape Astrid's notice that the girl was watching her out of the corner of her eye. "Can I talk to you for a minute, privately?"

"Uh, sure." He glanced at Astrid. "I'll be right back." She gave him a curt nod and pretended to be engrossed in her drink as Hiccup and Heather disappeared into the crowd. She surveyed the room, trying to see any men who were obviously sailors. Surely she could find a better travel option. On the upside traveling with Heather meant she wouldn't need a cover story. On the other hand, _Heather_. Who was probably a very nice girl, but nonetheless a very nice girl Hiccup had bedded. Whether there was something between her and Hiccup or not, Astrid did not want to spend weeks or months with the girl to whom Hiccup had lost his virginity. It was too weird.

"Astrid?" She turned around to find Hiccup was back at their table, sans Heather, and was wringing his hands together as he watched her. His brow was furrowed and his lips were parted to reveal clenched teeth. "Uh, look, Heather has a room upstairs, and, well—"

Astrid pursed her lips and resisted the urge to glare. "And she invited you up?"

He winced. "Yeah."

Astrid hummed and idly swirled the contents of her mug. "Are you going to go?"

She glanced up at Hiccup's sigh. "I—unless there's some reason I shouldn't."

She knew what he was asking.

He wanted to know if there was any hope for the two of them; if there was anything between them that should stop him from going upstairs with Heather. Astrid had to resist the urge to slap him.

Because how dare he even need to ask.

Because of _course_ there was something between them. It was something that she couldn't allow to happen, but there was something. Or at least she had thought there was. But how dare he? How _dare_ he? How dare he accuse her of leading him on when he could so easily set her aside and climb into bed with another girl? If he really liked her the way he'd insinuated he did, then he shouldn't have to ask her permission. He shouldn't even have been considering it. If he wanted her then he shouldn't be wanting anyone else. That's how this was supposed to work.

Unless _this_ wasn't the same thing to him as it was to her.

She felt like an idiot. Of course it wasn't the same thing to him. She'd been falling for him, and for him this was probably about nothing but sex. That's how he was with girls, why should she have expected to be any different?

Astrid smiled even as she wanted to sneer. "Nope, no reason that I can think of," she said far too brightly, and she saw how it made Hiccup frown.

"No reason at all?"

Astrid shrugged. "Nope. Have fun." She leaned back in her seat and took another sip of her drink, hoping the buzz would kick in soon, because the last thing she wanted right now was to be sober.

Hiccup's expression darkened. "Fine. I'll see you later."

"Fine. Don't forget to pull out." Hiccup shot her a dirty look over his shoulder as he disappeared into the crowd.

Astrid downed the rest of her drink in one gulp and glared at her empty mug.

"Astrid?"

Astrid's head snapped up and her eyes bulged at the dark-haired young man pushing through the crowd towards her.

"Eret?" He grinned at her and took a seat at her table. "I-what are-hi." She gave him a smile.

"Hello, love, I thought that was you," he said, pouring some of the mead from his mug into hers. "You're a long way from Berk. What are you doing way out here, especially this time of year? It's a holiday for you Viking folk, isn't it?"

Astrid nodded and gladly took a sip from her newly-refilled mug. "It's a long story. I'm kind of trying to get away from home, actually. Better question, what are _you_ doing out here this time of year? You're a southern boy; shouldn't you be back home by now?"

Eret shrugged. "I go where the work takes me, when the work takes me, and right now the work is up north."

A seed of panic settled in Astrid's chest. A whole crew of sailors who recognized her from Berk was the last thing she needed... "Wait, so if you're here, then the rest of your crew-"

"Oh, no, no," Eret shook his head and took a generous gulp of his mead. "No, I'm not still with the same crew I was with when I visited Berk. No, that was just some side work for the summer while my own vessel was being repaired."

Astrid sat up a little straighter, panic dissipating. "You have your own ship?"

Eret gave her the dashing grin Ruffnut had fallen head-over-heels in love with last summer when he and the rest of a crew of gorgeous sailors had landed on Berk. "Of course I have my own ship. Wouldn't be much of a dragon trapper without one."

Astrid sank back into her seat. "You're a dragon trapper?"

Eret nodded. "Berk is pretty well defended, but not all villages fare quite so well. There's good money in helping rid them of the problem, and of course there's some folks that'll pay a lot of money for live dragons. "

Astrid frowned at her mug. "Oh."

"Something wrong?"

She shrugged. "I'm trying to find a ship that'll take me somewhere new. I was going to ask if I could come with you, but…" _I no longer believe in fighting dragons? I don't want to watch these beautiful creatures I've come to understand aren't dangerous being captured? _"I'm kind of trying to get away from dragons and dragon fighting."

"Really?" Eret raised a thick eyebrow at her "If I remember correctly, you were one of the best warriors your village had."

She tried to look nonchalant. "Some things have happened since then. It's a long story. Anyway I just want to get away from Berk for a while."

Eret hummed into his drink. "They trying to force you into marriage and motherhood and all that?"

Astrid's lip quirked. "Something like that."

Eret's brow lifted higher and he gave her an amused smirk. "I'll admit I'm intrigued but I get the feeling you don't want to talk about it. So I'll let you go if you tell me what a girl like you is doing in a place like this." He waved a hand around the room. "I mean, I wouldn't be surprised to find someone like, say, that mad friend of yours here, but you? I never would have guessed it." He winced. "Was she mad when she found out that we—"

"Never told her," Astrid cut him off quickly.

"Don't blame you." Eret tilted his chair back on two legs and rested his feet on the table. "Speaking of which, since I can't imagine you coming to this place of your own free will, you here with someone?"

"Well, I have a friend who brought me here. He's supposed to be helping me find passage on a ship."

" 'He'? And are you here _with_ this friend of yours?"

Astrid felt like a weight had just been dropped into her stomach. She took another long swill of mead. She was finally starting to get a decent buzz going, thank the gods. The noise around her had gone from annoying clamor to pleasant ambiance, and she was starting to feel warm and comfortable, until the mention of her companion came up.

"Sort of," Astrid said, scowling into her mug.

Eret chuckled at her sudden change in mood. "What does 'sort of' mean?"

Astrid glared at the honey golden liquid. "Well, I thought there might be something between us, but he's upstairs fucking another girl right now, so apparently not."

Eret's eyebrows shot to his hairline. "Why'd he go upstairs with another girl?"

"Because I told him to."

"Well, what'd you do _that_ for?"

"Because I'm an idiot." Astrid drained her mug and flagged down a passing barmaid. "Hey." She gestured vaguely towards the empty mug. "Can I have some more…anything?"

Eret raised a hand. "And for me." He looked at Astrid as the woman scampered off. "You're going to have to give me a little more than that."

Astrid smiled wryly at the table. "I kissed him and then I told him it didn't mean anything."

"Did it?" She frowned. On the one hand, Astrid was not one to divulge her secrets easily, even to herself. On the other hand, Eret was half a stranger and she was starting to feel tipsy, so what the hel?

"Yeah." The barmaid returned with more drinks that Eret offered to pay for and Astrid gulped more down. "So then along comes _Heather_, and he's all, 'Oh, she's got a room, is there any reason I shouldn't go up with her?' " Astrid felt her blood begin to boil just thinking about it. "And in my head I'm like, 'Hel yes, there's a reason you shouldn't go up with her; it's called you were yelling at me for leading you on an hour ago!' " She took another gulp, ignoring the voice in the back of her head that told her to slow down. "I mean, if he really was interested in me, he shouldn't even _want_ to be up there with fucking Heather, right?"

Eret studied her over the lip of his mug. "And you told him that?"

Astrid shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Well, no, I told him to go. Because I'm an idiot. But only because _he's_ an idiot."

Eret hummed noncommittally. "He's probably trying to get over you. And you did give him your blessing. If you wanted him to believe that you aren't interested that's a damn good way to do it."

"Yeah."

"Except for the obvious problem where you _are_ interested in him. So why did you tell him you weren't?"

Astrid sank in her seat. "I don't know. I'm having a bit of a personal crisis. I don't know what I want, I don't know who I am or who I'm supposed to be anymore. I've always been a fighter but now I'm not sure what I'm supposed to fight."

Eret raised an eyebrow at this, and for a moment regarded her suspiciously before smirking and saying, "Well, you could go upstairs and fight the bitch that's fucking your boyfriend."

There was just enough alcohol in Astrid's system for this to seem like a good idea. She downed the rest of her drink in one go and got to her feet, pleased that the room only swayed a little when she did. "He's not my boyfriend," she clarified, pointing an unsteady finger at Eret's nose. "And she's probably a nice girl."

"But you're still gonna kick her ass?"

Astrid giggled, finding this hilarious for reasons best explained by intoxication. "Well, I'm at least gonna kick Hiccup's."

Eret caught her hand as she passed by. "Hey," he said, looking at her seriously. "If it doesn't work out between you and your idiot, I'm going to be in port for the next week. There's room on my ship for a passenger and you're welcome on board. I'll even give you a discount; make up for that dismal drunken kiss I gave you behind the Great Hall on Berk."

She blushed and groaned. "I hoped you weren't gonna bring that up."

Eret laughed. "I'm a much better kisser sober, I promise."

Astrid smirked. "I hope so. You're lucky I didn't have a point of reference at the time."

"Oh ho!" Eret laughed, clapping a hand to his chest as if he'd been wounded. "Aren't you cheeky! Come here." He pulled her close and kissed her, just briefly. His lips were warm and soft and it wasn't unpleasant, but it didn't ignite that buzzing in her chest the way Hiccup's kisses did.

She was frowning when Eret pulled away. He gave her a knowing smile. "You still want him, don't you?"

Astrid's shoulders sagged. She huffed. "Yes."

Eret clapped her on the back. "Then go get him. I won't claim to know you extraordinarily well, Astrid, but I have a hard time believing that you don't know who you are or what you want."

She gave him one last smile. "Maybe so. Well, if you'll excuse me, I have some ass-kicking to do."

Astrid wove through the crowd, not quite drunk but pleasantly tipsy and getting tipsier, until she reached the staircase on the far side of the room. There was a little desk next to the stairs and she leaned against it and addressed the thick-set, balding man behind it.

"What can I help you with, m'dear?" he asked, smiling politely.

"Did you see a young man go up there? Tall, skinny, brown hair; with a girl with black hair?"

"Ehm," the man frowned at her. "Mayhaps I did, why?"

"I need to know which room they're in. _Now_."

The man shook his head. "I'm afraid I can't do that. I can't just go letting people into strangers' rooms."

Astrid leaned in closer and narrowed her eyes. "Let me explain something. That young man is my husband-to-be. And since he's already put a baby in my belly he's far past the point of being able to back out of this. And right now he's up there with another woman." Astrid withdrew her knife from her belt and stabbed it into the desk. "So if you could kindly tell me which room they're in, I need to have a little chat with my intended."

The man gulped. "I'll-I'll get you a key." He glanced at an open book on the desk before pulling a key out of a drawer and handing it to her.

"R-room four," he stuttered as Astrid sheathed her knife. "Second door on the right."

Astrid nodded sweetly and took the key from him. The noise from below quieted considerably once she reached the next floor. She paused in front of the door with a four painted on it. She pressed her ear to the wood, but couldn't hear much of anything, which was either a really good sign or a really bad sign. She took a deep breath, unlocked the door, and opened it.

What Astrid had not considered in her semi-inebriated state, was that breaking up whatever was happening in this room necessitated _witnessing_ whatever was happening in this room. And she really could have gone the rest of her life without seeing _this_; Hiccup reclining on the bed, completely naked and panting softly, while a half-dressed Heather crouched between his legs, her unbound hair thankfully obscuring whatever she was doing with her head over his lap. Hiccup's half-lidded eyes locked onto her as she entered the room and snapped wide.

"Astrid?!" he yelped, and it was enough to shock Astrid into turning around.

There was an obscene wet _pop_ whose origin Astrid did not want to contemplate. "Astrid?!" Heather screeched. "Were you thinking about _Astrid_ just now?!"

"Heather, no, she's—"

"Is that why you were having trouble getting it up?" She demanded, indignant. "Did you have to think about _her _to get—" She screamed, and Astrid took that to mean Hiccup had finally gotten her to turn around. There was the rustling of fabric and the sound of feet hitting the floor. "What is _she_ doing her?!"

"Excellent question! Astrid, get out!"

"We need to leave," Astrid told the wall. "Now."

"Why?!"

"Because last summer when these sailors hung out on Berk for a few days I kinda got drunk and made out with one of them. And he's downstairs and I need to get away before he sees me."

Hiccup groaned. "Can't you just find somewhere to hide?"

Astrid grinned even though he couldn't see her. "Well, I guess I could just hide in here." Her smile grew at the sound of Heather's frustrated moan and Hiccup's exasperated sigh.

"Oh gods. Fine!" He sighed again. "I'm really sorry about this," she heard him tell Heather.

"Yeah."

"I'll catch you some other time, okay?"

"Can you please just get her out of here so I can get dressed?"

"Astrid?" Was it wrong to feel so happy at how angry Heather sounded?

"Hm?"

"A little privacy, please?"

"I'm giving you five minutes. After that I'm coming back in."

Hiccup growled. "Fine, just get out!"

Astrid slipped back out the door and waited, relishing in the muffled argument she could hear from the other side of the door.

"…I didn't know she was gonna do something like this…"

"…said there wasn't anything between you two!"

"….think she's jealous, that's…"

The door opened and Hiccup exited, red-faced and aggravated, his jacket pulled closed in an attempt to hide the still-prominent bulge in his pants.

"I hate you," Hiccup said as they made their way down the stairs. "Seriously, you couldn't have found a corner to hide out in for thirty more minutes?"

"Someone recognizing me could be a really bad thing. You're the one who said I couldn't tell people I'm from Berk." As they pushed through the crowded room Astrid caught Eret's eye on the way out and he winked at her, raising his mug at her as if to say, 'Well done'.

Xx

Hiccup maintained his silence and sullen expression all the way back to his mountain. The cold air accelerated the return of Astrid's sobriety, and she could feel the anxiety and tension mounting with every mile. They arrived back in the large entrance cave, and no sooner had they both slipped from Toothless's back was Hiccup rounding on her.

"What the hel is wrong with you?"

Astrid took a step back. She had hoped the flight would give Hiccup time to calm down, but apparently all it did was give him more time to stew. "I told you, I saw someone who probably knew me."

Hiccup shook his head, bitter laugher tumbling from his lips. "No, no, that's not why you dragged me out of there and you know it. You didn't like that I was up there with Heather."

Astrid returned his glare, arms crossing over her chest and hip cocked. "I couldn't care less what you were up there doing with Heather."

"Liar," Hiccup spat, a long finger pointed in her face. "You started acting weird when she showed up and it didn't stop. Just admit it: you didn't want me to be up there with her."

"_You _ shouldn't have _wanted_ to be up there with her!" Astrid burst. "All that you were saying to me about 'leading you on' and 'being dumb enough to think I'd want you', and all that, like I'd completely broken your heart or something, and then you're completely fine with just, hopping in to bed with another girl?!"

"I was trying to get over you! You turned me down so I was trying to get over you!"

"By getting _under_ her?"

"Yes!" Hiccup ran a hand through his hair. "I wanted to forget about you, and I thought that was the best way to do it!"

Astrid scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I'm glad to know I meant so much to you that you found me so easily replaceable.

Hiccup leaned in close to her face. "Why do you care?" he hissed, and Astrid's eyes widened. "If there's nothing between us, then why do you care?"

"I—" Astrid gaped at him, her mouth doing an excellent impression of a fish. She threw her hands into the air. "Okay, fine, so maybe there's something between us!"

In her peripheral vision she saw Toothless slinking out of the room, as he was prone to do when they started fighting. Hiccup straightened up. "Then why did you say there wasn't?" His voice was low and deceptively calm.

"I don't know! Okay? I don't know. Because there can't be." She started pacing around the dark room but Hiccup followed her.

"Why can't there be?"

"Because!" Astrid said, wandering in faster and faster circles around the unlit firepit. "Because everything is so confused right now! I was always going to be a warrior, I was going to fight dragons, and restore my family's honor, and avenge your death, but that all changed." Astrid blinked back tears, her voice getting thick. "Everything changed. You're alive, and you're _you_, and everything I've ever known about dragons is wrong, and I can't go back to Berk, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now."

She kept walking, Hiccup behind her, round and round and round, the cave walls becoming a dizzying grey swirl that echoed the turmoil in her mind. "If I can't be a dragon-fighting shieldmaiden then what am I supposed to be now? What am I if I stay here? What am I if I go somewhere new? What would I do? Who would I be? My whole world has turned upside down and I don't know where I'm supposed to fit into it now."

Hiccup grabbed her arm and pulled her around to look at him. He didn't look angry anymore, but that hard, determined look was back in his eyes. "What do you _want_ to do?" he asked her, and Astrid blinked at him in confusion.

"I don't—"

"Yeah you do," he interrupted, shaking his head at her. "You're Astrid Hofferson. You've always known what you want and who you are. So what do you _want_? Not what you're _supposed_ to want, not what you _should _want or _shouldn't_ want, not even what the Viking thing to want is. What do _you_ want?" He squeezed her hand then said more gently, "That's your problem, you know? You get so focused on being the best, on doing things the right way, that you don't let yourself have things. You don't let yourself enjoy your victories; you don't let yourself want things unless you're supposed to want them. So what do _you_ want?"

What _did_ she want? She didn't know, wasn't that the whole problem? Astrid's eyes dropped to her feet. She wanted to go home, but she didn't; she didn't want to go back to a world where she no longer fit in. She wanted to leave, to go far away, but no, she didn't; she didn't want to leave everything, _everyone_, who'd ever known her behind. And where could she go? Eret had offered her passage, but he was a dragon trapper; and even settlements that didn't get attacked by dragons were wary of them. She no longer wanted to be a part of the world she had known.

What did that leave her?

She thought of the island of dragons, of sleeping next to the Deadly Nadder and her babies. She thought of soaring through the sky, of the clouds around her and Hiccup's chest warm at her back. She wanted more days like that one. Hiccup tugged at her hand and she looked at him, searching those green eyes as if she could find the answer there. She thought of the boy in the forge, the most un-Viking Viking she had ever known, with his crazy ideas and his lopsided smile and the crush she hadn't let herself admit she'd had until he was gone.

He was standing before her now, and she didn't want to make the same mistake twice.

"What do you want, Astrid?" He was asking for her sake, not his, she realized.

She exhaled shakily, and it was like she was expelling all the tension and all the doubt and there was no uncertainty left in her voice when she looked at him and murmured, "…you."

Xx

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><p>AN: Hey look a cliffhanger. XOXO

I thought Astrid and Eret would have hit it off if they met under different circumstances and when their views on dragons fell more in line. NOBODY TELL RUFFNUT


	12. As Good a Place to Fall As Any

A/N: I'M SORRY THIS IS LATE But between my health and major major writer's block I've had a hard time getting this written. It was super painful to write but I'm actually happy with the result. If you find typos let me know because I've looked at this thing too much. (Side note: I finally have a diagnosis! Acid Reflux, surprise surprise. But no ulcer and no celiac's disease, which is good, because I live on bread and pasta and if I couldn't have gluten I would starve.)

Chapter title from the song Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine. (I'm working on putting together a playlist for Persephone, by the way.)

**Warnings**: Dirty stuff and talk of dirty things. Nothing that serious though. In case you missed my memo on tumblr, Hiccup and Astrid won't be having sex for like 5-7 more chapters. (There will be sex eventually, though.)

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 12: As Good a Place to Fall As Any<em>

It took all of a breathless moment before Hiccup was grabbing her by her hips and dragging her towards him. He leaned in to kiss her and as much as she wanted him to she raised her hand to block him. For a moment they stood there, Hiccup's lips against her fingertips and his hands hot against her back before Astrid caught the scent of lavender and saffron clinging to his shirt.

"Stop," she said quietly, meeting his eyes. "Not like this. I don't want you fresh out of some other girl's bed. You…you smell like her."

Hiccup nodded, his disappointment evident as he dropped his hands from her hips. He took a step back and looked at her, eyes wide with hesitant hope. "Does this mean you'll stay? Here, with me?"

Astrid hesitated; her eyes squeezed shut. "Can we talk about all this in the morning, please?" She peeked at him, when he didn't look angry she opened her eyes all the way. "I'm exhausted and half-drunk still, and I just—just let me get some sleep okay? I promise we'll work everything out then."

"Can't you just say it, at least? Please?"

"Hiccup-"

"_Please_." His eyes seemed to pin her to the floor.

She sighed. "Can I say it in the morning, please, when I can kiss you after I say it, and, and-"

She took a step back and Hiccup caught her hand. "You don't have to say everything now," he said, his voice gentle as those wide green eyes. "Just give me something so I know you won't change your mind before morning."

She gave him a tired smile. "I'm not gonna change my mind. Just…" She took a deep breath and let it all out in one great sigh. "There's a lot to talk about, and I think it would be better if we talked after I've had some sleep and you've had a bath." Astrid reached up and kissed his cheek. "But I'm not going anywhere."

His answering sigh sounded like elation and relief and years off his life all at once. His small smile warmed her in the cold cavern. "Now was that so hard?"

Astrid pulled her hand from his. "We'll talk in the morning, I promise."

Hiccup nodded. Astrid wondered if she looked as exhausted in that moment as he did. "Okay."

They shared one last smile before she slipped away.

Astrid sighed when she entered the darkness of the tunnel, feeling more relaxed than she had in a long while, when she ran into something large, soft, and warm. She gasped and pulled her torch from her belt and lit it to reveal a sheepish-looking dragon crouching in the tunnel.

Astrid put her free hand on her hip. "Toothless? Were you eavesdropping?"

His large green eyes shifted back and forth.

"Rrooow?"

Astrid's eyes narrowed.

"Toothless. Tell the truth."

"Mrrrmmm. Mrrraaayyreee-ee-ee-ee?"

"Uh huh. That's what I thought."

Xx

It was a crisp, clear day with a cloudless blue sky and plenty of sunshine, and the first day in a long time where Astrid had awoken feeling positive. The sunlight poured into the cave they used as a kitchen and glinted off her knife as she sliced little pieces off a mackerel to feed to the little Terrible Terror begging at her feet.

Scamp never sat still, and his tail wiggled eagerly as he snapped up the fish she dropped for him and cackled his thanks. Astrid giggled, cleaning her hands in the water basin to her right while she watched him. Hiccup would probably say she was spoiling him, just like she did Toothless, but Toothless was a housedragon and always well fed. Who knew how often Scamp got a decent meal when he was off flying in the wild.

She was about to begin preparing her own breakfast when hands landed on her hips. Her breath caught in her throat as Hiccup dragged her against his chest. He was shirtless and warm and smelled like lye soap. His breath ghosted against her ear and made the hair at the back of her neck stand on end when he whispered to her, "Stay with me."

She turned slowly to face him, his hands rising from her hips to the small of her back, her own rising to rest hesitantly on his bare chest. She stared at her hands, at the smooth skin dotted with freckles, at the soft outline of muscle underneath her splayed fingers. "Astrid." Her eyes rose to meet his, green and wide and hopeful. Gods, he was beautiful. He'd clearly just come from a bath, his hair was still damp; it shone brown and copper in the bright sunlight. Hiccup had always been cute, in an awkward, dorky way, but now he was…_well_. She wondered when he'd changed; when the baby fat had melted off those lovely high cheekbones and that square jaw. When had the toothpick grown so tall and strong, even if it was in that lanky kind of way? It was like all that wonderful off-kilter beauty that had always been inside him had finally leaked through to the outside.

A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and she nodded. "Yeah," she breathed, "I'll stay with you." His eyes lit up, his lips stretched wide over crooked teeth, and when he leaned down to kiss her she didn't stop him.

Their lips slid together like they were made for it; a kiss that was both gentle and passionate, slow and sweet and still enough to set her heart pounding. His tongue nudged at her lips and they parted for him, her own tongue darting out to tangle with his. She sighed into his mouth; her hands creeping up his chest to his neck as his arms tightened around her waist and drew her closer. Her fingers traced the line of his neck up to his jaw, the skin smooth and freshly shaven, and he made a little noise in the back of his throat as she scratched at the skin below his ear.

"We have a lot to talk about," she said when they broke for air, and Hiccup hummed his agreement against her cheek before turning his head and kissing her again. "Really—so much—to talk—about," she murmured between kisses, her lips blindly seeking his each time they parted.

"So much," Hiccup agreed.

Neither one of them made any effort to separate. If anything, they held to each other tighter. Astrid toyed with the hair at the back of Hiccup's neck while one of his hands moved up her back and pulled her closer.

"How are you not cold?" Astrid asked when Hiccup's kisses moved from her lips to her cheek, and then migrated down to her neck.

"I have you to keep me warm," he said, voice low and husky and vibrating against the underside of her jaw. Her eyes fluttered closed and her breath left her in a soft whoosh through still-parted lips.

The backs of her legs hit the edge of the table and then Hiccup was kissing her again, harder this time, tongue lapping steadily at hers. She gasped into his mouth as he lifted her gently onto the table and stepped between her legs. He crushed her to him, arms strong and firm around her back, lips working hotly against hers. He stepped closer, his hips pressing against hers, and she could feel his growing arousal against the inside of her thigh.

She broke the kiss, hands on his chest holding him back, both of them panting. "I'm not one of your fisherman's daughters," she reminded him softly, and Hiccup nodded.

"I know," he said, meeting her eyes, his breath still coming in uneven puffs. "I don't expect you to be." He took a step back, hands sliding down to her hips and then away, and Astrid pushed off the table onto shaking legs. She cleared her throat.

"So," she said, businesslike, "We have a lot to talk about."

"Yes we do."

She took a deep breath. "Okay, so, if I'm gonna stay here I need more to do than gardening and sewing."

Hiccup nodded. "I agree." He swung his arms back and forth. "I want you to help me. With the dragons. With saving them, protecting them."

Astrid nodded along. "Okay. So, if I'm gonna do that I need to know how to fly. And not just on Toothless, though I probably need to learn in case you ever can't for some reason. But I want my own dragon."

"That Deadly Nadder?"

Her mouth curved into a smile at the thought. "Yeah. If we can find her."

Hiccup jostled her shoulder with his. "She'll find you. She liked you, I can tell."

"So…" Astrid clicked her tongue. "I help you save dragons? Is that all you do?"

Hiccup shrugged. "Well there's other stuff to do. You can help me get things I need during raids. You can sneak into villages and get stuff we need and I can focus on keeping the dragons from doing too much damage. It'll be easier for you anyway; you'll blend in better. And I have to go hunting soon, I know you'd love that."

Astrid perked up. "Hunting?"

"Yes. Violence, killing, all that good stuff? I mean mostly I just let Toothless do the hard work, you know, but I think you'd have more fun bringing down a wild boar than he would."

Astrid nodded. "I can do hunting." She smiled at him. "We could make this work."

He returned her smile. "Yeah, I think we could." His smile dimmed and his eyes dropped to the table, where his hand had crept closer to hers. His pinky finger brushed lazily against the side of her hand, and for such a small touch it seemed to vibrate into her bones. "And if you end up deciding you don't like it then you can always leave," he said, voice soft; the suggestion was a necessity but clearly not one he wanted to make. "If you get bored of me, you know. I know you're used to slightly more human contact."

Astrid frowned. "Speaking of human contact, there's still something else we need to talk about." Hiccup's gaze didn't leave their hands. Astrid took a deep breath. "We need to talk about last night."

"Kay."

"You were gonna sleep with Heather."

For a moment Hiccup didn't answer. "I didn't really want to." His voice was low, as if he didn't really want her to hear it even though she had to. He shrugged. "I just wanted a distraction. You had my head so messed up, and you were turning me down and I just thought, you know, 'Get over this girl'. I spent so long pining after you, and I finally thought I was over you, and here you were, back in my life and you kissed me, and turned me down, and I just thought, fine." He shrugged. "She has her reasons, whatever they are. So now I need to move on. Do something dumb and meaningless and casual and get my mind off you." His eyes rose and caught hers on the way up. "But the whole time all I could think about was you. About how I would rather be down there just talking to you than be up there fucking her."

Astrid nodded, her eyes locked on his. "I'm sorry," she said, "For everything. For messing with you." She took his hand in hers, her fingers sliding through his.

Hiccup gave her a wide, closed mouth smile that seemed to radiate fondness. "You were confused. I get it. I'm sorry too."

They smiled at each other for a moment more before Astrid's attention fell back to their hands. "Besides, I believe you didn't really want to sleep with her."

"Oh?" She could practically hear the frown in Hiccup's voice.

"Heather did say you were having trouble getting it up."

Hiccup jerked his hand back and when she looked up at him, smirking, he had the most adorably indignant look on his face and his mouth was flapping like a fish out of water. "That's—I—she—" He huffed. "You know what I'm not even gonna touch that with a ten foot pole."

"Well of course not, you couldn't even touch it with a five inch one."

"Astrid!"

"Six inch?"

"_Astrid!_"

"Four inch? Come on, I'm guesstimating. Six and a half? Seven?"

Hiccup choked on his own tongue.

"What, there's gotta be something those girls keep coming back for."

"I'm done with this conversation."

"Eight inches? I'm trying to be complimentary here, but I'm starting to think it's maybe more like three."

"ASTRID."

Xx

Astrid sighed, the cold air of the cave tunnels refreshing in her lungs after the steam of the bath in the hot springs deep beneath the mountain. It was part of the system she and Hiccup had worked out her first week there; he had until noon to bathe and after that he had to get out and let her have a turn.

The hot bath had been more than needed; she felt like she had cleansed away more than just dirt and sweat. It was as if the strife and tension of the last several days had been rinsed away with the soap bubbles, leaving her clean and free to take on whatever this new phase of her life brought. She wasn't much for symbolism, never had been, but the metaphor seemed apt.

She found Hiccup in his room, digging furs and blankets out of a chest and pulling random cushions out of the pile that made up his bed.

"Yeah, okay, I get that you want a bed that's just like mine because you're used to it now," he said when she entered, "But I don't know that I have enough for two equally comfortable beds here. Just two slightly less cushy but still very comfortable beds. Is that alright with you?"

Astrid leaned against the wall, arms crossed over her chest. "You could just let me keep your bed."

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Or I could keep my bed and leave you to the handful of furs I've been sleeping on in the forge every night." He sighed. "I finally get my bed back and here I'm having to split it up."

Astrid gave him a sympathetic smile. "We'll get more furs the next time we go hunting."

"Yeah, I guess." Hiccup bent over to pick up a cushion and Astrid bit her lip as the wonderful curve of his backside was lifted prominently into the air.

"What?" Hiccup asked as he stood up, frowning. Astrid blinked and cleared her throat.

"Hm?"

"You were staring at me."

"No I wasn't."

"Yes you were, why?"

"Um…" Astrid shrugged, her eyes roaming around the room for something to take the blame for her momentary distraction. "I was just thinking, it's Snoggletog Eve, isn't it?"

Hiccup's eyes shifted to the ceiling, his face screwed in thought. "Yeah, it is." He went back to trying to sort through blankets.

"Well," Astrid pressed, coming to sit on one of his fur piles, "We should do something, shouldn't we? For the holiday?"

Hiccup straightened up. "Like what?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. What do you usually do for Snoggletog?"

Hiccup sat down beside her. "I don't."

"Oh."

They sat in silence for a minute longer before Hiccup snapped his fingers and jumped to his feet. "I know what we can do, I'll be right back."

She didn't have a chance to speak before he was dashing out of the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a small barrel perched on his shoulder, a jug and a couple of mugs in his other hand. Astrid stood to take the jug and cups from him while he sat the barrel down. Toothless immediately rose from his bed to sniff at the barrel.

"No, no, no, not after what happened last time," Hiccup told him, shooing the dragon away as he used his knife to pry the lid off. "I've been saving this for a special occasion," he said to Astrid, shooting her a grin and a wink. The top came off and a rich, sweet smell wafted up to fill Astrid's nose. The barrel was filled with a dark purple liquid whose fragrant scent was tinged with the acrid tang of alcohol.

"Wine?" Astrid's eyebrows rose.

Hiccup nodded. "Salvaged it from a shipwreck a while back. Look at the writing on the side." Astrid bent over to examine the letters painted onto the side of the barrel.

"I can't read it. That's, that's not Norse. What is that?"

Hiccup shrugged. "A French dialect, I think. This is the good stuff, that's why I've been saving it." He took the cups from her hand and dipped them both into the wine. "For you, milady," he said, offering her a cup.

"This is your Snoggletog plan? Drink?"

Hiccup grinned. "We're Vikings. What's a holiday without alcohol?" He took a drink.

Astrid watched him carefully. "You just called yourself a Viking."

Hiccup paused, the cup halfway to his lips. "Oh, well, you know," he said, his voice hitting that higher register he slid into when he wasn't entirely telling the truth. "I'll claim any nationality if there's alcohol involved."

Xx

"He missed it _completely_?!"

"Yes!"

"But, you stand _right there_, how did he miss the tree completely?"

Astrid wiped tears from her eyes. "He wasn't even looking at it!" She struggled to catch her breath enough to continue. "He was looking at Ruffnut, and showing off, you know, all like," she imitated the smug expression Snotlout had worn, pointing an unsteady finger at Hiccup, "Hey, princess, watch this!" She gave Hiccup an exaggerated wink. "And then he rears back like this—"

"Still looking at Ruffnut."

"Still looking at Ruffnut! And then he goes to jam the sword into the tree," she mimed the motion, "And whoom! Misses it completely and topples over face first into the dirt!" Astrid collapsed into her own lap, giggling uncontrollably, while beside her Hiccup was clutching at his stomach.

"Oh my gods!" He gasped. "I can't believe I missed that!" He grinned at her. "Please tell me jokes were made at Snot's expense."

"Oh, so many jokes!" Astrid wheezed, the image of Snotlout's dumbfounded face as he picked himself up and smile sheepishly at his unimpressed bride forever immortalized in her mind. "That's _all_ Tuffnut and I did all night. We just like, followed Snot around and made disparaging comments about his lack of virility." She grinned into her mug and took another drink of the rich wine. "Between you and me, I think it was his way of coping. It was easier to think about Snot banging his sister if he could believe he was really bad at it."

Hiccup laughed again, settling back against the furs of his bed and staring into the fire. "Oh gods. But hey, I guess Snot _must_ have been pretty bad at it, if Ruff ran off with someone else."

Astrid hummed her agreement into her wine. "Oh, he was terrible at first. Ruff and I have had whole conversations about this." She shivered. "I know _way_ more about their sex life than I ever needed to. He hadn't been with anyone before they got married, and of course Ruffnut has been with like, _everyone_, and she said their wedding night was super disappointing, but after that it was really easy to train him because he had no prior experience." Astrid shrugged. "So aside from the infidelity and possible bastard love child now they're really happy."

Hiccup hummed and poured himself more wine, so Astrid finished off her own cup and held it out for more. Hiccup raised an eyebrow at her. "Shouldn't you slow down?"

Astrid snorted. "Please. I'm fine."

"You're drunk."

She shrugged. "Yeah. I'm fine. If you're not getting drunk then what's the point? And besides, _you're _drunk."

Hiccup mirrored her shrug, albeit more animatedly. "Yeah, but not as drunk as you."

Astrid downed more wine. "We're drinking alone on Snoggletog Eve. If one or both of us doesn't get so drunk we pass out, then what even is the point?"

Hiccup held up his mug. "I will drink to that."

"As will I. To pathetically lonely holidays spent with alcohol."

They clinked their mugs together and drank.

"It's not that bad though, as far as holidays go," Hiccup said quietly a moment later. He peeked at her over the rim of his mug. "And not that lonely with you here." Astrid pretended not to notice when his free hand crept around her back to land on her waist.

She sighed happily and when she turned her head to look at him it took the room a minute to catch up with her. Hiccup's grip suddenly became firmer, and she giggled when he pulled her closer. "I's not s'bad," she admitted, snuggling close to his side and wrapping her arm around him. Her hand squeezed his firm bicep. "Wow," she said, looking up Hiccup, who was watching her with amusement. "You have nice arms."

He choked on a laugh, his eyebrows shooting up. "I do?"

"Mm hm," Astrid nodded, the motion a little more exaggerated than usual. "Very nice arms. I mean not like, bulky, or brawny, or anything, but like…" she gave up on the word and instead took another drink. This wine had tasted so strong when she started drinking but now it tasted just wonderful. "I mean you're all like skinny, but so _firm_." She giggled without knowing why. "I mean you got _hot_, you know?" Hiccup's eyebrows continued upwards. "Like you always kinda had that adorable dork thing going on," Astrid was momentarily distracted by the motion of her own hand waving around. "But now you're like, I don't know. Sexy."

Hiccup's next laugh was somewhere between nervous and surprised. "Sexy huh? I take it back. You should not stop drinking. Probably ever. You should just always be drunk. Drunk Astrid says nice things. Say more nice things, Drunk Astrid."

Drunk Astrid saw no reason to deny this request. "Well, you're finally tall, go figure. And I like your shoulders. And you have a great ass." Somewhere in the back of her mind it occurred to Astrid that she shouldn't have said that. Sober Astrid would not be happy with her in the morning.

"I-I do?" She started giggling again. She couldn't help it; Hiccup's chuffed expression was lessening as a bright red blush crept down from his ears and over his cheeks.

"Yeah, you do." She couldn't stop giggling. That was probably a sign she should stop drinking, but the look on Hiccup's face was the best thing she had seen in a long, long time. "You're cute when you blush. I should make you blush more often." She laughed suddenly and grinned something wicked. "If I kissed you would it make you blush?"

Hiccup overcame his embarrassment long enough to smirk. "Naw, probably not."

Astrid made a disappointed noise something like a sigh. "Really? Are you sure?" She scooted closer, pressing her body close to his side and resting her head on his shoulder to pout up at him. "You don't even want to test it out? Not even for science?"

She watched with glee as Hiccup's eyes took on that hungry light she was growing familiar with. He put down his mug and reached around her back to haul her into his lap, sending her blurry world spinning pleasantly. She laughed and focused on his eyes until the world settled again. She did need to be drunk more often. She was saying all these things to Hiccup and she didn't even care, and now she was sitting on his lap and _really_ didn't even care, because suddenly she couldn't think of even one good reason why she shouldn't be. Hiccup was warm, and the wine was making her relaxed and cozy and happy, and she'd be just fine staying here, like this, in his arms for the rest of the night. After kissing him, of course, which she was going to do even if she had to bury her hands in that mess of auburn hair and drag him to her.

"Well, if it's for science," Hiccup said, and she realized that his face was a lot closer than it had been a minute ago. And she'd put down her wine at some point; funny, she didn't remember doing that.

It didn't matter now, though, because he was kissing her, and she could taste the rich dark wine on his lips and on his tongue and gods, he was more intoxicating than anything she'd had to drink.

Astrid sighed when they broke apart and settled more comfortably in Hiccup's lap, her head resting on his shoulder again.

"I think this might be the best Snoggletog I've ever had."

She looked up at Hiccup's quiet declaration. "Really?" she asked, frowning. "Your best Snoggletog consists of drinking with me and Toothless with no presents or anything?" She cast a glance over to Toothless's bed, where the dragon had conked out after they'd failed to keep him out of the wine barrel.

Hiccup wouldn't meet her eye, and her frown grew. "You can't have had many good Snoggletogs, then."

He shrugged and held her closer. "I haven't." He did that adorably _Hiccup_ thing where he focused on the ground, like he wasn't worthy of looking up. "I mean, I guess I had some good ones when I was little, you know, and Dad still had hope that I was gonna grow up to be like him." She leaned into his field of vision and Hiccup's eyes shifted away from her. "I'd get presents I actually wanted, and he'd play with me, and it was…good. And then I got older and I didn't get any bigger and I just got weirder and clumsier and into more trouble." He sighed. "And suddenly my Snoggletog gifts were things like axes I couldn't lift, or books about the noble Viking history of beating the hel out of everything that moves. I'd pretend not to be disappointed in my gifts and he'd pretend not to be disappointed in me, and then we'd go back to the signature Haddock family silence until it was time to go to the feast. So yeah." He reached for his cup of wine and drained it. "Drinking with you is an improvement."

"Mm." Astrid settled against his chest. "My family always had a great time on Snoggletog." She tried to take another drink from her cup before remembering that she'd set it down. Her hand fluttered about uselessly for a moment before Hiccup pushed the cup into her hand. "Thanks." She took a drink. "We'd all gather around the fire, Dad would sing, Mama would knit, and I'd play with my gifts. Mom and I would always bake something. And then when I got older I'd help my mom cook whatever she was bringing to the feast." Her eyes closed, and she felt Hiccup pull her cup out of her loose grasp. She could picture her family gathered around the hearth; laughing and smiling and telling stories. Her throat felt full and tight and her voice shook when next she spoke. "And then when Brenna came along I'd play with her, help her open her presents, you know. It was fun. Nothing extravagant, but fun."

Hiccup's breath was warm on the top of her head. "If you were trying to make me feel better it didn't really help," he said, his joking tone not quite sincere.

Astrid wound her arms around him a little tighter. "I never doubted that they loved me. And yet here I am." All those happy holidays together, and she was spending this one here. All that love she'd grown up feeling, and none of it mattered when Stoick dropped the money on the table. "They didn't save me. They didn't even try." With the way the room was already spinning it took her a minute to even realize that she was crying. "They sold me. They gave me up without a fight. Why?" Her voice broke and she buried her face against Hiccup's chest. "Why didn't they try to save me? _Why?_"

She'd thought she was done crying over this. She'd thought she'd mourned her parents' betrayal enough during those terrible four days locked up and alone, but now, with the reminder of the happy times they'd spent together over her head all she could think about was how all those years of happiness had not been enough to save her life. She had never been one to cry in front of others, either, but Hiccup had a way of pulling her walls down whether she wanted him to or not. Somewhere between the alcohol and the kind warmth of his presence she'd stopped caring about being strong and finally allowed herself to feel the heartbreak she'd shuttered behind anger for so long. Her parents had not loved her enough to save her. Nothing else mattered.

She cried in earnest; her tears soaking the front of Hiccup's shirt while he stroked her back and hair and rocked her gently.

"I wish I knew what to say to make this better," he whispered, and kissed her ear. "But I don't. All I can do is promise you that I won't ever do that to you. I won't turn my back on you, not ever."

Astrid whimpered against his shirt. "You won't remember saying that tomorrow." She hiccupped. "You're too drunk."

He chuckled softly. "I'm not that drunk. _You_ may not remember I said that in the morning, but I will."

Astrid wiped her eyes on her sleeve as she caught her breath. The world was spinning faster than ever, the edges all fuzzy and dark, but in the center Hiccup was clear and solid and smiling at her.

"It tore me up when you died," she murmured, gaze locked on the anchor of his eyes. She watched surprise steal over his face. "It wasn't just guilt, I swear it wasn't. I…I liked you." Details were difficult to see but she could make out his mouth falling open. "I know you think I didn't notice you but I did." She nodded, her hands fisting in the fabric of his tunic. "You were weird and funny and you-you were capable of so much and I liked you. I didn't realize it until you were gone but I liked you."

One of Hiccup's eyebrows was climbing higher up his forehead, like a vertically-moving brown caterpillar. She'd have found it funny if she weren't still so distressed. "Like, liked-me, liked-me?"

She nodded, the motion sending the world swinging dangerously and she reached for Hiccup's shoulders to support herself. "I'm glad you're alive," she said, pulling herself close until her chest was pressed flush against his. She sniffled. "I'm glad I'm here with you. Gods, I'm so glad I'm here with you."

She didn't kiss him so much as careen forwards and catch herself on his mouth. It was a fervent, sloppy kiss; driven by need and hunger and unbound emotion. It was all teeth and tongue and groping, gripping hands hot on shoulders and waists and hips and tangled in hair. Astrid ground down against his lap and nearly moaned herself at the delicious noise Hiccup made. Her hands tangled in his hair and she pulled him after her as she half-climbed, half-fell into the bed of furs behind them.

Astrid hummed into Hiccup's mouth as he settled on top of her, hips cradled between her legs. His hands were everywhere: roaming over her back, combing through the hair at the base of her braid, sliding down her sides. She shivered as he thumbed down her ribcage, her back arching and her hips pressing into his. She teased her foot up the side of his calf and the next thing she knew the hand against her ribs was sliding down over her hip and along her thigh to hook her leg around his waist. She moaned into his mouth and held him tighter as they started a slow grind against each other.

Her whole world was a dizzying swirl of color and sound and sensation. She was sure she was spinning, even pressed into bed with the weight of Hiccup's body on top of her. She needed to get drunk more often, this was _wonderful._ Or maybe she just needed Hiccup on top of her more often, that was possible too.

Both, actually. Drunk and underneath Hiccup. _That's_ what she should do more often. Most often. _All _the often.

She swung her other leg around Hiccup's waist and squeezed him tighter, shifting until that hot bulge was rubbing just so against the seam of her leggings and _oh gods yes_.

"_Hiccup_," she mumbled against his lips, and he broke from her mouth to trail hot kisses along her neck. Her hands fisted in his shirt as she tried to drag him closer, tried to get him to increase the pressure. As much as the wine she was drunk on his touch, on the little shocks of pleasure that shot through her whole body and left her gasping. Hiccup groaned into her neck and started grinding harder, and Astrid whimpered as those little shocks started building. She rutted into him helplessly, chasing each little burst of color towards the edge; each one seeming to momentarily both relieve and magnify the ache between her legs.

Those pulses were growing stronger, that ache went deeper, and then Hiccup bit down on her collarbone and squeezed her breast with his hand just as he bucked particularly hard against her and stars burst across her vision.

She mouthed his name soundlessly, speech beyond her capability as she let the tide wash over her, ebbing and flowing until it receded completely and left her panting in Hiccup's arms. The world was spinning faster than ever when she opened her eyes to see him staring down at her, a look of wonder on his face.

She had to have him.

Her legs dropped from around his waist and Astrid pushed herself up to grab at his neck and haul him into a kiss. "I want you," she said, words muffled against his lips. She grasped the bottom of his shirt and started to pull it up and off his body but he stopped her and pulled back from the kiss.

"Astrid, wait, we should—ungh." Her hand closed over that bulge in his pants and his words were ripped from his mouth. Astrid giggled and tried to kiss him again but Hiccup grabbed her wrist and pushed her away. "Astrid, no." His hands landed on her shoulders and held her at arm's length. "Not like this."

She pouted at him, squinting to see his face through blurry eyes. "Not like how?"

He sighed. "You don't want this."

She snorted. "Yeah, I do…" She tried to kiss him but he held firm.

"No, you don't. If we do this now you'll wake up tomorrow regretting it."

Astrid groaned and rolled her eyes, which might have been a bad idea because the room didn't stop rolling when her eyes did. "No I won't. Hiccuuuup, I want this," she whined.

"You're drunk."

"_You're_ drunk too."

"Yeah but I'm not Astrid-drunk."

"Astrid-drunk." She giggled. "That's funny. You're funny. Kiss me, funny boy."

"Astrid." She opened her eyes. "I'm not having sex with you while you're drunk."

"I'm not _that_ drunk, Hiccup."

"Oh really?" One of his hands left her shoulder. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Um…" She squinted. "Well if you'd keep your hand still it'd be a lot easier to tell."

He sighed again. "That's what I thought."

Astrid tried to glare at him, but it was hard with the way everything refused to stay steady. The pleasant spinning of the room had turned into a violent, dizzying whirl.

Hiccup was frowning at her. "Astrid?" She blinked at him, willing everything to stop moving long enough for her to get a good look at his face and tell him that she was _fine_,really. "Astrid?"

She swayed and suddenly Hiccup's eyes were growing wide. "Oh," he said. "Oh, okay." He was on his feet, scrambling off the bed and tripping over an errant cushion. "Okay." Everything tilted like she was on the deck of a ship during a storm and Hiccup dashed back to her and stuck a bucket in front of her just in time for her to bend over and vomit into it. "Yeah."

Astrid whimpered, and then her stomach gave another lurch and Hiccup was there, by her side, holding her hair out of the way. "That's it," he said, arm around her back holding her vertical. "Get it all out, you'll feel better. I'll get you some water."

The next while—minutes, hours, she couldn't say—was spent like that; Hiccup sitting behind her and holding her up while she emptied her stomach. The room was still spinning horribly, but Hiccup was a steady comforting presence at her back, and even as terrible as she felt she liked the feeling of him holding her.

She wasn't aware of falling asleep—or blacking out, whichever it was—only of waking up an indeterminable about of time later to stare blearily at the dim cave. Astrid blinked at the low burning fire. Not morning yet. She yawned and rolled over, the arms around her waist loosening to accommodate her change of position. She curled into Hiccup's chest; her legs tangled with his and his arms pulled her close.

She woke intermittently throughout the night; one of them would shift and the other would follow. Hiccup rolled onto his back, she'd snuggle into his side and use his chest as a pillow. She turned onto her side, Hiccup's arms would wind around her waist and fit her body against his. It was the most comfortable night's sleep she'd ever had, she thought sleepily. With Hiccup's breath on her ear, or his pulse a steady beat against her cheek, or that leathery wood smoke smell coming from his skin when she buried her face against his neck, she felt warm and wanted and safe.

"How are you feeling?" he asked at one point, when she'd awoken long enough to desperately down some water. She made a pitiful little moan in reply, and he chuckled and pulled her back into bed with him. "That's what I thought." His voice was thick with sleep and she knew they'd both be out in a matter of minutes.

"Thanks for taking care of me," she mumbled, yawning.

"No problem." Astrid's gaze settled on the hand Hiccup had resting on her ribcage. If he moved that hand just a little higher he'd be cupping her breast. Just before falling asleep again she decided that she wouldn't mind if he did.

Xx

Morning came in earnest, bringing with it an impatient Night Fury and the worst headache Astrid had ever had.

She groaned and swiped at the large black head that kept nudging at her.

"Toothless, go away. We'll go flying later," Hiccup said from somewhere inside her hair. It had come loose at some point during the night, and when she rolled over to look at him he was pulling strands out of his mouth. He gave her a tired smile. "Good morning."

Astrid couldn't help the smile that crept over her face. "I don't know about good. I feel like someone's driving a Nadder spike through my skull. Toothless, _no_! I am _not_ in the mood for good morning dragon kisses."

Toothless bayed in disappointment, stuck his tongue out at both of them, and then scampered off in search of breakfast. Astrid sat up and ran a hand through messy hair. After draining the cup of water Hiccup had left for her at some point during the night she noticed that he was watching her.

"What?"

"How much of last night do you remember?" he asked, frowning.

Astrid cringed. "Unfortunately, I think all of it. Including parts I'm really hoping I dreamed."

"In case you're wondering, yes, you did tell me I have a great ass."

"Oh gods." Astrid hid her face in her hands. "I actually said that, didn't I?" She peaked through her fingers to see Hiccup grinning at her.

"Yeah, you really did."

They both laughed, and when they'd stopped she looked at him seriously. "Thank you, for um," she ran a distracted hand through her bangs, "For you know, stopping me. Last night." She forced herself to look at him. "I would have regretted it. Not to say that I would have regretted _you_, exactly, but I would have regretted how…it…happened." She frowned at her own inability to put words together. She shrugged. "You know what I mean."

Hiccup nodded and sat up. "Yeah, well, you were drunk. And really, uh…" He winced and scratched at his neck. "Really I should've put a stop to things sooner. You were really out of it, and I mean I knew you were drunk, so was I, but I didn't realize how far gone you were until you started throwing up."

Astrid shook her head. "No, it's fine, really." She swept her bangs behind her ear and leaned in to kiss him briefly. She regarded him shyly through her eyelashes. "I don't regret anything that happened." She watched the corner of his mouth lift, just the beginning of a smile, but his eyes seemed to speak volumes. "And hey," she chirped, shrugging, "I think we've sorted out the bed situation." That corner of his mouth rose a little higher, and then Hiccup was reaching out and cradling her head in his hands.

"Yeah, I guess we have," he said, though she didn't hear the words, far too focused on the air they puffed across her lips and the glint in Hiccup's eyes. Her eyelids fluttered closed and the seconds until he brushed his lips across hers seemed to last hours.

He was smiling at her when he pulled away. "Happy Snoggletog."

Astrid's grin split her face. "Happy Snoggletog."

Something over her shoulder caught Hiccup's eye and he laughed and reached around her. "Hey look at this," he said, picking up the bucket she'd been puking into the night before. Thankfully he'd cleaned it out at some point during the night. He laughed at something on the side of the bucket. "Drunk Hiccup left you a present."

"Oh no."

He spun the bucket around so she could see the side of it, where 'ASTRID'S BARF BUCKET' had been carved into the wood.

The look of glee on his face was just _asking_ to be punched.

"Happy Snoggletog."

"Don't make me puke on you."

Xx

The house was too quiet.

Oh sure, the fire crackled pleasantly, and Brenna's birdlike little voice would occasionally fill the silence with dialogue from whatever story she was acting out with her toys, but it all felt silent even so.

Ingrid wasn't cooking this year. She sat in her rocking chair, dark eyes watching Brenna play with her toys, knitting needles unmoving in her limp grasp. There was an emptiness in those dark eyes that had settled there the day they'd made the agreement with Stoick and had not faded since.

And how much good that agreement had done.

Arvid looked down at the full cup of tea that had long gone cold in his grasp. There should be so much more noise in his house on this day. Normally he'd be singing carols, and Ingrid would be baking and laughing, and Brenna would be running around getting under everyone's feet while Astrid sneaked her bits of cookie dough.

His eyes squeezed shut, as if he'd open them in a moment to see that sight before him again. As if he could will his eldest daughter back.

But of course he couldn't.

Astrid was gone, and she wasn't coming back. And gone for nothing, his sweet baby girl. He remembered the day she was born; she'd come into the world with little warning. Ingrid had felt the first hint of contractions, and after a short and painful labor there was that screaming little red thing, arms and legs kicking and flailing. Even then she had no patience; he'd joked to his wife that once she'd decided she was ready to come out she wasn't fooling around with something like a long labor. That was always the way with Astrid; she knew what she wanted and she went for it, and Odin help whoever got in her way.

But all the gods help them when Astrid got in her _own_ way. She could tangle herself up worse than anyone else could.

He opened his eyes back to the reality where that stubborn little girl was gone.

_Daddy, please! Please, don't let them do this to me, you can't, you can't! Daddy!_

Her screams that day had been louder than any he'd heard from her since she was Brenna's age and throwing a temper tantrum. And then the last time he'd seen her, the last image he had of his brave little girl was looking back at them all from on top of that terrible great dragon, fear shining out of those big blue eyes he had given her.

Oh, his dear little baby. His little girl, who he'd held close to his chest on the day she was born and promised her he'd protect her, who had screamed herself hoarse from behind their locked cellar door; who had torn her arm away from him when she'd walked to her death.

He dare not ask the gods' forgiveness for what he'd done.

The silence was shattered by a shrill screech and he and Ingrid jumped to their feet as something small and green streaked through a window and zoomed around the room.

"Dragon!" Ingrid screamed, her knitting needles clattering to the floor. She grabbed the broom in the corner and Arvid grabbed his axe. The Terrible Terror swooped down towards them and Ingrid took a swipe at it with her broom, she missed, and the Terror squawked and fluttered up towards the rafters.

"Get down from there, you nasty wee thing!" Arvid shouted.

"It's a little baby dragon!" Brenna declared, giggling, and Ingrid hurried to scoop her off the floor and away from the center of the room.

"No, no, dear, that's not a baby. He's little but he's dangerous!" Ingrid said, struggling with the squirming little girl in her arms.

The dragon looked down at them out of its round yellow eyes before something square and brown fell from the rafter and the dragon took off out the window.

Arvid blinked at his wife for a moment. There was a package sitting on the floor. A package that the Terror had been carrying. Arvid looked from the small paper-wrapped package to his wife, who shrugged.

"Well go on, then," she said. "Go see what it is."

Arvid approached the package carefully. It was lumpy and square and tied with a bit of leather string which he untied gingerly. The package wasn't moving, didn't smell, didn't seem dangerous. He unwrapped it and stared in amazement at the contents.

It was a dress. A tiny dress, sewn from a shimmery blue fabric with an elaborate pattern woven from threads of pink and orange and purple. Along the edge of the skirt, in neat stitches, was a name.

Brenna gasped. "Look, Mama!" she said, pointing at the little dress, "It's the perfect size for my dolly!"

Xx


	13. It Was Your Heart on the Line

A/N: Sorry sorry sorry this is late! Real life happened. I'm on medication but I'm still sick a lot, and so by the time I get home from work I don't have a lot of energy or brainpower left for writing, and it's just in my nature that I would rather be a day late with something I'm proud of then be on time with something of subpar quality. And this was too important of a chapter not to get absolutely right. It's a big one for character development, as well as important for the growing Hiccstrid relationship. There are deep-seated issues that have to be dealt with. Try not to hate me for this one. I did say things would get dark, and unfortunately they have to get worse before they can get better.

Title from "Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons, because that's like, Hiccup's anthem in this story.

Sneak peak for next chapter will likely be late this week because of Thanksgiving.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 13: It Was Your Heart on the Line<em>

Arvid stared at the paper held in his shaking hands.

"When did you receive this?" he asked, voice low and trembling with the effort of staying calm.

Stoick cleared his throat. "It arrived about a week after he took her."

Arvid's eyes snapped to his chief. "A week after?" he said, his voice rising in volume. "You received this a _week_ after Astrid was taken?" He got to his feet, the wrinkled parchment crushed in his fist. "You've known for over a _month_ that my daughter was still alive?" Stoick looked down at him impassively and Arvid didn't care that he was shouting at his chief now. "For a month, over a month, nearly two months now, you've known that my daughter, my baby girl, was still alive and you said _nothing_ to either me, or my wife about it?!"

Stoick's eyes dropped to the floor. "I thought it would only upset you."

"Upset me?" Arvid growled. "You think it would _upset_ me to know that my daughter was still alive?!"

Stoick met his eyes again, frowning. "Arvid, if that monster is keeping Astrid alive then you know exactly _what_ he is keeping her alive for."

"I know," Arvid said, his voice cracking. "I know what it is that's happening to my daughter. I've known that was likely since the beginning. I told myself it was the price we had to pay for peace. I thought that maybe it was a worthy cost, to give up one daughter in order to raise another one in a safer world." He took a deep breath and his fists tightened. "But that demon took my daughter and we're still seeing dragons in our skies. You've known for over a month that Astrid lives and you've done nothing to try to get her back. If that man isn't going to leave us alone then I want my daughter back." He stepped closer until they were nearly nose to nose. "And you're going to get her back."

Stoick raised a bushy eyebrow. "How exactly do you suggest I do that?"

"Ask him."

There was a sharp bark of disbelieving laughter. "Ask him? What, demand he return her? You think that would work?"

Arvid shrugged, still glaring at his chief. Respect be damned, this was his child's life they were talking about. "I don't know if it would work. I don't claim to know the mind of a man who controls dragons. Probably it wouldn't but maybe it would. He refused her at first, remember? It wasn't until that bastard Spitelout threatened to kill her that he stepped in. Maybe if we showed him that we wanted her back he'd bring her back, I don't know. But we have to do _something_." His lip curled as he stared with disgust at his chief. "_You_ have to do something. As soon as the ice melts, we hunt down the nest."

Stoick sighed. "How many times have we sailed for the nest and never gotten close, Arvid?"

Arvid's eyes narrowed. "How many times did Gobber ask you the same question after Hiccup died?"

The transformation the chief's face underwent in that moment was astounding. The tired, resigned frown of a chief who knew he couldn't help one of his people contorted into a fierce scowl.

His voice was a low rumble when he next spoke. "My son has nothing to do with this."

"Hah!" Arvid shook his head. "Your son has everything to do with this, Stoick! You think I don't know why you chose my daughter? You were never the same after your son died, Stoick, everyone knows that." He tossed his hands uselessly. "And no one could blame you much for that. You held it together after what happened to Valka because you had that baby, but we all know how much it hurt you when that poor boy died." Arvid paused to take a deep breath, his throat getting tighter. "But your son died a hero, Stoick. He died saving my daughter." Stoick's eyes shifted to the side, and Arvid knew he had him. "While you were mourning your son my little girl was tearing herself to pieces with the guilt of it all, and it wasn't helping that you made it clear you blamed her." He shoved a finger in Stoick's face. "Hiccup died a hero, and how did you honor his sacrifice?"

"I'm warning you, Arvid," Stoick said, his voice dangerously calm. "Leave my son out of this."

"Look at me, Stoick!" Arvid shouted, and his chief obliged. "Your son _died_ to save my daughter's life! And you repaid his heroism by offering up the girl he died for to a monster." He could feel the hot tears blurring his vision and running down his cheeks into his beard. "The whole village knew you were ashamed of your son, Stoick. But if he saw what you've done to my Astrid, to the girl he died for," he said, his voice broken and shaking, "Then I think _he_'d be the one ashamed of _you_."

Stoick lips twisted. "And are you winning any father of the year awards, Hofferson?" he said, voice rising in volume. "When we came for Astrid it didn't take you long to agree."

Arvid's mouth fell open. "How dare you? I thought I was doing the best thing for my village."

"And I'm sure the money had nothing to do with it?"

"The money?!" Arvid yelled. "The _money_?! How dare you, Stoick, how fucking dare you!" His hands balled so tight his short nails cut into his palms.

"How dare _I?_" Stoick thundered, stepping forwards and crowding into Arvid's personal space. "My son died because I failed to protect him. Because _your daughter_ failed to protect him. My failings as a father were many, I'll not deny that, but I never _sold_ my child."

He didn't care that it was foolish. He didn't care that it could be considered treason or cost him his freedom or even his life. Arvid didn't care about much of anything. His fist swung forward and hit the side of his chief's face, knocking his head to the side. The force knocked Stoick less than half a step back, and when he looked at Arvid again his eyes were alight with anger.

"Hofferson, I'm _warning_ you-"

"And _I'm _warning _you!_" Arvid jabbed a finger in Stoick's face. "Don't you dare judge me for this," he hissed. "You're the one who came to me. You're the one who made the offer, who told me this would work. You made me feel like I couldn't say no, like I was condemning the village to turn this down. You're my chief, and I believed in you, in what you said would happen. I believed this would bring peace." He shook his head, hot tears burning his eyes. "_You_ of all people don't get to condemn _me_ for this. And as for the money?" He dug into a pocket of his vest and pulled out a bag which he tossed to the floor at Stoick's feet. It burst open and metal coins clinked and clattered across the ground. "You can have the livestock back too," Arvid said. "I don't want anything bought with my daughter's maidenhead."

Stoick said nothing. He just glared at Arvid, fists clenched at his side, every bit as cold and stoic as his name implied. Arvid turned on his heel and stomped towards the door, his heavy footsteps echoing in the empty Meade Hall. He stopped with his hand on the door handle and sighed. "You know, Stoick," he said, voice more disappointed than angry, "You used to be my friend. My chief, the man I'd gladly follow anywhere, even to the gates of Valhalla. But you haven't been that man in a long time." He glanced over his shoulder. "I think maybe when your boy died you died with him."

Stoick stood in the empty hall for a long time after Arvid left. He stared at his feet, at the coins spilled over his boots. He looked to the walls, where hung the portraits of chiefs and their heirs all the way back to the founding of Berk, generations upon generations of Haddock fathers and sons, ending with the painting of himself and his own father. They'd never gotten around to doing one of him and Hiccup. He'd meant to; he'd planned on doing it after Hiccup's fight with the Monstrous Nightmare. His boy was finally a hero, finally becoming the man Stoick had hoped he'd be. Stoick would be able to look on the portrait with pride.

He wished now he'd done it sooner.

He wondered how many years it would take for the image of his son's face to fade and blur in his memory. Years gone by and he had precious few clear images left of Valka, he couldn't imagine the same thing happening with his son. Hiccup's face rose easily in his mind's eye now: that crooked smile set in a face covered with freckles, those big green eyes, wide and clear like Valka's. His nose, Val's cheekbones. Haddock red hair. Small and scrawny with a smile as big as the sky.

Stoick sank into the chair behind him.

Arvid was probably right. His only son was gone and—no, it was more than that. Ever since Valka had died and even more since he'd lost Hiccup village elders and councilmen had tried to encourage him to remarry. You're not an old man yet, they'd said. There will be other sons, other heirs.

But only one Hiccup. Stubborn and headstrong and sarcastic and disastrous and absolutely _wonderful_.

Hiccup had died, and Stoick had died with him.

Xx

Astrid peered through the cracked door, watching as a couple of warriors sprinted past, mace and warhammer held high. As soon as they were gone she slipped out the door and around the side of the Great Hall's kitchens, slinking into the darkness at the back of the building. Most of the action was happening on the other side of the village; the farms were on the opposite side of the island, and therefore so was most of the fighting.

Also far across the island, unfortunately, were the woods where she needed to be to meet Hiccup after the raid was over. Getting from the woods where Hiccup had dropped her off to the Great Hall and its kitchen's larder had been easy enough. There were houses lined up almost flush to the base of the cliffs of Greed's Rock Island, and the dark alley behind them had provided her with plenty of cover.

Now, however, a few of those houses were on fire, and she was weighed down by the food and goods stuffed into the pockets of her cape. Astrid pulled the hood over her head and held the cape carefully closed as she took off through the village, staying close enough to the action that passersby would be too busy to give her much notice, but far enough away to keep out of the line of fire.

She'd gotten everything they needed, at least. It had been an easy steal; animal products, mostly. Hiccup had neither the space nor patience for livestock; looking after a dragon was work enough. Milk, eggs, cheese, a few cuts of meat small enough to stuff in her pockets; as well as grains and vegetables they didn't have room to grow on the island, as well as some sweet pastries, just because.

Astrid turned around a building and skidded to a halt, turning to duck into the alleyway between two houses. The men had pulled out some sort of giant metal trap and had captured a Monstrous Nightmare which was roaring and thrashing against the steel bars that held it. One of the men raised an axe, its edge glinting in the firelight, poised and ready to silence the Nightmare's roars once and for all.

There was only a second's warning, the tell-tale high-pitched scream and the men's shout of "Night Fury!" before the scene exploded in purple light. When the smoke cleared the Nightmare was spreading its wings and flapping away from the twisted remains of the trap, the men who had held him shouting and cursing at the shadow who had already disappeared into the skies.

"That's four," Astrid whispered to herself. Across the village there was another eruption of purple light. "Five." She frowned. "Oh boys, you're running through them too quickly; you've only got six." She emerged on the other side of the alleyway and crept quickly between two rows of houses. She turned a corner and could see the treeline just ahead when she heard screams close by. She caught a whiff of something acrid and sharp and turned in time to see the Zippleback ignite the home it had just filled with its flammable gas. It was close enough that the force knocked her off her feet, jostling the jar of milk but thankfully breaking no more than maybe a couple of eggs.

The house was quickly being consumed with flame.

Astrid had just climbed to her feet again when a man ran past, nearly knocking her to the ground again. "No!" He yelled, disregarding the fire as he hacked at the flaming door with his axe.

"Gulbrand!"

"Gul, wait!"

Astrid flattened herself to the wall of the nearest building, hastily pulling up her hood as a group of men barreled past her to pull the man back from the flaming home.

"No!" he shouted, fighting the arms that held him back. "They're still in there! Ragna and the children, they're still in there!"

Astrid's hand clapped to her mouth.

"Gulbrand it's too late, we can't get in there!"

She caught sight of the black shape just a second before it crashed into the roof.

"What was that?" One of the men asked, all five of them freezing. Purple light burst out of the side of the house, and after a moment four children, the oldest a girl of about twelve or thirteen, the youngest a baby no more than a year old and being carried by the older girl, came running out of the hole in the house towards the man who must have been their father.

"Daddy!"

"Dad!"

"Sweet Freya above!" The man collapsed to his knees and flung out his arms, two of the children, a girl and a boy, perhaps around five and eight respectively, threw themselves into his arms. "Ylva, Eirik!" The older girl reached him and he stood to hug her and the baby. "Selby, oh you dear girl, you got baby Gyda." His smile faded. "Where's your mother?"

The oldest girl shook her head. "I don't know. We heard the dragon filling the house with gas, and Mama was right behind me on the stairs when everything exploded."

They all looked towards the burning house. There was a terrible groaning noise of wood giving way, and then the whole building collapsed in on itself.

"RAGNA!"

No one noticed the shadowy figure that shot out of the roof just as it caved in.

"Mama!" The oldest girl shrieked. The baby started crying and Astrid watched, horrified and frozen to the spot as the children huddled together around their oldest sister. Their father had lunged towards the wreckage again and was now being held back by the other men.

"Ragna!" He shouted, and in the blazing light Astrid could see tears pouring down into his beard. "Ragna, no! My wife, oh my darling Ragna, no! No!"

"Selby?" Astrid watched the oldest girl look down at her little brother, who was staring up at her with tear-filled eyes. "Selby, Mama got out right? She has to have gotten out right? She got out before us? Didn't she?"

Astrid couldn't watch anymore. She turned on her heel and ran for the tree line.

Xx

Hiccup, as expected, said nothing the whole flight home, no matter how she tried to coax him to speak.

"You saved those kids," she tried, her arms squeezing his torso, and she wished he'd take his helmet off so she could see his face and kiss his cheek. "And you tried to save their mother, that counts for something. Four children are alive because of you, focus on that. And that Nightmare, you saved it too."

Hiccup didn't reply. His hands tightened on the handles of Toothless's saddle, and Astrid noticed the round green eyes that kept sending glances their way, a worried groan rumbling in the dragon's throat.

When they arrived back at the mountain Hiccup starting ripping off his mask and armor and tossing it to the side, his face still and impassive. Astrid watched him for a moment before heading to the kitchen to put away the stolen food. When she returned Hiccup was sitting by the bed and staring at the fire with empty eyes, Toothless's head in his lap. Astrid sighed. "Hiccup? You wanna talk about it?" He didn't answer. She sat down beside him and started kissing and nibbling at his ear. "You wanna _not_ talk about it?" she whispered, but he leaned away.

"Not really," he said tersely, and Astrid gave up, figuring he'd open up in time. She was too tired to do anything more than pull off her leggings and untie her braid before she collapsed into the furs. She propped herself up on her elbow and trailed a hand across Hiccup's shoulders.

"Hey, babe, come to bed. You need some rest."

"I will in a bit," Hiccup said, his voice flat. He shot her a smile over his shoulder that didn't quite reach his eyes. "You go ahead, get some sleep. You too, bud." He gave the dragon one more scratch behind the ears and then got to his feet. "I'll be back. Just uh, just gonna get some water before bed."

Astrid nodded and settled back into the cushions and before long she was fast asleep.

Xx

She was awoken by moist kisses and hot breath behind her ear. She groaned and tried to roll over, and heard a snigger behind her as she blinked her eyes open. The body keeping her from rolling over shifted, and she stared groggily up at Hiccup. He was shirtless and watching her with a strange glint in his eyes, and once she was feeling more lucid she noticed he was swaying slightly. Astrid yawned and sat up.

"Hiccup?" She rubbed at her eyes. "Babe, what's up?" He didn't answer. His eyes flickered down over her, then back to her own. "Hiccup?"

His hand reached out and buried itself in the hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her to him. He pressed his lips to hers in a hard kiss and she knew immediately what was wrong. She could taste the alcohol on his lips, smell it on his breath. He reeked of it. She tried to pull away. "Hic-" he yanked her back to him, his tongue invading her mouth and she could taste whatever he'd been drinking. It was _strong_, whatever if had been. Strong and bitter and she pulled away again, her hands rising to hold Hiccup at bay when he tried to follow her.

He whined, his eyes still closed and lips still halfheartedly puckered. "Aaaasstriiid."

She huffed. "You've been drinking."

He tried to push forward, but she leaned back. "Only a little bit."

"You're drunk."

His eyes opened to glare at her. "I'm tipsy. Ish. That's all. I've had a rough night. Come here." He pushed past her hands and grabbed her waist. "I wanna _not talk_ about it." She barely had time to protest before he was crushing her to his chest and kissing her again. She made a noise of surprise and disagreement as he dragged her onto his lap, where she could feel a semi-enthusiastic erection he was probably too drunk to raise all the way. She struggled against him but his arms had turned into a vice around her waist.

Finally she managed to tear her lips away from his. "Hiccup, stop, what the hel has gotten into you?!"

Hiccup heaved a sigh and his head fell into her shoulder. "I need you," he murmured into her neck, placing a kiss against the tender skin there. In spite of her anger she shivered at the sensation. "I've had a bad night and I need you."

Astrid glared at the top of his head. "I told you, Hiccup, I'm not one of your fisherman's daughters."

He tittered into her neck. "I know," he said, then lifted his head to look at her out of half-lidded eyes. "I'm not asking for sex," he said, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smirk. "Just for whatever you're willing to give me." His smirk grew as he swayed towards her but Astrid scowled and shoved him away, disgusted. He fell into the pillows, groaning.

"Aaaastriiiid," he moaned and pouted up at her.

Astrid got to her feet and glared down at him. "I don't know what you think this is," she said, her voice shaking with anger, "But I am _not_ here to be your, your _plaything_." Her hands balled into fists. "If you really like me, that's one thing. And if you need someone to talk to when things go badly, then yes, I'm here for you. But I'm not gonna let you just _use_ me because you've had a bad night. And just because you're drunk and upset doesn't mean you can ignore me when I fucking tell you no."

Hiccup glowered up at her.

"Gods, you're so hot-and-cold, you know that?"

Astrid gaped at him. "I'm what?"

Hiccup pushed himself onto his elbows. "You want me, and then you don't," he said, words slurring together. "Sometimes I wonder if you really want me at all."

Astrid didn't know what to say that. She really didn't think the words existed. Her foot reared back and she kicked Hiccup hard in the stomach. Without her boots on it lacked the same punch, but her toes jabbing into his side still had Hiccup grunting and clutching at his side in pain. Astrid picked up a fur blanket and tucked a pillow under her arm.

"What are you doing?" Hiccup asked.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "What does it look like I'm doing?" She snapped. "I'm not sleeping in here tonight, not when you're acting like this." She started to walk away, and in half a breath Hiccup was on his feet. She heard him rise but didn't have time to respond before he had grabbed her wrist and jerked her to a stop. She spun to face him, and the look on his face froze her. He was glaring at her, mouth twisted into a snarl, a cold, hard glint in his eyes she hadn't seen in such a long time she had almost convinced herself it didn't exist. She tried to pull her wrist away but he tightened his grip.

"Hiccup?" Her voice shook. "Hiccup, let go." He still said nothing, but his hand squeezed her wrist so tightly it hurt, and she whimpered and tried to pull it away again. "Hiccup!"

Something shifted. His expression softened, his eyes widening and he looked down at his hand as if he couldn't believe it belonged to him. His grip slackened and she pulled her hand away and cradled it against her chest.

He blinked at his hand while she stared at him, eyes hot and wet.

"Astrid," he started, voice hoarse, but she shook her head and backed away.

"Don't come near me," she said, unsteady words forced through clenched teeth. She turned on her heel and all but ran from the room, Toothless's questioning coos following her.

She held it together until she stumbled into the forge where a low fire was still burning. Her knees hit the cold stone floor and she choked on a sob.

How could she have been so stupid? So naive? Gods, she was an idiot. It was the same mistake she'd been making since the beginning, forgetting that the boy Hiccup had been and the man he was now were two different people. He'd lived a hard life and it had turned him into a hard man. She knew the boy from the forge was inside him somewhere, but he was buried too deep; that wasn't who he was anymore.

This Hiccup was defined by his temper and his vices; the drinking and the fucking and whatever else he used to dull the pain.

She was just one more thing he reached for when it all became too much.

She wanted to hate him. She wanted to hate him for being so wonderful one minute and so cruel the next. She wanted to hate him for making her fall for him while she still wasn't sure what this relationship really meant to him. Did he really care about her like he had claimed to or was she just another distraction?

She wanted to hate him, but she couldn't, and that was the worst part of all. She hated herself for falling for him, for wanting him despite everything. Even with his temper and his drinking problem and that hard, cold look in his eyes and the bruise forming on her wrist she wanted him.

Her first day here he'd terrified her and plunged her into fear when he'd made her believe that he'd rape her. And somehow along the way all his kind smiles and little gestures had made her forget how scared she'd been. He'd shown her a new world, opened her eyes to new possibilities and a new way of living.

And tonight he'd hurt her.

Astrid wrapped the fur blanket around herself and curled up on the hard floor, still sniffling. She still wanted him. The good and the bad, she still wanted him. He was wonderful. He was terrible. He was kind, he was cruel. And she still wanted all of him.

Xx

It was the shivering that woke her the next morning. The forge fire had burned out and the room had cooled to such a frigid temperature that even under the heavy fur blanket she was freezing.

Astrid managed to pull herself to her feet and reignite the flame. Her hands shook on the bellow as she coaxed the fledgling fire to life but soon she had a fire large enough to thaw her frozen fingers. It was early morning light, she guessed, judging by the light trickling through the distant holes in the ceiling.

Astrid felt empty, like she'd been hollowed out. The bruise on her wrist had risen to a dull purple tinged with green, and while it was tender to too much pressure it didn't hurt otherwise. She leaned back against one of the worktables with a long sigh, and heard a dull thud behind her. She turned to see that she'd knocked over a few things, one of which was a book that had fallen open on the floor.

She reached down to pick it up and paused. Looking up at her from one page was a stunning charcoal drawing of Toothless. She picked up the book and hesitated for a moment before flipping through it. She'd avoided reading Hiccup's journals since they'd started becoming friends, but surely there was nothing too wrong with flipping through to see his drawings.

And given his behavior last night she wasn't sure she cared about his privacy right now.

She flipped through and caught glimpses of sketches of Toothless, drawings of landscapes, and then, to her surprise, a drawing of herself. It was no mere rough sketch either; like the drawing of Toothless that had grabbed her attention it was elaborate and detailed, and more importantly _recent_.

She was drawn from the bust up, leaning over, given the way her hair was falling, an expression of soft curiosity on her face. Her hair was loose and flowing over her shoulder, and Hiccup had drawn every shine and gentle curl perfectly. She knew when this was from. This was from that night she'd found Hiccup in the kitchen after he'd had a nightmare he wouldn't tell her about.

A single word on the opposite page caught her eye, and she read the sentence it was in just to make sure she hadn't misread it. Then she read the whole page, just to make sure this was really happening.

_She's going to be the death of me. She just is. She's driving me insane and I don't know what to do about it. About her. I don't know what I'm going to do with her, and I feel like an idiot because I should have thought about all this before I took her in the first place. At the time all I was thinking was that I had to save her, and now she knows too much and I can't trust her not to spill everything if I take her back. I don't know what to do, and in the meantime I worry that one of us is going to snap and kill the other one in their sleep. Well, I say that, but it is starting to get better between us._

_I thought I was over her, you know. I _was_ over her, for so many years. And yet here she is, back in my life, because I forgot for too long that the gods hate me. Of all the girls on Berk they pick Astrid. It's as if they know it's me and decided to go with the girl everyone knew I had a crush on. She's no different than she was back then. She's just older and hotter and maybe therein lies the problem. How can I _not_ want her still, when she looks like that? Maybe she's a huldra and trying to seduce me with magic? Except I've seen her back, and it's not hollow. She always had the best ass on Berk and now she's just older and it got better._

_But it's more than that. I don't just want to fuck her. I mean I _do_ want to fuck her, how could I not, but I don't _just_ want to fuck her. I won't go so far to say that I'm falling for her, but there's something there that's more than lust and annoyance. I don't know what it is yet, but it's annoying._

_Not that it matters either way. I have as much of a chance with her now as I did four years ago. That kiss the first day she was here will be the closest I ever get._

_And really, that's probably for the best, because I had the dream again. It was worse this time. Before I just kind of relived what actually happened, but last night was different. Last night I didn't stop. She was screaming and thrashing beneath me and begging me to stop but I didn't. I went through with it. _

_I want to believe I wouldn't have raped her, but sometimes I wonder if I ever would have._

Astrid reread that sentence five times before she willed herself to keep reading, hoping that he'd explain and she'd discover that he hadn't meant it like that.

_It scares me. I don't think I would have done it, and I keep telling myself that. I mean I didn't do it, right? That has to count for something? But for half a second I wanted to. I'm ashamed and scared to say it but I wanted to. I wanted to take her. _

She flipped to the next page and continued reading.

_I'm scared._

_She told me last night that she's scared of me, and really, I guess she has every reason to be. _I'M _scared of me right now_. _I'm scared of who I'm becoming. I look at my life and who I am and I don't like it. This isn't what I wanted and this isn't who I wanted to be. But what else is there? I can't go home. I don't _want_ to go home. Part of me wants to take off across the world again, but violence between Vikings and dragons is worse than ever, and now they're offering up virgins to stem the bloodflow? Really? I use to think peace was possible. I use to think maybe one day I'd figure out a way to change everything. Maybe I'd go home and show them all that if I could live with a Night Fury, then we could befriend the dragons instead of fight them. _

_Stupid, I know. Maybe Mom was right. Maybe Berk just isn't capable of change. I don't want to believe it yet, but maybe she really was right. Astrid has seen Toothless; she's seen that he's not dangerous, that he's my best friend, and she still thinks dragons are dangerous. If I can't change her mind then how am I ever going to change anyone's? _

_In that moment I wanted to blame Astrid for all of it. I feel like everything is spiraling out my control and for a second there I just wanted to take it back. I never used to be a violent person. That was one of my problems; I couldn't kill a dragon when it mattered most. I feel like I could be violent now, if it came to it. Not for good reasons, like defending myself or Toothless, either. I get angry so much easier than I used to. I don't know who I am anymore. Whoever he is I just know I don't like him._

_I need a drink. _

_I need to _stop_ drinking, probably. _

_Maybe I need to get laid. Although I don't know how much of a good idea that is all things considered. I don't know, I don't want sex right now. Well, I do, but girls always want to talk afterwards, or cuddle, or something, and I don't want any of that right now. I just want to get fucked and get out. _

_Gods, when did this become my life? No wonder Astrid hates me. I kinda think maybe I hate me._

Astrid's hands shook as she dropped the book on the worktable, her eyes too blurred to keep reading. She wasn't sure she wanted to.

Xx

He was never drinking again.

Well, he was; he said that every time he woke up with a hangover like this but still he reached for a drink after bad raids anyway.

Hiccup groaned and pushed Toothless's head away. His best friend wanted to go flying; hangover be damned. As long as they took it easy maybe he could avoid regurgitating his entire stomach. He sat up and moaned. He couldn't go flying quite yet, could he? He had to make things right with Astrid first, provided she was even still here. He wouldn't have put it past her to flag a passing Timberjack during the night and leave him.

Hiccup pulled on a shirt and gulped down some water while Toothless cackled beside him. When finally he faced his friend he saw Toothless watching him with an annoyed expression. Hiccup frowned. "What?" He received a sharp bark in reply, the kind usually reserved for reprimanding him for doing something stupid. He sighed. "Don't tell me you're mad at me for last night, too?" The growl he got in response seemed to indicate that yes, Toothless _was_ mad at him for last night. Great. Even his dragon was rebuking him for his bad behavior; if that wasn't a sign he'd been the biggest jerk in the North Sea then he didn't know what was.

He was jerked to his feet as Toothless's teeth grasped the back of his shirt and yanked him up. "Hey, what are you—" Toothless nudged him in the back with his head, growling. "Okay, okay, I'm going!" The dragon seemed to know where Astrid was so Hiccup allowed himself to be herded out of the room and down the passageway until they reached the entryway to the forge, where Toothless roughly shoved him into the cave and took off down the tunnel.

Astrid had her back to him, leaning over something on one of his worktables, her hands braced on the wood. He sighed. "Okay, so I have some major apologizing and groveling for forgiveness to do, don't I?"

Astrid whirled around to face him, and Hiccup froze. "Don't you come near me," she hissed, her voice shaking. Hiccup stared at her; at the tears streaming down her cheeks, at the twist of her mouth, at the fear and anger etched into the lines on her forehead. His eyes traced down her face to the hand she had stretched out towards him, to the book she held and the drawing on one of its pages.

Oh gods.

He knew which entry she had found.

He took a tentative step forward. "Astrid—"

"Don't come near me!" she yelled, and Hiccup stopped. "What you did last night was bad enough but this?" She shook the journal. "This is, this is…" She wiped at her eyes with a fist.

"Astrid, hold on, just-"

"Start explaining!" she demanded through clenched teeth. "Because that, this, I can't…" she took the book in her hands and began reading aloud. " 'I want to believe I wouldn't have raped her, but sometimes I wonder if I ever would have.' And then, 'But for half a second I wanted to. I'm ashamed and scared to say it but I wanted to. I wanted to take her.'" She looked up at him, and he could see the fear in those wide blue eyes. "What am I supposed to make of that, Hiccup? You said you just wanted to scare me; that's the story you've stuck to time and time again, but you…" Her bottom lip trembled. "You wanted to." Her voice was smaller than he'd ever heard it. "You actually wanted to."

Hiccup tested another step forward, shaking his head. "Astrid, no, that's not what I—"

"I said, _don't come near me!_" Astrid hurled the book at him and Hiccup ducked barely in time to avoid it colliding with his head.

He held out his hands defensively. "Okay, Astrid, you're mad, I get it, okay? And you have every right to be, but _please_, just, just let me explain."

"How drunk were you that night?" she asked, and Hiccup blinked at her in confusion.

"Last night? Last night I was—"

"Not last night," she interrupted, her voice biting. "That night before Snoggletog. How drunk were you? Because I was _gone_, and looking back I'm starting to wonder."

"Astrid, I was _hammered_! I wasn't as bad as you, no, but I didn't realize you were as drunk as you were, and it wasn't like I was taking advantage! _I_ stopped _you_!"

Astrid wasn't listening. She was slouching back against the table, her hands braced on the wood, tears flowing freely down her face. "Gods, I'm such an idiot," she moaned, choking back a sob. "I never should have trusted you. I'm so, so stupid…"

Hiccup was at a loss. He'd seen Astrid angry before, seen her upset. He'd even seen her cry, when she'd mourned her parents' betrayal. But this…this was different. Maybe because she was sober? But no, it was more than that. This was Astrid heartbroken, and at his own hands. He'd never seen her so vulnerable. Astrid was always so tough, so abrasive. She'd talked about her village giving her up before, had cracked dark jokes about it, even. It had taken massive quantities of wine to get her to break down before. Yet here she was, walls down, emotions on her sleeve, devastation evident on her face.

She ran a hand through her hair and for the first time he noticed the bruising on her wrists, and his heart dropped into his stomach.

_I did this_, he thought.

Of course she was vulnerable. She'd been betrayed by her family, by her village, and she had vested in him all the trust she had left to give and he had shattered it. He had _hurt_ her. Physically, even, which was something he hadn't even considered himself capable of. The unbreakable Astrid Hofferson had given him the power to break her because she believed he wouldn't. And here they were.

His throat grew tight. "Astrid?" he tried, his voice wavering. "Astrid please." He wanted to go to her, to take her in his arms and hold her tight but he didn't dare move closer. "I'm sorry, please I'm so sorry." Hiccup struggled with where to start. "I'm sorry for last night. For the way I acted, for hurting you. I…I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing—"

Astrid scoffed. "Yeah, that's the excuse my cousin's husband used to give every time he beat her black and blue." She glared at him. "You're gonna have to do better than that."

Hiccup floundered. He swallowed and tried again. "You're right," he said, nodding. "You're right. There's…there's no excuse for the way I was last night. I just… I don't know. I don't know." His voice cracked. "I was angry. I was upset and stressed and I just wanted you to make it go away. I didn't mean to hurt you; I never meant to hurt you. I never, ever, wanted to hurt you."

Astrid's expression turned livid and she grabbed a metal cup of pencils off his table and hurled it at him. He managed to shield his face as the cup and pencils hit his head and shoulder. "You never wanted to hurt me?!" she shrieked. "You wrote that you wanted to rape me!"

"No, I-" He felt like his throat was closing up. He didn't know how to tell her, how to make her _see_. Gods, why did he ever write that down? Why did he ever put those thoughts into the world where she could find them? His eyes squeezed shut. "Yes, okay, yes!" His hands dove into his hair and he gripped the strands so hard it hurt. "For a moment, yes, I wanted to!" His eyes opened and he searched hers; rounded and stunned. His breath all seemed to leave him at once. "But I didn't." He swallowed past the lump in his throat that threatened to strangle him. "I didn't because I wouldn't. That second passed and I knew I wouldn't. I just…" he tossed his arms in the air, shoulders bouncing in a useless gesture that seemed to sum up all the uncertainty and lack of control he felt about his whole life right then. Unable to look at her he dropped his gaze to shadows playing around his feet from the fire. "I was angry. And when I wrote those words I was afraid." He deflated. "What I did to you that day, what I _almost_ did to you that day, those aren't me, Astrid. And that's what scared me."

His eyes lifted from the stone floor to seek hers, and he saw she was staring at him, wary but curious.

"And what you did last night?" she asked, her voice small and quiet in the large cave. "Was that you?"

Hiccup was silent for a long moment. "If it was then I don't want it to be." Astrid blinked, and he watched one eyebrow rise just a fraction of an inch. He started to take a step forward but Astrid flinched and he stepped back. "Astrid I don't like who I am right now." He shrugged. "I haven't liked who I am for a long time now." That eyebrow continued to rise, curiosity creeping into the suspicion. "I'm scared, Astrid." He bit his bottom lip and his eyes flickered to the ground. "But…but since you've been here, it's been better. _I'_ve been better. I've felt more like me." He chanced a look at her. Her eyes had widened, some of the fire fading from her expression. "I think you've been good for me."

She blinked at him for a moment before her eyebrows drew together again. "And what about last night? What the hel was that?"

He winced at her harsh tone. "That was…that was me being an idiot. You make things better, and last night was so rough, I just wanted you to make things better."

Astrid sneered at him. "So, what? You reached for me instead of another flagon of mead?"

"No, I—" He wanted to protest, but ultimately he knew she was right. "Yes, okay, sort of, I did."

He watched Astrid's face crumple, and was soon dodging a box of nails. Astrid's shoulders shook and she curled into herself, arms wrapped tight around her middle. "So that's what I am to you?" she said, her voice trying and failing at anger and instead just coming out broken. "I'm just another distraction from everything that's wrong? Another one of those times where you just wanna, how did you say it? 'Get fucked and get out?' I trusted you." Those blue eyes bore into him, and he could see such pain, such hurt there. Astrid sniffled. "I was falling for you, and you, you just wanted another lay."

Hiccup shook his head and took a few steps forward despite the way it made Astrid shrink into herself. "Astrid, _no_," he begged, hand outstretched towards her as if she was a frightened wild dragon. "No, that's not what you are to me."

"Then what am I to you?" she demanded. "I know you want to fuck me and you want me to keep your secrets. Beyond that I don't know if I really matter to you at all." Hiccup was shaking his head frantically, wanting to go to her but too afraid to move any closer.

"Astrid…" he trailed off, running his hands through his hair. "You matter to me, okay? You _do_. I…" he sighed and his shoulders bobbed. "I don't know what to say, alright? I won't say that I'm in love with you, because I'm not yet." He shrugged again, deflating. A hollow ache was settling in the pit of his stomach as he realized he may have damaged this beyond saving. Astrid refused to forgive her village or her family for _their_ betrayal. What were the chances she'd decided not to forgive him for his? "But I like you. I _care_ about you. And…" he chanced a step closer and though her uncertain expression didn't change she didn't back away from him. "If I'm gonna fall in love with anyone it's gonna be you." Astrid's back straightened and the lines on her forehead softened. He took another step toward her. "You don't understand what you mean to me, what you've done. For so long I've been ready to give up. I've felt hopeless, I've felt like maybe people really can't change, maybe it isn't worth trying. But you, Astrid, _you_…" The corner of his mouth twitched upwards. "I watched you change. You make things feel less hopeless.

"I know I can be a jerk. I know I have a temper. But things are better around you…_I'm_ better around you. I feel more like myself around you." Another step, and that hint of hope in her eyes didn't fade. "I need you."

Astrid swallowed and her gaze fell to his feet. "Last night was 'better'?" she asked, the sarcasm mitigated by the post-crying hoarseness.

Hiccup looked away and bit his lip. "Last night was…a fluke. Last night was bad. Just, all around bad. And I'm sorry. I really am so sorry." He looked back at her but she was still staring at the ground. "Please, Astrid, one more chance."

Astrid sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. "I shouldn't want to forgive you as much as I do," she said. Hiccup stepped closer to her and hesitantly reached out a hand and placed it on her shoulder. Those gorgeous blue eyes opened and he could see the conflict there; how desperately she wanted to trust him and how afraid she was to do so. Hiccup dropped to his knees in front of her and pulled her hands away from her arms.

"Please," he implored quietly, "I've screwed up a lot of things in my life but I have to fix this. I have to fix _us_." He reached up to cup her cheek and she leaned into his touch, biting her lip. "This matters. _You_ matter. Please, whatever I have to do to fix this, I'll do it, just tell me."

For a moment Astrid said nothing; she stood there and stared at her hand in his.

"Can I trust you?" she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper.

Hiccup reached to the side of his belt, where he'd hung the knife that had been his gift to her. He untied the sheath from his belt and pressed it into her hands. "I wouldn't have given you this if you couldn't." Her hands squeezed so tight around the handle that for a moment her knuckles turned white. Slowly, they relaxed.

All the while her eyes never left his.

"If I say stop you'll listen?"

"Yes, _gods_ yes."

Astrid sighed and lowered herself to her knees. "Don't make me regret this, Hiccup."

He shook his head, relief washing over him, a tension releasing from his shoulders he didn't even know was there, and he couldn't help the half-laugh that escaped his lips. "You won't, Astrid, you'll see."

"Good. Because you ever raise a hand to me again it better be one you don't want to keep."

Hiccup's eyes fell to the bruises on her wrist. Gently he raised the hand to his lips and kissed the purpling skin. "Never, milady."

"And you're really willing to do whatever it takes to fix this?"

"Yes, anything."

"Good. 'Cause you're gonna start by throwing out every drop of alcohol on this island."


	14. Three Words, Five Words

A/N: You're all so eager for them to reach Dragon Island and do something about the queen…you all know that's not happening until the end of the fic, right? Are you saying you want it to be over already? Seriously though, we're maybe a third of the way through. All that resolution is a long way off. Secondly, if you missed the announcement, this fic is going on a one-week hiatus. There won't be a new chapter next Monday, but there will be the following Monday. The full explanation is on my tumblr. For the time being understand that it has to do with writing reasons and personal life reasons.

**Warnings: oh god what is this chapter. Warnings for...pervstrid? Pervcup? Perv-author. Look away, ye young childrens.**

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><p><em>Chapter 14: Three Words, Five Words<em>

"You don't have to pull so hard," Hiccup told her, adjusting her hands on the ropes wrapped around the base of Stormfly's wings. "She's a smart girl; a little nudge in the right direction is all you need. Especially once she gets better at recognizing your verbal commands."

Astrid nodded and gently toed the dragon's side and her wings angled to send them gliding to the left.

"There you go, you're getting it," Hiccup said, and Astrid glanced back at him. He was finally looking a bit better; his color was starting to return. His smile still didn't reach his eyes and there were still dark circles bruising beneath them from lack of sleep, but he looked better than he had a few days ago. They'd been airborne for nearly half an hour without him getting nauseous, which was a huge improvement. He still barely ate and barely slept, with she and Toothless taking turns staying up and keeping an eye on him in case he started vomiting again.

It had been a rough week.

Astrid hadn't realized just how heavily Hiccup's drinking had been until it came time to throw everything out. The barrels of mead and ale and wine salvaged from shipwrecks were one thing. It was when he started digging out the flasks he had scattered across the whole mountain that she realized how often he drank. There was one in every room; two in some of the rooms he spent most of his time in.  
>"I don't have to get refills as often," he'd said, and then when Astrid had continued to stare at him he'd turn red and looked away.<p>

She knew he was always drinking, but she hadn't known that he was _always_ drinking. He was rarely actually drunk, but he was _always_ drinking. No wonder it took so much to get him really drunk; he'd built up an impressive tolerance.

Hiccup had been so optimistic that first day. He didn't have a problem, he continued to insist; stopping would be no big deal, and really, he didn't see the point in stopping completely. She'd see he was fine and then he could go back to occasional drinking. He wasn't dependent or anything. This would be easy.

This attitude lasted nearly a day.

And then Hiccup was waking up in the middle of the night, shaking and shivering and sweating buckets.

"What's the longest you've ever been without a drink?" she'd asked him, cradling his head in her lap and running her fingers through his damp bangs in an attempt at soothing him.

Hiccup had shrugged. "I d-d-don't know," he said, teeth clattering. "A day?" He shuddered and wrapped his arms more tightly around Astrid's waist, burying his face in her stomach. "Why did I agree to this? This is terrible, I hate this."

"Oh Hiccup," she said, stroking his back. "Babe, if you feel like this after going without a drink for this short a time, then you have a bigger problem than I thought."

He'd glared at her. "This is not the time for fucking 'I told you so', Astrid. Oh gods..."

That's when the vomiting had started.

Astrid had spent four long days and nights ladling water and broth into Hiccup's mouth to keep him from getting dehydrated in between bouts of throwing up, all the while getting yelled at by an irritable and frustrated Hiccup. He slept in fitful bursts, watched over and comforted by Astrid and Toothless in turns.

It had helped her own exhausted emotional state when the Deadly Nadder she'd befriended had shown up with her four little hatchlings in tow and proceeded to fuss over Astrid as if she was one of her hatchlings as well. Stormfly and the babies were good company for those times when Hiccup's fragile temper snapped and he lashed out.

They were a helpful distraction for Hiccup as well. Keeping him busy had become a significant priority, and teaching her how to fly the dragon and designing and making a saddle had given him something to do. In the meantime Astrid was trying to ride bareback with nothing but some ropes to hang on to, and though it was difficult and terrifying there was something thrilling about it. She was learning to balance; how much of her weight she could shift during flight, how the wind hit her, how it affected her movement and her dragon's. Balancing on Stormfly's back came almost naturally to her, which was a good thing since the Nadder had a penchant for midair acrobatics.

They flew past the outcropping where a reluctant Toothless was playing babysitter to Stormfly's clutch, and even from a distance they could see his glare as the hyper young dragons crawled all over him and pulled at his ears. Every so often he'd lose his patience and roar at them, which they found endlessly amusing. Toothless liked Stormfly. The babies he…tolerated.

Stormfly's wings folded and they turned into a corkscrew dive that had Astrid clinging to the dragon's neck and when they straightened Hiccup's white knuckled grip on the reigns didn't loosen.

"You okay, babe?" Astrid looked over her shoulder at him, and seeing how pale his cheeks had gone she yanked gently on the ropes and directed Stormfly back to the ground.

Hiccup was on his hands and knees dry heaving into the bushes almost as soon as he dismounted. Astrid rushed to him, pulling the flask of water off her belt and holding it ready if he needed it. After a few minutes of panting he shook his head and sat back, taking the flask from her and draining it. Hiccup flopped on his back and groaned.

"How are you feeling?" Astrid asked, and Hiccup stuck his tongue out at her.

"Sobriety sucks."

Astrid hummed and ran her fingers through his hair. "Give it time; you'll start to feel like yourself again soon."

"If you say so," Hiccup sighed. "Gods, if I could just get some sleep I'd feel a whole lot better."

"I'll mix you up an herbal broth tonight, maybe that'll help."

He groaned. "I'm so sick of broths and soups. What I would give for some smoked salmon fillets, or, or, pork loin."

Astrid shook her head, giggling. "You sure you could keep it down?"

Hiccup shifted to rest his head in her lap. "Well, it's your cooking, so probably not." Astrid smacked the top of his head and he grinned at her. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Mostly." That earned him another swat. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. "I couldn't do this without you, Astrid."

Astrid looked away, cheeks flushing pink, and ran her fingers absently through Hiccup's hair while she watched Stormfly squawking at one of her babies for shooting tail spikes at his sister. He was a stunning bright green and had earned himself the name Loki for his troublesome nature. His amethyst sister Prim screeched in his direction and flapped several yards away and began preening again, her favorite activity. The other two, an inseparable blue-green duo they'd named Rumble and Tumble, were chasing each other in circles around Toothless, who was trying to nap and failing at it. Rumble took a corner too fast and tripped over Toothless's tail, waking him. Toothless glared at the hatchling, who stared up at him for a moment before looking at her brother and squeaking. Toothless looked at Tumble and growled while Rumble made her getaway.

"Those two could give Ruff and Tuff a run for their money," Astrid said, laughing.

"I'm serious, you know." Astrid turned her attention back to Hiccup, who was looking up at her intently. "To be honest I kind of wonder why you stayed, after everything I've put you through. I begged you to stay but it's not like I wouldn't have deserved it if you left, especially once Stormfly showed up. But you stayed anyway." He frowned at her, green eyes searching hers for something she wasn't sure she was ready for him to find. "Why do you keep putting up with me, Astrid?"

Astrid's fingers paused. "Because…Because I guess, I guess I couldn't give you up if I wanted to. I'm not sure that that's a good thing, but it is what it is. And because," she ruffled his hair again, "Despite everything I can't help believing that dumb sweet boy who used to stare at me in the forge is still in there somewhere." He smiled, catching her hand and kissing it.

She took a deep breath. "Because…" There were three words she could say; three words tapping at the back of her mind but that she wasn't sure she wanted to say. Three words if she said now she'd have to proceed with two more: 'I think'. She didn't want to give him five words, she wanted to give him three, and she couldn't now. Not when they were both still so fragile, not when he so badly didn't need the ego boost. Those were three words she was still so afraid to give him, and she didn't want to give them too him like that. She wanted to give them to him as she was, as the fearless girl she had been before her world had been torn out from under her. She felt robbed of her courage. By her village's betrayal, by the actions he'd committed which she could forgive but not forget. She would not give him those words yet. He had not yet earned them.

So instead the three words she gave him were, "I don't know."

Xx

Hiccup and Toothless were out on their first solo flight in almost a week, and Astrid was apprehensive but hopeful. Hiccup seemed sturdy enough for it; the worst of his withdrawal seemed to be behind him and he was starting to settle into a new normal. She still had to keep an eye on him, of course. Every now and then she'd catch his jaw clenching and his hand squeezing into a fist and she'd know he was fighting the itch for a drink, at which point she would step in to find something to distract him. Sometimes _she_ would be what distracted him. There had been an honest effort on both their parts to slow their relationship down, but at the same time Astrid's body yearned for him, and keeping her hands off of him wasn't easy. There had been more nights like the one before Snoggletog (and days, and afternoons, and stolen mid-morning moments) where Hiccup slotted his hips between hers and ground against her until they were both panting and clinging to each other. She was never certain if he got off during those sessions as well; he usually left her for a few minutes after the stars had cleared from her vision, but whether that was to clean himself up or finish himself off she didn't know and was half-afraid to ask. He was always eager to make sure she knew he expected nothing of her, but she wished he knew she'd be alright with giving him something in return.

Astrid closed her eyes and tried to focus; she concentrated on putting on foot in front of the other. She must be approaching her fertile days if she was feeling like this. It took next to nothing to set the space between her legs to aching. She'd felt a twinge that morning just from Hiccup running a finger over the back of her hand as he passed. Astrid sighed and glanced down through the gloom of the tunnel at the pile of dirty clothes and towels in the wicker basket in her arms. If only she could scrub her mind down with soap while she washed these.

She hadn't bothered with her torch; this tunnel ran close to the outside of the mountain, and every so often there was an opening in the rock beside her that let in light, which was perfect given that it would have been difficult to carry her loads to the cold, strong washing stream with her torch in hand.

So lost in her own thoughts was she that when she stepped into the cavern where the stream ran she didn't hear the other voice muttering to itself, and indeed did not recognize another person was in the cavern until she looked up.

Astrid had time for her mouth to drop open and was about to apologize and turn her back, when Hiccup, who had not noticed her presence, turned around and gave her an eyeful.

Astrid screamed, Hiccup yelped; Astrid dropped her basket, Hiccup dropped his soap and they both spun around so that their backs were to each other.

There was a moment where there was no sound except the small waterfall crashing from one ledge to another.

"Sorry!"

"Sorry!"

"I didn't know you were back!"

"I didn't know you were gonna be coming up here!"

Astrid stared into the tunnel with wide eyes. She had seen naked men before. But she had never seen a man naked and...alert.

And she'd never seen Hiccup naked before. And._ Well_.

She'd felt that hard length covered by layers of fabric but she hadn't realized just how …_constricted_ it must be when confined to his pants.

"What are you even doing in here?" Astrid squeaked, trying to cleanse her mind of that image. "You always bathe in the hot springs!"

Hiccup cleared his throat. "I'm sorry! I didn't know you'd be coming up here!"

"The water's freezing; why would you even want to bathe here?!"

"Um..." She heard a splashing noise as Hiccup shifted from one foot to another in the knee-deep water. "Well. I uh, I sorta needed a cold bath."

"Why?" Astrid realized the answer to her question the moment she asked it.

"Um. Well. It uh. Cold baths help with uh, blood flow."

Astrid wished she could sink into the ground.

"I'm sorry, Astrid, I should have warned you I'd be here, but I couldn't because if I went to find you then you'd have to see...well. You'd…_see_."

Astrid didn't have the slightest idea how to respond to that. "You went flying," was what she finally managed.

Hiccup cleared his throat again. "Yeah. Well. We flew by this one island, and there were these girls swimming by the coast...naked."

She wondered if Hiccup could _hear_ her frown because he quickly started to backtrack. "No, no no, no, hang on. It's not like I was looking or anything, it's it's just that I _saw_, you know? It's not like I was turned on by a bunch of random naked girls or something. I mean, this, this uh...problem is because, uh, well I saw those girls but I like you and I thought about how I'd never seen you naked so then I was picturing you naked and then, uh-"

"That happened because you were picturing me naked?"

There was a beat, then, "No! No no no, I, uh, I-I wasn't picturing you naked, that would be weird and creepy and-no. I saw a group of naked girls who mean nothing to me and who I will never see again and-it was an involuntary physical reaction and it had nothing to do with you."

Astrid glanced over her shoulder. Hiccup still had his back to her, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot in the water. His hair was wet and droplets were sliding down his smooth toned back, down over his tight butt and the lean muscles of his thighs.

"So this happened because you were thinking about some random girls instead of me?"

Hiccup stopped his fidgeting. She watched his shoulders sag as he sighed. "Okay, I give up. What's the answer that lands me in the least amount of trouble?"

Astrid smiled and let her eyes wander over his freckled shoulders, down to the sparser dots on his back. He had one freckle on the bottom of his left butt cheek. It was kind of adorable.

"The truth."

Hiccup sighed, and for a moment she thought he was going to turn around so she faced the tunnel again.

"I saw those girls swimming, and I looked away, because, well I don't guess they would have wanted me to see them, and plus I've got you. And so then I thought about you and how I've never seen you naked, and it's not like I was trying to picture you naked, it just sort of _happened_, you know? I wasn't...I wasn't trying to be creepy or anything. Please don't be mad, my head's a mess lately."

Astrid nodded even though she knew he couldn't see her. "It's okay," she said weakly. "It...these things happen."

"Right."

Silence fell between them.

"Um, so, Astrid?" Hiccup asked.

"Hm?"

"Can you maybe, uh, leave for a bit so I can uh...finish up here?" There was a pause. "That came out wrong. I just mean, there's still soap in my hair, so-"

"Right, yeah!" Astrid said, her cheeks hot enough to cook meat on. "Yeah, I'll give you some privacy. Sorry."

She scurried off down the tunnel, her heart racing and her face on fire.

She had seen Hiccup naked.

She had seen Hiccup naked and hard.

And…well. It wasn't like she had a point of comparison, but..._well_. Was that normal size? That seemed...large. Or perhaps that was simply what normal was. She knew mathematically what average size was, but she'd never seen it before, and in person that seemed..._well_.

And that was supposed to fit _there_?

It was a concept that seemed as thrilling as it was daunting.

Her body could stretch, she knew that; Ruffnut had told her that they always seemed too big until they were in. The ones who looked like they'd fit weren't big enough to be any fun. So many of those times that she'd had Hiccup pressed up against her, pressing and rubbing and driving her to the brink of madness she had _felt_ that empty space inside her and felt the desperate need to have it filled.

She thought again of Hiccup, of what she had seen, of the predicament he was dealing with.

She dropped her basket.

She was just bringing him a towel; that was all. She hadn't seen one; maybe in his haste he'd forgotten to get one. That was all she was doing.

Or so that was her excuse. The truth is that she was curious. His cold bath didn't seem to be helping his…_situation_. Perhaps he'd have to try alternative measures. She took softer footsteps as she approached the cavern, tip toeing closer and keeping her breathing as quiet as possible. As she got closer she heard it: soft, panting little breaths.

Astrid flattened herself to the wall and crept to the entrance to the cave. She slipped into an alcove right next to where the rock gave way to the cave beyond, out of sight to anyone who looked directly into the tunnel.

Her hand gripped the towel that was her only alibi if she got caught, though from what she could hear that didn't seem likely to happen.

"...Astrid..."

Her breath hitched.

He was.

He was actually...

Gods, and he was thinking about _her_.

Astrid slid closer to the entranceway and craned her neck to peek around the rock. Hiccup had his back to her, hunched slightly with his forehead resting against the rock wall and supported by one arm pressed against the rock. One hand was hidden around his front, the motion of his upper arm telling her all she needed to know. His body rocked and shivered in time to the motion of that arm and the soft moans slipping from his lips.

Astrid looked away. She shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be spying on him. It wasn't fair, breaching his privacy like this. But then…she wasn't the one who brought her into all this. _He _was the one thinking about _her _while he…did _that_.

She pressed her thighs together. Her heart was going to leap out of her chest. She dropped the towel and her hands pressed against the rock behind her. She should leave, she really should, but she didn't want to. Those little noises he was making were absolutely divine…

She twisted her neck to see him again, and the sight was too much. Her hand slid past the waistband of her skirt and into her leggings. Her breath left her in a staggered sigh and her head fell back against the rock. She bit her lip to keep from gasping as her fingers rocked in time to those beautiful soft moans Hiccup was making. She wondered what he was thinking about. Was he just imagining her naked or was he picturing her being the one to touch him? Gods, if he asked she gladly would.

He murmured her name again and Astrid had to press her hand to her mouth to keep from making a sound. She took silent shallow breaths, ever wary of being heard. She turned to watch him again, the slight bucking of his hips, the tremble of his body, all those beautiful lean lines and flat planes shining and wet. She wanted to run her hands all over him. She wanted to kiss every freckle on his shoulders, and even the one on his butt. Gods, she wanted to get her hands on that butt.

She had the absurd thought of going in there; of sneaking up behind him, running her hands over his shoulders and down his arms and wrapping her hand over his. She'd nibble at his ear and scrape her teeth over the lobe the way he liked…

Astrid bucked hard against her reaching fingers as Hiccup's moans turned to sharp grunts. She wanted his hands on her. She wanted him to press her against that rock wall. She wanted him pushing her skirt out of the way; she wanted to hear those grunts next to her ear, wanted his breath hot and moist on her neck.

"A-Astrid!" And oh gods, she wanted to see his face when he moaned her name like that, his whole body shaking the way it was now as he spilled into the rushing current.

It was too much for her to bear.

She looked away, biting down on her arm to keep from moaning as she shuddered and convulsed. When it subsided she slumped against the wall behind her, knees ready to give way at any moment. She could hear Hiccup panting in the cave behind her.

As soon as she thought she could walk without her legs falling out from under her Astrid slipped away down the tunnel, face bright red and heart still racing, towel forgotten.

Hiccup would find it later and think nothing of it.

Xx

"Are you sure you're up for this?" Astrid said, almost yelling over the wind as they cut through the skies. "It wouldn't be the end of the world if you didn't show up for one raid!"

"What if it was?" Hiccup shouted back. "What if I didn't go and something terrible happened? I'm fine, Astrid."

Astrid's arms tightened around his torso. "Hiccup, you're still recovering, you're still feeling weak-"

"I'm strong enough to hang on to a dragon, Astrid, I'll be fine!" he snapped, and Astrid sighed. She was trying not to take it personally; Hiccup was just going to be easily agitated for awhile. He'd snap at her and then calm down and apologize for it later when he started feeling more himself again. But it worried her that he was feeling that way _now_.

"Hiccup, raids always make you want to drink," she said, "You're doing so well, but until you've got a better handle on this I don't know that you should be out here! What if it goes badly? You'll get home and you'll be a wreck and you won't be able to-"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Astrid!" Hiccup pushed his helmet back and turned to glare at her. "What choice do I have? If I don't go, it'll be chaos. And if it really goes wrong because I'm not there, then I'll _really _want a drink." She could see the hard, determined look in those green eyes and knew there would be no changing his mind. "Believe me, Astrid, if leaving the Vikings to fend for themselves against dragons was in any way an option for me then I'd have left them to it years ago." His glare slackened and his voice was less harsh when he next spoke. "But it isn't. I help because I have to. Because I'm the only one who can do anything about it." He dropped his eyes. "It doesn't matter what it does to me." He pulled his helmet back down and shifted Toothless's tailfin into a dive.

Below them the battle was already underway. Buildings were on fire and a few dragons had already taken to the sky with sheep in their claws. They were too high to be seen from the ground, but Astrid flattened herself against Hiccup's back anyway.

"There," Hiccup said, pointing to a large stone building with a roof made of interlocking chains. "That's their training arena, and those square buildings at the side are where the dragons are locked up. Get them all out if you can, but focus on the biggest dragons first. They'd rather put off the Dragon Training final exam than leave them with a smaller dragon to kill."

"But get them all out if I can," Astrid said, nodding.

"Right."

There was no one near the arena at the time so Hiccup dropped her off in the darkness of a small cluster of tree before taking off into the skies. Astrid crept around the outside of the arena until she reached the huge square pens where the Bog Burglars' captive dragons were held. She checked the plaques on each pen until she came to the big boys: the Monstrous Nightmares. She cranked the handle and the gate started to rise; the noise from inside the pen growing louder and louder. Finally the gate rose all the way and the muzzled head of a huge purple Nightmare hesitantly poked out. Astrid held her hands out in front of her.

"Hey," she breathed, moving slowly closer to the huge dragon. "Hey, it's okay, I'm here to help." Those huge yellow eyes watched her as she moved closer. "You're okay, you're okay," Astrid cooed, and held a hand out in front of the dragon's snout. It studied her a moment longer, then its pupils dilated and it pushed its nose into her hand. Astrid laughed in relief. "There you go, that's a good dragon. Now let's get you out of these chains…"

X

She had released two Nightmares, a Nadder, and couple of Zipplebacks and was working on the cage of a Gronkle when she heard an outraged voice behind her.

"That's my skirt!"

Astrid spun around to see a young woman about her age stalking closer. The girl was short, at least a full head shorter than Astrid, and had wild blonde hair that tumbled over her shoulders and down to her hips. She leveled her sword at Astrid, who backed slowly away from the doors of the pen, one hand reaching for her knife.

The girl raised an eyebrow at the small blade. "Is that what you're going to fight me with? Really?"

"I don't want to fight you," Astrid told her, and the girl laughed.

"_You _don't want to fight _me_?" She laughed again and twirled her sword. "Should have thought about that before you stole my clothes." Astrid glanced down at her skirt and back at the young woman.

"You're Camicazi, aren't you?"

She nodded. "Aye, I am. And these are _my _islands, and we've got enough trouble with dragons without someone settin' free the ones we've already got."

They circled each other, blades at the ready, each waiting for the other to make a move. Camicazi looked her up and down. "You're the girl Berk gave up, aren't you? What's your name? I heard what it was but I don't remember." Astrid didn't answer. Camicazi's lips pursed. "What are you doing out here, anyway?"

Astrid swallowed. "I don't want to fight you," she repeated, "But I will if I have to."

Camicazi paused and frowned at her. The tip of her sword tipped down. "Come with me," she said, and Astrid blinked at her in confusion.

"What?"

Camicazi lowered her sword and held out a hand. "Come with me. Let me help you." Astrid stopped pacing and stared, her knife still held defensively out in front of her. "Is he threatening you?" The other girl asked, her slim blonde brows knit together. "Your village, your family? What is he doing to make you help him?"

"I, I don't…" Astrid shook her head, her arm dropping just slightly.

Camicazi took a step towards her. "Please, let me help you. Come with me, we'll get you somewhere safe, somewhere he can't get to you. I'll help you get home, to Berk. _Please,_" she implored, her eyes narrowed and radiating concern. "Let me help you."

"I don't need your help," Astrid said, and bit back a wince. "I mean, you can't help me. He's..." She struggled for words. Camicazi would tell Berk about this, she knew it. She had to twist this to maintain the illusion of her innocence. "You don't know what he's like. You don't know what he'll do. You can't help me." Astrid took another step back and Camicazi took another step forward.

"What will he do?" she asked, sheathing her sword and approaching Astrid with both hands out as if she were a wild animal. "If you're with us he won't be able to hurt you. You'll have every warrior on the Bog Isles protecting you."

Astrid shook her head. Play the threatened captive, she thought. Play into Camicazi's expectations. "That won't be enough. You don't know what he's capable of. You don't know what he'll do to get me back. You don't know _him_."

"And you do?" Camicazi asked, a curious lilt to her voice. "Listen, come with me and we'll protect you. If you know who he is, where he's based, you could help us. We'll contact not just Berk but all the tribes. We'll find him, we'll find the nest, and we'll take them down."

Astrid nearly tripped over her own feet trying to back away. She needed to get out of here; she needed to get away from Camicazi. "You don't understand what you're asking. You can't help me. You can't…" she trailed off, noticing that Camicazi's attention had shifted to the knife held loosely in Astrid's hand.

"You have a weapon," she said, frowning, her head tilting to the side. Her eyes flickered back to Astrid. "Why would he let you have a weapon? Does he know you have that?"

Astrid looked at her knife, at Camicazi, at the dragons still in the pens behind them.

_I'm sorry_, she thought, and ran.

"Hey!"

A small throwing knife embedded itself in the ground inches from Astrid's next steps and she tried to change direction, but again a knife in the grass stopped her. She skidded in another direction but there was a sharp pull on the back of her cloak and she went crashing to the ground. She tried to push herself up but suddenly Camicazi's face loomed over her, her sword raised and pointed at Astrid's heart.

"Who are you?" she asked, glaring down. "What are you really doing with him?"

Astrid swallowed hard. "You don't understand," she tried, licking her lips. "You don't know what he could do to me."

There was a roar from above them and Camicazi was stumbling back, her eyes wide. Astrid pushed herself onto her elbows in time to see Hiccup and Toothless land nearby. The dragon roared again and Camicazi backed further away. Hiccup slid off the saddle and started towards Astrid, who shrank into herself and shook her head, silently praying that Hiccup would catch on to the act and play along.

"She-she was trying to make me go with her," Astrid said, glancing back and forth between Hiccup and Camicazi, who had her longsword pointed towards Toothless. "I wasn't going to, I wasn't! Please, please!"

Hiccup stopped, and she could picture his perplexed expression behind the mask. After a moment he glanced back at Camicazi before stepping forward and grabbing Astrid's arm and pulling her roughly to him. "I take it you want me to play along?" he whispered.

"If you could, that would be great," Astrid murmured, hoping she looked appropriately scared.

"Pretend I just said something threatening. Nod and look really scared." She did as he asked. "Don't look at me, don't look at her; you're scared, look down. You wanna look cowed." She nodded again, her eyes on her feet. "Sorry if this hurts you," he said, and then he jerked her arm and pulled her back towards Toothless, walking fast enough that she could pretend to have trouble keeping up with him. He shoved her the last few feet and she tried to look as frightened as possible as she climbed into the saddle. Hiccup climbed on behind her and she threw in a whimper as he wrapped an arm around her waist. Camicazi was still watching them, her sword ready in case they attacked.

Astrid chanced one last look at her. Their eyes met, and she saw a contemplative frown overtake Camicazi's face just before Toothless took off into the air.

"Yeah, you better run off, you great scaly coward!" the girl shouted. "I'd have skinned you alive and worn your hide as hairpiece!"

"Lot of bravado for such a little thing."

Hiccup laughed. "Yeah, that's Cami for you."

"AND I WANT MY SKIRT BACK!"

"Wow, her voice carries."

Xx

Astrid rolled over and poked Hiccup's nose. "You awake?"

One eye opened. "I am now."

Astrid winced. "Sorry."

Hiccup shook his head, both eyes opening. "Nah, I was already awake. Couldn't sleep."

Astrid sighed and snuggled closer to him, her arms sliding around his neck while his wrapped around her waist and pulled her close. "Still?" He nodded. "I thought you might be able to get a good night's sleep for once. The raid wasn't that bad. No casualties, no captured dragons, no major damage to any homes or buildings, and a few captured dragons freed." She kissed the tip of his nose. "Not a bad night."

"Yeah," Hiccup sighed, "Tonight was alright." He shrugged. "I probably could sleep, but…"

"But?"

He looked away. "I'm still having nightmares when I do sleep."

Astrid tucked her head under his neck, her hands sliding down and wrapping around his torso. "I could sing you my sister's bad dream song," she said, giggling.

Hiccup shifted so he could look at her. "Would you?" he asked. Astrid laughed.

"I was joking."

"I wasn't. Let me hear it. If it helps her sleep, maybe it'll help me."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "I don't think it'll help you. It's just this silly stupid little thing we made up that makes her laugh enough that she doesn't feel scared anymore."

Hiccup smiled and kissed her cheekbone. "I don't care. I wanna hear it. Even if Brenna says you can't sing."

Astrid huffed a sigh and sat up in bed, glaring down at Hiccup. "Fine, but only if you promise not to laugh at my singing. And remember, this was co-written by a toddler, so it's not exactly a ballad for the ages."

Hiccup made a show of getting comfortable and Astrid flicked his head for his facetiousness. She took a deep breath, her gaze anywhere but on Hiccup, and started to sing, "_Trolls are strong but love is stronger, I will keep you safe and warm. Monsters are mean but sisters are meaner, I will keep you safe from harm. Yes, I will keep you safe from harm._" She could feel her face growing hotter and hear Hiccup fighting back sniggers, but powered on. "_So sing it loud and sing it proud, until your ears are ringing. Sing along to the bad dream song, cause monsters hate bad singing. Yes, monsters hate bad singing. _And just that over and over again because toddlers are easily entertained like that."

When she finally found the courage to look back at Hiccup his lips were pursed together and his shoulders were shaking with the effort of holding back laughter. She slapped his shoulder. "Shut up!"

Hiccup burst into laughter, the sound reverberating off the stone walls and waking Toothless, who grumbled at them and covered his face with his tail. "Oh my gods, that was so much better than I could have imagined!"

Astrid glared at him and punched his shoulder again. "Shut up!"

"No, no, I'm not making fun," Hiccup said, reaching out and pulling her back down to him, the biggest grin she'd seen in over a week splitting his face. "It's adorable," he told her. Astrid stopped glaring long enough to give him a begrudging smile.

"Still shut up."

Hiccup hugged her tight and pecked her on the lips. "I'm serious, Astrid. There's no way I could have bad dreams after that."

"Go to sleep, Hiccup."

And by the time they both fell asleep, smiles pulling at the corner of their lips, Astrid had forgotten the worries that had woken her in the first place.

Xx

"Anything else?"

"Nope; like I said, after he started dragging her towards that dragon she didn't say anything else."

Stoick nodded. "Well I can see why you wanted to tell me all this in person."

Camicazi downed the rest of her ale. "Didn't seem like the sort of thing I could sum up in a letter. Besides, I miss the seas. Haven't had much time for it since I took the throne. Chieftessing is much more boring that piracy."

Across the table Arvid Hofferson was frowning at the young chieftess. "You don't seem particularly concerned about my daughter, given what you saw."

Camicazi pulled her feet off the table and sat up straight. "No, I'm not. I'm not convinced I need to be."

"Why's that?" Gobber asked, stroking his mustache. "You said yourself it looked like she was being coerced."

Camicazi nodded. "Yeah, it did. She said everything you'd expect a captive being forced to act against her will to say."

Arvid cleared his throat pointedly. "And why would that strike you as suspicious?"

The young chieftess sighed through her nose and evaluated the man across the table. "Because she said everything you'd expect a captive being forced to act against her will to say." She sat back in her chair and began playing with the gold rings up and down her fingers. "But that's not even the most interesting part."

Stoick leaned forward, looking at the young woman intently. "Then what's the most interesting part?"

"What she said first, before all the other 'oh you don't know what he'll do to me, boo hoo, woe is me' stuff."

"Which was?"

Camicazi looked up, frowning. "Five words. Five very interesting words: I don't need your help."


	15. The Dragon Master's Whore

A/N: Early update because I spent all day Saturday fighting to finish writing part of this, and the only way to motivate myself to finish it was by moving my deadline up a day. Because writing smut is the hardest thing ever and there is NOTHING at all sexy about it. Before we begin I want to remind you all of something, because this keeps coming up: **This fic is not inspired by or related to Thaipothetical's fic Sacrifices. **Persephone and Sacrifices were both inspired by a drabble posted on tumblr by hiilikedragons (CuriosityRedux of Wild Hearts fame on here). They are not at all inspired by each other. I haven't even read Sacrifices and am not going to until I finish Persephone. As far as I know these two fics are vastly vastly different so I don't know why this keeps happening.

Anyway, I super duper duper love this chapter.

**EDIT: Darling honey babies. I CAN'T ANSWER YOUR GUEST REVIEWS. If you are going to ask me questions, you have to actually log in and leave a review. I have no way of answering you if you leave a guest review. Or come ask me a question on tumblr. **

**Warnings: Smut. Lots of it.**

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 15: The Dragon Master's Whore<em>

"It is very important that what we are about to discuss _does not leave this room_."

Stoick looked around at the apprehensive faces of those seated before him. To his left were Spitelout and Snotlout, the latter gripping the hand of his wife, who was scooted as close to the table as her enlarged belly would allow. Tuffnut was next to his sister, and Fishlegs further down. To his right was Gobber, and then the Hoffersons.

He sighed. "I know that a few weeks ago we received some, ah, unnerving news from our allies the Bog Burglars."

Arvid Hofferson scoffed. " 'Unnerving news', is that what we're calling it? I'd call it outright blasphemy." Stoick shot him a glare and Arvid was quickly shushed by his wife.

"Call it what you may," Stoick continued, "But Camicazi's news was troubling to say the least. We know that Astrid lives, and we know that for some reason, rather by choice or by force—"

"By force, obviously."

"Arvid, hush!"

"For whatever reason," Stoick raised his voice in hope of quelling anymore interruptions, "she appears to be helping the Dragon Master."

"We don't know that's what she's doing," Ruffnut cut in, frowning at the table. "Astrid would never turn on Berk. She fought dragons harder than any of us."

"Yeah," Tuffnut added, nodding enthusiastically. "She could be helping _us_ for all we know. Maybe it only _looks_ like she's helping him." Ruffnut elbowed his shoulder.

"How is releasing captured dragons helping us, idiot. My point is that we don't know what's going on. She's his captive; she's probably just doing whatever it takes to stay alive."

"Would you two be quiet?!" Stoick snapped, and the twins fell silent. "Camicazi's report alone is unnerving, but we have some more news that might shed some more light on what's going on." He surveyed the room again and sighed, his shoulders sagging. "But I have to warn you all, that what you're about to hear is…unsettling."

Glances were exchanged around and across the table, and Stoick looked to Gobber, who was holding a folded piece of parchment in his hand. "You're up."

Gobber nodded and cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. "Eh…" He unfolded the parchment and spread it out on the table. "So, ehm, I recently got a letter from an old buddy of mine from a little further south. He's a blacksmith down in Silverfin Shores. Anyway, here's what it says." He picked up the letter with his one good hand and began reading.

" _Dear Gobber, I hope you are well, and I hope that rash cleared up, that's no fun place to have one_. Eh, ignore that bit. _Things are not so good here. We were raided again last night, and something has happened that I knew I had to write to you about immediately. You told me how your village tried to appease the Dragon Master's wrath by offering up a girl. I may have some news on that, but you may not like what I have to say. I swear on my life, on my shop, on that drunken night in that tavern on Greed's Rock all those years ago, that everything I'm about to say is true._"

"What happened in that tavern on Greed's Rock?"

"Tuffnut, quiet!"

"_I had left my shop during the raid to help with the fight, but had to return after a Gronkle bit the head of my hammer clean off. I was heading back through to the storeroom when I heard something moving inside. I thought maybe a dragon had got in; you know like one of them little green annoying ones, so I grabbed a sword and headed back there. Imagine my surprise when I turn the corner and see this young woman back there! Now if you're expecting this to be one of those stories the young men brag about during feasts that you know ain't true then you can stop because that ain't it at all. _

"_This young woman was maybe in her late teens: 18, 19, certainly no older than 20, with long blonde hair in a single braid. Round face, big blue eyes. Pretty young thing. I don't think nothing of it at first. It's a raid, someone looting my shop, it happens. I didn't recognize her but it's a big village and we get traders come through so that don't mean much to me then either. She hadn't seen me yet because she was busy looking through boxes and things, like she's trying to find something. I was about to call out to her and ask her what the hel she thinks she's doing in my shop, when I hear another voice, a man's voice. She looks to the right, towards the back door—you remember how that old shop is set up, it's like a maze back there, which is why she didn't see me yet—and I'm about to say something again because one looter in my shop is enough, I don't need two of them, and that's when he walks in and I see him._

"_He was in my shop, Gobber. The Dragon Master was in my shop._" Gobber looked up for a moment to look around the table at the riveted expressions on everyone's faces before licking his lips and continuing. "_I don't want nothing to do with that, so that's when I hide. I can still see them, but they can't see me, so I just decided to wait and watch and pray that monster didn't find me. So he walks up to her, and it strikes me immediately that this must be the girl you were telling me about, and also that she seems awfully calm. The Dragon Master starts talking to her, asking her questions about things she's supposed to get, and I have to say, I always imagined that his voice would be different. More menacing, but he just sounded like a normal man. He spoke perfect Norse, but the Young Man's Norse. You know, the way most of the younger generation is speaking now. So he's asking her about all these forge supplies, did she get this, did she get that. I don't remember exactly what he asked her, but he wasn't looking for nails or horseshoes. He was asking for the kinds of things you need for real proper smithing._

"_Anyway, he's asking, she's saying yes or no or whatever, and then he says something real quiet that I couldn't hear. Next thing I know he's grabbing her by the hips and lifting her up on the worktable behind her and stepping really really close._"

"I don't want to hear this," Ingrid interrupted, burying her face in her husband's shoulder.

"Actually I think you might," Stoick said in a low voice and gestured for Gobber to continue.

Gobber gave the Hofferson matriarch a long look before sighing and continuing. "_What happened next I'll never forget. The girl pulled his mask up just a bit—not much, just up to about his nose, and it's tilted so I still can't see but just a bit of his face. From what I could see I think he was young. I mean, really young. Her age, maybe. Strong jaw, no beard, short brownish hair. Maybe freckles; hard to tell in that light. He looked normal, Gobber. We've all wondered if he's man or monster or something in between but he looked like any normal human. But that's not what I most wanted to write to you about. You see, she lifted up his mask that little bit, and then she kissed him. And I do mean those words in that order, Gobber, _she_ kissed _him."

"What?!" Gobber stopped reading, and looked up to see every pair of eyes in the room save Stoick's wide and pinned on him. Ingrid was shaking her head. "No," she said. "No, I don't believe it."

"Let him finish, Ingrid," Stoick said quietly, and nodded at Gobber.

"_So I'm sitting there stunned at this point, and she's kissing him, and then the man steps closer and starts hiking up her skirt like he means to take her right then and there. And that's when I start to panic a little bit, because this is all a bit much for me, and I knock over something, a box of nails maybe, and they break apart and look around. They don't see me, but the girl pulls his mask down, and he lifts her off the table. I saw the Dragon Master grab one more thing off one of my shelves and then he was taking her hand and they were running out of my shop through that back door. By the time I was brave enough to get out from my hiding place the raid was over and they were both gone. I don't know if this is your Berkian girl, but I don't know who else she could be. _And uh, then he goes on to talk about some other things but I think that's what's relevant."

Gobber carefully folded the letter back up before looking around at his stunned audience.

"So as you can see," Stoick began, his eyes on his great beard instead of his villagers, "Camicazi may not have been wrong to have her suspicions."

"I still don't believe it," Ingrid said, shaking her head and glaring at them all in a way very reminiscent of her daughter. "I know my Astrid; she's too headstrong and fierce a girl to turn on her people. If she's helping that monster she's not doing it by choice."

"And she's kissing him, what, out of fear?" Spitelout said, matching Ingrid's glare. "I think it's time we ask ourselves what Astrid really is: the Dragon Master's captive, or his whore."

"My daughter is no one's _whore_!" Arvid pounded his fist on the table.

Stoick held up a hand. "Arvid, as much as I hate to say it I think we might have to accept the possibility that she is. At the very least we have to admit at this point that Astrid's involvement with the Dragon Master might not be entirely coerced."

"Are we all forgetting that Astrid's not an idiot?" Ruffnut cut in. "She's smart. And she's always known how to use whatever weapon she's got available. She's probably doing whatever it takes to stay alive. And maybe, yes, that means kissing him." Ruffnut sat back and glared at all of them as if daring anyone to disagree with her. "Maybe her best bet to stay alive is to make the Dragon Master think she's on his side. Maybe she's biding her time. Maybe she's trying to gain his trust, learn how to take him down before she escapes." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Maybe she is sleeping with him, who knows, but who's to say she isn't doing it strategically."

"I don't know," Snotlout said, staring at his hands clasped on the table. "Astrid was always smart, yeah, but I don't know about strategic. She was always more of a, beat 'em down with an axe first, plan later sort of gal."

Ruffnut punched his shoulder. "She could be strategic when the situation called for it!"

"Aye, that she could," Ingrid said, sitting up straighter and pursing her lips. "I taught my girl how to look after herself, and that meant sometimes fighting smarter instead of harder. Whatever Astrid is doing, I know she would never turn on Berk."

"How do we know she wouldn't, though?" Everyone turned to look at Tuffnut, who shrugged. "I mean, we turned on her. It's not like she doesn't have a good reason to turn on us."

The rest of the table stared in silence for a long moment before Fishlegs said, "You know, for someone who normally has the intelligence of a Terrible Terror, you can occasionally be pretty insightful."

Tuffnut grinned at him. "I know, right!" he said excitedly. "I'm like, all or nothing, you know. A total idiot or a total genius. There is no in between."

"Can we get back to the topic at hand," Arvid growled, "Where you've just accused my daughter of being a traitor?"

Tuffnut's eyes widened and he sank back into his seat. "I'm not saying Astrid is definitely a traitor," he said, his palms up in defense. "I'm just saying that if she is, it's not like we didn't give her good reason to be one."

Beside him Ruffnut's eyebrows drew together and she nodded. "He's kind of right. If it had been me given up to be killed or worse, I'd be pretty pissed off too."

Arvid threw his hands in the air. "I can't believe what I'm hearing."

"Arvid, they've got a point," said Gobber, who'd been quiet up until this point, frowning at the tabletop. "Astrid was strong and smart and loyal, yes, but she also had a temper to be reckoned with. And let's not forget that the Dragon Master initially turned her down. If it weren't for Spitelout deciding on the ever diplomatic solution of murder he'd have left her here." His thick shoulders bobbed. "I think we might have to consider the possibility that that Dragon Master has shown her more kindness than we have."

The table went silent again, until finally a worried-looking Ingrid said softly, "She was so angry at us." Everyone looked at her. "She was furious."

"So…" Fishlegs said, tapping his fingers on the table. "What do we do?"

"For starters, we brand that treacherous girl a traitor."

Arvid jumped to his feet. "How dare you! First you call my daughter a whore, now you call her a traitor!"

Spitelout was soon on his feet as well. "Well if the helmet fits, Arvid! There's more evidence that she's working with him than anything else!"

"Quiet!" Stoick's voice boomed through the hall. "Arvid, Spitelout, sit down, the both of you." The two men took their seats again as Stoick got out of his. He sighed. "Without further evidence we can't rule out the possibility of coercion or strategy, but I also at this point can't rule out Astrid having turned on us. The question now is what are we going to do."

"I say we try to treat with him," Arvid said.

"Yes, because that's always worked out so well in the past," Spitelout muttered, and Arvid shot him a glare.

"Then we make him listen. Do something to catch his attention."

"Like what?"

"Snotlout," Stoick said suddenly, interrupting the argument and looking to his heir. "What do you think we should do?"

Snotlout started, his eyes going wide as he took in the rest of the table, all eyes fixed expectantly on him. "Um, what?"

"A chief has to make decisions in difficult times. What do you think we should do about all this?"

Snotlout swallowed. "I-I don't know." He looked between his father and his wife. His father looked disappointed, as he usually did when Snotlout floundered in the face of any chiefly duty, but Ruffnut just rolled her eyes and took his hand.

"I say we should try to treat with him. Or at the very least get his attention and capture him," she said, and not for the first time since they'd wed Snotlout heaved a sigh of relief at her intervention. "He's not anything supernatural. He's just some guy, which means we can talk to him if we can just get his attention."

Snotlout nodded eagerly. "Yeah, we should do that. We should try to get his attention, and then talk to him." He glanced at his father. "Or capture him. Or something." He looked at Stoick, who was stroking his beard thoughtfully. Ruffnut gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

When he was young Snotlout had wanted nothing more than to be named heir. It had seemed like an inevitable thing, with how much of a failure Hiccup was at everything. Everyone expected it; everyone assumed that one day Hiccup would be passed over and the title of heir given to Snotlout, it was just a matter of waiting until Stoick made it official. Then Dragon Training started, and all of a sudden Hiccup, scrawny, weak, clumsy _Hiccup_ was doing better at it than all of them, and all those dreams of being chief one day were torn from under him.

And strangely, Snotlout had felt relief. He didn't want to be chief, he'd realized. He didn't want the responsibility or the duty or any of it. Let Hiccup have it all.

But fate had other plans, it seemed. A hysterical Astrid had come running into the village one evening, shaking and sobbing, and by the time they calmed her down and worked out what had happened it was already hours too late. Hiccup was gone, and officially Snotlout was heir. It had terrified him then, and it did not feel much less terrifying now, especially since Stoick was more actively grooming him for the role. "He wants to retire in the next few years if he can," Spitelout had confided in him. "He wants to be able to hand over the chiefdom sooner rather than later."

He was already dealing with the impending weight of responsibility of fatherhood hanging over his head. He didn't even feel ready to take care of one tiny human, let alone a village full of people.

Stoick nodded. "We're running out of other options. We got his attention once before, I see no reason we can't do it again. The only question is how." He looked around the table. "Any ideas?"

No one answered for a couple of uncomfortable minutes.

Finally Fishlegs sighed. "I might have an idea."

Xx

Astrid ran the comb through her long hair, satisfied she could finally pull it from root to tip without meeting tangles. She breathed deeply, the warm, humid air made her feel lethargic and lazy, unlike the biting cold air of the tunnels above. She could easily fall asleep down here, legs going pruney in the water of the hot springs.

The quiet was as soothing as it was rare. It was a lot noisier these days, with seven dragons running around instead of just one. Stormfly's hatchlings were growing quickly; Prim's crown of spikes reached Astrid's waist now. The adolescent dragons could fly easily on their own, and often hunted fish alongside their mother and Toothless. Scamp the Terrible Terror had been unofficially adopted into the clutch by the ever-maternal Stormfly, and would rough-house with his larger 'siblings' as if he wasn't small enough to be crushed under their feet. He went out on his own fairly often, but he returned every couple of days to enjoy a meal too big for him and to annoy Toothless.

If Hiccup's prediction was correct, the Night Fury wouldn't have to put up with it much longer. Stormfly's babies would strike out on their own in the near future, and Toothless could go back to scowling at Scamp when he tried to steal his breakfast.

It was dark down here; no light from above penetrated into these deeper caves, and it was already too hot for a fire, so the hot springs were lit by a string of lanterns that had to be lit by torch whenever someone came down here. They frustrated Astrid immensely, because they had been hung by Hiccup for his height, and she had to drag a stool down to the springs with her in order to light them.

It was peaceful down here, though. A quiet, dark, warm little escape from the chaos of the rest of the mountain.

There was a yelp behind her and she spun around to see Hiccup with a hand clapped over his eyes, a towel slung over the arm holding a lantern. "Sorry!" he said. "I didn't see anything, I promise."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "I know you didn't. You can put your hand down, I'm not naked." Hiccup dropped his hand and glanced over her. It was too hot to get fully dressed down in these caves; she'd only put on her skirt and her breast bindings. The rest of her clothes were drying on a nearby rock. She noticed the way Hiccup's eyes slid almost lecherously over her chest and bare stomach. She cleared her throat and started pulling her comb through her wet hair again. "What are you doing down here, it's my turn."

Hiccup approached her and sat his lantern and towel down by her side. "Toothless kept me out for an extra long flight today. We just got back."

Astrid nodded. "I was wondering why I hadn't seen you around. And you came down here when I'd be bathing because…?"

Hiccup paused with his hands on the hem of his shirt and looked at her. "I thought you'd be done. I wasn't trying to peek, I promise." Astrid nodded, accepting this, and Hiccup pulled his shirt over his head. He reached for the drawstring of his pants and Astrid's head whipped the other direction, a blush rising in her cheeks. She heard Hiccup's snort. "What, like you haven't already seen everything?" He sniggered. "And felt everything?"

Astrid pursed her lips and gripped the edge of the pool of water. "Well, yeah," she said through gritted teeth. "Aren't you embarrassed at all?" She heard the rustling of fabric and his pants landed in her lap.

"Oh yeah, because I've never been seen naked by a woman before in my life. And I've definitely never been seen naked by you."

Astrid sighed, a little miffed at his mention of other women. "Oh right. I bring the grand total up to what, five?"

The sound of movement stopped. "Yeah. Um, how many girls did I tell you I'd been with, again?"

Astrid frowned. "Four." She looked at him, for the moment too preoccupied to be thankful that he was still wearing his underwear. "Why?"

Hiccup swallowed and twiddled his thumbs, not looking at her. "I might…have kind of…rounded down, a bit."

Astrid's eyes narrowed. "How much is 'a bit'? How many girls have you really slept with?"

He paused. His eyes squeezed closed and he grimaced. "Seven."

"Seven."

"Possibly eight."

"Possibly—_possibly_? How 'possibly'?" she demanded.

Hiccup shrugged and gave her a sheepish look. "I spent some time out in the Byzantine Empire, and I was kind of seeing this girl there for a while, and she um…she had an identical twin sister, and…"

"Oh gods, you didn't."

"I don't know if I did or not," Hiccup said, running a hand through his hair and wincing. "There was alcohol involved, and, and, there's this stuff that they smoke out there. It's, it's _strong_ stuff, and I really don't remember what happened to be honest. They were fighting, and I might have been revenge, I don't know." He sighed and shrugged. "I slept with one of them that night, but I honestly don't know which one."

Astrid laughed humorlessly and shook her head at her knees. "Gods. How the hel did you of all people turn into a world-traveling womanizer. Why did you lie to me?"

Hiccup was quiet for a moment. "I don't know. I knew you were gonna judge me for what I said, and I…I cared what you thought. I'd never been ashamed of all of that before, but I cared about what you would think about me." He sighed deeply. "I didn't want you to see me as a world-traveling womanizer."

Astrid kicked her feet idly in the water. "Why didn't you tell me the truth sooner?"

"I didn't know how. There was never really a right time. Are you mad?"

She stared at her legs for a long moment.

"Why did you do it? Not the lie, the…the everything you lied about."

Hiccup sat down next to her. "I spent most of my life being ignored," he began. "Nobody ever thought I was interesting, or funny, or attractive." _I thought you were all of those things_, Astrid thought, but let him talk. "And then I hit a growth spurt and my hair got longer and suddenly when girls met me they thought I was those things. It was nice to get the attention." He shrugged. "It was a nice distraction. It was easy. Drink myself into oblivion and find a girl to spend the night with. It was easier than thinking about some of the shit I'd seen."

They were quiet for a long moment before Hiccup nudged her hand with his own and asked, "Are you mad at me?"

Astrid sighed and shook her head. "Not really. I mean, it's not like I thought you were a virgin. You've just…you've just been seen naked by more girls than I thought you had."

He squeezed her hand. "If it counts for anything, out of all the girls who have ever seen me naked, you're definitely my favorite." He kissed her cheek and Astrid rolled her eyes.

"I'm probably also the only one who didn't want to see you naked." Hiccup laughed as he stood up, and Astrid trained her eyes on her own lap as she waited for the rustle of fabric to stop.

"And I'm sure you've been traumatized forever by what you saw."

There was a splash, and Astrid set her jaw and stared in the opposite direction.

Something brushed Astrid's foot and she jumped. She cast her eyes to the ceiling and kept them there, resolutely ignoring Hiccup's attempts to get her to pay attention to him. Finally he grabbed her knees and yanked her towards the water. Astrid screamed and grabbed the edge of the rock. Hiccup let go of her legs and fell backwards into the water, laughing. She glared at him, and his wet hair and his cocky smile and his wet shoulders. The water came up to the middle of his chest, and because of the bubbles and the steam rising off the water she couldn't clearly see his body below the surface. She wasn't sure if she was thankful or disappointed. It made her blush all the same.

Hiccup ducked under the water and swam towards her. He surfaced, just his eyes and nose above the water, and he watched her with a mischievous glint in those eyes. He popped up long enough to squirt a mouthful of water at her.

Astrid squealed. "Hiccup!" she shrieked, laughing as Hiccup disappeared under the water again. He was grinning at her when he reappeared on the other side of the pool. Astrid threw the bar of soap at him. "You're gonna get me all wet. _Don't_." Hiccup shut his half open mouth and swam up beside her.

"Fine. Killjoy." He splashed at her legs and she kicked back, giggling.

"You've been a lot more playful lately," she said, smiling at him. "How are you feeling?"

Hiccup nodded and lathered the soap. "I feel good," he said, shooting her a smile. "I mean, actually good. Not just, 'not feeling like I'm dying'." He paused, looking down at the soap in his hands. "This morning was a little rough. I think Toothless sensed it and that's why he wouldn't let me land. But it was good. I haven't flown as much lately and I needed it." He closed his eyes and sighed. "It felt good to be out there again. It felt better than it has in a long time."

Astrid reached out and ruffled his wet hair. "I'm glad to see you feeling better. You've been more like yourself. More like I remember you."

His smile faded and he turned the soap over in his hands. "I feel more like myself. My head feels clearer. I don't know, I didn't even realize just how bad things had gotten. But I feel good now. I mean I've felt like shit for the past couple of weeks, but now, I don't know." He shrugged and shot her a self-conscious smile. "I just feel better." Astrid returned his smile.

"I'm proud of you, you know," she said, her voice soft. Hiccup's smile widened and he avoided her gaze as he started lathering soap and pushing it through his hair. She had a sudden thought and cleared her throat to catch his attention. "Here," she said, scooting closer to the edge of the water and leaning over to take the soap from his hands. "Let me."

Hiccup blinked at her, his lips parted in a soft expression of surprise. "You'll get your skirt wet," he said, his voice low and tentative, like he wanted to say something else.

Astrid shrugged, her eyes locked on his. "I don't care. It needs washing anyway." She pulled her skirt up above her knees and tucked it around and under her legs and Hiccup turned his back to her, resting against the side of the pool and between her legs. She lathered the soap in her hands and pushed her fingers through his thick hair, her nails scratching lightly at his scalp. He hummed and his head lolled back, his eyes closed and a soft smile on his face. His hair was soft and silky and longer than it looked. She combed her fingers through it thoroughly, luxuriating in the softness and the small smile on Hiccup's lips. She massaged his scalp and watched as the tension left his shoulders and he relaxed against her, his arms rising to rest over her thighs. He tickled the inside of her knee and she tugged gently on a strand of hair in retaliation.

When she'd finished lathering his hair with soap she paused, not quite sure how to go about rinsing it. Ideally, this sort of thing was meant to be done in a basin, but she hadn't thought through how she was supposed to do it here. The thought had come to her that it might be a sweet gesture; a way to show him what he was coming to mean to her. Sensing her hesitation Hiccup pushed away from her and slipped under the water for a moment, then came up shaking his head like a dog, slinging water all over her and completely ruining the moment.

She laughed, shielding her face and slapping blindly at Hiccup's shoulders. When he stopped she fixed him with a look. "Do you have to ruin everything?" she asked, her stern look tainted by a smile.

Hiccup gave her a cheeky grin. "Of course I do, milady. Ruining everything is what I'm best at." He meant it as a joke, but that self-depreciating tone was accompanied by a sad slant to his eyes and it squeezed at her heart. She smiled and took his face in her hands, pulling him towards her as she leaned down to meet him.

"You don't ruin everything," she whispered, and caught the change in his expression just before she kissed him. It was an awkward angle, but Hiccup pushed himself up on his elbows so that she didn't have to bend over quite so far. Her hands slid to his neck and she traced her thumbs along his jawline, over rough stubble a few days too long. He hummed against her mouth and pulled away, sinking down in the water for a moment as he ran his hands up and down her calves, from her ankles to her knees and back, and then up along her thighs. He settled onto his elbows and reached up to kiss her again.

He kissed her slowly but deeply; his tongue a lazy explorer in her mouth. Astrid sighed, feeling warm and cozy and utterly content. Her feet grazed the sides of his waist, her toes dragging along the ridges of his ribcage. He smelled earthy; like one always did after bathing in the mineral-rich springs, but with the sharp bite of the lye soap still clinging to his hair. His hands crept around her back and pulled her closer to him, so that she was sitting on the very edge of the pool, her skirt pushed high around her thighs.

Hiccup broke away from her lips to kiss down her throat and began to suckle at her collarbone. Her eyes fluttered closed. Astrid felt warm all over; warm from his mouth nipping and licking, warm from his hands grazing the sides of her thighs, daring higher and firmer with each stroke. She liked being skin to skin with him. The feeling of his warm arms against her legs combined with the thick hot air made her feel lethargic and happy.

Hiccup's hands slid higher, his fingers finally slipping under her skirt and sliding up to grip her hips. His thumbs teased at her hipbones, and that cozy warmth began to morph into a buzzing heat. His hands traced the shape of her hips again and he froze, his mouth stilling against her chest. He drew back and she blinked her eyes open to look down at him.

"You're not wearing anything under this skirt, are you?" he asked, his voice low.

The corners of her mouth curled. "No, I'm not," she said, like an invitation, like a dare. She watched Hiccup's adam's apple bob as he swallowed. His thumb dipped into the crease of her thigh at her hip, right where the fabric of her underwear should be.

"You know, Astrid," he began, his eyes dark and never leaving hers, "You've done so much for me lately. You've helped me so much." His thumb brushed so lightly over the skin of her thigh that it made her shiver all over. His voice was husky when he spoke next. "I wish you'd let me do something for you."

That buzzing heat seemed to bloom through her whole body, stirring a broiling fire in the base of her stomach. She found herself nodding, found herself leaning back, hands supporting her, legs widening.

Beneath her skirt Hiccup's hand shifted, sliding over her leg, his fingers trailing through coarse curls. "Just tell me when to stop," he said, his eyes still locked onto hers, and Astrid nodded again. His fingers slid through the curls between her legs before withdrawing to tease up the side of her inner thigh, and Astrid's hand squeezed into a fist. The anticipation set her on edge; his light touches sparked fire between her legs and she wished he'd just _touch_ her already.

His fingers teased her thigh again, and just as she was about to tell him to get on with it, his finger brushed her and she gasped. Her breath left her and refused to come back as he slid a finger through her folds. His thumb found that sensitive nub and she choked on her next inhale, her eyes sliding closed. He stroked her again, thumb still pressing hard, before a warm digit was slipping inside of her.

Astrid shuddered, her whole body beginning to tremble with the nerves and the sensation. His fingers were slow and gentle; applying enough pressure to have her toes curling but his motions were still lazy enough to keep her wanting.

He kissed the side of her knee, and then the side of her thigh, stubble scratching at her skin, and Astrid managed to drag her eyelids up long enough to look at him.

His eyes were nearly black. The low light gleamed off his wet skin and cast dark shadows that heightened the relief of his muscles. Astrid had another one of those moments where she wondered how the hel that scrawny boy from the forge had ended up looking like this. Hiccup kissed her thigh, much further up this time, and his tongue darted out to taste her skin just as a second finger joined the first and pressed deeper inside her. Her whole body shook. He kissed her again, and when she caught sight of his tongue glancing across the skin of her thigh her hips bucked into his hand. That tongue; gods, she wanted that tongue.

"Astrid?" Hiccup's voice was gravelly and strained and Astrid didn't bother letting him ask the rest of his question. She nodded, her eyes closing and her head falling back as she pushed her hips closer. His fingers curled and her elbows buckled and she lowered her back down to the stone floor. Hiccup's free hand began pushing her skirt up as his kisses moved slowly higher up her inner thigh.

His hand withdrew and Astrid's eyes blinked open to stare at the distant ceiling. Her heart was pounding and every part of her seemed to quiver. This was going to happen. He was going to do this, she wanted him to. Her fingers tapped nervously on the floor while she waited. Hiccup was still kissing his way up her inner thigh, the inches left to span felt like miles. His hands curled around the backs of her legs and hooked them over his shoulders. This was going to kill her. The longer he waited the more nervous she felt. Should she feel self-conscious about this? About him seeing everything? Was she supposed to do anything? Or just…let him do his thing down there. Maybe she should—

He pressed a hard kiss squarely to her center and her thoughts flew from her and a sharp gasp tore from her throat. Hiccup paused, giving her a moment to recover, though his hot breath against her most sensitive parts did little to ease the burn that itched under her skin. He licked her and she shuddered, her legs twitching in his grasp and her hands starting a futile scrabble against the stone for something to hold onto. She whimpered; his long, slow licks were simultaneously too much and not enough. His grip on her legs tightened, holding her hips still as he pressed his mouth against her entrance and thrust his tongue inside her.

She cried out and her back arched, the heat and texture of his tongue torturously wonderful. Her thoughts stuttered and stumbled over each other. The twisting motions of his tongue had her rocking her hips into him one moment and writhing away from him the next. She wanted more. It was too much; she wanted him to stop right…never. Never wanted this to stop. The more she squirmed the more tightly he held her, the more pressure he put into his ministrations.

Her head tossed this way and that as she gasped for air; her hair would be horribly tangled by the time this was over but she didn't care. Her hand found purchase on Hiccup's shoulder, her nails digging into his flesh and pulling him closer. She didn't realize one of his hands had let go of her hip until his thumb found her pearl.

"Hiccup!" She yanked at his shoulder and he hummed a low moan that vibrated against her. It was all too much. Everything tightened and swelled, and she whimpered his name again just before it crashed. She sobbed, everything going black and white and hot and cold and tight and loose all in one terrible, wonderful moment.

She went limp, her legs slid off Hiccup's shoulders and into the water with a soft splash. The rest of the world filtered back into her awareness, and she heard Hiccup panting as hard as she was as he wiped his mouth on her skirt. Definitely would need to wash it, now. He pulled himself up enough to rest his head against her stomach, his arms curling under her back.

"Do you wanna keep going?" he asked, a hopeful note in his voice.

Did she wanna keep—but she'd already—oh. Her chest tightened as her fuzzy brain registered what he was asking.

"No," she said, without even having to think about it. She was still surprised at herself for what she'd just allowed him to do, but even despite what they had just done she felt a flicker of fear replace the sated warmth in her belly at the thought of letting him take her.

This had felt like…a gift. An offering, an act of worship. Something he gave without asking for anything in return. But giving all of herself to him...that still felt like a level of vulnerability she didn't think she could handle yet. And besides, now probably wasn't a good time anyway.

She thought about the herbs still growing in a cave a few stories up. She thought about checking on them later today, making sure they were still growing strong.

At first tending them had been something to do, even if Hiccup had no use for them. And she'd thought that at the very least she could consider it taking care of whatever poor girls fell for his charm.

Eight girls.

Eight girls who had been with him like that before her, and who knew how many more who had experienced what she just had. And still he claimed none of them had every meant anything to him.

"Why do you wanna be with me so much?" she asked, fingers trailing across his shoulder blades.

Hiccup chuckled and pressed a kiss against her stomach. "Have you met you? Have you _seen_ you?"

"Hiccup…" Astrid sighed. "_Other_ than the way I look, why do you want me so much?" She combed her fingers through his hair. "You're used to...casual liaisons. Whatever we have, I don't want it to be casual." Astrid frowned up at the rocky ceiling. "We're beyond this being casual. I've never been with anyone like that before; it won't be casual for me. It'll mean something. I want to know it'll mean something to you too." Hiccup's head shifted on her stomach and she knew he was looking at her. "It's a big step."

Hiccup kissed her stomach again, making her shiver. "Today was a big step," he reminded her quietly, and Astrid nodded.

"Don't make me regret it." Hiccup's hand trailed light strokes up and down the side of her stomach. "I'm not another notch on your bedpost."

She heard Hiccup sigh, and then splashing as he pulled himself up and out of the water, crawling up her body to hover over her. His face filled her vision and she was struck by how intensely he was looking at her. His hands cradled her face and he bent down to kiss her forehead and then each cheek. He brushed her bangs back from her face and whispered, "Astrid, I think I'm in love with you."

Astrid squeezed her eyes shut and turned away, hands pushing lightly at Hiccup's chest. "Hiccup, don't," she whispered, shaking her head. She gave him an imploring look. "Don't say that now, not like this."

Hiccup frowned. "Why?"

Astrid sighed, a hint of exasperation in her expression as she frowned up at him. "Because even if you mean it you sound like you're just saying it to get me to sleep with you. If you really do love me then find a better time and place to say it."

"Fair enough, I guess," Hiccup said, nodding. Then he flashed her a smile. "But I do mean it." He kissed the side of her mouth. "I really do think I love you."

Astrid rolled her eyes and tucked a lock of hair behind Hiccup's ear. "You _think_ you love me? How reassuring," she half-teased, not quite meeting Hiccup's eyes.

"Astrid," Hiccup murmured, words and lips soft against her ear. "You don't have to believe it now but I'm saying it now anyway: I love you." He analyzed her face. "Why does that scare you?"

Astrid sighed and pushed him off of her. She sat up, carefully avoiding looking down the naked expanse of his body. Hiccup rolled to the side and Astrid tossed a towel over him and the parts she was still too shy to look at.

"My parents always claimed to love me. Still didn't stop them giving me up." Astrid pulled her hair over her shoulder and began trying to comb through the mess. "They were more afraid of what would happen if they didn't. Love is supposed to be this great powerful thing that's stronger than anything but it wasn't stronger than their fear." Her hair was hopelessly tangled and her fingers snagged and caught and soon she was nearly yanking her hair out just trying to free her hands.

"Here, let me help." She looked to Hiccup, who had picked up her comb. Astrid shifted, pulling her legs out of the water and turning her back to him. Hiccup swept the mass of wet curls over her shoulder and began pulling the comb carefully through the very ends. "You're still angry at your parents, huh?"

Astrid shrugged. "I don't know if I'm angry, I'm just...sad? I guess? I don't know." She heaved a deep sigh. "I just don't know. It's just...it's a huge thing to get past. And I'm shoving all my trust issues off on you, which isn't fair, but I can't help how I'm feeling."

Hiccup stopped combing. "Hey," he said, voice firm but gentle, "You don't have to apologize to me for anything. After what they did to you, of course your head's gonna be messed up. Of course your _heart_ is gonna be messed up. And we both know I did some things that didn't help." His hand brushed against her back as he pulled more hair towards him and Astrid shivered. "I want you to trust me, I want you to feel safe, and yes, selfishly, I want you to like me as much as I like you." He moved her hair to the side and kissed the back of her neck. "But I don't expect anything from you, Astrid." He'd freed all the tangles up to the base of her neck, and it sent a tremor down her spine when she felt the comb scratching against her scalp. "I don't want you to feel pressured. I don't want you to feel like you have to give me anything. Not your trust, not your body, not your heart." The comb slid smoothly from the top of her head all the way the ends of her hair.

Astrid turned to look at him and Hiccup set down the comb. She scooted forwards, just enough to sit almost at his side and leaned in to give him a brief kiss. Her heart pounded in her chest as she whispered, "Thank you." Hiccup nodded, his hand rising to slide into her hair as he pulled her in for another kiss, longer this time. Astrid broke away sooner than he would have liked and he whined. She traced the line of his jaw, then down his neck and along his shoulder. "I'm not ready to give you everything," Astrid said, whispering to hide the nervous tremble in her voice. Her hand continued down his chest, over the smooth muscles of his stomach, and further down. "But," she continued as her hand slipped under the towel on his lap, "I'm ready to give you more."

Hiccup's whole chest shuddered as he expelled a shaky breath, his eyelids fluttering and his pupils dilating as she closed her hand around him. "Astrid," he breathed, half a question and half an oath. She stroked him once, experimentally, then again, watching his reactions.

"Is that good? I don't really know what I'm doing," she said shyly, squeezing harder to see how he'd react. That drew a short groan from the back of his throat, and Hiccup nodded, his eyes falling shut.

"Yeah," he managed, his voice strangled. "Yeah, that's, that's—here." His hand slid under the towel and closed over hers, adjusting her grip and pumping a little faster. "Like that." Astrid copied his movements, and after a moment of guiding her motions his hand fell away. She stroked harder, and brushed her thumb over the tip, dragging a low moan from Hiccup's throat. His head fell back and he moaned again when she repeated the motion. He grew hotter and harder in the palm of her hand and it made her curious. It made her wonder how _this_ would feel buried inside her…

"Oh gods," he said, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. "Gods, I have been dreaming of this."

Astrid smirked and leaned forward to draw her tongue lazily up the side of his neck, earning her a shiver. "I know," she murmured, and that seemed to force all the air from Hiccup's lungs. He looked at her with wide eyes, still panting. Astrid bit her lip. "I saw you." His eyes widened further and since her admission seemed to have him twitching in her hand she decided it couldn't hurt to tell him the rest of it. "I watched you."

Hiccup bucked into her hand. "Gods," he gasped. "And—_oh_, and—did, did you—?"

She nodded and Hiccup groaned, his chin dropping against his chest. One of his hands tangled in her hair again and dragged her to his lips. It was a messy, distracted kiss, but it sent sparks crackling along the surface of her skin all the same. "A bit—_ah_—a bit faster," Hiccup whispered, and she obliged him. Soon his hips were bucking into her hand and he was gasping and moaning into her mouth. His hand fisted in her hair and he broke the kiss. "Astrid," he managed, "Astrid, _oh_." He threw his head back, his grunts growing louder and louder until he broke; a spasm wracked his whole body and her name tumbled from his lips.

Astrid pulled her hand away and rinsed it in the spring. Hiccup's eyes were still closed, his chest heaving, a thin sheen of sweat on his skin. She gently untangled his limp fingers from their place in her hair.

"You tangled my hair again," she told him, small smile playing on her lips.

"Sorry," Hiccup mumbled, his eyes opening. He looked more relaxed than she'd seen him in days, and that dopey smile on his face was nothing short of adorable. He looked at the towel on his lap. "Shit." He frowned. "I only brought one towel."

Astrid laughed and got to her feet. "I'll bring you another one."

"Hey, don't laugh at me, this is your fault."

"That's what you get for messing up my hair."

Xx

Hiccup was something else entirely when he was in the air.

Astrid watched him from Stormfly's back, taking things a bit slower as she and the dragon both adjusted to the newly-finished saddle. Above her head Hiccup and Toothless soared through the sky in the midst of their usual midair acrobatics. They dove past her and Stormfly, only to pull back up in a graceful loop. Hiccup looked more at peace than she had seen him in weeks; his head was thrown back, eyes closed and face towards the sun, a soft smile playing on his lips. Toothless twisted into a corkscrew dive, and Hiccup whooped as they shot downwards and then disappeared among the sea stacks below.

She and Stormfly followed, and she watched from above as boy and dragon wound through the labyrinth of rock columns at breakneck speed. It was amazing to watch, and all the more impressive knowing that effortless-looking maneuverability was the result of Hiccup and Toothless working together and constantly reading each other's movements, second by second. They were one being when they flew.

She had always known Hiccup was smart. Even when he'd invented something that filled the forge with smoke, or misfired and broke one of Gothi's shutters clean off. He was the only one on Berk who even _tried_ to make the things he created. But on Toothless, one could see his true genius in action. From the prosthetic tailfin and rig he'd designed and made himself, to the instinctive way he knew how and when to push the pedals to put the fin in the correct position for each sudden twist or dive Toothless decided on.

They excited the maze of sea stacks and winged their way upwards. When they were close Toothless's wings pumped powerfully, and they shot by her, cutting it so close that she and Stormfly nearly had to dodge out of the way, only to be buffeted by the downdraft. When Astrid managed to push her hair out of her face she saw Hiccup looking back at her and laughing.

He and Toothless disappeared into the clouds and she and Stormfly gave chase, intent on paying them back their teasing.

Astrid had spent so long thinking about Hiccup in terms of that boy in the forge and whether or not he was still in there, and how much of him still remained in who Hiccup was now. It was time to stop thinking of him that way. It had been four years and so much had changed. There was so much more to him than she had initially understood, both good and bad. Compassion and cruelty, hope and pain, and she'd take it all.

The boy in the forge had caught her attention.

But it was the boy on the dragon with whom she'd fallen in love.


	16. Allegiance Won, Innocence Lost pt 1

A/N: If this chapter isn't up to snuff it's because I wrote most of it and edited all of it in between terrible coughing fits. This virus sucks. It's also the reason this chapter is late. Sorry m'dears.

**PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: DARLINGS I CANNOT ANSWER GUEST REVIEWS. it's not physically possible. IF YOU WANT TO ASK A QUESTION YOU HAVE TO LOG IN. OTHERWISE I CAN'T ANSWER. Side note: updates are on Mondays unless something goes wrong and I have to post a day late.**

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><p><em>Chapter 16: Allegiance Won, Innocence Lost part 1<em>

_Upon his entry to the Underworld, the messenger Hermes was amazed at what he found. Instead of finding a frail and fearful Persephone, he found a radiant and striking Queen of the Dead. –The Myth of Persephone_

"Happy Birthday to you!"

"Please don't."

"Happy Birthday to yooou!"

"Astrid please."

"Happy Birthday, dear Hiccuuuup!"

"AAAROOOOOWWWW."

"And you got him in on it."

"Happy Birthdaaaaaaay-"

"This is torture."

"Toooooo-"

"Please stop."

"Yooooooouuuu!"

"ROOOOOOOOOOO!"

"RAWK!"

"Oh gods."

Astrid laughed as she set the cake down in front of Hiccup. It was nothing special; just a simple basic sweet cake made with what little ingredients she had available, but it was something, and Hiccup's face had lit up in surprise when he'd seen it. He was shaking his head now, face buried in his hands, but he peeked through his fingers at her when she set a fork in front of him and started cutting him a piece.

"You didn't have to do this," he said. "And I mean all of this, not just the terrible singing. Because you really, really didn't have to do that." Astrid rolled her eyes and tugged at one of the little braids she had taken to weaving in his hair. Hiccup complained endlessly about them, but never took them out, which was enough encouragement for her to keep putting them there.

"It's your birthday, of course I did. And it's _actually_ your birthday, so I _really_ did." She kissed his cheek. "Happy fifth birthday."

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Ha ha ha, I'm younger than I actually am because I was born on Leap Day and my actual birthdate only comes once every four years. _Never _heard that one before."

Astrid giggled and kissed the top of his head. "Fine. Happy twentieth. Now shut up and eat your cake. I used up the last of our eggs making this. We'll have to get more soon." Hiccup shook his head over a fond smile and dug in, humming when he tasted the cake. "Good?" He nodded.

Astrid stroked absently at Stormfly's horn as she walked around the table and the dragon went to join Toothless at the fish well. She was having to pay extra attention to her Nadder lately. It was natural and inevitable but her hatchlings flying off seemed to have taken its toll on her nonetheless.

They all missed the babies' playfulness, though not necessarily their presence. When they'd been newborn hatchlings they were easy enough to house, but by the time they left they had nearly reached Astrid's shoulder and were starting to take up more room than was comfortable. Toothless still reigned supreme and as such was the only dragon who regularly slept in the same room as she and Hiccup, with Stormfly and her babies appropriating the large entrance cave as their nest. That hadn't stopped the babies from climbing all over Toothless, and occasionally, Hiccup and Astrid, to wake them up.

Astrid sat down opposite Hiccup and watched him eat. She still wasn't much of a cook, but Hiccup was the sort who almost had to be reminded to eat at all, and since his idea of feeding himself was grabbing whatever substance he desperately needed in between working on something else, he was usually happy with whatever simple meals she was capable of making him. She waited until his mouth was stuffed with a particularly large bite of cake before taking a deep breath and speaking.

"I love you."

Hiccup stopped, his chewing ceasing and his eyes going wide and snapping to her. Astrid gave him a shy smile and shrugged, sweeping her bangs out of her eyes. "And yes, I did wait until your mouth was full to say that." She looked at him seriously. "I don't want you to say anything. I don't want you to comment on it, or say it back. I just wanted to say it. I love you." Her smile spread across her face. "Four months ago I never dreamed I'd be saying that to you. Or anyone ever again, really. But you've changed. We both have. And you…when you're yourself you're the most wonderful, caring person. And I've never met anyone like you. So yeah." She shrugged again and felt her cheeks prickle with heat. "I love you."

Hiccup blinked at her, then resumed his chewing. He swallowed and reached for his cup of water. He drank and sat the cup back down, all the while wearing the same neutral, indifferent expression.

She'd told him not to say anything but his silence was proving to be much more nerve-wracking than she'd anticipated. Hiccup got up from his seat, walked around the table to her, took her face in his hands and kissed her soundly. When her eyes fluttered open he was looking at her with so much affection she felt like her heart was going to burst out of chest. "I'm not going to say it back because you specifically told me not to," he said, his eyes radiating happiness. "But you should know that I really really want to." Astrid couldn't help the grin that spread across her lips, even as he kissed her again. His arms slid under her legs and around her back and she giggled into his mouth and wound her arms around his neck as he scooped her out of her chair.

"What about cake?" she mumbled between kisses as he carried her out of the room.

"Cake really isn't what I want to eat right now," he said, his voice low and husky. It sent a shiver down her spine.

"Hiccup," she protested lightly, pulling away from his lips. "It's _your_ birthday. At the very least you could let me try again at—"

"No thank you."

"Oh come on, was I really that bad?"

"You bit me!"

"I didn't mean to! I just wasn't expecting it to…twitch like that."

"You still bit me."

"So what, you don't _ever_ want me to try that again?"

"Babe, I would love for you to try that again. But not on my birthday. Maybe some other time. Like when we're old and all your teeth have fallen out."

"I'm sorry!"

Xx

"Hey, what are you doing in here?"

Astrid froze, her hand around a jar on the shelf above her.

She spun around to see a large man standing in the doorway of the storeroom, a sword in one hand. Astrid let go of the jar and quickly shifted her bag underneath her cloak, hoping to hide just how much she'd stolen.

"I, I was just, um, making sure no dragons had gotten in?"

The man frowned at her. "Aye and I'll bet you were just taking those beans for safekeeping so the dragons couldn't get them, eh?"

Astrid swallowed. Her eyes darted around the small space. She had her back to the shelves, there were a few barrels lined up along the other two walls, and the large man completely blocked the small doorway. The room itself was so small she'd have a hard time getting around him to the door. "I s-saw that Night Fury out there, and I thought, well, it'd be bad if he set fire to the Hall and all the food in here got burned up. I mean it's got to last until the spring harvests start."

The man's eyes narrowed under bushy brown eyebrows. "That they do, which is why we don't need anyone stealing what little we do have. There's plenty to go around, so it's not like there's much need for you to be stealing anyway, come on." He crossed the space between them in a few short steps and grabbed her hand, yanking her towards the door, where the light from the room outside shone in and illuminated her face. The man blinked. "Hold on," he said, his thick eyebrows knitting closer together. "Who are you? I haven't seen you around the village. Whose daughter are you?"

Astrid's chest tightened with panic. "I'm—I'm not from here. I came on one of the trade ships."

She watched the man's mouth twist under his frizzy mustache. "We haven't had any trade ships come through in weeks; there's still been too much ice in our port."

Astrid nodded, her free hand sliding to the side of her belt just in case. "I've been stranded here a while, that's the only reason I was taking food. I'm sorry, I really am."

The man's frown grew. "I don't recall any passengers on the trade ships we had this winter." He pulled her closer. "Who are you really?"

Astrid tried to work her hand free from his grip. "I'm no one. Just a stowaway on a trade ship, trying to get by. Please, let me go, I'll give back everything I took."

The man straightened up and sniffed. "Something's fishy about your story, girl. I'm taking you to the chief."

So much for subtlety.

Astrid pulled her knife out of her cloak and slashed across the top of the man's arm. It was a shallow wound, not dangerous, but it was a shock and enough to get him to let her go. Astrid ducked under his arm and dashed out the door into the hall beyond. She didn't bother trying to sneak through the back hallway as she had before; it was a straight shot through the main gathering hall to the front door.

"Get her! Grab that girl, don't let her get away!" There were a few other men and women in the room, some holding weapons, some using buckets of water to douse the walls in case of dragonfire, who all looked up as Astrid came barreling through the middle of the hall, followed by the shouting of the man in the storeroom. Upon seeing him in the doorway, blood gushing from the cut on his arm, the other Vikings dropped what they were doing and grabbed their weapons.

Astrid skid to a halt in the middle of the hall, two Vikings having blocked the exit. There were six of them altogether, including the one who'd caught her in the storeroom, all armed and advancing. Not terrible odds if she had an axe or a sword, but she had only her little knife, and her cloak was weighing her down.

"Drop the weapon, girl," said a woman a few years older than her. "We've got you surrounded. Just surrender and come with us and we'll sort everything out."

Astrid tightened her grip on her knife. Her eyes darted around the room, taking in every detail that could help her formulate an escape route. Six Vikings, one injured and trying to hold his sword with his left hand, not doing well at it, the woman with the sword by his side. Two blocking the door, one with a spear too long to be useful in close range combat, one with a warhammer that'd be fatal if he hit her with it, so he'd focus on using the handle against her if it came to it. To the right were a couple of men who looked to be brothers, judging by the similarity in their appearances, both wielding axes. They were standing too close together.

"What's it gonna be, girl?" The hand holding her knife dropped, and she stashed it in its sheath on her belt as the injured man and the woman advanced. Astrid reached into one of the pockets of her cloak.

"I'm sorry." Before the Vikings had time to question her word choice Astrid had pulled a jar of oil from inside her cloak and smashed it on the ground at their feet. The man's foot slipped on the oil-slick stone and he went down, taking the woman down with him. Astrid turned, whipping her cloak off her shoulders and throwing it over the heads of the two brothers. While they fought to untangle themselves Astrid dove under their feet, sliding between them and under the table behind them. She somersaulted to her feet and was off down the hallways she'd come by the time they were all on their feet again. She turned down hallway after hallway, trying to remember the way out, the sound of angry Vikings following her. She stopped next to a small closet and peered at the room she could glimpse around the next corner. The kitchens. Perfect. She reached into the bag at her side and pulled out a ceramic jar of flour. She aimed for the pile of plates sitting on a table and hurled the jar at it. While the crashing and clattering of hundreds of metal and ceramic plates echoed through the hallways Astrid slipped into the small closet and waited.

"The kitchens! This way!" She watched through a small crack in the door as five of the Vikings rushed by. She waited, breathing as quietly as she could and holding her knife ready just in case as she heard the injured one stomping through the hallway, muttering about getting blood all over his favorite vest. He passed by the little closet and paused. Astrid held her breath as he turned and frowned at the door.

He approached, quiet, and Astrid glimpsed a smile growing underneath his bushy mustache and he leaned close to the door. Astrid braced herself against the shelf at her back as the handle turned.

"Gotcha." The handle turned, and Astrid kicked, both feet slamming into the door and smashing it into the man's face. He yowled and grasped at his nose as Astrid bolted out the door and down the hallway, the same direction she'd come. The Great Hall was empty now, and she scooped up her cloak on the way to the door. They didn't even bother to leave someone behind to guard the door, she wondered, pushing the wooden doors open. Well, what could you expect from a tribe called the Meatheads.

She didn't bother to worry about being seen as she dashed through the village. Her cloak was torn down the middle from someone's axe and soaked with milk and eggs and little pieces of smashed jars. She had to find Hiccup, or Stormfly, one or the other, but as she looked to the sky she saw no sign of either of them.

"Get her!" She looked back and saw the woman from the Great Hall pointing at her and shouting. "That blonde girl, grab her!"

Astrid made a sharp turn between two houses and emerged into an unfamiliar street. She knew the general direction of the beach, where she was to meet Hiccup after everything, but not exactly how to get there from here.

"There! That's her, get her!"

Astrid didn't waste time looking back anymore. She ran down the boarded streets towards the port, shouting following her. There was a voice nearby and something grabbed her shoulders. Astrid screamed, expecting to be pulled around and face some huge hulking Viking, only to watch in fascinated horror as she kept rising and rising, the world below her growing smaller. She looked up to see black scales and her scream died in her throat. Toothless looked down at her and warbled. Astrid laughed in relief and stroked at the claws wrapped around her arms.

"Are you okay?" Hiccup's worried face appeared over the side of Toothless's head and Astrid nodded.

"I'm fine, but uh," she glanced down at the sea far below them. "I don't exactly want to fly the whole way home like this!" Hiccup reached down and Astrid took his hand. Toothless tilted his wing downward to make it easier for Hiccup to haul her onto the saddle. "I lost some things along the way, sorry," she said as she settled in front of him. "I think I lost most of the eggs and the mi-mm!" She was cut off abruptly as Hiccup turned her head and kissed her, briefly but deeply.

"Are you alright?" he murmured against her cheekbone as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I saw them all chasing you and—are you bleeding?" His hand clutched at her wrist and yanked back her blood-splattered sleeve. She shook her head.

"It's not my blood. I'm fine, seriously." Hiccup released her with a relieved sigh in her ear. Astrid glanced over her shoulder at him, and then past him to the glowing village shrinking into the distance. She could see the dark shapes of dragons leaving it behind. Her eyes shifted back to Hiccup. She frowned. "Are _you_ okay?"

He nodded, eyes sliding shut and head falling to her shoulder. "You just had me worried," he said, his voice muffled by the fabric of her shirt. He shifted and pressed a kiss against her neck before raising his head to look at her. "You were taking a while, and then I saw you being chased…" he shrugged. "It was a close call. I just got scared."

Astrid gave him a soft smile. "You know I can take of myself, right?"

Hiccup grinned and pulled her closer, his warm arms comforting against the cold night air. "Of course I do. I can't help worrying anyway." He kissed her ear and whispered, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Astrid snuggled into his embrace and said nothing, leaving her thoughts to swirl like a maelstrom in her head.

Xx

"Hey Astrid." Astrid startled and nearly spilled her tea down the front of her shirt. She spun around to smile widely at Hiccup, who had just sauntered through the doorway of the kitchen.

"Hiccup! Hi, Hiccup! You're, uh, you're back early."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Yeah, I was testing something new on the tail rig, but it started messing up so we had to come back early. Are you drinking tea? Can I have some?"

Astrid shoved the kettle behind her back. "I just made enough for me, sorry." Hiccup took a step toward her, frowning.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I'm fine." She took a sip of her tea and immediately cringed at the bitter taste. Hiccup stepped closer.

"What are you drinking?" he asked, peering into her mug. Astrid was about to answer when his eyes slid over her shoulder to the small pile of herbs on the table behind her. "What are those?"

Astrid shrugged, trying for nonchalance even though internally she was panicking. "Oh, well, I was just feeling some sniffles coming on, so I decided to make some tea to ward them off, that's all."

"Oh." Hiccup kept frowning at the herbs on the table. "Hey Astrid?" he asked after a moment, and she hummed into her tea. "Aren't those the herbs you said were for—"

"Nope."

Astrid bit her tongue and ignored Hiccup's skeptical frown.

"Really, because I'm pretty sure those were the ones you said were for—"

"They have a lot of uses."

"Yeah, but in that combination wouldn't that be—"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Astrid." She continued to ignore him, just like she ignored the bitter burn of the tea as she drained her cup. "Astrid, is that what I think it is?"

Astrid sat her cup down and took a deep breath before she looked at Hiccup. She groaned and rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that look."

"What look?" Hiccup asked, following her as she carried the kettle to the stream and began to wash it out.

"That look," Astrid bit out, scrubbing violently. "That big-eyed, hopeful look, like I've gotten all your hopes up."

"How is this not supposed to get my hopes up?"

Astrid rolled her eyes and pushed Hiccup out of her way as she walked back to the table and began packing the leftover herbs back into the box with the rest of their medicinal herbs. (Honestly, she didn't think she got nearly enough credit for how much organization she had brought to Hiccup's life.) "Because."

"Well that's a thorough and easily understood answer."

Astrid threw her hands in the air. "Because it's going to happen someday," she told the box of herbs. "We both know it's going to happen someday. And I just want to be ready for when it does." She turned to Hiccup and pointed a finger at his nose, her eyebrows drawn together in a look of warning. "What that _doesn't_ mean is that it is definitely going to happen someday soon, which is why I don't want you getting your hopes up." She dropped her hand and looked at her boots. "That doesn't mean it's _not_ going to happen soon, either," she muttered. She squared her shoulders and crossed her arms over her chest, still not looking at him. "It might be days from now, it might be months. I just want to be ready either way." When she looked at Hiccup he was biting back a smile.

"You could have just told me that," he said, and stole a brief kiss. "You didn't have to be all secretive about it." He walked to the alcove where they kept dried meats and fish.

Astrid leaned against the table behind her and watched Hiccup as he began filling his pockets with dried fish jerky treats for Toothless.

"I need to talk to you about something," she said.

"Okay," he said, sorting through their stores. "I could've sworn we had more of the dried cod in here—"

"I want my axe."

Hiccup looked over his shoulder at her and raised an eyebrow. "You what?"

Astrid nodded, her arms crossed over her chest. "I want my axe. After what happened during that last raid and that time I got caught by Camicazi I think it's best if I have a weapon with me. A real one. That knife is good for a lot of things but it wasn't much help when I had six angry Vikings running after me."

Hiccup straightened up with a deep breath and leaned against the wall nearest him. "Oh boy." He ran a hand through his hair. "Okay, one-" Astrid groaned, already knowing she wasn't going to get the answer she wanted. "Would you just listen? One, there's no way I can get your axe from Berk without it looking suspicious—"

"You could make me a new one—"

"Two," Hiccup continued, raising his voice over her, "I can't let you go carrying your axe on raids with you—"

"Why not?!" Astrid demanded, and Hiccup sighed.

"Because you have to look innocent," he said, hands out in a pleading gesture that took her by surprise.

"I what?"

He shrugged. "I can't let you go out there and do anything that makes you look culpable for your actions. You have to maintain the illusion of innocence." He nodded at the ground. "If you got captured or something you have to be able to claim that I made you do everything. That I told you it's what would keep your village safe. And if you start running into raids with an axe on your back no one is going to believe that."

Astrid huffed. "If I've got an axe on my back no one is going to be able to capture me!"

"But you still won't look innocent!" Hiccup pleaded, his eyes searching hers. "You have to be able to leave here and claim you were coerced into everything."

Astrid threw her hands into the air. "Why would I wanna leave here?" She hadn't really expected an answer, but Hiccup's silence and refusal to meet her eye was more than answer enough. Her shoulders fell and she blinked at him. "Hiccup?" She approached him and put a hand on his shoulder and leaned down so he had to look at her. "Hiccup, you don't seriously think I'm going to leave, do you?"

He still avoided looking at her. "I'm not ignoring the possibility it could happen."

Astrid tipped his chin up, forcing him to look at her. "Hiccup, I love you, I'm not leaving."

He gave her a bittersweet smile. "You say that now." He pulled away, his eyes on the ground. "One day I'll screw up, or you'll decide that I'm not what you want me to be, and then you'll want to leave, and I don't want you to feel like you can't."

Astrid stared at him. "Is that really what you think is gonna happen?" she said quietly.

Hiccup cleared his throat. "It's happened before." He shrugged. "You've got your trust issues, I've got mine. I've got a lot of issues, and I'm not the easiest person to deal with sometimes, so I get it if you end up deciding you don't want to deal with me anymore."

They were both quiet for a long moment. Finally Astrid sighed. "Hiccup, does this have something to do with your dad?"

"No," he said, in a way that obviously meant 'yes'.

Astrid shook her head. "Hiccup, just tell me what this is all about, please?"

Hiccup bit his lip and avoided her gaze, and Astrid grabbed his arm and dragged him to sit down on the bench by the fire. She pinched his chin and made him look at her. "Start talking."

Hiccup sighed and rolled his eyes but at last spoke. "Things were pretty good until I was ten." He looked at his hands fidgeting in his lap. "And then I think he sort of gave up on me ever turning out all strong and buff and brave and 'aarrgh kill all dragons!'." Astrid bit back a snort, which brought the hint of a genuine smile to Hiccup's face, though it quickly faded. "And I don't know, it was like every year after that I could see him getting less interested and more disappointed in me. So I'm aware that one day you might realize that I'm not what you want me to be, and if that happens I want you to be able to leave."

Astrid shook her head and reached for Hiccup's hands, curling both of hers around one of his. "Hiccup, what's brought this up all of a sudden?" Hiccup's other hand wrapped around hers.

"It's a long story; I'll tell you some other time, it's just…" She watched his mouth form a thin, squirming line. "There's someone I haven't heard from in a while, and I thought I would have heard something by now, you know, with Snoggletog passed, and my birthday passed." He heaved a sigh. "I don't know. It just got me thinking that maybe I don't mean as much to her as I thought I did."

Astrid's eyes narrowed. "Her?"

To her surprise Hiccup laughed. "It's not like that," he said, jostling her shoulder, "I promise." When Astrid continued to glare he leaned in and kissed her cheek. "It's a long story that I am _not_ in the mood to cry over today, but I'll tell you all about it sometime."

"Someone you met on your travels or something?"

Hiccup nodded. "Or something." His eyes dropped to their clasped hands. Astrid gave them a reassuring squeeze.

"I mean it, Hiccup. If I was going to leave don't you think I'd have done it by now?"

He gave her a genuine smile and knocked her knee with his. "I'd like to think so." He kissed her forehead and got to his feet. "I've got work to do," he said, and kissed her hands before releasing them.

Astrid smiled after him. "Does that mean you'll get me my axe?"

Hiccup stopped in the doorway. "No."

Astrid's smile dropped off her face. "What do you mean 'no'?"

Hiccup didn't look at her. "I stand by what I said. You can't look culpable. And that's my final word on the matter."

Astrid spluttered. "But, I, Hiccup!" Hiccup disappeared into the passageway and Astrid ran after him, stopping in the entry way to shout, "Fine! See if I keep drinking that Moon Tea, then!"

"Withholding sex only works if we're having it, Astrid!" Hiccup shouted back.

"Yeah well, I can withhold other things!" She yelled back, but he was already too far to hear her, or at least he pretended to be. Astrid pouted into the dark tunnel.

Right. Time to take matters into her own hands.

Xx

This was quite possibly the stupidest thing she had ever done in her life.

Ideally the time to do this was probably _not_ when Berk was experiencing one of the worst raids it had had in years, but there was no real way to sneak off without Hiccup noticing otherwise. She'd waited until he'd left on Toothless before grabbing her cloak and hopping on Stormfly.

She peered out at the flaming village in the distance from between the trees. Beside her Stormfly cackled and shifted her feet nervously. Astrid stroked her snout. "I know, girl, I know. But you can ignore her, I know you can. I just need you to wait here for me for a little while, okay?" Stormfly growled and nuzzled against Astrid's side, clearly uneasy, but when Astrid stepped out of the treeline her Nadder didn't follow.

Astrid lifted the hood of her dark cloak and sprinted towards the village. She'd made a new cloak just for this occasion; it was a lighter weight than her old one but darker, and better suited for stealth. It was strange, being back in Berk; strange ducking behind statues and slinking between houses, avoiding being seen. It was strange returning here as an outsider. It was stranger still being here in the midst of a raid and not feeling the same fear or anger at the dragons swooping down on them.

All of Berk was in chaos. A few homes were on fire, and she could see the smoldering remains of no less than three catapults, but there were more than that being erected in their places, more so than usual. Two of them that she could see didn't even have boulders beside them to be fired. She frowned. What was the point of putting up catapults if they weren't going to fire them?

Distracted as she was Astrid didn't notice the figure passing the alleyway until she'd burst out of it and slammed into them. A large hand grabbed her shoulder to steady her and Astrid looked up and gasped.

Stoick the Vast. She'd run into Stoick the Vast. "Sorry," he said absently, eyes to the skies above, as he patted her shoulder before running off. As soon as she was free Astrid bolted across the path into the alley between another couple of houses and glanced back at Stoick in time to see him pause. He looked around, a perplexed frown peeking through his massive beard, before he shook his head and ran off shouting, "Prepare the nets!"

Astrid breathed a sigh of relief and took a moment to calm herself before she set off again, sneaking behind houses and along low fences, pretending to be as panicked as anyone else whenever other villagers passed her by.

At least the back of her house faced the sea. No one would see her climbing the wall to her window. She found her handholds easily, having climbed in and out of her window a thousand times before.

She paused just outside her window to peek inside. The room was dark and empty, and from the sliver of moonlight she could just make out her axe resting against her trunk in the corner. She pulled herself onto the windowsill and slipped easily and quietly into the room. She stopped and listened for sound from below but heard none. Her father was probably out fighting, while her mother must have grabbed Brenna and headed for the safety of the Great Hall. She crossed the room and grabbed her axe.

It was funny how such a simple thing could provide such a feeling of relief. She almost laughed, tossing the weapon from hand to hand and feeling the familiar pull of its weight against her muscles. She turned it over, admiring the still-sharp blade. "Hello old friend," she whispered. "It is so good to see you again." She twirled it expertly, pleased to see the near-five months since she'd last had it in her hands had not seemed to dull her skills. She strapped the axe to her back and carefully arranged her cloak over it.

She looked around her room.

It was strange being back here, after so much time. She wanted to go through her trunks and see her things; her favorite whetstone, the sewing box she'd inherited from her grandmother…the drawing of herself she'd found in Hiccup's workshop. She wanted to lie down in her bed, just for a minute or two.

But at the same time she didn't. This room, this house, this _village_…they weren't quite home anymore, were they? She'd grown used to sleeping in the warmth of Hiccup's embrace; to walls of stone instead of wood. To the rumbling of dragons instead of the chirping of crickets. Even so, being back in this room she missed curling protectively around Brenna's little sleeping form. She missed waking up to her father's singing or the smell of her mother's cooking… It both was home and wasn't.

She wasn't the same girl she'd been when she'd last left it, and she couldn't dwell here any longer. The noise outside was louder than before, so with one last rueful glance she slipped out the window and scurried down the side of the house.

As soon as her feet hit the ground she knew something was wrong. She could see the docks from here, where several men had netted a Monstrous Nightmare. She could hear the frightened screeching of dragons nearby, and crept around the side of the house to peer at the village square. Her heart leapt to her throat.

Several villagers were advancing on three young Nadders, grabbing their jaws and holding them down. Even in the red glow of firelight she could see clearly the bright colors of their scales: bright green, amethyst, and cerulean. Loki, Prim, and Tumble.

"No," Astrid whispered, a hand reaching out towards the babies she'd helped raise. There was a screech from above and Astrid looked down in time to see Stormfly descend on the chaos, talons extended to pull Vikings off her children. "No." She saw the machine a second too late. "No!"

It fired, sending a net weighed down by iron balls over Stormfly and her hatchlings, sending them all sprawling to the ground under the weight of the net.

Everything slowed. She watched in horror as Hoark grabbed Stormfly's snout and wrestled her to the ground.

"DRAGON MASTER!" Across the square Stoick was shouting. "RETURN THE GIRL AND WE'LL RETURN YOUR PETS!"

Astrid looked around. The Nightmare by the bay. The Nadders in the square. The Zippleback she could see being tied down near the forge…they were trying to capture as many dragons tonight as they could. They wanted to trade…for her?

She looked back at the center of the square, where just yards away her beloved Nadder and her offspring were struggling against the net that held them. Stormfly would be able to throw off the net easily enough if not for the iron weights, and she still had plenty of firepower, and from where Astrid stood she could see one of the weights, it was a straight shot…

It took less than a second for Astrid to decide what to do.

She dropped her cloak, grabbed her axe off her back, took careful aim, and let her axe fly. Astrid Hofferson had not missed a target since she was nine years old. The axe severed the rope, the net loosened, and Stormfly's wings spread, allowing her to throw Hoark aside. She opened her mouth and released a jet of white hot flame that incinerated the ropes holding the fledglings down.

"What in the—?" The villagers were ducking out of the way as the young dragons threw off the remaining ropes and took to the skies.

"Stormfly, go, go!" Astrid yelled, dashing forwards. Stormfly's wings rose, Astrid pulled her axe out of the ground and had just enough to time to grab the side of Stormfly's saddle and glimpse Hoark's stunned expression before she was in the air and the eyes of all of Berk were upon her.

For a moment she didn't dare look down. She just hung from the side of the saddle; feet braced against Stormfly's flank, chest heaving, hair slipping from its braid, axe in hand, and waited for the stupidity of what she'd just done to crash into her. She heard a shout, then a scream, and finally braved a look at the village below.

It was as if everything had stopped. Dragons were struggling against their bonds but the Vikings meant to be subduing them had all turned their attention upwards. All over Berk weapons were frozen in the hands of warriors who had stopped to look up at her. She could see Stoick, staring at her in confusion and horror. There by one of the catapults was Fishlegs, hands clapped over his mouth. There was her father, his hand still aloft though his axe had fallen to the ground, watching her with such an expression of sadness.

Outside the Great Hall she could see Gothi herding mothers and small children into the Great Hall, and there was Ruffnut, a small bundle in her arms. She'd had her baby.

And there was her mother, gaping at her, face shining with tears in the firelight.

And then she saw Brenna, pulling at her mother's hand and pointing at Astrid, jumping up and down and grinning up at her with a look on her face of utter _wonder_. All the breath in her lungs left her at once.

Astrid's back straightened and she stared down at the villagers, so stricken at the sight of her.

Let them look.

Let them see what she had become. Let them see what they had created.

Let them see their sacrifice for what it was.

She felt more alive, more free, more _herself_ than she had in months. This was what she was made for, she thought: an axe in her hand, a dragon at her side, and the wind in her hair.

There was an explosion from down near the docks, and she looked down in time to see Hiccup and Toothless disappearing back into the sky as the Monstrous Nightmare shook off the remains of his net.

Astrid hauled herself onto Stormfly's back and secured her axe to her back. "Come on, girl," she said, stroking the Nadder's neck. "Let's go give the boys a hand, huh?"

Perhaps the villagers were in too much shock to really fight back, or perhaps it was their combined firepower, but it took no more than a couple of minutes before she and Hiccup had freed the rest of the captured dragons. She felt exhilarated, adrenaline pumping through her veins as she and Stormfly dove down between houses, fire destroying catapults and nets, her axe occasionally severing ropes. At last the rest of the dragons were taking to the skies, confused Berkians watching as they flew away, and Astrid and Stormfly rose above the clouds to fly alongside Hiccup and Toothless.

Astrid's smile died when she looked at Hiccup. He didn't even acknowledge her.

"Hiccup?" Still no answer. His helmet was still on, mask still hiding his face. He stared straight ahead. "Babe?"

"We'll talk when we get home," he said, his voice shaking with what could have been anger or perhaps fear.

Astrid sighed. "I'm not sorry, Hiccup." She told him, staring at her hands on the handle of her saddle. "I know this went against everything you told me not to do, but I don't care." Her grip tightened. "I don't care that they know. I don't care if they see me as a traitor. I love you, Hiccup." She looked at him. "I don't use those words lightly. I wouldn't say them if…" she faltered, then took a deep breath. She was a Hofferson. She was fearless. "If I ever thought I'd be saying them to anyone else." She thought she saw him shift, his head tilt her direction, but she couldn't be sure, though she'd certainly gotten Toothless's attention. "I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I love you, I believe in you, in what you're doing. In what _we're_ doing. And if that means they see me as a traitor then fine. I don't care what they think of me, I care what _you_ think of me." Her voice rose, strong and sure over the wind. "I care that you know that I love you and that I'm not ever going to leave you. I care that you know that you're not going to stop being what I want you to be. _You're_ what I want you to be. I just want you. As screwed up as you are, and as I am, and as screwed up as things have been between us in the past I still just want you."

She watched him, eyes wide and heart beating fast with hope and fear. Hiccup's shoulders rose and fell, a measured, careful movement.

"We'll talk when we get home," he said, voice firm, and Astrid slumped in her saddle.

"Okay."


	17. Allegiance Won, Innocence Lost pt 2

A/N: Sorry this is late. I have been miserably sick and unable to write, and this chapter deserved to be given the right amount of attention. I want to thank everyone for all of the support and kind words and just for reading this thing. Seriously, there's so many of you and I'm blown away. This thing has cracked 700 subscribers which blows my mind, because that's like twice the number of people who were in my entire high school, and more than three times the number at my college. (I went to a really small school, though. ) So thank you thank you thank you all.

This is a slightly shorter chapter, but it's smutty as hell so I think it's a good trade off, yeah?

**Warnings_: _MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A SMUTTY NEW YEAR **(no seriously this thing is like 90 percent smut)

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 17: Allegiance Won, Innocence Lost part 2<em>

Hiccup and Toothless dove into the side of the mountain, taking the shortest route straight to their bedroom. It was a more difficult flight for Stormfly but she could do it, and Astrid followed them. When she landed Hiccup was already on the ground and dismounting. She slid off Stormfly and pulled her axe off her back and leant it up against the wall.

"Hiccup, I know you're mad, but can you please just talk to me?"

Hiccup ignored her. He was ripping off his armor and throwing it to the floor, leather armguards and shoulder pads bouncing off the stone. He pulled off his helmet and threw it aside, and Astrid swallowed at the hard look on his face. His eyes were narrowed and his jaw was set, almost but not quite a glare that he focused on the ground instead of on her.

"Hiccup?"

Toothless nosed at him but Hiccup gently pushed the Night Fury away and whistled. The whistle drew Stormfly's attention, and she stomped over to accept the chin scratches before Hiccup made a clicking noise and both dragons took off into the deeper reaches of the cave, leaving the two of them alone. Astrid watched them go with apprehension. "Hiccup?"

He still ignored her. He tore at the buckles of his chest piece and pulled it off, and then he was stalking towards her before the leather had hit the floor. His eyes were blazing, and she backed away on instinct.

"Hiccup? Hiccup?" He advanced on her, footsteps swift and she panicked, stumbling backwards until her back hit stone. "Hicc—" His mouth covered hers as he lifted her off the floor and pinned her against the wall. He kissed her harder than she'd ever been kissed, teeth and tongue clashing while his hips ground in between hers. She gasped into his mouth before her eyes fluttered closed and she melted into the kiss, her arms rising to grip his shoulders and help support her weight.

He broke away, panting heavily, his eyes dark and reflecting red and orange glimmers from the fire. "You're amazing," he breathed. "Absolutely amazing." He kissed her again, but Astrid managed to push him away.

She blinked at him, equally breathless. "You're not mad?"

Hiccup frowned at her. "Are you kidding, I'm _furious_!" He kissed her. "You went against everything I told you, you revealed yourself to the entire village, you ruined any chance of ever being seen as less than my accomplice, and you did it all behind my back." Another kiss, and he broke away laughing and shaking his head. "And you were incredible." It wasn't quite a smile that he looked at her with, but it was something infinitely more tender. He looked at her with something like awe. "I love you," he said, his eyes searching her face. "You're ridiculous and independent and amazing and when you know what you want you don't let anyone stand in your way. And I love you, Astrid. I love you."

She didn't doubt it.

She kissed him this time, her hand curling around his head and pulling him to her. This kiss was less rough, more passionate. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he shifted her weight in his arms so he could stroke up the sides of her torso and down along her thighs. She moaned into his mouth as she felt him grind his growing arousal against her. He broke away to kiss along her cheek to her jaw, and then began to suckle and nip at the skin of her neck. Astrid sighed and let her head fall back. She loved it when he kissed her neck; it always made her shiver down to her toes when he dragged his tongue from her ear to her collar bone, leaving a wet stripe that would prickle in the cold air.

"I want to ravish you," Hiccup mumbled against her ear as his hand ran down her leg to shuck her boots from her feet. He traced the shell of her ear with his tongue before tugging the lobe with his teeth. "I want-I want to spread your legs wide and lick you until you're dripping." He punctuated his words with a sharp buck into her core, and Astrid bit her lip to keep from moaning.

"You know," she said, while he kissed the sensitive skin behind her ear. "I'm kind of torn between wanting to know how-_oh_-how you got so good at talking dirty, and being kind of afraid to find out."

"Am I good at it?" Hiccup asked her throat while he kicked off his own boots. "I just kind of say stuff and hope it doesn't sound stupid."

"No, no you don't usually sound stupid," she said, while Hiccup pulled at the laces of her shirt with his teeth. Gods, he had such a talented mouth. Talented hands and talented mouth and she wanted them all over her body.

Hiccup pulled away from her neck to rest his forehead against hers while he caught his breath. "Is that a yes on the ravishing, then?"

Astrid met his half-lidded eyes with her own and chuckled throatily. "That's a hel yes you'd better." He claimed her mouth and soon the rock behind her was replaced with air as he carried her to their bed. He laid her down gently, though as soon as she was safely on the cushions his hands went to work. He yanked the hem of her shirt from her skirt and broke their kiss long enough to pull it over her head. His hand were warm on her back but they didn't stay there long, instead diving under her skirt and pulling down her leggings and underwear all in one go. Astrid's heart picked up. Hiccup left her lips and began kissing down her neck, her chest, over her bound breasts and down her stomach.

He grabbed her legs and pushed them to her chest, shoving her skirt up around her hips. In half a second his mouth was on her, tongue thrusting into her without ceremony or preparation. Astrid cried out at the sudden invasion, she grabbed fistfuls of the furs beneath her while Hiccup set about laving and licking at her inner walls. Her sharp gasps echoed off the stone walls as his strong arms pinned down her writhing hips. She knew then from his ruthlessness what he was going to ask her, and what her response was going to be.

As she tipped over the edge into white hot swirling pleasure she knew this was the night she was going to let him take her.

_He loves me_, she thought, as the aftershocks subsided and the haze began to clear. _He loves me. Oh gods, he loves me._

Her eyes blinked open and she looked down at him, kissing his way from her inner thigh up to her knee. "Do you wanna keep going?" he asked, as he often did, though there was something different in the way he asked it this time. Something in the flat tone or the darkness of his eyes that suggested he already knew her answer, but asked out of formality, or perhaps respect.

It made her heart swell to think how she had never worried about his response to her answer. She never feared telling him no, never feared he would disregard her decision. He never made her feel inadequate or guilty for declining to take this further.

She pulled her legs from his grasp and sat up, her eyes locked on the bright green of his. "Yes." Her hands locked onto his shoulders and drug him to her lips.

Hiccup shifted to pull her onto his lap while Astrid worked loose the ties of his shirt and pulled it out of his pants and over his head. She'd never get tired of being skin to skin with him, she thought, running her hands over his chest and down his stomach. She'd never tire of his big warm hands trailing down her spine. His fingers found the knot of her breast bindings and began trying to loosen it but Astrid stopped him, breaking the kiss and giving him a shy look. "Wait," she said, meeting his confused frown. "Wait just a second. Turn around and close your eyes."

Hiccup quirked an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

She swatted at his shoulder as she climbed off his lap. "I have a surprise for you. Turn around and close your eyes and don't look until I say so." Hiccup didn't stop frowning but he did as she asked. "No peeking, I mean it," she warned, getting to her feet.

"Yeah, yeah."

She went swiftly and quietly to her trunk and pulled out the garment she'd been working on for weeks in preparation for this moment. She looked it over one last time and threw a paranoid glance over her shoulder at Hiccup, who was still sitting with his back to her, arms resting on his knees. She undressed quickly and pulled the dress over her head before unbraiding her hair and running her fingers through it to loosen the curls. Finally she dug through her trunk to find the little bottles of perfume he'd brought her months ago. She didn't dip into them very often, but there were some she liked and tonight was special, so she found her favorite and dabbed it around her neck, between her breasts, and perhaps a bit self-consciously, between her legs. She placed the perfume bottles back in her trunk and closed the lid. For a moment she stared at her hands on the wood, listening to the cracking of the fire behind her and her own quick breathing.

She was going to do this. This was going to happen. She was going to do this.

A strange little smile pulled at the corners of her mouth and she suppressed a grin as she got to her feet and faced the bed.

"Okay," she said. "You can look."

Hiccup's head turned left and right in a confused little bob before he looked over his shoulder and his mouth fell open and his eyes widened. Astrid dropped her gaze for a moment and brushed her bangs out of her eyes, and when she looked up at Hiccup he was getting slowly to his feet. There was a look of awe on his face as he took in the sight of her, standing there in nothing but a thin shift made of a few flowing layers of the sheer silk fabric he'd brought her as a peace offering when they were just beginning to get along. She had wondered for the longest time what she would do with that fabric, as it wasn't much good for anything practical and it seemed too fine for the dress she'd made for Brenna's doll. And it was too sheer to be used as any sort of garment on its own…until things with Hiccup had become more intimate, and she decided that sheer might be exactly what she needed.

It hung straight from her shoulders to her hips, and then fluttered in uneven layers down to the middle of her calves. She'd attempted a bit of embroidery at the neckline to make it more special, though Hiccup's gaze didn't linger long at her collarbone. The dress left nothing to the imagination.

Hiccup's eyes met hers and he stepped closer until there were only a few inches between them. His hand reached out and hovered over a tendril of hair before he pulled it back. Astrid watched the bob of his throat as he swallowed and the way his tongue darted out to wet his lips before he spoke. "You're beautiful," he said, so softly it was almost a whisper. "Have I ever mentioned that before? You're so beautiful."

Astrid swallowed. Maybe it was nerves, or excitement, but there was something about the way he looked at her tonight that felt so different from how he'd ever looked at her before. "You must have. Surely you have." She sounded so breathless and she wasn't sure why.

"Then I guess I haven't said it enough," he whispered, eyes drifting down over her body and back up to her face. "Because you're the most beautiful girl I've ever known."

Her heart fluttered and she looked down, biting her lip. "You've been all over the world," she said, speaking louder and trying to laugh, "Chances are somewhere you've seen someone prettier than me." She didn't know why she said it. She felt oddly vulnerable in a way she only did around Hiccup. Especially now, with nothing hidden from him. She felt some need for self-aware self-depreciation, some defense against whatever flaws he might find. She was never an impractical girl; she knew that the prettiest girl on Berk didn't equate to the prettiest girl everywhere.

Hiccup pinched her chin between his thumb and forefinger and lifted her face back to meet his eyes, burning green and black with an intensity that set her heart to pounding.

"They're not you," he said, leaning forward, "They don't compare."

How did he do that? How did he say things like that and make it so easy for her to believe him? What was it about his gaze, his smile, the press of his hands, that made her feel beautiful in a way that had never mattered to her before? How did he bring out all these sides of her that she'd never given much thought to? He brought out a sensuality and sexuality in her that she had once been content to ignore until she died. She'd never foreseen herself as a wife or a lover until him, and yet here she was, blood thrumming in her veins at the thought of what she was about to do. She trusted him in a way she'd forgotten possible, and loved him in a way she'd never imagined herself capable.

When he kissed her this time it was slower, lighter, almost chaste. His hands came to rest on her waist and pull her closer. Her fingertips skated over the light stubble on his jaw and neck and she sighed happily into his mouth.

"Have I ever mentioned how beautiful you ended up?" she asked when they broke apart. Hiccup's eyebrow rose. "You have such gorgeous eyes. Kind eyes, intelligent eyes, I always thought so." She combed through his bangs and traced down the side of his face until her fingers landed on his lips. "And your smile." Something almost like a giggle bubbled out of her. "You know sometimes you smile at me and I think I could believe any impossible thing you told me." He exhaled shakily, looking at her with something almost like disbelief.

"How did I ever end up here?" he asked, his arms winding around her and pulling her tight against his chest. "What did I ever do to deserve this, deserve you? You hated me. You hated me when I was bad at fighting dragons and you hated me when I was good at fighting dragons, so how the hel did I get you anyway?"

Astrid really did giggle this time. She pecked his chin and beamed up at him. "Maybe I just didn't think you were supposed to be fighting dragons."

"Well, damn, Astrid, you should have told me that then, I could have saved a lot of time trying to impress you."

She laughed; head-thrown back, eyes closed, smile wide _laughed_, and only stopped when he kissed her and wouldn't stop. Her hands found his belt and rid him of it, and then helped him shimmy out of his pants and underwear. He hissed in relief and Astrid almost laughed; he was hard and throbbing and that tight leather couldn't have been very comfortable. He slipped the straps of her dress off her shoulders and the fabric fluttered around her as it fell to the floor. He stopped kissing her long enough to look down at her body, finally completely revealed to him, and then his hands were roaming over every inch of her form. They were warm and wide left lightning in their wake as they slid over her back and along her sides and up to palm her breasts. His mouth left hers and attached to her neck, leaving hot distracted kisses down her throat and chest until he latched onto her nipple. She gasped and clung to him, her own hands exploring the familiar firm muscles of his back and strong shoulders. She just wanted to touch him, anywhere, everywhere. She loved his body; loved his lithe arms and thin, muscled torso, and his narrow hips that were _made_ to fit between hers…

His tongue teased her nipple and she nearly tore his arm from its socket. "Hiccup," she gasped, somewhere between an oath and a plea, and as his mouth returned to hers his hands slid under her bottom and scooped her up into his arms.

Her heart beat harder and harder against her ribs as he carried her to their bed and laid her down on the furs. He pulled away from her lips and rested his forehead against hers as they both took a moment to catch their breath.

"I love you," Hiccup said, looking at her out of half-lidded eyes while he hovered over her.

She gave him a soft smile and nodded. "I love you, too." He mirrored her smile briefly before his hand trailed up the inside of her thigh and he slid two long fingers into her. Astrid bit her lip and moaned, her eyes falling closed. She was aching for him now; she thought she might crawl out of her own skin, and the slow circling of his fingers was doing more to magnify her need than satisfy it.

"Hiccup," she whined, trying to arch into his touch and shimmy away from it all in one movement. "Stop teasing me."

"I just want to make sure you're ready," came his husky reply.

Astrid wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or scream from frustration. "Hiccup, I am so-_oh_-so far past the point of changing my _mind!_" Her sentence ended in a gasp as he crooked his fingers inside her.

"I meant physically," he replied, not letting up. "I don't want to hurt you."

Gods damn him and bless him for his consideration.

"I think, gods, I think I'm good." She grabbed his hand and yanked it away, strangely thankful for the momentary lapse of sensation. She blinked her eyes open. "I just want you now."

Hiccup nodded, and something in his unsteady breath made her wonder if he wasn't more nervous that she was. He wrapped her legs around his waist as he settled between her thighs, before resting his weight on his arms at her sides. He reached between them, a finger swiping through the wetness at her core before something larger and hotter took its place, resting just at her entrance.

He combed his fingers through her hair and kissed the corner of her mouth, and whispered, "I love you," before he pushed forward.

He slid into her slowly, hot smooth inch by hot smooth inch, his breath quickening with hers after only the first few. It didn't hurt, exactly. It was…she wasn't used to the feeling. Her eyes squeezed shut and her head fell back against the pillows. Surely she couldn't take any more of him, she thought, he seemed so deep already, but he kept pushing deeper and somehow her body accepted him without pain. She drew a shuddering gasp as he sheathed himself to the hilt; her fingers dug into his shoulders and her legs tightened around his waist, almost subconsciously.

He was asking if she was okay, she knew, though the words themselves got lost somewhere in the sound of her own ragged breathing. She nodded, her hips twitching beneath him.

"Astrid, look at me." His voice sounded strained, and she obeyed him, pulling up heavy lids to see the reverent expression with which he watched her. "Are you okay?" he asked, his hands tangling through her hair. "Are you good?" She couldn't find the words to tell him that she was fine, that she wanted _this_, that she wanted, wanted, _wanted_. "More," she whispered finally.

Hiccup nodded and leaned in to kiss the corner of her eye, and then he drew back and pressed into her again. He thrust slowly; a steady rhythm of long, tremulous strokes that made her thighs seize and her toes curl and her body shudder, followed by a brief moment of retreat that left her desperate and wanting. Her hips rocked into his on instinct; she was hardly aware of the motion, she only knew to seek more.

It was the sweetest form of torture she had ever known. She hadn't anticipated the intensity of the feeling; the way her whole body would shake with each surge of pleasure, or the sheer _heat_ of him. It was like fire between them; a debilitating flare and fade as he fucked her. She wasn't sure if she loved it or hated it but she knew she never wanted it to stop.

He was whispering her name, over and over and over in time with his movements and her own soft mewls. She would have been saying his if she'd had the presence of mind to speak. She couldn't even manage to open her eyes. She desperately gulped down air, her mind clear of anything that wasn't _him_, and the heat between their bodies and his weight on top of her and that _something_ he kept hitting deep inside her that made her whimper and clench around him. His rhythm was slowly increasing, building into hard, deep strokes. Her grip on him tightened, desperate to keep him close, keep him moving, keep him spearing into her, again and again and again. She clung to him; her head thrown back and her neck exposed to his searching kisses and hot breath. He had one hand tangled almost painfully in her hair while the other kept a bruising grip on her thigh.

He bucked into her, a particularly hard thrust that forced a strangled whine from her throat. "Yes," she gasped, hoping Hiccup understood what she meant, because she wasn't sure that she did. "_Gods_," she breathed when he did it again, and he seemed to get the message. It was like something shifted and with her next shudder she could feel that white hot churning begin to build. Her whimpers and gasps turned to high-pitched little yips torn from the back of her throat and her body ached with the tremors as he pushed her closer and closer to the edge. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. Everything was _Hiccup_ and his touch and his heat and the almost painful jolt of pleasure that shot through her with every stroke. Her body strained, her nails drug lines down Hiccup's back, her legs shaking, everything growing tighter, tighter, tighter…

She shattered. Her soft scream surprised her, as did the force of her release, stronger than it had ever been before. She came hard, her body convulsing as she rode out the waves, the world beyond the twine of their bodies nonexistent.

Hiccup was on his elbows, increasing his leverage and rocking harder and harder into her, seeking his own end and drawing out hers to the point where she wondered if she was going to come again. She heard his strained groan in her ear and felt him try to pull away, but she locked her ankles behind his back and held him in place. She didn't care what might happen; she didn't care what might come of it; she didn't care about anything but this feeling. His movements faltered and she heard his shout of her name as he spilled inside her.

He collapsed on top of her, both of them panting hard. Astrid was dimly aware of him rolling them over and pulling her close, his arms wrapping around her back. She felt his soft kisses on her face, his hands wiping her sweat-drenched hair from her face. He held her while she floated back down to earth, her face pressed into his chest, her lips resting against his skin as she struggled to regain her breath. Her whole body felt weak, the tension had given way to a pleasant soreness in her limbs and between her legs. She tilted her head up and buried her face in his neck. She felt warm and safe in his arms. Warm, and safe, and loved.

x

"Are you okay?" Hiccup asked, what felt like lifetimes later. His thumb was lightly stroking her back while she lay in the comforting circle of his arms, her face still hidden in the crook of his neck.

She tilted her face up to look at him. He looked so peaceful, so relaxed…so _happy_, she couldn't help but smile. "Yeah," she breathed. "Better than okay."

He grinned at her and kissed her soundly before heaving a deep sigh and closing his eyes.

"Are _you_ okay?"

"Yeah," Hiccup mumbled.

She pecked the tip of his nose. "You look tired."

"Mm. I'm _exhausted_. It's been kind of an eventful day. Night. Whatever." Astrid smiled at the goofy, sleepy smile stretching over his lips.

Her own smile faded and she snuggled closer to his chest, prompting him to reach down and pull one of the heavy furs over them. Astrid stared at his collarbone, trying to find the words to ask what kept tapping at her mind.

She finally settled on, "Was I good?"

Hiccup hummed, a smug, happy sound punctuated by a low blast of warm air from his nostrils against her hairline. "You were amazing."

She watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest. "Was I as good as the first seven?"

Hiccup's deep breathing stalled. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does," she said, because it did, in that moment. She liked being the best at things, and for some strange, self-conscious reason it mattered that she wasn't a disappointment compared to his previous conquests.

"No, it doesn't," Hiccup said, more firmly, and tilted her face up to look at him. His green eyes seemed to radiate tenderness, and he spoke with such conviction that she couldn't help but believe him. "They're not you. They don't even compare."

And then he kissed her: a light, gentle brush of the lips that felt every bit as intimate as the act they'd just shared.

Xx

The silence in the Great Hall seemed to physically press down on the few occupants of the room.

No one spoke; not one of the nine people seated at the table seemed capable of saying anything that wasn't already running through the minds of everyone else. Even the infant sleeping in Ruffnut's arms made no noise.

Outside the rest of the village had gone back home to go to sleep, or perhaps more accurately, had gone back home to stay awake until the wee hours of the morning gossiping and whispering about what they had all witnessed that night.

No one in Berk would be getting much sleep tonight.

Finally Stoick heaved a sigh and got to his feet. "Well," he said, looking around at the solemn faces staring at the table top. "I think we're all in agreement that there's nothing really to discuss." He rubbed a large hand across his eyes before placing both his hands flat on the table. He stood up straight and cleared his throat. "As difficult as this is for me to do, it must be done. There is no denying what we all saw out there tonight." He watched Arvid take his wife's hand and squeeze it tightly. "As of tonight, we must officially declare Astrid Hofferson a traitor to Berk and our allies."

Ruffnut and Tuffnut exchanged a pained look. Ingrid buried her face in her husband's shoulder. Fishlegs and Snotlout stared at the table, while Gobber frowned pensively into the darkness.

"The punishment for her treason, should she be captured, is, regrettably, death."


End file.
